Note:

Well hello readers, Troublesome-monkey-dono signing in.

I'm in the midst of finishing my last grueling semester in med school and I have to tell you, I really don't understand why I have this itching need to keep writing fanfiction when I should be studying for my exams. So, because I really really do need to study, I am pushing through this chapter so I can get that itch out of my system. I'm truly sorry if it does come out as rushed though. Anyway, please enjoy.

Chapter 5: Stand Still

Soma is as unexperienced dealing with the opposite gender as he was experienced cooking Japanese cuisine. Naturally, it frustrates him greatly to know such an obvious fact about him. Perhaps even more comical, at least to the outsider's point-of-view, was how genuinely concerned he was of that fact. The thought is irritating, like a sharp thorn on his side. Try as he might, he never seems to be nimble enough to remove it. It was as if he was doomed to be as clumsy and idiotically inept when interacting with females.

Perhaps it is his own upbringing as he grew up with only a father figure. He vaguely remembers particularly interacting with his mother. She was a warm, sensitive, and rather heart breaking figure in Soma's life but he can't recall a time where learned something from her that would eventually help him socialize with a girl. It wasn't like he could break down sobbing in the hope that said girl would gather him in her arms like his mother use to. Yes, that was it. His father never seemed interested in remarrying after his mother's departure, therefore it only made sense that he was every bit a loser in communication as he was when dueling with his father.

But, all that aside, it didn't help his current situation. Somehow, god knows how, but somehow he managed to get himself a girlfriend. And this wasn't just the confounded definition of a friend that was simply a girl. He had somehow managed to create an intimate relationship with a girl. And frankly, he feels like he should have given himself a well-deserved pat in the back for his sheer dumb luck. Megumi Tadokoro was a very cute girl. She was mild – mannered, unassuming and terribly naïve. She carried herself with little grace, little self-confidence, and a myriad of nervous energy that was overshadowed by the monstrosity that was Totsuki Academy. And yet, in her, he finds the same genuine love, firm strength, and immovable stubbornness he remembers best about his mother. In her, he finds the love that he's missed for so long.

If only he wasn't such a terrible boyfriend.

He didn't even realize he was doing something wrong until Isshiki-senpai had pulled him aside one day, wearing one of his mischievous smirks before smacking him in the back of the head as hard as he could.

"Ow! What the hell Isshiki-senpai!"

"I was just cooking with Megumi-chan today…," he emotes on so unassumingly that it irks Soma even more. Rubbing the back of his head he glares at the current seventh seat as he pouts.

"Yeah? So?"

Undeterred, Satoshi carries on, smiling away despite the sudden fierce aloofness that was forcing its way into his face. These are the times when Soma manages to catch the bit of mystery that surrounds Isshiki-senpai. Satoshi Isshiki was a truly curious man who harbors more than just his fair share of skeletons hidden in his closet. He was every bit as charmingly handsome as he could be cruel and deceitful. However, in the Polar Star Dormitory, this cunning and often cold side of their senpai was brilliantly swept aside by his more flamboyant, nude half who spent the majority of the time acting like demented mother hen. So this side of Isshiki was almost refreshing, despite the shocked fear he was feeling at watching his senpai's face grow further still and almost mask like.

Like a cat, he suddenly finds Isshiki pouncing on him, rough hands grabbing hold of his shoulders and hauling him into the kitchen like a sack of potatoes. It's surprising how strong the guy was, Soma muses as he lets himself be man handled into the kitchen chair like a child. "You know Soma," Isshiki begins as he drags a stool to sit right in front of him. He plops himself down like a tired adult, crossing his legs and arms together in the process. "I'm very proud of what we have accomplished in this dorm."

Feeling more and more like the lectured child, Soma merely cocks his head in response. "Uh…okay?"

"And I like to think that I have contributed a major share in making sure my beautiful little kohais were happy and safe," he carries on, almost dramatically as he clasps his hands together and brings his chin to rest on top like he was copying old interrogation techniques from some emoted man playing 'bad cop.'

