You are now Karkat Vantas, and you are tired as fuck. It's 2:00 am, and you are almost done your last essay. Almost. You haven't gotten a full eight of hours of sleep for a long while, you're living on coffee (what else is new) and you just can't seem to put you thoughts together and focus on the issue at hand – the fucking essay.

It's not due tomorrow, but with your current plans you'd like to get it done. Thanksgiving (in America,) draws near –– it's in two days – and you still have plenty of time to do it. But because you are nothing more than a ball of stress, you'd be thinking about this assignment while on your "break". It's really annoying that Thanksgiving occurs at different times between America and Canada – wherever the fuck else too – because it's makes it extremely difficult to make plans.

Now your plan is to get it done tonight and then you leave for Jade's Island tomorrow. Although, you think you should have showed up today, because the majority of the texts you've been getting ask you "when are you going to show up", and it's been throwing off your writing groove – even though your brain was fried before you started.

You're pretty sure Sollux is not there yet, unless Aradia wanted to get there early. Dave's there for sure, and Rose, because Strider keeps texting you on how Rose is using her "hella seer powers" to torment him. John's also there since he told you to just ignore Dave's paranoia because all Rose is doing is trying to do is start a conversation with him. Dave's been stressed lately too, it seems.

You push away any exhaustion with a cup a coffee, sighing contently at how you it eases your brain – or maybe you're so sleep deprived that you've just gone numb on the inside. Either way, you don't entirely care. Well, you should, because all you're doing is ensuring that you do die whenever that happens.

Honestly though, you'd think you'd be dead by now. You now that any day now you're going to get deathly sick, thanks to your mutant DNA. Still, you don't know what's taking so long. You wish it would at least get it over with. However, your death can wait until after Thanksgiving. But after Thanksgiving is Christmas and after Christmas is Valentine's Day. Wow, you're possibly going to die during the holiday war zone. That sucks.

But it's not like it really matters right?

You through yourself onto the couch, glancing at your computer screen, specifically on that blinking line on the word document, and groan. It's amazing that no matter how hard you try to not feel like a piece of shit, you still feel like a piece of shit.

Its days like this you wish you could be back on that bridge. And you hate it – but at the same time you almost want to be given that option again.

Well, The Lion's Gate Bridge is not too far… NO. Like hell are going through a repeat – but it wouldn't be a repeat because Dave's not here to stop you. NO. It doesn't matter whether or not he's here, you can't do that to him.

Congratulations, all the work you've done in the past months to be not so depressed has gone down the drain. You've relapsed.

Just stop thinking. Go to sleep.

You don't stop thinking. You don't go to sleep like you should. Destructive thoughts beat you down like you're a troubled man owing debts to the wrong people.

You clench your eyes shut, begging for it to just stop. Just to give you a second. But your mind's relentless. It's like a thousand whispers in the back of your head, telling you to just give in. You won't. No matter how pathetic you are, you can't.

You can ignore the thoughts.

))))))

You've had it.

Your legs move on their own, you empty gaze stares on the ground as it changes from carpet to sidewalk. Ice cold air nips at your skin, you don't react. Lights in the corners of your eyes cease to pull you from your lost mind.

You don't realize what you're doing until chilled steel bites the palms of your hands, ripping you from whatever empty minded state you were before.

You're outside, on a bridge, in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt in November. How you got this far without even noticing is a fucking wonder, but you can't bring yourself to care.

Don't do it.

You peer over the edge. The water looks cold.

Please, don't fucking do it.

It's a long drop, much higher than the other bridge in Montana.

Stop.

You're not exactly sure how you would die if you jumped. Freeze to death? Drown? Would it be instant?

Oh god, don't.

You take a deep breath in and out.

Please.

You slam the door on your way into your apartment. Ignoring you essay, since you can finish when you get back from Jade's, you take some Advil and go to the sanctuary of your bed.

You wrap yourself in the sheets, and keep your eyes closed. Oh, but if only your mind would shut off when you closed your eyes too.

You can't believe you would actually go that far again. You were right there, you could have jumped. But you didn't, why? Why? There was no one there to stop you. No one would have known until you were long dead.

Right. You're a coward. You felt nothing but fear when you were on that bridge. You remember how it clamped it jaws on your heart so tightly that you felt cold to the bone and made the air around you feel warmer.

You don't want to die. You think you should die, you believe you deserve to die. But there are many reasons why you shouldn't.

1. You've still got a long way to go.

2. You have loved ones who care.

3. You matter.

4. Terezi would kick your ass.

5. You've got time until your mutant DNA punches your clock.

6. You can take the time to do things you never got the chance.

7. You can't give in to lies.

will get easier.

9. Relapse is normal, you'll get better.

10. You owe Dave a date of his lifetime.

A small sob breaks the silence of the room.

A yes. The conflict that occurs before the calm that occurs before the storm. haha

Sorry it's short and for grammar mistakes. Anyway hope you enjoyed this metaphorical knife to the metaphorical chest.