You are now Karkat Vantas, the recently hospitalized dude. You wish you weren't in this place, but nooo your legs just decided to quit. And your lungs decided they'd give you a hard time. Seriously, you can't talk as much as you normally would before you need to catch your breath. No more long rants for you.

It's really annoying because you were just fine a while ago.

-A couple of days ago

Still as Karkat Vantas, you wake up with a head ache, nothing out of the usual. You pull yourself out of bed and head to the washroom. You hear Roxy's snoring from the living room, and roll your eyes. Rose and Kanaya went to the hotel room that Rose was staying in with Roxy and Porrim. Meanwhile, Porrim and Roxy decided to stay here and let the newly engaged couple have some privacy. Since you don't have a spare bed room, you had to pull out a hide-a-bed for Roxy and Porrim to share. Luckily, they didn't mind.

You take some pain killers and finish your morning routine. Once you're dressed and ready for the day, Porrim is awake while Roxy is refusing to get up. She thought it was a good idea to stay up for most of the night with Porrim, who is a troll that is capable of only getting a few hours of sleep – a rainbowdrinker thing you guess. You, on the other hand, were out like a light before nine o'clock. One good thing about being sick like this is that you get a shit tom of sleep. Although, you still feel exhausted during most of the day.

Going through some of your cupboards, you luckily find that there's still a full loaf of bread waiting to be opened. You could go for some toast, but you don't really know what you should do for your guests. You have some eggs so maybe you could make French toast for everybody. Yeah, you should do that.

You find a carton of eggs in the fridge, luckily there's enough left but you'll have to get more some other time. You unfortunately couldn't get everything you had on your grocery list yesterday. You check the pantry for vanilla or cinnamon. You normally don't buy baking ingredients but you do buy cinnamon or vanilla specifically for French toast. You find do cinnamon but no vanilla. It's good enough.

Porrim gives up on trying to wake Roxy up and joins you. You can feel her eyes on you when you're not looking. You know she's just checking for any signs for possibly death on spot, but it's a little uncomfortable.

You should probably see if Kanaya and Rose are going to back. As likely as it is, you've got two people already watching you – well, one at the moment – and you rather not have anymore. They can go back home and do whatever while Porrim and Roxy chill here – you know for a fact they aren't leaving any time soon. Porrim probably promised Signless to stay here, and you have no idea why Roxy would stay but she made it clear she would last night before you passed out.

John texted you about some random shit, and joked about you being a part of the girl's night out. He also shared info about there not being much progress for Dave. He says the doctors think he could wake up at any moment, but they've been saying that for the past week.

You don't think Dave will wake up. And I he does, you'd be too dead to know. Truly a pessimistic thought, but you don't really feel much hope for anything a whole lot anymore.

Roxy finally wakes up and the first thing she says is, "Food?" Sleeping Beauty is a woken by the smell of food not a true loves kiss – the fairytale is a lie. You can't help but laugh a little at that.

Rose and Kanaya show up after noon, both beaming – they must have had a fun night. God, don't think about that. They say that they'll leave in a few a days, so they want to do a lot while they can here. You end up going to the museum, why? Because who doesn't love achieving knowledge every once in a while. No one opposed anyhow.

Before you go to the museum, you stop for some coffee, because fuck you are already tired. Porrim pulls out a bottle of Advil, and makes a remark about how she's prepared and you're forgetful.

The museum is pretty cool on the outside, and hopefully it's the same on the inside. You check out 1930 -1940 exhibit with Roxy, while Rose, Kanaya and Porrim head to the 1950 exhibit. Well, you think Porrim went with them. She might have decided to check out other exhibits.

You admit the history of the planet is much different from the original Alternia and Earth. But some even still remain similar. For example, the World Wars still existed but for much somewhat different reasons. Not a very good thin, but at least the result of the wars weren't as bad as what happened with Earth or Alternia.

You're checking out some artifacts and weapons used during the wars, which looked like a mix of Alternian and Earthen styles, when Roxy speaks, "You feeling okay?"

You just about groan, "Yes, I'm fine." As it is appreciated, you would prefer it if people would stop thinking you'll suddenly just collapse and it'll be the end of it. You don't remember anyone reacting this badly when Kankri or the Signless were going through maturation.

"Okay, if you say so. You just aren't looking so hot right now."

"Well, duh, it's kind of expected."

"So, you constantly scratching your arm to the point where it's starting to bleed are expected?"