"Uh…huh…"

"But today I found that our adorable little Tadokoro-kun was feeling more than under the weather," he finally finishes. This catches Soma's attention rather quickly and he finds himself bolting up in reaction. A myriad of thoughts race through his head as the spike of adrenaline and worry rush through him. Is she okay? Is she sick? Did something bad happen to her?

He doesn't say another word as he rushes past Isshiki as a bundle of tense nerves. He can't help it. Often, Megumi was a relatively quiet girl who people tend to forget. It wasn't that she was a wallflower per say but in a rigorously challenging school like Totsuki, the weak often were pushed aside. People did not have time for the frivolities of actually caring about those who they thought were beneath them. Unless of course, they feel the need to inflate their bloated egos by crushing the will of others. Maybe that was it. Some asshole said something to her that made her upset. Clenching his fists, he wills himself to stay calm as his mind races to pinpoint where his girlfriend may be.

But it seems Isshiki senpai had other plans when his own cold voice cuts through his furies like a whip. "And it seems like it was because of something you did."

The statement was like whiplash against his throat. His nerves constrict and he swallows hard, trying vainly to lubricate the sudden itchy dryness of his closing esophagus. The small ball of dread, that one that he's been trying to swat away since he started this entire debacle, grew immensely in size in the pit of his stomach. He suddenly feels nauseous. He can't help it. Normally, nothing fazes him. He has faced obstacle upon obstacle with a delirious sense of motivation that the normal person could only wonder how he kept his cool at such a rigorous task. But this was not a cooking competition. This wasn't some sort of duel that he ever entered before. This was a relationship; something he had no idea how to deal with correctly.

People say that people learn as they go through the relationship together, but honestly, Soma sometimes thinks it is utter bullshit. Cooking is learned through recipes bound in some internal book in your mind and cultivated by experience. As was most things in life. Relationships should be the same but somehow it's not. Apparently, relationships are messy and unpredictable. It doesn't have some manual of techniques and guides like cooking does. And that frustrates Soma greatly.

He admits it. He's more than a little frightened at the prospect of earning this experience with a girl like Tadokoro. It's not because he doesn't like her enough. It's because he likes her far too much. This new inexperienced side of him could just as easily destroy their relationship without him even knowing it. And it seems like he's already done something to ruin it before he could grasp how his approach would be. Hell, he wasn't even sure if there was an approach.

"What?" he asked dumbly as he turns back to his senpai. Isshiki is cocking his head for a moment, eyes narrowing as he mutely stares back at him. Soma could almost see the internal gears working in the man's mind before the sudden pleasant grin he was use to plastered its way on his face once more. Seriously, what now?

He almost flinched at the sudden bipolar shift of attitude Isshiki - senpai draws out of as he pulls himself from his seat, arms waving enthusiastically as if he was weaving cloth. "Ah! Soma-kun! You have so much to learn!" he says it in such an amused way Soma steps a further step back just to dodge his excited flapping, " Come my handsome little protégé! Come! Papa will teach you his ways! You have so much to learn on the ways of women!"

And without further ado, he pulls Soma down the hallway with such excited panic Soma couldn't even catch his breath. He was a what? He's learning what? He couldn't even begin to open his mouth to ask another question before Satoshi shoved him into an empty room with an eerie smile on his face.

"It's time for your first lesson!"

"Wait! What?!"

Sullen was a word that Ryoko would use to describe Megumi Tadokoro at the moment. The next adjectives to follow probably might be dejected and shiftless. In a way, she's never seen Megumi so morose before and she has seen her fair share of the girl practically wallowing in her sea of insecurities. Still, there was just something in the way Megumi sat in her little kitchen chair, knees bought up to her chin, staring at her precious red academic charm as she buried her face away. In fact, she hasn't seen the girl budge in over an hour.

