Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots. The first lyric was actually a poem called 'Ode to Innocence' written by LiveLoveRun, I took reference from it and edited a few parts to fit it in this fictions. The second lyric/poem was 'Greatest Gift' by Step-On-me, again, edited by me and used it as a part of this fiction.
Warning: SomaXOc, Slight AU, Eric is alive in this fiction.
Very special thanks for jhellou, and WAiMUN for the reviews, along with Manaxsavior and Yamiroo Alice for favorite and following this fiction, as well as the rest of the lovely reader for reading 'The First Snowfall During Winter.'
Behold, The insanely ridiculously long chapter 6 is finally here!
Enjoy! :D
1st entry
Date: Unknown
It has been a week since I awoke from my coma in the harsh winter, with no memory of myself before this. I have nothing with me except a pair of Katanas, a pair of washable clothes, few sheets of worn out paper, a pen and a jacket... With the fatal wound on my chest, no water, no food, I have no idea how have I survived in the midst of snow covered wasteland. Confused and lost in pain, a black wolf limped into the small cave with his small hunt in his mouth. That was when I realized that the wolf was the one who have been sustaining my life.
The wolf seems to know me, but with my amnesia, I have no recollection of my life with a wolf in the past. I was sad. The wolf have suffered severe injuries as well, he was just as weak as I am, yet he limped his way out and back just to search for food and water to keep us both alive. When the blizzard occurs, he would give up the thought of going out for hunt and stayed in the small cave, he laid himself close to me so that I won't freeze to death.
I may have amnesia, but I still have my common sense to know that falling asleep during a blizzard without proper shelter are fatal, so we kept each other awake by doing random chats. I definitely don't understand wolf speech, but I'm certain that the wolf understood the words I say as he would always gave me responds by snorting when I said something weird, or whined when I started to say something negative...
It seems like the whole world have been buried by the snow when I gaze out from the small entrance of the cave. There was nothing out there except the white and gray, as though the both of us are the only living things remained on land of earth. No human, no animals, just us.
Both of us have only each other.
The first entry ends here.
Soma frowned. The whole point of the first entry was, she was fatally wounded, lost her memories and stranded in the middle of nowhere. And the wolf she mentioned must be Leonard. Was that how they met?
He flipped to the second page and continues to read...
2nd entry
Date: Unknown
Two weeks have passed since the first entry, the weather had calmed for days and the worst has finally over. It was a miracle that I survived through this with severe injuries and shortage of food and water supplies. Yet what really made my heart swell was, the black wolf is still here. During merciless two freezing weeks, my condition were critical and I doubted that I could live through the blizzard.
I will be honest with myself that the thought of the wolf will eventually succumb to hunger and devour me or just give up on me and leave did crossed my mind. And yet, the wolf did none of those. He would got up and leave to search for food again, and came back just in time before the temperature drops, sharing the food he had hunt for us. He never left me alone more than a day. I couldn't be more grateful and thankful enough.
As both of our wounds are starting to heal, I should start doing my parts. Which was getting my own feet back on duty.
3rd entry
Date: Unknown
It was a painful process, but after another week of efforts, I was finally able to walk on my own without any supports needed. As my wound has healed, I joined the wolf to hunt in the snow. I admit that I was appalled at the sight of the source of food I have been fed on for the past weeks. Those unknown oversized creatures' looks weird and inedible; they are hard to kill and would quickly regenerate shortly after we thought they were dead. I shivered at the remembrance of the awful taste, I have no idea what I have been eating since the wolf always brings back only a part of his prey. But beggar no chooser; we still have to eat for the sake of surviving in this forsaken place.
Although my body was still weak due just recovered from the fatal wound, I was amazed by my own abilities on how well and natural I could wield my Katanas without a hitch. I could trust on my muscle's memories to do their job as I swiftly took down the prey. My body remembers how to respond to attack, know when to block and counter... even when I'm in amnesia state.
And this brought up a question I haven't been asking myself since I woke up...
Who am I?
11th entry
Date: Approximately around March
Today, I named the wolf 'Leonard'. I don't know why, but it was the first name that crossed my mind shortly after I vaguely recalled my own name, 'Hatsuyuki'. Yet in the same time, it feels like Hatsuyuki is just an alias I have been using in the past, so my real name remained unknown.
As for the wolf, he was eager and excited when I mentioned about giving him a name, yet as soon as the name 'Leonard' slipped through my mouth, he whined and slumped himself on the dirt to sulk, thrown a mini tantrum on me. It was a funny sight, but he was not pleased. I may sound weird, but it seems to me that the wolf was unhappy not because of the name, he was being...sad and disappointed because I couldn't remember him.
The winter will be over soon, snow starting to melt away. Tomorrow will be the ideal day to begin our travel...
27th entry
Date: 15th April 2068
Day after day we traveled, we finally found the location where humans other than me resided, and I was able to get to know the year and date by asking a woman. I'm glad, glad to know that I'm not the only human survived in this world, and grateful that the woman was kind enough to let us stay under her roof for the time being. But this feeling did not last long, Leonard have been awfully restless since we have step feet in this place, nudged and dragged me by biting the hem of my clothes as if urging me to get out of this place immediately...
Then I realized something was wrong in this place. Really wrong.