"What?" You glance at your arm, and find that you are in fact scratching it and it is in fact bleeding. "Oh, shit." You retract your hand and find that your skin is itching all over; it almost feels like its lightly burning. Is this normal? You hope it is otherwise you might be fucked with something else.

"Yeah, you are so not fine. Seriously, you're eyes are even bloodshot."

"Well, I feel fine. Except now I'm itchy because you pointed it out." You growl back, trying to resist the urge to bloody up your arm any further, or to start scratching your other arm.

"Maybe we should get you back."

"I'm fine."

"That's exactly what Dave said before he ended up collapsing to the floor like a ragdoll." She frowns and the look she gives you makes you feel like you no choice but to concede. "Come on, I'll take you back – Rose and Kanaya and Porrim can stay here. I'll just text them."

You sigh, and follow anyway. So much for not ruining the day.

You get back and watch movies on Netflix with Roxy, after she puts some bandages over your scratches on both arms. You find that on your way back you had been scratching away at the other one unknowingly.

She sure does keep an eye on you, worse than Porrim, and she doesn't even bother to try and hide it. It's like she expects you to stop breathing the second she takes her eyes off you. You guess you can't blame her. But, you still have to wonder why she's so insistent on staying.

You ask her that when a movie ends.

"Because you're a friend." She replies, but you know there is more.

"Is it because of Dave?"

"No." She's lying, but you don't know whether or not it's mostly to you or herself.

Later, the other's come back and they have left over movie theatre popcorn with them. You don't wonder too much about what movie they saw or what they had done, because by then you're already dozing off. You notice a tingling all over, like that burning you held felt has finally withered away.

You excuse yourself, because you find that you feel incredibly heavy all over like your body just wants you to get the fuck to sleep. You know that for a fact you need to save your energy if you want a higher chance of survival, and you can do that by sleeping. Although, there's a knot in your stomach that makes you want to stay awake, which you do your best to ignore.

You find that time seems to be moving quickly, too quickly or maybe you're just slow. You've been staring at the ceiling for what you thought was only for several minutes, waiting for sleep, but when you glance at your alarm clock you find you've lying in bed for a couple of hours. This day went by way too fast as well; you barely remember the majority of it.

Shoving your face into your pillow, you snatch your phone from the bedside table and check for any messages. You've been avoiding looking at it all day since every time you do you get no good news. John sent a few about nothing important and you've got one from Jade asking about Rose and Kanaya – since Roxy pretty much messaged everyone about their engagement. Sollux also sent you several messages, and in them he's mostly teasing you in them and getting pissy about you not replying to anyone. You still don't reply to anyone.

You are sleepy and exhausted, yet you can't fucking sleep. Complete bullshit. You play a few games on your phone until you finally start dozing. It's like a miracle, a gift from the heaven's or some crap. If only you had noticed that weird feeling travelling through your bones.

In the morning, you notice it. It makes you panic and shake. It's difficult to push yourself up, like your arms had been replaced with weights. It's hard to breath, like you're trapped in a confined space and losing air by the second. You try to push yourself out of bed, but your legs feel… they don't feel at all actually. You're legs are there, but it sure feels like they're not.

Staring at them, you sit there in bed trying to control your breathing and wait for them to just start responding. Your legs are just asleep that's why they feel like that, is what you tell yourself. But they won't even budge, there's no tingling or anything. You feel like you're going to cry, but you don't. You refuse to cry other this.

Did Kankri lose the ability to walk? Did the Signless? You don't think so. You're pretty sure this isn't even normal in the least for mutants – regardless of them being trolls or T-humans.

You sit there, feeling like some broken doll waiting to thrown out. You try not to think, or move, or speak. It's pretty easy actually. You just wish you could be thrown off a cliff, or a bridge. Fuck, this isn't good.

Kanaya comes in; you don't really understand what she's saying even though you hear her just fine. Are you in shock? Fuck, you don't know. She asks you something, what did she ask you? You shake your head, right now it seems like a perfect answer for anything she asks you. She looks worried. Maybe you should say something?

"Karkat?" She says, setting her hand on your shoulder.

"I… I can't feel," You don't think you finish that sentence. God, why does everything have to go to shit?

"You can't feel?" She's asking for a more explanation. Can you even give her one without breaking down? You better, because you'll save you tears for something worth crying over. Well, this is worth crying but you'd rather not.

"My legs…" Your voice is just a whisper, but she hears you clearly and her eyes widen.