Normally, Yuki and she would have already dragged the poor girl out of her seat, stuffed her full of sweets, and generally distract her from her worries. This time, however, the two resolved to allow Yukihira Soma to come to the metaphorical rescue. It was, as they deduced, a lover's quarrel of sorts. Still, Yuki and she couldn't bear to leave their girl in her sorrows so they resolved to simply sit by her until the bumbling idiot came in.

"Megumi-chaaaannn," Yuki whined beside her, "tell us what's wrong! You can't expect us to help if you don't tell us what's bothering you!" She pressed herself close to the girl, letting Megumi pick up her head so she could squish her own cheek against hers. She bought her into a squeezing embrace and made a pouting sound. "Come on! Tell us what's wrong?"

Then there was a moment, a mere glimpse, where Megumi seemed to come undone. Where the sharp protective barrier she had erected around her crumbled and they could peer at the loathsome unhappiness she was feeling. And just as quickly, that expression was gone as she had collected herself and shielded it all away. So she opens her mouth to express her feelings, only to have the chance stolen away when she realizes that she has no clue what to say. She couldn't state that she was unhappy with her relationship with Soma because that was a downright lie. She couldn't say she somehow fucked up and said something stupid because a part of her, that stupidly nefarious and prideful part of her, would not and could not readily admit of her actions. She did nothing more than present her view as a chef. But still, but still it felt so wrong and so right all at once. It was confusing to her. All of it was.

She almost shrunk under the two girls' frightening gaze as she stammered for an answer she couldn't give them. She couldn't even concentrate on answer. Not when Ryoko's penetrating gaze was making her fidget in her seat. Not when Yuki's overbearing grip was making her catch her breath. She just needed room to think right now. She just needed space. She just needed –

"Megumi."

Soma's clipped voice sliced through their ponderings like a heated rod. The ball of dread shot its way through Megumi's spine, making her tremble in her seat as she turned her head to look at him. She almost fell off when she caught sight of the expression on his face. Often, Soma greeted her with a large goofy grin and twinkling eyes that shone with a sense of determination and fondness. Now, he peered upon her as though he had entered another Shokugeki. There was a silent fierceness on his face as his amber eyes narrowed, almost cat-like in their appearance, as his mouth set firm in a tight line. He didn't look too upset but he wasn't happy either. He crossed the room with a few strides, standing before her and looking down with such a contemplative expression she wasn't sure what to make of it. "Megumi," he repeated again, softer this time.

"Soma-kun?"

He doesn't even pay attention to the other two in the room who choose to step back and just watch them interact. Instead, he makes her hand gently, intertwining their fingers together as he jerks her up and turns her to face him. She said nothing but stared up at him in wonder as he swings around and pulls her towards the open door, into the hallway and passes her own room. She doesn't realize that Soma had directed her into his own room until she hears the door jerk shut as he absentmindedly uses his foot to kick it closed and reaches back to turn to lock without looking away. Not once has he broken eye contact and it scares her far more than it should.

"S…Soma-kun?"

For a split moment, Soma wasn't sure what to do with her. As she stared up at him frightened out of her wits, he cannot help but draw himself back if it meant it would ease her mind just a little. However, this split second is broken when she takes a tentative step towards him, her dainty fingers placing themselves securely on his chest as she curls her hands close as if she meant to fist his shirt closer to her. Her beautiful amber eyes dimmed before reigniting and he found himself entranced with how she tilted her head back to look at him squarely in the eye. She's beautiful.

This is the Tadokoro Megumi that always wanted to see. This was the girl who hid behind her timidly shy and embarrassingly homely exterior. This was the warrior whose fire he had always wanted to see burning bright. This was the Megumi who always seemed to find light in her darkness. He took in all of her, marveling at how her sudden change of personality could be so damn arousing to him. She seemed more alive, more fierce and more at home than he had seen her minutes ago. His pupil's couldn't help but dilate at the sight of her. He greedily drank in the sight of her soft, pink lips, vaguely registering that they were forming words that were simply lost to him.

"Soma-kun!"