I have taken a quick around the 'town', dreadful sensation started to swell in my chest as the conditions of this place was anything but peaceful and sane. Temples, Churches, and Shrines have been severely damaged by the people who live here, vandalizing the place with words of insults and mockeries, throwing rocks and further damaging the place with whatever tools they have. They killed, tortured and abandoned the remaining corpses into the once supposed sacred places and they insults even more...
It was an unbearable sight to watch, so I stepped in to stop their immoral acts, as I know defiling the sacred places is huge crime and unforgivable sin to be committed. I plead for the people to stop the act of cruelty and insanity in these places and in return, they turned to me and raised whatever they had as a weapon against me, that woman who agreed to let me stay under her roof was there as well, I was surrounded by hateful glares...
They attempt to kill me.
For the sole reason for being faithful to the Gods, I was chased down by the people who loathed the Gods. It doesn't take me long to escape from the remote place along with Leonard, outran the people from that place. As much as they craved to kill me, they dare not step out from the border of their place, I was confused...
And then, it happened.
Dozens monsters appeared out of nowhere, swarmed around the slum and proceed to attack. I heard the people's screams, the women's plea and the children's cries...
Unable to just stand and watch, I plunged myself in to the bloodshed with Leonard. Not long after, we slayed the last and remaining monster from the attack. Death was everywhere. I couldn't save some of the people in time. I and Leonard left shortly after tending the people's wounds, knowing in heart that our presence was not welcomed here.
I will never forget the looks in the people's eyes when the attacks happened.
Their hate for Gods intensified.
109th entry
Date: 29th March 2069
The spring came after the merciless winter, yet there are no green in sight. A year has passed since the first day of our travel, my memories of my past has yet showed no sign of returning. We have yet found another slum ever since the previous two. I really, really hope that our next stop won't be as bad as to former two.
I sincerely do hope so.
225th entry
Date: 10th December 2069
The temperature has been dropping drastically since a week ago. If we are unable to find the next place where humans resides, I and Leonard will be forced find a suitable spot in this wasteland to settle down for months. We continued to push ourselves further and quicken out paces, determined to carry on our journey until the first snow falls.
229th entry
Date: 17th December 2069
I was relieved as we have found another place where humans reside before the snow cascade from the sky. I was almost leaped in joy, excited and hoped dearly that this time; I have a place I could stay...
But all my joy, excitement, and hope, was crushed.
Death is everywhere.
230th entry
Date: 19th December 2069
Two days has passed since we're here in this dying place.
Unlike the previous two slums, this slum have a special wall surrounded its whole perimeter. The people here said it was an Anti-Aragami wall, which was used to prevent those monsters from invading and devour the people living here, but not completely, since it's just a prototype.
Yet, even though armed with advanced shield, avoided the attacks of the monsters, it doesn't change the fact that the condition of the people in this slum was ton times worse compare to the previous two.
Temples, churches and Shrines, completely demolished. Deadly diseases plagued this place, spared no one except me and Leonard, sick and ill people can be spotted every corner of the slum, deformed and rotten corpses scattered everywhere, emitting stenches of decaying flesh, moans of pain and agony resounded in the thin air...
With all these horrible sight, I know from the bottom of my heart that...the people here probably would not survive through the winter...
250th entry
Date: 20th January 2070
I could hardly believe only one month have passed since we're here when it actually felt like a year.
Every day enduring the cruel winter blizzard, burying the dead people, nursing the ill people, cleaning their decaying skin with care, feeding them with what we could found edible... They are weak, too weak that they could not even summon their strength to mourn for the death of someone close to them who died one by one every single day. The numbers of the people here have decreased by half, only three hundred left.
I couldn't save them from their fated death, but there's only a few things I could do for them, which was continue to nurse them until they breathe their last breathe in this world, and went in peace knowing that someone was willing to be there to care for them until the very end.
Even though knowing their hates against the gods, I continued to stay by their side, prayed for them without missing a day, hoping, that their sins could be forgiven and have a better afterlife.
260th entry
Date: 19th February 2070
The merciless period of the winter has passed, yet the temperature was still unbearably low with snow drift and falling slowly from the sky...
I leaned against Leonard's warm and soft black coat, watched as the snow landed on every surface of this lifeless slum, feeling exhausted, sad and troubled, but I was unable to fall asleep...
Because I have been hearing voices and seeing things that are not belong to the livings. The dead souls of the people here still holds the strong and intense grudges against gods they have before their death, and they could not pass on or be accepted into the afterlife. So with nowhere else to go, they lingered around the slum, screaming, crying, screeching their hates to every living thing they could find, and the main victims are always towards those who are nearing their death, causing ill people screaming and trashing on their laying spot in pain. For that reason, I have been staying awake for few days, sitting close to the ill people and act as a living amulet to stop the dead souls from further disturbing the dying people.
There are only fifty people left in this slum, each of them are nearing their end very soon. Leonard suddenly growled and not pleased at the presence that glides into the small house. I could see the Death in black was standing among the dying people, waiting patiently for their time to end.
"Three souls will be shred from their mortal flesh today, four tomorrow, and then ten next, eventually all will meet their fate; you need not to cry, as they are the sinners who need to be punished in the afterlife for the cruelty they have done."
These are the words the Death said to me.
As the morning came, the sun finally shows itself after one months of the disappearance, showering the slum with warm rays of light.
But there are three people among the fifty never have a chance to open their eyes again...
