Note: Hello, Troublesome-monkey-dono signing in.

So, I had a horrible day. Let's see how my angst ridden nightmare could fuel this chapter. Cheers.

Chapter 4: Unworthy

Their dorm takes the news of their sudden relationship quite well. It was to be expected really, at least in Soma's eyes. Why the hell not? It was obvious from the very beginning that the two had chemistry, though they were doubtful anything would turn into fruition so early in the game. For the most part, they expected the two to dance in their awkwardness for a better part of two years before Soma somehow manages to realize that indeed Tadokoro had a major crush on him. For him to suddenly have the revelation so soon, and to act as bull-headed and as quickly, was merely a surprise but a blessing in disguise all the same. Really, the whole dorm thought they were a magnificently cute couple. There were no large objections, save for one.

"Megumi, are you sure you're okay being with Soma?" The question is asked by none other than Isshik - senpai himself. Honestly, Megumi didn't expect it. She half expected it from Ikumi-san, or perhaps even Ryoko – chan, but certainly not from their flamboyant upper classman. Still, here they sat huddled near a kotatsu table as they drank tea, with that question hanging in the air.

Isshiki – senpai looked the same, clad quite nude with only an apron on, nursing his green tea as if it were the most natural thing to do. The only other guest close were Ryoko and Yuki, who merely glanced at her direction and choosing wisely to keep their mouth shut. So Megumi sat there, like doe – eyed fawn, looking more flabbergasted and embarrassed than she needed to be. She dared not to pick up the cup in front of her, for fear of simply spilling her drink with her shaking hands.

"Uh….what?" she meekly answered back, "Wh-what do you mean Isshiki – senpai?"

"Come now Tadokoro-kun," he said smiling sweetly as he placed his cup down and leaned in, allowing his chin to rest in his palm, "I'm just initiating some girl talk. Are you happy with our Soma – kun?"

Squawking, she turned an even dark shade of red. She couldn't help it. The past few weeks were a blur for her. It was as if she had been transported into another dimension. One where, suddenly, Soma showers her with such unguarded affection that she doesn't know what to do with it. One where, somehow, she had an intimate relationship with a man that she had such respect and admiration for that she wasn't sure it was real. And to be frank, she wasn't sure where the boundary between reality and dreams had crossed. To her, the past couple of weeks were just a dream come true. She just wasn't sure when it would end.

Because of that, she merely went on the ride, trying vainly to disregard that solemn voice in her head that told her this would not end well. So she accepted Soma's advices, his kisses, his caresses, and his sweet words. She accepted them wholeheartedly because….well…because she was counting the moments before they would stop. She couldn't help it. It sounded horribly petty, but she just felt ridiculously happy when she was in Soma's presence. Before their get together, they always did spend a large amount of time together, but there was a certain barrier between them that she had wanted to cross for such a long time.

And now…and now it had happened. Now there was a shift in dynamics that she could honestly say she was truly happy about. Now, she could lean in close without the fear of him moving away and rejecting her. Now, she could spend even more time basking in his energy to recharge herself. Now, she could spend more time just watching him cook without him feeling the need to lock himself away while he went on his ramblings. Soma had a certain method of cooking. Often, once a challenge was bought, he would lounge about the kitchen in a trancelike daze as he thought of what he would cook. And often, he would do this alone, feeling the need to isolate himself in order to truly focus.

She understood his method quite well, for she did the same thing. However, bless his soul, Soma had somehow relaxed himself enough to allow her in to this precious time of his. She loved it when he would turn to her, with such a fierce and serious expression, and ask for her opinion. Hers. Not anyone else's. But hers. And as petty as this may sound, but she relished those moments with such pure unadulterated excitement and hope because it made her feel like no other. That somehow, her measly opinion, was considered in his cooking. It was as if they were truly making something special together.

Biting her lip, she often wondered when those moments would last. There was always that sense of foreboding that hung over her head. How long will she have until Soma will finally break free from her and into the arms of a woman who he was more suited with? How long until the kisses, the hugs, the sweet romantic words are merely a memory she could barely remember in the back of her mind? How long until ultimately her heart would be ripped from her chest by the boy she loved so dearly? How long?

It wasn't like she hadn't tried to fight back. She did, in her own way. She had protested the relationship, bringing up the fact that she wasn't comfortable. She didn't know how to act. And it was all true, but the underlying reason was to try and break away before she could be swallowed whole. But, it didn't work. She was too weak. She was simply too weak. He broke her barriers so easily. She had let him in so easily because she couldn't help it. He made her weak. He made her feel so fragile and delicate, and so very loved. It was like she had no choice. Her heart would never outright reject him.

So, it was like, she merely gave up. She gave in to his advances because her heart, her body, her very soul craved for it. She gave in knowing, fully well, that in the end it would crush her. And…maybe it would be okay in the end. It would be wouldn't it?