Blinking owlishly at her, he couldn't help but mutter and droned groan as he was unwittingly pulled away from his day dreaming. "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" Megumi repeated for the second time as she reached up to cup his left cheek gently. Her face morphed into worry as she took in his confused expression. "You seem out of it. Did something happen?"

There was a sneaking sneer that cut through her mind for a moment which she deftly crushed as she turned her affections towards her beloved. Never mind that she was trying, and almost certainly failing, to mend her shattered heart before it would break into pieces. For now, her attention was on Soma who had uncharacteristically dragged her away with an air of seriousness that was unbecoming to his person. So much so, she was most definitely perturbed when his face suddenly slips back into this strange new persona of him as he places two firm hands on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he says evenly. He is staring at her almost glaringly, jaw clenched, and mouth overturned into a scowl. "I'm sorry for what I did."

Huh? It was certainly her turn to stare at him in confusion. Sorry for what he did? What did he do? Confused, she couldn't help but cock her head to the side and back track to their early dealings. What had he done that would upset him so much? A small part of her immediately went back to that stupid stupid day where they had made a perfectly wonderful dessert and her idiotic blunder near the end. Even then, she couldn't think of anything he had done that would prompt him to apologize to her. If anything, she should have been apologizing to him for ruining a perfectly delicious dish. So then what was he off about?

And it hits her like derailed train a half second later. That small ball of dread, the one that's been lodged deep inside her since they entered this relationship, had split forth and combusted. She suddenly felt weary and so incredibly afraid. She felt ill, so violently ill that she feels the slosh of acid that escapes her stomach and climbs up to her esophagus. She feels herself suddenly perspire as the room begins to swing like pendulum, making her feel dizzy and nauseous all at once. The energy in her legs as sapped away, leaving her shaking and trying vainly to center herself for fear of falling flat on her face.

This was it. This was the dreaded moment. He was breaking up with her. He finally, finally realized that he didn't want this relationship with her and was more than capable of entertaining far greater beings than her measly self. This was it.

Gulping, she couldn't help but gap like a fish as she tried to string her words together. Yet her voice failed her as the stinging hurt came in throbbing droves in her hammering chest. It hurt. Eyes moistened with tears, she tried to push them away and dropped her gaze to stare at the floor. Trembling lips forced themselves into a smile and her quaking voice simply said, "I understand…"

"Really? You do?!" There was a sense of surprise and relief she detected in his voice and she couldn't help but let out a bitter smile of her own. Of course she understood, more than anyone. He was never hers to keep. Perhaps he was there for hers to covet and admire, but certainly at a distance. He was, as she saw it, far beyond her reach. And that was that. The mere truth of it. But of course, it didn't help the hurtful pangs of her broken heart. How regrettable.

Breathing in sharply, she rose to the challenge despite the bile that had risen all the way up her mouth and squared herself to face him once more. As the tears finally ran down her cheeks, she gave him a gentle smile as she stepped away. "I…I understand m-more than anyone S-soma-kun. Don't worry. I…I'll be…I won't bother you. We can stay as f-friends, right?" She had hoped, in the back of her simple mind, that at least she would still have that with him. She had entered this relationship with him knowing fully well that it would end in ruins. But she had hoped, perhaps stupidly, that it wouldn't completely shatter all of her bonds with him.

Please. Please Soma-kun. I couldn't bear it if you stayed away from me like that. I can be your friend. Please.

"Uh what?!"

Then it was like all of her hopes had shattered. Her worst nightmare was coming true right before her eyes. Soma was staring at her with an expression of distain, flabbergasted as it were, as he was trying to recollect himself at her declaration. There was a certain mocking confusion and pure unadulterated anger in his eyes that made her shiver in frustration. She could hear his words now. How dare you think I could stay friends with you after all of this? Erina wouldn't like it at all! She certainly could not fault the woman in question but…

"Friends?" Soma's voice was clipped and soft as he took another step towards her. He was invading her personal space again. Normally, she would turn red in response and fidget as she tried to step away, but her natural sense was gone. Now, the more selfish and vulnerable side of her simply willed her to stay put. Enjoy the sense of closeness you get from him Megumi. You'll never feel his warmth again.