265th entry
Date: 25th February 2070
Just like the Death had said, the casualty was in order. After three, there goes four, and then the odds continue to increase by day, until only ten was left. I and Leonard went back to the small house to nurse the remaining people after done bury the bodies of the deceased.
There is something different about these remaining ten. There are all elders. Unlike the others who had been cursing their misfortunes and voiced out their hate, these elders has been begging.
They are begging for forgiveness, from both divines and an unknown person. Confused, I had asked them whom the person they are constantly begging forgiveness from, but they gave me no name, and worst, they have mistaken me for that unknown person. I tried to deny their assumption, and eventually gave up the attempt to do so as the elders are being persistent.
In order to let the elders to leave in peace without regrets and guilt, I decide to play along, and forgave them in the unknown person's place. I know I don't have the right to do so, since from what I have heard from the elders' painful confessions; they had done many horrible things to that person. Forgiving is much more difficult to be the one asking for forgiveness, but there are times, people who ask for forgiveness will never have a chance to get their replies, because it appears that the person whom they once harmed are no longer among the livings...
Muttered my apologize to that unfortunate person; I forgave them in that person's place.
The sobbing have stopped, no more moans in pain, there are no cursing, no grudge...
Nine people died in peace.
267th entry
Date:1st March 2070
I continued to nurse the remaining one elder. She was an old lady in her late eighties. Her condition was unpredictable, the Death said she was supposed to die on the very same day as the other nine, but the old lady was unwilling to die just yet. So I remained by her side, with the Death waiting beside, accompanied her until her last moment.
When the time has finally near, she finally spoke and did a long confession with her remaining strength...
"Half century ago, Gods have gave us many chances to repent on our wrong doings, yet a mere humans like us took it for granted and trampled their benevolence, angered and disappointed them by harming their dearest children, whose sacrificed to live among the divines just to guide the insolent humans like us... Punishments finally showered upon us by taking away the creations of our greed, yet we are in foolish denials, too foolish and choose not to repent our sins, we blamed the divines for our lost and for putting us into the endless miseries. In the end, we sinned more and more.
"The second warning came, by taking away the resources human needs to survive. Yet again, insolents fools like us learned nothing from the lost, foolish scientists formed an army of enhanced humans who slays gods; foolish humans like us further angered the divines by lashing our wraths on the divine's beloved sacred sons and daughters, and killed them again and again as soon as their reincarnations came back to this dying world to save our pitiful souls.
"The third and final warning came after we foolish humans' act of cruelty upon their sacred children whom yet gave up on us, deadly plagues and diseases spreads wide, merciless punishments scorches into our bones to make us suffer a painfully slow death. Insolents fools like us again, pay no heed to repent, instead, blames the divines more than we already had.
"As the door of death was finally near, only a few starts to regret and beg to be forgiven. However, we have long since letting the chances to slips away. We sinners must suffer tons time more than the same way as we had made the sacred children suffered after we enters the afterlife until the day our sins are purified."
I was stunned by these honest confessions that came out from her weak breathe as the old lady gave a weak squeeze on my hand.
"Before I steps into the door of death, I would like to hear an honest reply from you. Do you hate us?"
Ah, that was when I realized they must have mistaken me as one of the Gods' sacred children they have been hurting in the past. After knowing the truth, I hesitated to give the old lady an answer as I have no right to answer for the divines, but upon looking into the old lady's hopeful gaze, I knew from the bottom of my heart that what the sacred children would wanted...
I respond by giving her the reply she wanted with sincerity,
As though the weight of guilt piled up in her weak body have finally perished, ready to meet her fate, she went in peace with a soft smile on her face.
I could only watch as the Death took her away.
285th entry
Date: 5th May 2070
Months have passed, and I still couldn't recall my past. But there has been a few changes ever since my stay at the slum of death. I could hear voices no humans could hear; I could see things no humans could see; every touch, every scent...
I haven't been sleeping more than a day since, which made Leonard really worried and stopped his tracks every now and then just to let me get some rest. I'm grateful, but whenever I close my eyes trying to get some sleep, it happens again...
Even in the middle of the wasteland filled with monsters, the hatred of the lingering souls haunts me, screaming, shrieking, crying, overwhelming negative emotions almost drown me alive, eventually, I gave up the attempt to sleep and continue our journey.
'Completely innocent laughter we shared every day,
Both young and pure never a slightest taint,
Belief in happily ever after just the way we are,
Perfectly immature it may seem,
But we are fortunate to have each other.
Skipping around in the luscious woods,
Enjoyed and grateful towards everything,
Not a problem in our mind,
As we feeling safe and sound,
Happily coexisting with other different beings,
Our world feels so complete,
Learning new things that we have learned,
Silently guide and protect the lost safely out of danger,
Playing games whenever we have a chance,
In this life of innocent divine,
We are what we love to be,
And hope dearly nothing will ever change.
Always trying to be the best for the sake of beloved,
Just like our dearest siblings,
Used to fight crazily,
Forgiving soon came after,
Loves each other so dearly.
A story of the day beside the warm flickering flame,
Enjoyed and grateful for every second we had lived,
Kisses we give on each other's head,
"Sweet dreams, goodnight."
We dreamed of becoming a better being for each other,
Changing in the same time retain the way we are,
Living in harmony with never ending love we have,
Each and every single day,
Swore to be there for each other,
Even if one day the whole world turns their back against us,
With our siblings we love dearly.'