Maybe, in the long run, it would help her grow. Maybe her relationship with him, no matter how short it would be, could make her more resilient. It would make her stronger and have more confidence in herself. But…it could also ruin her. She wasn't a fool. She had fallen in love before, but nothing had been done about it. Her crush, her love, had merely passed. Still, it was like it left a crack in her heart. Like, she knew that the next would be another giant disappointment. So this one, this rejection, she wasn't sure she could take. It might…it might devastate her in a way she fully couldn't understand now. And it was a terrifying thought.

"I…," she began as her gaze trailed down to the cup she had been sipping. She was too afraid to look at Isshiki – senpai in the eyes. He had a way of always reading his kohais and she wasn't ready for whatever follow up he had stewing in that mind of his. "I'm very happy with Soma – kun, senpai. Over the moon, really." She smiled, allowing the radiance of her elated joy brim through. She wasn't lying about it at least. It was just…

"Soma – kun is very attentive to my needs," she carries on as she fingers her cups. The heavy blush on her face dissipates into a pretty shade of pink as she thought of the times she had spent as Soma's 'official' girlfriend. "He…uh…he helps me out a lot. With my cooking and…stuff."

"Oh…stuff? What sort of stuff?" Her senpai prodded, a heavy deep seated smirk on his ridiculously handsome face. Uh oh. She had literally run herself into that question without thinking.

"No no!" she tried to clarify, " nothing like that Senpai! Just…homework and stuff like that! We aren't…I…he is! No!" She merely caused the trio in front of her to laugh at her discomfort. It wasn't like they had expected the two to be an openly sexual couple. Tadokoro was simply too shy to be in a sexual relationship so early on and frankly Soma tended to be quite daft to know how to initiate intimacy so quickly. Still, the thought was hilariously cute, in its own way.

Yet, as Megumi stuttered on about her experience with her new boyfriend, she couldn't help but notice the darkening expression take hold of Ryoko and Satoshi's face. It was there for a split second, before being wiped away with amusement on the girl's behalf. They had always been the more astute members of their dorm, with the exception of Shun of course, and they caught on to Megumi's uncertainty so easily. Casting a brief glance at each other, they both let out a small bittersweet smile.

As much as they would love to interfere and help, this was a conversation that the budding couple had to do by themselves. It was just a natural hurdle in their relationship. But, as it was, this was still Totsuki Academy. Relationships here were as notorious as proper cooking was. And, it could get complicated quickly. Especially since the people involved attracted others like moths to a flame.

Ryoko let out a small sigh. She could feel trouble brewing and she wasn't sure she wanted to stick around to find out.

"Ah! Welcome home!" Megumi called as she stepped down the last few steps of the stairs. Perhaps it was luck that she choose the moment to go downstairs to fetch some water, but all the same, she was greeted with the sight of Soma who had just entered the dorm. There was no outright change in him save for the plastic bag of groceries he carried in his left hand.

"Yo Tadokoro!" He greeted as a wide grin spread across his face, "I'm home!" He proceeded to jiggle the contents of the bag in front of her face almost teasingly, "Neh, wanna help me make something?" Smiling brightly, she merely gave him a steady nod.

And just like that, the duo set of to the kitchen. It was really no question that Megumi wouldn't help. She always would given any circumstances. However, their dynamic is what interest most people when they cook. Everyone has seen them both in action, standing alone, cooking with such passion as any chef would. And while their styles differ completely, given their background and personality, there was certain sameness about how they tackled their challenges. A certain resolute determination that emitted so greatly from both of them that they often inspire others when they cook.

Soma was the more overt of the two, flashing his skills as easily as he does his smiles. It is in challenges when one can see his fire so greatly it's almost astonishing. One would often wonder what it would be like for him to challenge another great chef – be it the current Elite leader or the buxom God's palate.

But, the dynamic that Megumi and Soma create is often different from that. Perhaps it is not as impressive, given there was no real need to flash and sparkle as one would in a competition, but it holds itself quite well. In the kitchen, there was a certain sync that the two had managed to perfect with their time together. It was as if there was no real reason to talk at times. Soma could have as easily read Megumi's expression as easy as she could his. There was a certain gleam that Megumi knew too well in Soma's eyes that indicated certain activities he wanted done. And Soma had learned, far too quickly, that Megumi's mouth was an excellent indication of her mood. It would twist and pout, curve and smile for just a moment and he knew what to do. There was just a magical unison between them.

Granted, it didn't seem magical. In actuality, it was as if two strangers were in the kitchen silently doing their own stuff. Perhaps it could take only a trained eye to understand their dynamic. But there was no need to explain, not at all.

Of course, there were the arguments. It was simple arguments that most couple would laugh at because of how petty they sounded, but really, what type of couple would they be if they didn't argue about petty things. However, such few things they hold in such high regard, they sometimes argue about.