"Who says I want to stay friends with you?"

She couldn't help but flinch at his statement. It stung. It really hurt. He was breaking her heart more than she thought he ever could. Biting her lip, she tried to repress the growing sob that wanted to burst forth. She wanted to scream. Scream and yell at him with all the suppressed anger that she had bottled up. Because….because in the end, she wanted to blame him for her foolishness. Why does he have to be like that? Why does he have the power to sway and mold her so easily!?

"You're my girlfriend Megumi. We're past more than just being friends."

She feels him before his words are registered in her brain. He had snatched her in his arms and pressed himself as humanly possible. His kisses were almost numbing as he littered her face with soft butterfly kisses staring from her forehead down. He only stopped marginally as furious, lighted eyes, half lidded with desire crossed her vision. He had closed it with a heated kiss, tongue and teeth clashing with his intensity. She was being attacked. Attacked with such furious anger and passion she could only hang on for the ride.

His touches were gentle as he coaxed her to relax into him and she hung her arms squarely around his shoulders and hung on for dear life. She didn't want to let him go. It hurt too much. Their kiss ended with a premature pop as he withdrew back quickly, allowing her to catch her breath as he redirected his attention to her tearing eyes. Gently, he wiped away her tears.

"Ah!" She cried out suddenly, when the air was pushed away from her with a gigantic thud. Somehow, she wasn't sure how, but Soma had surrounded himself with her, entwining himself around her like a viper as he managed to turn them around until she was the one pressed against his wooden door for support. He merely used the door as leverage, pressing himself closer and lifting her up until she felt her toes brush the floor. In desperation, she had to encapsulate her legs around him in fear of the sudden height she had again. "S-Soma-k-"

"We're more than friends," he whispers huskily in her ear. He doesn't let her say anymore as he assaults her mouth once more. He can't help it. He was a physical kind of guy. To him, words were merely a garnish people used. It was through action where you get results. It was the same in cooking as it should be in a relationship. At least, that's what he thought.

As he took her in, as though he had been parched of her essence, he couldn't help but crack his eyes open to observe her. She was always responsive to him it seemed, allowing herself to be probed once more by his tongue as her head fell back in pleasure. She was impossibly red, embarrassed and conflicted, but mirrored with a sense of urgent relief. It is then he sees her unbridled fear, her hesitation and her resolution shine through as she tried desperately to repair herself. It was as Isshiki-senpai had said. He had failed her.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out as he wrenched himself away from her and bought his forehead to press against her. They were staring at each other's eyes, his bright ball of concern and frustration and hers a cocoon of insecurities and hurt. "I'm sorry," he says once more in emphasis, "I'm not a very good boyfriend."

"Wh-what? N-no you-"

"I'm not Megumi," he replies easily as he tries again to capture her attention. "I suck at being a boyfriend. I have no idea what I'm doing." He smiled at her weakly as he bought a hand to brush away a stray tear. "I can't figure out that you're unhappy. I have no clue what to do when you are. And really, I think I fucked you up more than I should. I'm sorry."

He tries his best to convey his sincerity because he was more than aware that he was not good with words. He never was. But it seems being in a relationship meant both words and actions, something he was not all too comfortable with. But if it meant seeing her happy and not so forlorn, he would transform himself into a Casanova. If it meant seeing the Tadokoro he had strived to always see bloom before him, he would do it. It may be clumsy at first, but he was the same with cooking a long long time ago.

"I don't understand Soma-kun," she had begun tearfully, "It was my fault…that…you…you shouldn't be with me. I don't deserve you."

And there it was. There was the gauntlet that had been cast into the light. There was the reason, the damn stupid notion, which had blocked him from truly experiencing Megumi to her full potential. He feels the anger before he could even learn to repress it. He had thought, too early it seems, that she had developed a sturdier back bone than this. He had thought that Megumi finally had a deeper understanding of herself. She had certainly exhibited plenty of courage that was admirable. But to hear these words spew out of her perfectly delectable lips was an outrage.