With this nostalgic song suddenly appears in the sea of my mind, for the very first time since I woke up with amnesia, I vaguely remembered two familiar faces with gentle smiles, yet in the same time, I don't remember who they are.
I cried.
310th entry
Date: 20th December 2070
Huddled up with Leonard in the nearest cave we could find in the wasteland, I watched as the first snow of this year's winter descends from the gray sky.
Even though I idea what had happened in the past before I lost my memories, I sure do aware that I don't feel comfortable being around the snow. Much to my dilemma, I have been growing since the past two years; my only two sets of clothes now could barely fit my body. Shivered in cold, I wrapped myself with the only jacket I have with me that fits just right as I wrote on this last piece of paper.
I have always wondered, whose jacket might this belong to? It doesn't felt like mine.
Pushing this thought aside, for now, I and Leonard have to focus on surviving for these three months.
311th entry
Date: 10th March 2071
It was a miracle. I was amazed and awed. I couldn't believe my own eyes!
Two year we had traveled across wasteland and desert, from slum to slum, never once we have come to a place so full of life.
We accidently ran into a woman who was in her late thirties, Mrs. Haruno, after we snuck ourselves into this place by climbing over the tall wall that surrounds the perimeter of this place. She offered us to stay over her place for the time being after I asked. We can't be more grateful.
A proper rooftop over our head; a refreshing bath; a change of borrowed clean clothes; a decent meal to eat.
I was content.
312th entry
Date: 15th March 2071
As I have nothing with me that could give in return for their hospitality, I offered to help out Mr. Haruno to run errands during the day, help out on the house course during evening, and accompany their only daughter, Aurora who was fragile after falling ill years ago. I'm happy, happy that I could finally spend time and interact with other humans other than myself.
There's no errand to run for today, the whole family went to visit a doctor today for Aurora's medical checkup, as well as for since she have been experiencing nausea and throwing out whatever she had for pass three days. I hope it was nothing bad.
Leonard went out to hunt since the small portions of food aren't able to satisfy his hunger. Left alone and have nothing to do, I decided to explore around the Outer Ghetto.
I was fascinated by this place.
Even though there's no temples, churches or shrines here; lingering soul of the deceased could still be spotted here and there; voices of the distrust against the divine beings could still be painfully heard, but at very least, there's no bloodshed, no cruelty, no torturous act caused by human to human here.
There may have mourning of the people to the deceased, yet beyond that I could still hear the arrival of the newborns and innocent laughter of the oblivion children.
They may have lost trust to the divines, but they believe on surviving through every day.
This is good enough.
I think, I have finally found a place to settle down.
313th entry
Date: 16th March 2071
Many things had happened in a day. Life sure is filled with never ending twists. I might not be a person who can settle down in peace after all.
Leonard went out to hunt for food again, and I was on my way to the household of Fujiki to complete the remaining task I have in my hand for the day, whilst looking for a possible unoccupied house to decide my stay. I saw a crying little girl dash out from a house and ran away, totally ignoring the cries of her family members from the house. I first thought it might just be a family quarrel and decided to shrug off to continue my task.
But I was appalled shortly after at the sight of the Death tailing right behind the weeping girl. The task in my hands was promptly forgotten and I proceed to chase after the girl.
It was a close call. I was able to save the girl from both the Death and the jaw of the monster that broke in from outside of the wall just in the nick of time. I have changed a person's fate, seeing the Death disappeared into the thin air without holding any grudge for my act, I know he won't appear before this girl for a very long time.
I had almost laughed when the little girl told me her name, such coincidence. Her name is Nozomi Fujiki, one of the members of the household I was about to deliver the rations to. I've offered to send her home and only to receive strings of whimpers in return.
"My big brother is going to be a God Eater; he can't stay home with me and mommy every day anymore."
These words are the only audible words I could hear her muffled sobs and cries. I paled again.
God Eaters...
Why would people want to further anger the divines by slaying them?
I carried the weeping girl back to her home safely with a heavy heart and met her worried sick mother and brother. I was asked to stay for a dinner with them as thanks for bringing their family home. With a little girl literally latched herself on you with a pair of kicked puppy eyes, it's impossible to say no, so I stayed.
I spent an evening there, chatted with the little girl's brother, Kota, and asked about the God Eaters which I had never heard of during my entire stay at the Haruno's, and have learned about things I had missed out and unknown about.
They called the monsters out there the Aragami, the gods that are fallen devours everything in sight; and the job of the God Eaters is to slay every single one in sight.
So the reason the people loathed the divine beings so much, was because of those monsters? So much that they have even named the monsters after the divines...
This sounds so wrong. I have slayed the monsters for two years, I saw no soul within the monsters, let alone to be called divine. How could they lump those monsters together with the gods?
I didn't voice my thought to Kota though, because he seems determined about becoming a God Eater. His purpose was simple, is to protect his family the monsters. I have no right to discourage him.
I thought I could ignore the whole God Eaters stuff as long as the people didn't actually intend on slaying the real deal.
But I was wrong. My day couldn't get any more worst.
As I went back to the Haruno household, I saw a man in white stood before the doorstep of their house...
Aurora was chosen to be a God Eater.
It may be for the sake of humankind, they fought in humans' name, to justify that they are independent, and do not need the trust the divines to survive in this dying world.