"I have to disagree Soma!" Megumi yelled with such conviction it was almost unnaturally ill fit for her small frame, "We can't use that type of honey in this recipe!" Her eyes gleamed and darkened as she stood her ground, pressing her back against the counter to cover the recipe they were making, hoping perhaps to defend it from Soma's advancing.

"Awe come on Tadokoro!" Soma whined as he held up the honey he bought, "I bought fireweed honey for a reason! This stuff's expensive you know!"

"But…it's too harsh for this!" Megumi squeals, "It needs a milder form of honey! Like…a honey using nectar from a tulip poplar or…or even a tupelo but not fireweed!" She had almost scoffed at the sentiment before finally catching herself. For a moment, she couldn't even believe it. She had voiced contempt. She had actually voiced her contempt over something as ridiculous as…as…honey!

"I'm…I'm sorry!" she frantically cried out. She couldn't help the sudden dread that filled her being. It was like being splashed by ice water. It was frightening and pricking all at once. "I…we could use fireweed! It's no problem! Forget I said anything!" She had stumbled far too much in her words for her to sound believable at all. But she couldn't help it. She was suddenly wallowing in anxiety. Suddenly, it was like the panic had burst within her. Her body was going through the mechanics - Adrenaline spiking, blood vessels constricting, sweat glands reacting. Too swiftly for her to comprehend, she feels the unmistakable sense of dread loom upon her, making her want to cry out in fear. She starts to shake uncontrollably as her gaze wavers and dims and suddenly she has difficulty breathing. What's happening to her?

All the same, her mind was kept in a constant state of shock. Her words, her stupid stupid words, were laced with contempt. She had done the unforgivable. Oh, this was the end for her wasn't it? While it may seem absolutely petty, she was far too afraid to upset Soma. It wasn't her job as a good girlfriend right? She was supposed to make him happy, comfortable and loved. She wasn't supposed to make him upset by using such condescending words. What was wrong with her!?

"Hey," she jumped at Soma's voice and flinched at the sudden movement. She hadn't even noticed him edge closer until she was pressed against his solid torso as he pressed a gentle kiss on her temple, "don't cry. I didn't mean to make you upset." Huh? She was crying? It didn't even register in her mind until Soma bought one finger up to brush away a stray tear. Oh man, could this be even more pathetic than now?

"I didn't think you would care so much about honey."

No. That's not it. It's not about that. She almost wanted to voice it out loud but it was like a ball had formed in her throat. It prevented her from talking, making it feel rugged, dry and itchy all at once. Swallowing thickly, she merely shook her head in response. No. No, it's not about that!

"Here, see, I'm adding the honey you wanted. See?" She picked her head up to see Soma had actually done, much to her own displeasure. "Here, have a try. It's delicious!" Weakly, she didn't even protest as he shoved a spoonful of it in her mouth.

It's disgusting. Eyes widening, she couldn't help the tears that began to form in the corner of her eyes once more. Given that it was a dessert, it should have made her jittery and excited over something delicious but it just taste like ash in her mouth. It was too viscous and unnaturally grainy in her mouth. It was like biting into brittle and sickeningly sweet candy. "Mmh..," she let out a small mutter as she covered her mouth.

It was her fault it tasted like this. It was bad. It was so plainly bad. If she just listened to Soma, it would have tasted better. It would have been a great dish. But, her stupid stupid pride had somehow surfaced in such an idiotic way. Who was she kidding? Did she suddenly think she was on par with someone like Soma? No way. Never. He was a genius cooking prodigy. He was in the level that she knew surpassed even Hayama – san or Kurokiba – san anyday. He was on level with…her.

She wasn't stupidly naïve as most people seemed to think. There was always this tense sexual filled atmosphere when Nakiri Erina and Soma spoke. They was a quiet storm always brewing about them that just seemed to intensify as they made contact. It was because they were both so brilliant and so decisively different from each other it made sense. It made sense that if anyone would get together, it would be them. Him, with his Type B attitude, cheeky grin and affinity for making friends. Her, with her haughty Type A personality, beautifully sculpted and cold face who was the top of the elite chain. Two very different people, becoming a power couple. Glorious.

And here she was, ruining all of that. Because he was with her instead. Her. Stupid stupid her. If only…if only her heart wasn't such a stupid, stubborn, pathetic little thing.

"It…it taste great Soma – kun."

"Really? Awesome!"

"...Yeah..."

Note: Well, this was short. But, think I liked how I ended it.

Anyway, I have always been fascinated with the difference in dynamics between Megumi and Soma and Soma and Erina. I'm sure it would change as the manga progresses, Erina makes friends and deepens her feelings for Soma and all that (it's pretty obvious isn't it?), but well what can you do?

I wasn't sure how I was going to tackle this whole insecure Megumi without making her sound like a pathetic brat who whined about stupid stuff. Uh…did I succeed or what? Anyway, please read and review.

Thanks a bunch! Troublesome-monkey-dono signing out.