She nods, "I'll call the hospital." If your legs quitting on you wasn't a sign to get the fuck in a hospital bed, you don't know what is. You sure do hate it.

-Present

The hospital room isn't as bad as you would expect it to be. It's kind of roomy. You're sure it's better than Dave's room. The T.V. on the wall is on some cooking channel and you haven't found the care to complain about it so far.

Kanaya and Rose went out to get some lunch, while Roxy stayed at your apartment. So you're left alone with Porrim. None of them wanted to leave you alone, which doesn't surprise you with how clingy everyone's been acting the past few months. It's not bothersome that they want to be with you, but it is annoying when they make you feel like you can't handle being alone for a few minutes.

Porrim's on her phone at the moment, probably texting Kankri or whoever. Speaking of him, he and the Signless should be showing up pretty soon, maybe a couple of hours in the least. You just hope Kankri will keep is voice to a minimum, and or that either will turn this into some overemotional tear fest. You don't need that right now. You're not dead yet.

Of course, with how you bones ache and muscles tighten, and how difficult it is too breathe, you almost wish you were dead already. It'd be so much more relaxing.

A few burses come in to check how you're doing, and so far there isn't much to worry about.

Kanaya and Rose come back with lunch and coffee. They relieve Porrim of her duty and she heads out to your apartment, since that's apparently where most people will be staying, like Kankri and the Signless. You don't know how long they expect to stay there. Oh well, it's not like you should care. As long as no one goes into your room, then it's fine.

Things are quiet and awkward, you notice. There isn't much talking. It's like all you're doing is just waiting for some news or anything really. Kanaya ends up with a text from the Dolorosa who is also on her way with the Signless and Kankri. She ends up having to leave to meet up with them at the airport. You guess they didn't feel like driving?

So, you're left alone with Rose.

It's fine until she speaks up – you know she's about to call you out on some shit.

"You've been oddly quiet for the past few hours," she remarks.

"So?" God, your voice is horrible sounding.

"Nothing. It's just very unlike you."

"Yeah, well when you wake up and find that your legs aren't working and you're probably going to die, it kind of slaps you in the face so hard that you don't really want to talk a whole lot afterwards."

She sighs, "You know, if you keep thinking you're going to die, it's only going to help that possibility come true."

"It's kind of hard to have a positive outlook on life at this point."

There's a slight pause. "…Do you want to die, Karkat?"

You frown. It's a question that's been bothering you for a long while in this new life. You always feel like you had a sure answer or like you never had a choice. First, you wanted everything to just end, then you didn't care, and you weren't sure but before you could even begin to want to live the option was taken away from you. Well, not necessarily taken away, but not really in your control now.

Rose doesn't let you answer as she continues, "Because it would be unfortunate if you still did. I mean, you'd miss out on a lot. I don't think Kanaya has even considered who would take your place as best man at our wedding. I'm pretty sure John would be upset that you wouldn't be around to help him out with his child – everyone knows he's probably going to freak out when their born. I don't even want to think about what Terezi might be like when you aren't around."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me? Is that what's going on here? Because if that's what is happening, then fuck you. I already feel shitty enough as it is," You snap.

She sighs, "No, that wasn't my intention. Sorry for coming off as a little bigoted."

"…Whatever," you huff.

"My intention was to remind you why you should try to live. You're our friend, and I doubt anyone one of us would want to see you go so soon. But if anything, you should only try to live for yourself. It is your life after all."

That's all she really says before Kanaya comes back with Kankri, Signless, and Dolorosa. Kanaya and Rose leave shortly afterwards even though Kanaya would have preferred to stay, Dolorosa insisted she get some rest and relax. You can't tell she's been pretty stressed. She probably would a stayed if Rose hadn't convinced her.

Kankri is trying to rea reassure you that you'll be fine since both he and Signless have made it through it, but the slight shake in his voice is enough to prove that he isn't even sure. They've never lost the ability to walk like you have, nor have they experienced such intense 'symptoms' as Dolorosa tells you honestly.

Signless doesn't bother to hide any worry, but he also says you'll be fine.

Honestly, you don't really know whether or not you'll be fine. You also can't bring yourself to car to much about. If you die, you die. If you live, you live. Everyone wants you to be fine, and honestly you kind want to die just out of spite. But not really, obviously. You just want to sit and watch it play out, no matter how much it sucks.

You wish you cared a little bit more about yourself.

Jesus, its been forever. Sorry for taking so long. We're almost there.