313th entry
Date: 17th March 2071
Mrs. Haruno was devastated and distraught. The news of her daughter are going to put her own life in the front line have took a huge toll on her. She was supposed to be a happy woman who comes home with a joyful news for having a second child on the way, but the joy did not last long, as the second child was on the way, someone else are about to take her first child away. What act could be crueler than this?
Mr. Haruno aren't able to get himself to work, so I offered to complete most of his job for today so he could spend more time with Aurora while he could as well as for Mrs. Haruno's sake.
Aurora was too ill to move, let alone performing combats. I have seen the Death lingering beside her since morning. It was a clear sign that the Death was kind enough to give me. If Aurora accept the job, she will never come back to this household ever again.
I have given a lot of thought about this for the whole day, and made a decision.
Leonard won't be pleased, or worse, bites me...
314th entry
Date: 24th March 2071
The world last fortress, Fenrir; humankinds' last hope and savior, the God Eaters...
I scowled inside whenever I hear it, and may never get over the fact that how I find this title arrogant and insolent. What makes it worst was...
I'm now one of them.
I imposed as Aurora Haruno and joined the Fenrir as a New-Type God Eater on the same as Kota.
Weird substance injected into my veins, wielding heavy weapon they called 'God Arc', along with the blood red armlet that latched on my right wrist is a prove that I have signed my freedom away and live as a living weapon to slay 'Gods'. How much more ironic could this get?
In the same time, I feel complicated.
Although the terms of 'God Eaters' sound insolent and ignorant, the people in the Den fought to survive in this dying world. They won't care who their opponents are, real divines or not, all they truly want was to restore the world back to the way it once was, the world without monsters strolling on the surface of earth and destroy everything before them like a hurricane, where people could live without fear wondering which day will be their last...
If only... If only the terms they use are not 'God Eaters', if only they don't name those monsters after the divines, if only they don't lump those monsters together with the divines...
The divines might spare them from any more suffering earlier than they thought.
But I can't say a word, for the sake of the Haruno family.
Because right now, I'm Aurora Haruno.
315th entry
Date: 29th March 2071
I was assigned to the Assault team, the First Unit, work as a rookie under Lindow Amamiya. He was a strange man and it was hard to believe that he is Tsubaki's younger brother.
I am to train with veterans in the First Unit for a month, learning how to wield my God Arcs and what I need to know about being a God Eater. It was a piece of cake, but I can't let them know that I was capable to slay the monsters individually without using God Arc, because 'Aurora Haruno' comes from a normal family, with no combat experience and so 'she' should have absolutely no idea how to fight.
Which means I have been spending days experiencing painfully, agonizingly, tiresomely slow process of slaying the monsters, and forced myself to pretend to be knock down by the monsters from time to time during the first few days under Lindow's and Sakuya's lead, because a rookie should be an amateur.
Nonetheless, I respect the both of them.
Kota was doing fine as well, but I have to make sure he doesn't get himself killed for being reckless. Or else Nozomi will be sad, as well as his mother.
As for Leonard, he has been sulking ever since I made the decision to join Fenrir. I wonder how much longer he intends to ignore me...
And the occasional punishment bites should stop!
316th entry
Date: 3th April 2071
I, never thought there would be a day I could get a small portion of my lose memory back, by meeting the owner of the jacket I have been holding on for years.
As my training session with Lindow and Sakuya have ended, I was assigned undergoes another training session with a veteran who was one or two years older than me, Soma Schicksal, along with a sniper, Eric de Volgeweid.
I was stunned by the appearance of the Death during the mission with the two God Eaters. The Death was strolling beside Eric, waited for another soul to be delivered, while Eric was oblivious of his incoming death.
As the result, I have almost blown my cover saving Eric, by giving the Ogretail an instant kill. The Death disappeared again, Eric's death was prevented.
Soon after, I have avoided Soma's every suspicious gaze by giving stiffed retorts such as "It was all instinct reflexes."
Until I almost thought that my cover was blown, I saw something white fall out the pocket of his jacket as he pulled out his phone to call for the chopper.
It is a silk white ribbon.
A small portion of forgotten nostalgic memory rushes back into my mind like a flood when I picked up the ribbon for him...
The small encounter at the Outer Ghetto during the first snow; a story telling about the Red Thread of Fate while sitting under an abandoned booth; the red thin silk that we used to tie around our fingers; being carried on his back while I was asleep; the jacket he left behind to keep me warm from the winter cold; the silent promises to meet again before we parted...
I have been here before, I have met him before. No words in this world could describe how happy I was, to be able to regain some of my lost memories, no matter how small it was, after two years in a blank.
And I'm happy, that I could keep my promise to him.
But as soon he snatched the ribbon away from my hand with sheer anger, I realized, the one who stood before him, is 'Aurora Haruno', not 'Hatsuyuki'...
317th entry
Date: 1th May 2071
It has been a month since I have become a God Eater in Aurora's place. The training session finally ended, which means I could take on any solo mission I want and complete the mission at my own pace.
In another word, I could pretend to go KIA whenever I find the timing is right, break the armlet, leave the God Arc behind and flee for my freedom with Leonard.
I can't say that I don't like it here. I want to leave because I don't want to stuck in being a person I am not forever.
I don't want to be 'Aurora' who have been receiving endless praises for improving in combats with flying colors; 'Aurora' who have been receiving countless high hopes and expectations; 'Aurora' who have been making friends and being rely on; and most importantly, the 'Aurora' who can't fulfill her promise to Soma Schicksal as 'Hatsuyuki'.
