A/N: Woooowwww! It's been over a year since I updated. Holy crap, I suck! Lol. Life has changed for me in a big way. On top of my sister getting married last year, so did I, in November! And my other sister had a beautiful baby girl who keeps the entire family super busy. Anyways, life has become very full of late. Hope you'll forgive me and take this chapter as an apology. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 29:

It was only the day after Christmas and Hotch was already sitting in his office, at his desk. He shook his head as he contemplated the case-file before him. There was no helping it. Strauss had been right to be concerned when she'd phoned him early this morning. The situation in Jacksonville, Florida was escalating. The local PD could definitely use their help. He'd have to call in the team. It was too bad. Hotch had been given the go ahead to give them a full week off for the festive holiday, now he'd have to cut it short.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, not relishing the idea of being the bearer of the not-so-good news. He slid his finger across the screen, ready to produce a mass message to the six other members, when he noticed the phone was still open to a text he'd been in the midst of writing when Strauss had called.

Miss you—

That was all it said.

He read it again, silently adding more to it. Nothing else seemed right. Those two words conveyed precisely how he felt. Truly, it didn't need to say more.

Hotch pressed send.

The text was to Maizy, of course.

Early this morning, while still in bed, he'd mulled over what to write to her, hesitating just long enough for Strauss to intrude on his private thoughts. His tentativeness wasn't from not knowing what to say—at this point, he was ready to shout out his love for the young teacher from the rooftops. It came entirely from his eroding relationship with Reid.

As much as he cared for Maizy, loved her, he knew how his actions were affecting his friend, and that greatly troubled him.

Hotch wasn't exactly sure where he and Reid stood after his impromptu visit to Maizy's on Christmas Eve. What he did know was that when they'd returned to the group after Hotch had given Maizy his gift, Reid had noticed the trinket around her wrist. Not only noticed, but looked downright angry.

Angry on Reid wasn't a look he wore often; it was out of place. It hurt to know that he had put it there. Hotch fully realized he was the worst friend in the world, but he loved her. What else could he do?

Hotch winced to himself as his conscience chose to spit out a few choice words his way in response to that loaded question.

Ok, so he knew exactly what he could do. He could back off and let Maizy and Reid's relationship run its course. That would probably be the right thing to do.

But, after a lifetime of always being the good guy, always doing the exact right thing, he didn't much feel like being the bigger person, or withdrawing.

There was also the possibility that Maizy would choose to stay with Reid. Hotch wasn't an idiot, after all, he knew Reid was considered quite the catch. Did he really want to step back and risk the chance that he'd lose her forever?

He shook his head. No. He wouldn't. And after what happened, he was pretty sure Maizy had deep feelings for him too. Hotch was so sure she was only staying with Reid to spare his feelings. In that case, he wasn't willing to surrender.

Two days.

It had been two days since Christmas Eve. Two days since he'd last seen Maizy or even heard from her. Of course, he shouldn't have expected her to contact him, not after—

He shook his head, trying not to think about where his mind so obviously wanted to go.

Reid put his head into his hands as he continued to sit lifeless at his desk. It didn't matter to him that he was at work the day after Christmas—he'd spent Christmas day alone, holed up in his bedroom, so he sure wasn't missing the jolliness of the season. It only mattered to him that he couldn't take his mind off of the one thing that did matter to him.

And there it was. Everything came back to Maizy.

He loved her; it had always been so plain and simple for him.

Cut and dry.

The end.

But, he'd found out that the same couldn't have been said about Maizy's feelings for him…

8~8~8

Reid followed Maizy up the stairs. Everyone else was gathered in the living room, watching some Christmas movie he'd never seen before, digesting the rich meal they'd just consumed.

The night was winding down. But, for the two of them, it was either just beginning or ending completely. Reid wasn't sure which it was going to be.

One night. It was only one night. Reid had been over at Maizy's for five hours max. It was a testament to how preoccupied his brain was with other things that he didn't actually know how long he'd been there down to the second.

Five hours.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a huge chunk of time and, yet, so much had happened in those five, short hours. Things had changed for him and Maizy… and then changed again.

Between Maizy's heart-wrenching revelation and Hotch's visit, Reid didn't know what to think anymore. Let alone, feel.

After she'd told him about her rape, he'd thought they had hit a turning point in their relationship. Reid had gotten the impression that Maizy had never told anyone, that he'd been the first person she'd trusted to confide in. He'd been devastated by her ordeal, but felt honored that she'd share that part of herself with him and only him. After Aaron's visit, though, he wasn't so sure that was the case.

