"Ok I only have 30 minutes." My dad said over the vid-call with a 50/50 ratio of desperation and deviousness. It was 4 in the afternoon and he had intense bags under his half open eyes and the hair on his head and face was uncharacteristically unkempt. It looked as if he wasn't doing the elbow-on-table-with-hand-on-forehead maneuver, He wouldn't be able to keep his head up.
"Listening."
"Your mother had to go help her mother with God-knows what for the next month and a half and I am bursting at the seams!"
"How so?"
"Do you know how hard taking care of two mischievous 12-year-olds with 2 adults one of which is an empath? Being a captain, especially of this ship, and being solely responsible for two kids who don't like rules, is running me into the ground. Just today, I have to meet with their teacher because they started a tribble breeding business and were selling them to people. And some got loose. And I just don't have the time to deal with that kind of stuff!"
"Where did they get the tribbles."
"I have no idea! Listen. I need you to come over here and help take care of them because I can't handle them alone and they've shown me I can't leave them alone!" He paused and breathed. "Besides, they miss you." Well that was guilt inducing. "And you were once once of them so you'd be be a big help." Also guilt inducing.
"Ok, I'll see what I can do. What day do you want me?"
"As soon as possible. Look, I'll pretend it's an assignment so you don't use up any of your leave. As far as your Captain knows, you have a full time short-term assignment on the Enterprise which would look amazing on your resume. And it would be harder for her to not let you go."
"Is that legal?"
"It's an assignment. It's a nannying assignment but it's still an assignment."
"Abuse of power."
"Shut up. So will you help me?"
"Sure."
"Great!"
And so it begins.
They were playing some board game with Data when I walked through the door around 3:30 PM that Friday. It was such an adorable image.
"Alex!" They both squealed, dropping the game and running up to hug me.
"Hey, guys!" I said.
"Ana and Max have been teaching me this old Earth game, Monopoly. I have found it an interesting exercise in probability as well as an intriguing look at socioeconomic structures in 20th Century Earth." Data chimes in.
"I'm joining." I say, sitting down. I'll be the horse. Why not?
Max rolled a 7 and landed on Ana's property.
"Pay up!" She says, tapping the table.
"Once you have their money, you never give it back!" Max smirked.
"And war is good for business. Pay up."
"The Ferengi are a rather… offensive species to us…." Data began.
"Relax, it's a joke." Ana cut him off.
"Yeah, relax." Max joined.
"Guys, that's really not in good taste." I try to bring it back.
"We're taking power away from them with humor!" Ana responds optimistically. "Come on, we're hilarious."
"I know plenty of clean jokes!" Data joins in.
"Like what?" Max asks cynically.
"Why was 6 afraid of 7?"
"Because it couldn't understand it's humor?"
"Because 7-8-9!"
"Guys, come on, that's hilarious!" I say, trying to get them to cooperate.
"What did 0 say to 8?" Data goes in for a second joke. He's having fun with this.
"You need to be on your best behavior while Mom's away?" Ana smirks.
"No, it said, Nice belt!" He responds. "That is, if numbers were sentient beings. Which is a part of the humor."
I am genuinely entertained by this. Wow, I'm becoming a lame adult. But I kind of like it.