As long as I'm living under the disguise as 'Aurora', I am not allowed to make any mistake that could put the Haruno family into trouble for denying the order of Fenrir and have the real Aurora to meet her death.
The rewards and money I been receiving from the missions I accomplished for the past month, I only keep enough for myself to buy a few sets of uniform, food and for the God Arc repairing (only for the shield part). As for the rest, I split them into half for the Haruno family, plenty enough for Aurora to effort for better medication; and another half was for the orphanages I found in the Outer Ghetto. They need the money more than I do.
My debt to them have repaid, I'm sure I owe them no more.
I wonder, maybe, after 'Aurora' went KIA, I might consider coming back to aid the people here as 'Hatsuyuki'...
318th entry
Date: 5th May 2071
It seems that gods have another task stored for me to complete. The day after I have planned my KIA route, it was the day Lindow was labeled as KIA after a fatal mistake made by Alisa, a fellow New-Type God Eater in the Den.
I could've save him that day with my own ability, if not for the rest of the team was there ready to witness my cover being blown. I was struggling between choosing the life of Lindow and Haruno family.
I choose the latter as soon as the Death appeared for a swift moment, stating that the time of Lindow's death as yet to come.
Everything was in a wreck in the Den. Sakuya's collapse, Alisa's mental breakdown, Kota's self-blaming for not able to do better, and the pointless accusation towards Soma for being the 'Death' of the team...
How could I leave for my own freedom, when the people that 'Aurora' have grown fond of in the Den was in the miserable state, while knowing better than anyone else that I was to blame.
If only...
If only I could tell them Lindow is not dead.
But I'm 'Aurora', not 'Hatsuyuki' who could see Death and souls...
319th entry
Date: 10th June 2071
Many things have happened, and I finally know the Gods' intention for not letting me leave the Den just yet.
It was because of Director Schicksal's Aegis Project. He planned to cause destruction on this earth, to completely wipe out the existence of the monsters to create new world for the humankind. I have no right to say his intention was bad, but I'm sure it was not allowed.
He has killed far too many people for this forbidden project, and he was planning to sacrifice more.
Countless special missions he has requested me to accomplish, just to search for one Singularity, Shio.
Shio was special, we all know, but in differently. Director Schicksal thought she was a special type of Aragami that connects to the entire existence of the monsters; Dr. Sakaki deemed that she was merely a humanoid aragami who have developed human traits...
But I could see better, know better than anyone else that Shio is an aragami who carries a shattered human soul.
I've never told anyone but Leonard about this, about how uneasy I felt whenever I'm close to Shio. I can't help but cringed whenever I sense a similarity between us.
I can see it, the color of the shattered soul she carried, it was as same as mine.
320th entry
Date: 20th June 2071
Shio starts to talk like a normal human, and soon adored by others. I slowly let myself put aside the uneasy feeling I felt towards Shio and open up to accept her. Treating her like my own sister who shared a same soul as me.
I collected more materials for her to make new clothes, brings her out to eat, and spent more time with her whenever I'm free.
Soma did the same too. In fact, he has done twice of what I did for Shio.
I know he has grown fond of the girl, and slowly starting like her as a girl. I gave no comment to that. I'm didn't step in to stop him from feeling this way...
Because he looks happy, probably the happiest I have seen since I joined Fenrir...
321th entry
Date: 25th July 2071
It has been a hectic month, and I could barely spare a time to write.
Soon after the incident of the Aegis project, there is a monster they called Hannibal was sighted and could regenerate itself after its core being extracted.
As we fought the Hannibal, I couldn't help but sense familiarity from it. It's martial moves, the way it combats, the way it attacks; it was almost...as though I'm fighting myself and someone else I have forgotten.
The fight ended quickly, but I never speak a word to the others about a massive headache I have been enduring, and how heavy my God Arc was to the point I was not able to completely form my shield quick enough after pushing Kota aside.
As I woke up surrounded by my concerned teammates, I was unable to muster up the courage to tell them I'm starting to lost the ability to wield my God Arc.
Dr. Sakaki rushed into the Sickbay an hour after my teammates left, looks appalled and bewildered. It felt weird to see the doctor lose his composer. Yet what he did next startled me...
He peeled off the thin mask I wore, Leonard didn't stop him, and we both stunned.
He did not explain his action, at the same time, he has no intention to tell on me and immediately injected a large amount of Oracle Cells that could instantly kill a God Eater into my body.
He looked almost frantic and told me that I have a body functions the complete opposite of Soma. Instead of having a body that could produce its own Oracle Cells, my body completely nullifies them. Sooner or later, Oracle Cells will completely useless in me.
This explained the real reason the damaged core of my God Arc. It wasn't damaged by the blow of the Hannibal. I was the one who broke it.
Dr. Sakaki offered to secretly give me large amount of condensed Oracle Cells to buy me some times to retain my ability to wield the God Arc until my body finally immune to them. Due for my safety, I'm not allowed to speak a word about this unless I have a suicidal wish to turn myself into a lab rat of the Headquarter.
I was grateful to Dr. Sakaki, for promise to keep my identity a secret. But he is hiding something, I know he knows something about my forgotten past, he knew me, judging by the expression he showed upon witness my real face.