So, when she'd wordlessly put her hand on his shoulder and indicated they should go upstairs, he'd taken her up on her offer. They needed to talk.

Only Reid didn't feel like talking. He was angry. He felt like a fool. And Maizy, the woman he loved, had made him feel that way. How the heck were they supposed to calmly talk this out when all he felt like doing was screaming?

Reid was practically fuming when they reached the top floor. Maizy opened the door to her bedroom and allowed him to enter first. She shut the door behind them, but remained there a moment, back to him.

He could see the distinct rise and fall of her shoulders, as if she were taking deep breaths, readying herself. She knew this was coming and yet, still put them in this position, still hurt him. He knew then that he'd be hard-pressed to keep his true emotions in check.

Maizy turned to face him, her eyes met his in apology and that was all it took. She could not just apologize her way out of this one. Not this time. She needed to explain. He needed answers!

"Have you told Hotch what you told me tonight?" he bit out sharply.

Reid regretted his words when she recoiled, as if he'd slapped her.

"No… no, of course not," she rushed to say.

Still, anger won out over regret. The fact that he knew something about his own girlfriend that Hotch didn't, pleased him. It was petty, but it was something at least. "Good," he fired back.

Her face flushed suddenly with her own anger. "This isn't a competition—"

"Isn't it?" Reid shouted.

"Spencer…" She shook her head, at a loss and near tears.

She stared at him with wet eyes, looking at him as if he were a complete stranger. Instantly, his fury evaporated and all he wanted to do was hold her and comfort her. All he wanted to do was tell her how much he cared for her. No, not just cared, but loved. Deeply.

And he opened his mouth to do just that.

"Maizy… I… I…" he began, tripping over the newness of the words.

Her eyes widened, taking on an alarmed look. "Don't!" she said, shocking him. "Don't say it."

Reid squinted his eyes at her in confusion. He opened his mouth once, twice, and then blurted it out anyways. "I love you, Maizy!"

And, once again, she looked as if he'd hit her, only he was sure that he was the one that had actually been dealt a blow.

Still shaking, she tried, "I… I…"

It was then he realized the truth of it. She couldn't say it back.

"I love you, Maizy! God, I… I… love you. But it doesn't matter, does it?" he said disgustedly. "Because you care about him! And he loves you too, doesn't he?"

"He's… he never said…" she said bewilderedly.

He shook off her reply; Reid knew the truth of it. "It doesn't matter. You know it, I know it. The question is, what are we going to do? What do you want? Who? Who do you want, Maizy?"

"I don't know, I don't know!" she yelled back.

Maizy turned her back to him, but he could still hear her sobs. They were all he could hear now in the silence of the bedroom.

What the hell was he doing? He was angry, yes. But this wasn't him.

They stood like that for what seemed like forever, the only sound, her muffled sobs as she tried to conceal them.

Reid made a decision. Letting out a harsh sounding breath, he took a step towards Maizy. Tentatively, he touched her shoulder, but she shook him off.

"No… no," she murmured.

Not heeding her words, he stepped around her and pulled her body close to him. She was shaking. God, he was an idiot. "I'm sorry…" he murmured over and over again. "I'm sorry."

She eventually relaxed into his arms and returned his embrace. He hugged her fiercely. How had they let things get to this point? What was he going to do? Because he couldn't keep going, not like this. Something had to change.

As if sensing his decision, Maizy pushed away from him.

He let out a sigh and opened his mouth. For once in his life, he'd just speak. No thinking. No over planning. Just talk.

"I told myself I wouldn't push you. That I would fight for you without pressuring you," he said. Her eyes were sad and regretful, a mirror image of his own, he knew. "But, God, I'm losing, aren't I? And for once in my life I don't have the answers. I don't know what to do."

He looked at her hard then, urging her to help him. To tell him what the solution was. But she didn't seem to have it either.

Reid shook his head. "I… I have to go."

He started for the door, but she reached for him. "Spencer," she pleaded. This time it was his turn to shake off her touch.

"I need some time, Maizy."

Looking unsure, she said, "Ok…" It was clear she had no idea what he meant by that. Honestly, he had no idea either.

He stumbled backwards in his hurry to retreat. To get away from her. Before the sadness in her eyes pulled him back.

"Goodbye, Maizy," he mumbled and was out the door in a flash.