"Never," he hisses as he presses his face even closer. His prickling glare is suddenly too intimidating and he finds her shrinking under him as her hold seems to stiffen and loosen around him all together. Yet, it does nothing more than fuel the anger inside him. "Never say that to me again!" he roars back at her with equal fury. "Don't you dare!"

And almost seemingly, he is robbed of his anger and replaced with sheer unknown sadness. He feels tired and hopeless all at once, an attribute he would have never even allow himself to succumb to if he could help but. But, this situation, those words were damaging to him. He had entered the relationship thinking to himself that he had finally laced an equal partner, one he could grow with and watch with delight. One that he could feel at home and open up to. One that he was sure would grow to challenge him in every level; not just in cooking but life as he knew it.

And god, it was a slap in the face to finally understand that she had entered the relationship feeling that she was always beneath him. It nipped his heart to know that she had always seen himself as sub-par compared to him and that, in the end she was merely a stepping stone towards his dreams. It was his biggest dread when he started this relationship. He had said, feeling confident and smart, that this school and these people were merely stepping stones to his success. And yes, a large part of him agreed to it to a degree. But to think that she had taken it seriously, that she had resolved and internalized in herself to think and act as though she was doomed to be a fleeting memory in his life, that thought stung. It hurt to know that Megumi, who he learned to covet and love, had placed a barrier between them that he had not yet broken. And he feared he would never reach her.

Don't leave me.

It was a small trembling whisper in his head, echoing louder and louder until he felt a migraine erupt. But the drowning fear that was coming to light was suffocating him. He suddenly realized with a start that his relationship with Megumi was almost aimed to fail the moment it had started. He had been too inept to realize it. Megumi had been too weak, perhaps too much in love, to stop it. And he…he failed her.

Perhaps, if he wasn't feeling like he was in a middle of a panic stricken rage, he could have contemplated the meaning of all of this with a rational head. They were a young couple, barely tied together and hardly emotionally intimate. It was almost a given they were to run into problems. But the intense emotion that this situation had bought forth was damning. It solidified the love Soma knew, albeit unexplored and terribly confusing, that he had for the girl he held in his arms. He knew, if he would let this thought, this terrible idea run rampant he was doomed to watch her walk away from him.

No way.

"You're, special to me Megumi," he said gently, soothingly as he gave her a kiss on the tip of her nose. He dared not to utter the words "I love you." Those were too powerful, too vicious and too passionate for him to comprehend. But deep in his heart, he knew this girl was too special to let slip past his fingertips. She was too lovable and beautiful, so courageous and strong to part with. "I think you have it all wrong."

"…wh-what?" she was meek and tired now, sucked off all energy to press matters against him.

"I'm the one that doesn't deserve you."

"What!?"

Soma let out a small smile in return for her astonished expression. He chuckled awkwardly as he placed a chin on top of her head with a long winded sigh. "We're kind of a mess aren't we?"

"I…I don't…I don't…"

"You," he flicks at her nose lightly earning a small whine in response, "you seem to think that I'm better than you to date. And I," he let out a cheeky, bitter laugh, "I think that I'm the lucky sap that somehow landed a girlfriend way out of his league. And now here we are, dancing around each other not knowing what to do."

Had the situation been anymore ironic, Soma thinks he could not have stuck around to watch the developments. He knew a dud mission when he saw one. But this, this was no mission. There was no choice to retract back and follow sequential steps again. There was no choice to scrap the idea entirely. This was his relationship placed in skewers.

"So, Megumi, what do you want to do?"

Note:

Uh…I don't know what I wrote. Had I decided to make this all angsty and cliché? No, not really. But well here's the result. I don't know. Really, to me it was as if the plot had a standstill, but then there was emotional developments. But who knows. I certainly don't.

Anyway, thank you for those who read, reviewed, favorited and followed. These are very motivating and much appreciated.

Troublesome-monkey-dono signing out.