However, I didn't pry him for details for my past. Because the guilt and sadness he showed from his eyes, was almost the same as the dead old lady from the deserted slum I have stayed a year ago.
All truth will eventually be unfolded, either sooner or later.
Before my life as 'Aurora', the God Eater of Fenrir comes to an end, there's something I must do...
Speed up my search for Lindow.
322th entry
Date: 15th August 2071
Today was the big day for Lindow and Sakuya.
They are married.
The wedding was immediately planned soon after a week the day Lindow came back alive. Everyone was happy.
Unlike the traditional way of the wedding, though, people here do not hold their wedding in the presences of Gods, but to people instead.
Regardless how upset I felt about this, I keep this thought to myself, and could only watch as the God of marriage, Musubi-no-Kami, sincerely gave his blessing to the married couple with a sad smile.
If only they are able to see, there are gods still willing to stay behind to protect humans regardless how human thought ill of them.
If only I could tell them, gods still loves them and are ready to forgive.
323th entry
Date: 20th August 2071
I could sense it. My day of being 'Aurora' is coming to meet her end. Even with the large doses of condensed Oracle Cells, I could barely activate the predator mode of my God Arc. So most of the time, I'll let my friends to do the salvage instead.
Friends...
I have made a fatal mistake before I could even realize it. I have an attachment to the people here when I wasn't supposed to. Now, I'm facing a whole new level of a dilemma. Stay or leave?
I made lots and lots of trust worthy friends in the Den while hiding under the identity of Aurora Haruno. I have gained their trust, in the same time I deceived them.
How will they react when they find out the person who they came to trust was actually an imposter of the original?
I have shivered whenever I thought of the consequences.
If I am to leave this place after being cast out or lock up for imposing as Aurora Haruno, I guess my deepest regret will be...
For not telling Soma the truth that I'm Hatsuyuki; for not being able to tell him how much his father loves him, I know because I went back to Aegis alone to talk with Mr. Johann's lingering soul; for not able to tell him his mother was always besides him whispering a silent sorry whenever he was being bad mouthed by others in the Den; for not telling him that I could actually able speaks to Shio who was sitting alone on the moon, always saying how much she missed you, and when I could actually take her place as a Singularity and take the Nova to the moon, but in the same time I couldn't because I know there's something else in this world I have to do before I die...
There's still so much, so much more I wanted to tell him, especially promise we made six years ago and he was the first and only person I remembered after having amnesia.
But I'm sure all these thoughts will not be told and be trusted once I'm being labeled as an imposter by the Den.
All my words will be a lie in their ears.
Because they believe in 'Aurora', not 'Hatsuyuki'.
Serve me right for deceiving.
324th entry
Date: 25th August 2071
I took a day off from work, carried pup size Leonard out of the Den for a walk as I still torn between staying or leave.
I might breakdown if it wasn't for Leonard who remains faithful by my side regardless what I do, and for Dr. Sakaki's sincere understanding for giving me time to decide as well as keeping my secrets.
I thought my day will be wasted in vexation until I heard a familiar yet malicious lullaby coming from the middle of a small crowd.
The tone was alluring, sung by two girls covered in a black hood, no one seems to understand the language they sang, it doesn't really matter as they are too engrossed into the alluring melody...
But I understand the deathly meaning behind the lullaby...
'God's greatest Gift,
A sign for our Existence,
The earth, once so Full of Life;
So innocent and pure.
Numerous lives being spun and unraveled each moment,
Never-touching Circles, in a world of faces we fail to recognize;
Prosopagnosia, a Disorder to each Victim
The world is possessed by numerous demons.
Whispers that Pierce like Blades,
Single words running through my Veins,
Reins to the Thresh of verbal Surgery
Capture Thoughts that now belong in the Hands of Demons that feed on innocent souls.
Corrupt, careless, ignorant humans,
Could we have ever overestimated you more?
Living not of this world but merely in it,
Shadows Lark not far behind, waiting to ruin the world to Dust.
Our dearest soul of Chastity,
Be prepare to meet your fate,
As we plunge these hideous pests into the deepest depth of abyss.'
Leonard was growling at them.
Without a doubt, their last phrase was directed to me.
The warning behind the deadly lullaby, the malicious grins they gave, the familiar yet dangerous presences they emit...
Before I could stop them, they vanished within the sounds of applauses.
They knew me.
Vaguely, I knew them as well.
They are fallen deities.
It seems the key to unlocking my forgotten memories was near.
'Aurora' will soon be no more, whether I like it or not.
325th entry
Date: 30th August 2071
It was selfish of me I know. For asking Dr. Sakaki to cover up my constants disappearance from the Den as 'Dispatch for secret missions', so that Tsubaki and the higher ups won't be suspicious of me, while I was on my way to search for the lairs of the fallen deities with Leonard. To have this request to be approved so easily, I guess Dr. Sakaki have an idea of what was actually going on all along. I can't let his effort go to waste. So I left my God Arc in Dr. Sakaki's lab whenever I leave and bring my Katanas with me instead. I know God Arcs are useless against them.
Five days of searching, I found nothing. Until I and Leonard was attacked by two fallen deities this afternoon in the wasteland.
The two who attacked me was not the two I saw in the Outer Ghetto. My attackers were both males cloaked in black. One excel in aerial combat, attacking from above, using arrows with fatal accuracy while riding on the back of his large eagle shikigami; the other one was an expert in wielding spear, sending strong and powerful blows and attacks that could shatter a person's bones with ease while his white tiger shikigami and Leonard attacks each other.