8~8~8

Reid knew he had been right to ask for a break from Maizy. Nevertheless, the fact that he couldn't pick up the phone and call her up whenever he liked made him sick to his stomach, literally.

He took a moment to pop an antacid pill, hoping that it would help. As he tilted his head back, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Hotch on his way back to his office.

It was, of course, all his fault. His so-called friend. Hotch had been the one to introduce the two of them. He'd told Reid that he had no interest in Maizy. He practically encouraged Reid to pursue her. And then what does he do? Backstab him at every turn. Some friend he was. In fact, he was no friend at all.

And you know what? Reid thought to himself. I'm going to tell him just that.

He pushed back his chair and headed straight for the stairs.

Maizy tried to mindlessly watch the scenery pass by outside the train window. But her mind was too preoccupied to allow her what was fast becoming a luxury these days.

Her eyes flitted down to the phone in her hand to re-read the two words that had pulled her out of, what would have been, her second day in bed.

~ Miss you. ~

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. God, she was an idiot, but she missed him too.

She missed both of them.

But there was nothing from Spencer that morning, or yesterday morning for that matter. In fact, there hadn't been a single word from him, not since that night. And why would there be, she mentally scolded herself. After the way they'd left things, did she really expect him to suddenly wake up this morning and declare his undying love to her again. Why would he do that? And, the more pertinent question, did she want him to?

It was the conversation she'd had with her aunt later on that same, fateful night that brought that question to the forefront. As much as she just wanted to watch the frost covered trees zoom by on her way into the city, that conversation replayed itself over and over again inside her head. She kept searching it for clues. For answers hidden away in her own words. She'd yet to come up with anything. Still, that didn't stop her mind from putting it on repeat…

~8~8~8

Maizy had no idea how long she'd been sitting in her room all alone after Spencer had left. All she knew was that when they'd come up together there had been no need to turn on the light because of the light shining in through the uncovered window. Now it was pitch black and she couldn't see an inch in front of her face.

It didn't matter anyways. Nothing mattered anymore. The only thing on her mind was Spencer's last words to her. "Goodbye, Maizy." They replayed themselves over and over again inside her head, tormenting her along with the look of pain in Spencer's eyes. Pain she'd willfully put there.

What was wrong with her? What kind of person was she? Not a good one that was for sure, she concluded.

She let out a harsh sounding sigh.

Looking around her, she realized she needed to move, if only for the sake of doing something to keep her sane. She'd get ready for bed. It was early still. But she had no stomach to go downstairs and answer questions her family would definitely have.

A coward, that was the kind of person she was.

However, she should have known better. Her family had never let her get away with shying away from the hard stuff. And a knock at the door told her they weren't about to start now either.

The light was off; Maizy was tempted to feign sleep. But no, what if it was important?

It didn't matter, the decision was taken away from her when the door popped open and light from the hallway flooded in to momentarily blind her.

"Maizy?" came her aunt's harsh whisper.

No, not her family. Just her aunt, she amended her previous thoughts.

"Oh, good, you're awake!" She flicked on the switch, prolonging Maizy's blindness and came inside. "I need to speak with you."

She sounded urgent. "What is it? Is everything all right?"

Her aunt shook her head. "It's Spencer. He's left. And he looked very upset."

Maizy hung her head sadly. Understatement of the century. He was upset. More than upset. Hurt. She'd hurt him.

"He was upset," she confirmed.

Aunt Amanda came to sit next to her, pulling her hand into her lap, fingering the bracelet. "Does his current mood have anything to do with this?"

"I—" she began but was thoroughly cut off.

"Honey, we all noticed when you returned from your chat with Aaron that you had a shiny new piece of jewelry. You think your young man with the photographic memory didn't?" she asked incredulously.

"No, I mean, yes. I mean, I don't know," she said in frustration. She'd never meant to hide it or flaunt it either. She just had no idea what to do about Aaron's 'special' gift.

"Maizy, are you in love with Aaron?"

She opened her mouth to answer, then shut it quickly when she realized she wasn't exactly sure how she was going to answer that. "I… I don't know," she settled on saying.

Aunt Amanda's eyes bored into hers. They seemed to be saying, 'Stop lying to yourself dear.' Maizy had to look away from discomfort.

"I've never seen a man so completely smitten, so in love with a woman, in my life Maizy. Well, save for your Uncle Chris, of course. Why aren't you with Aaron, sweetheart?"