With my forgotten memories comes back to me bit by bit, I know I was fighting a losing battle as a massive headache hit me with full force.
They could've killed me with ease, but they didn't.
They retreated without a word after I fall on my knees holding my throbbing head in pain with a cut on my arm caused by one of the attackers' arrow.
As Leonard gave me a ride back to the Den, more than half of my memories are back.
My undying beliefs of gods. The reasons behind for my eyes to able to see what humans can't see; ears that could hear what humans can't hear; the senses that could feel the emotions from the deaths that no humans could feel; senses that constantly took away my sleep; the abilities to be able to fight the monsters without the need to become a God Eater; the hints that the Death drops...
Now I finally know.
I was almost killed by a man named Rinc three years ago, actually, a fallen deity by the name of Yagami took advantages of my vulnerability condition in an attempt to make me fall as well when the time is right.
There are more, but I still can't remember some of the most important parts.
I must find something as a trigger to regain the rest of my memories in the short time before all the negativities consumes me inside out...
Before I fall.
This was the last entry of Hatsuyuki's journal, exactly three months ago when she started to show strange behaviors...
"This time. Only this once I have to face the outcome without you guy, I promise, no more secrets after this, I'll tell you everything you want to know, but not now,"
Soma exhaled and pushes his bangs backward in frustrations.
No, this is who she is for the past eight months. It's just that they failed to see it. They are too blinded by what they could see by eyes, and only believes in what they can see by eyes.
Fallen deities. This explains it all.
All those weird word terms, inhuman reflexes, weird creatures they called shikigami, the white ribbon Hatsuyuki left behind with strange ability...
That girl he waited for six years is a living deity in mortal flesh.
"Unexpectedly, you accepted the truth much better than I thought you would by reading a journal," a voice lurks in Soma's room, "Just like in the past."
Soma jolted in surprise and glared towards the couches.
"You!" Soma growled, "I always knew there's something weird about you! Where were you?" he snapped at the black wolf who laid leisurely on one of his couch.
"Really?" The wolf narrowed his ocean blue eyes that are almost identical to Soma's sapphire ones as the latter continue to snap," I never said anything doesn't mean that I'm a retard. The way you always look at Hatsuyuki was definitely not the way an animal would look at their mistress!"
"Humph," the black wolf scoffed," But you are way too slow this time compare to the past." he muttered.
"What past?" Soma frowned. He has too many truths to be digested from a single journal, so no way in hell he will need another bomb to be drop on him right now.
"Nothing, forget what I just muttered," the black wolf stood on his paws and leaps off from the couch, "Come on." He said as he paced towards the door.
"Where the hell are you going when your mistress is being locked up?" Soma darts to the door are blocked the wolf's way.
"Pfft!" shorted the wolf with amusement, "Please, don't make me laugh," He exclaimed as he nudges Soma out of the way, "You can't be seriously been thinking that a pile of enhanced steels could subdue a awaken deity."
"Enough talking and grab go get your God Arc, we are leaving right now." Said the black wolf as he turns the doorknob by using his front paws to open the door.
"Where the hell are we going?" Soma quickly asks before the wolf was out of sight while wrapping Hatsuyuki's journal and his old jacket back into the black fabric.
"Hatsuyuki is now buying us time to gather up the possible infected people in the Den." The wolf stopped and spoke before disappearing completely out of sight, "Go search for the people who suddenly became vicious or behave like zombies, and meet up at the helipad outside the Den. Sakaki and Kanon are already on standby, they'll give you a brief explanation once you are done."
"Wha-?"
As soon as the wolf was out of sight, Soma was interjected by a loud gunshot echoed a floor below him.
It comes from the Rookie Section.
"Damn it! "Soma dashed into the elevator and literally bashed on the button as though it'll help the elevator to move faster.
Once the door of the elevator finally opens, showing the corridors of the Rookie Section, he was immediately greeted by a shocking sight.
"Gina!" Karel shouted, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
A/N:
Yea, very longer chapter I know.
It was basically about how Hatsuyuki felt after waking up one day in the middle of nowhere, all tattered and bloody with no memory about anything at all.
Next was her point of view as she witnesses the world is dying painfully, but still have faith in gods while the rest of the human refuse to believe.
Later on, it was about her stay in the Outer Ghetto and the reason she imposed as Aurora to join Fenrir.
Lastly, it was about how she felt about being a God Eater for the past eight months and the reason behind her weird behavior.
So, I have really put a lot of effort in typing this chapter while I have to rush mountains of endless assignments.
Reviews and impressions about this chapter from reader will really really means a lot to me. :)
Replies for previous reviews:
Jhellou: They are being mean and inconsiderate indeed, because it is human's nature to immediately jump into conclusions without giving a damn to look into a bigger picture. But don't worry though; Hatsuyuki is not a total pushover, she will make a rather spunky come back soon ;)
: Thank you for looking forward for this chapter! I'll try to update new chapter as fast as I can when I'm able to. As for the character reference, I'm sorry that I couldn't find one now, but I'll post the links of the pictures in my profile as soon as I found suitable ones :D
WAiMUN: Thank you for your support as per usual! And yea, it might take me another month to finish the next chapter :( I know you know how I feel, as we both are currently being suffocate by almost same assignments… OTL