"Because, I… I don't know," she said lamely. There were reasons, but as she listed them in her head they all seemed trivial. Easy to overcome. Save for one. "I'm with Spencer."

But it was becoming increasingly clear to her that she couldn't use Spencer as an excuse anymore. She cared for him too much, maybe even loved him, to chalk up their relationship to an excuse as to why she wasn't with Aaron.

"Do you love Spencer?"

"I don't know…"

"Honey," her aunt said chidingly, "it seems 'I don't know' is your phrase of the day. You can't keep this up. You need to choose before one, or both of them, takes the decision straight out of your hands."

"I know that. I never… I never meant to do this to either of them. Honestly." She shook her head with regret.

Her aunt put her arm around Maizy's shoulders. "Nevertheless, just because you never meant to doesn't mean we bury our head in the sand. It's time to deal with this situation, sweetheart."

"I know, God, do I know," Maizy murmured.

~8~8~8

Maizy opened her eyes, coming out of the memory. She still didn't know exactly what she was doing. All she knew was that she would fix this. One way or another.

Reid knocked on Hotch's closed door and waited. He knew that Hotch was probably doing some last minute prep and coordinating before their flight to Jacksonville, but Reid felt this couldn't wait any longer.

"Come in," Reid heard Hotch's distracted reply.

Stepping inside, he found Hotch shuffling through some papers on his desk, looking just as he sounded.

Reid cleared his throat; this would require the Unit Chief's full attention.

It took Hotch a moment to finally glance up from what he was doing. And when he did so, Reid was surprised to see the widening of Hotch's eyes and the look of apprehension to go along with it.

It killed Reid that they were here at this point of awkwardness. Hotch was his boss, yes, but, for a long time he'd been more than that. He was a friend to Reid. The older brother he never had. Except, he was pretty sure brother's didn't stab you in the back the way Hotch seemed to be doing of late.

With that thought, Reid hardened himself to what he was about to do.

"Reid?" Hotch questioned carefully.

"Here." He thrust the sheaf of papers he'd been carrying towards him.

Reid watched on as Hotch skimmed over the top sheet and then, with a look of incredulity, he flipped to the next one. Flipping to the third sheet in the stack, Hotch dropped the whole pile on top of his desk and looked up at Reid. "Resumes?"

Reid nodded. "Effective immediately, I can no longer function in the role of Jack's tutor—"

"What?"

He continued as if Hotch hadn't interrupted. "I've taken the liberty of finding my replacement. All twenty are suitable candidates. However, I created a shortlist of the top five—the top five resumes there—that I think would benefit Jack most."

Hotch looked at a complete loss. "What are you talking about?"

Reid inhaled a deep breath, ready to repeat his prepared speech. "Effective immedi—"

"Reid, stop!" Hotch exclaimed. "Why?"

He sighed, looking down at the ground. "We're friends, right?"

"Of course," he answered softly.

Reid grimaced, still staring down at the floor. "That's what I believed, too. Before joining the BAU, I hadn't had much occasion to experience true friendship. Morgan, JJ, the rest of the team… truthfully they're the best friends I've ever had. Hotch, you were too."

His former friend stood up and reached out a hand between them. "Reid, I—"

"No, don't, please. There's nothing you can say to me right now that would make this situation go away. The fact of the matter is I just don't believe a friend would act the way you have."

Hotch recoiled as if he'd been slapped in the face. "Reid… I'm sorry."

"I am, too. We can't be friends anymore, Hotch. At least… not right now. I can work with you, but that's it. I still respect you as my unit chief…"

He let the implied '… but not as my friend' be left unsaid, though the look on his former friend's face said he got the message.

"I've got to separate myself from you. And that includes tutoring Jack."

"But he loves you, Spencer. You're more than his tutor. You're his uncle. His friend…"

This was the part that killed him most. "I know. I love him, too, but this is what I feel needs to be done. For me."

"I… I understand."

For a minute, both men stared at each other sadly. Reid so wanted to take back everything he'd just said. However, the turn their relationship had taken was an unhealthy one. There was no way he could call Hotch his friend and have any respect for himself. No, this was for the best.

Maybe someday they'd get back what they had, but not in the conceivable future.

Reid nodded once and left the room.

He headed straight back down the stairs and into the bullpen. He'd left his jacket and bag next to his desk; he would need them before he joined the others for the airport.

As he walked, he couldn't help but notice how heavy his steps still felt. Funny, for some reason he had thought putting things on hold with Maizy and ending things personally with Hotch would make him feel, if not better, than lighter. He didn't think he would feel worse.

"Reid?" Someone said his name being said in concern.

He glanced up to see Alex's worried face.

Morgan came into sight too, taking a stand next to the brunette. He looked just as concerned, but also angry. "Reid, what did you just do?"

He moved past them, avoiding eye contact. "What had to be done," he said cryptically, as he gathered his things.

"What does that mean?" Morgan questioned.

Reid continued to remain tight-lipped.

And that should have been their clue. Everyone had had stories of their interrupted Christmases earlier at the briefing. Everyone except himself and Hotch. They'd both kept to themselves that day.

"Talk to us, man."

"Maizy!" Alex suddenly exclaimed.

"I really don't want to talk about her," he said, wincing at the sound of her name.

"No. Maizy." Alex put her hands to his shoulders and turned him toward the BAU's glass doors.

There, just coming through, was the woman he loved. She stopped mid-entry, noticing her audience.

Maizy gave them a hesitant smile and a timid flutter of her fingers before looking away.

What is she doing here?

Spencer!

Maizy tried to smile. She was sure it came off more as a grimace, though. She tried to wave, but dropped her hand quickly. In the end, she settled for looking away.

What am I doing here?

"Excuse me," someone said from behind her. Oops, she'd stopped abruptly in the doorway, effectively blocking the way.

Maizy mumbled a quick apology and moved inside. This time she stood off to the side so as not to be in the way.

Now, why was she there again? She stared down at the well-travelled carpet, deep in thought. Oh yeah, to fix things.

Nothing's going to get fixed if you continue to stand here like a statue as you try to avoid Spencer's gaze, Maizy!

Talk about awkward. Still she couldn't make her feet move. She had just enough volition to make herself look up. But when she did, she almost wished she hadn't.

Right in front of her was a pretty displeased looking Spencer. "What are you doing here?" he questioned with a tone similar to disdain.

No 'hi'? No 'how are you'? Ok, she deserved that, she reminded herself.

She opened her mouth to answer, but it shut abruptly. She tried again. Still, nothing.

Spencer's brow furrowed at her silence. She was only making things worse, she could tell.

"We're about to leave for a case," he informed her tersely.

"Oh," she managed weakly.

He waited. Elaborate, Maizy!

She could see the moment his patience snapped. And his almost anger with her was about to turn full-blown. "Nothing's changed. I still need time. And space."

"Oh! No, I know!" she spit out abruptly. "I'm here to see Aaron."

That instantaneously took all the fight out of him. "Oh…"

Crap, Maizy! You're supposed to be fixing things; you're only making things worse.

"No, Spencer, it isn't what you think," she quickly assured.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking, for all the world, hopeful.

"Yes." She let out a breath of relief. She would set everything right; he would give her a chance. "Can we maybe talk after? I know you said you needed space, but…"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Sure."

He almost smiled at her. She decided to take it, it was more than she deserved

She was about to make things right. And yet everything still seemed a little off.

That's it for this chapter!

I want to send a big thank you out to everyone who has been reading and patiently waiting for an update. You guys are the best. Hope you're still with me. I know some people are getting frustrated with the triangle-ness of the situation, but trust me there is a method to my madness. And we're about to hit a turning point in this story in say the next two chapters. So yeah, hope you stick with it.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: Ann Reid; Guest #1; imperfection; Mrs . ChipRockefellar; nebula2; Guest#2; lizyeh2000; marcallie; Annber03; noobz40; jmdernier; and Ezeiel.

A bit of good news for me; this story has been nominated for a number of Profiler's Choice Awards this year (of which I am not hosting this year [2016]); best OC Driven, best Hotch/Reid, and best Characterization of Hotch are the three categories. So, a big thank you to whoever nominated this fic. It feels good to be back in the running after taking myself out for the past two years.

If you'd like to know how to vote or to check out the other categories and finalists read on below:

The 2016 Profiler's Choice Awards are on! Calling all CM readers and Authors! Join us for the final round in our annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards; help us choose the best of the best Criminal Minds fanfiction and let your voice be heard. Check out the final ballot and rules at the Profilers choice Awards 2016 Forum. All rules and information can be found there. Voting ends February 28 2017. www . fanfiction topic/197180/159190602/1/Final-Ballot-and-Rules

(take out spaces for link to work)