As he washed and dried his hands, Taymor said,

"Well, everything seems very normal. It will take awhile to get results back from the lab, but I don't anticipate any major issues." He returned to stand in front of Killian. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

"I… not that I can think of, no." Killian glanced over at Emma, who shook her head.

"All right. Well, it was great to meet you both. Keep up the healthy habits and you should be just fine."

He held out his hand, and Killian shook it hesitantly, trying not to think of where that finger had been just moments before. Taymor went over to Emma, who also shook his hand.

"Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure." He headed toward the other door, saying, "Milton or Percy will be in shortly to take care of your bloodwork and vaccinations. Have a good rest of your day."

Killian nodded a polite smile at him as he left. Emma was right. He probably would not enjoy seeing the man in a casual setting.

Emma watched Killian stare at the closed door as he leaned against the exam table. He still looked a little bit shell-shocked.

"Okay there, Pirate?" she asked gently. He seemed to shake himself out of it and pull on his accustomed cockiness. He turned to look at her with a too-bright smile.

"The picture of health, I am. You satisfied, Swan?"

She returned his smile with one of her own. "Almost."

He raised an eyebrow. Then he held out his stump for her, and she got up and went to cuddle against his shoulder.

"I'm glad everything is ok," she murmured.

"Aye." He nuzzled his face against her hair. Then he pulled back just a fraction, teasing tone back in his voice. "You might have warned me, you know."

She shrugged. "I didn't know for sure he was going to do that. Besides, would it really have helped to know ahead of time that it was coming?"

He considered this. "You… may have a point there."

Then it was her turn to tease. "And, well, now you know what to expect next year."

"Next ye… bloody hell."

Emma rubbed a comforting hand up and down his arm, and she could feel him relax again into her embrace. They snuggled for a while, then a knock sounded and a stranger entered the room.

"Good morning," greeted the newcomer. "My name is Percy. Very pleased to make your acquaintance… ah… Killian, is it?"

He spoke with the most supercilious tone and accent that Killian had ever heard, rivaling even the likes of the Admiralty of the Royal Navy. When he looked from the plastic box he carried to Killian's face, Percy tilted his head back to gaze down a massive nose.

"That's right."

"And I'm Emma."

"Pleasure." Percy gathered the vials from the tray by the sink and set them in one of the compartments of his box. The box had a handle on top, and pull-out drawers underneath. It looked quite complicated. Percy set the now-cleared tray back on top of the wheeled cart, and his box on top of the tray. He wheeled the whole set up to Killian's side. "If you would be so kind, sir, as to hop up on the table? I am here to collect a blood sample."

Killian extracted himself from Emma's arms and slid up onto the table.

"Can I sit next to him?" Emma asked. Percy looked down his nose at her as he replied,

"If you wish, madam."

Killian smiled down at her and she climbed up to join him. He curled his left arm around her waist. She leaned her head on his shoulder and put one arm behind his back and one hand on his thigh. Killian watched as Percy selected several vials based on a print-out he had lying next to his box.

"Will you verify your date of birth, please?"

Killian repeated the fake date they'd created, and Percy nodded.

"And you are fasting, correct?"

"Aye."

"Are you one hundred percent sure, Killian?" Emma broke in gently. "You wouldn't want them to have to redo this."

"Aye, love. I give you my word as a reformed scoundrel."

"Excellent." With that, Percy went to wash his hands and pull on some gloves, then returned and opened a plastic package of clear tubing. This he attached to a T-shaped instrument. A needle, Killian realized, with strange plastic pieces protruding from its base.

Percy readied a few more pieces of equipment and then turned to Killian. "Your arm, please."

Killian held up his right arm. Percy wrapped a stretchy cord of some sort around his bicep. He tied no knot, just wrapped one end underneath the other, and because of the cord's nature, it held the same amount of pressure as was intended. Next, Percy tore open another wet cloth and used it to scrub at the crook of Killian's elbow. The substance had a strong smell that made Killian's nostrils flare.

Percy handed Killian a spongy toy. "Squeeze this five times and then hold your fist clenched."

As Killian complied, Percy retrieved the pillow from the end of the table and set it on top of Killian's legs so he could rest his arm on it. Then he began to push on the crook of Killian's elbow with his fingers. He found whatever he was feeling for slightly off-center. He held his finger there as he grabbed the needle from the tray and expertly flicked the cap off one-handed. Killian could appreciate the skill.

"Do keep breathing," Percy instructed. "And try and warn me if you're going to pass out."

"I'll be fine, mate," Killian assured him. "Just get on with it."

Percy shrugged, unoffended. Killian watched the needle bite into his skin, and felt a slight ache in the crook of his arm. Blood flowed into the attached tubing, and he could feel its warmth where it rested on his skin.

Percy held the needle in place while he attached one of the vials to the other end of the tube. It filled in seconds, and he popped it off to replace it with another. Somehow, the flow of blood was contained during the transfer; another marvel of this realm's "technology." Percy inverted the blood-filled vial several times before placing it upright in a specially designed stand. As he replaced the second vial with a third, there was a knock on the door and Milton scurried in with a tray in hand.

"Hiya!" he greeted. "Just dropping these off." He set the tray on the edge of the table. Killian noted five needle-tipped vials resting there.

"Those all for me, mate? You're too kind."

Milton looked sheepish for an instant. Then he turned back to the door, earlobes swinging frantically. "Gotta run!"

Percy calmly switched vials again, completely ignoring the interruption.

"Bloody hell, Swan; your psyche is high-maintenance."

"But worth it?" she asked hopefully. He looked back at Milton's tray and pretended to consider. "What's the matter, Pirate? Afraid of a few needle pokes?"

He moved his arm slightly to indicate his tattoo, which made Percy squawk in protest. "Does it look like I fear needles? Doesn't mean I bloody like it." But then he sighed. "Aye, love. Worth all this and more."

She sat up straighter to kiss his cheek, feeling slightly guilty as she did so. He was right; five shots was a lot all in one day. She had some serious reciprocation to make. Definitely the rest of the day off. Among… other things.

"Touching," Percy remarked stiffly. He pulled the last vial from the tubing and reached for a cotton ball. Placing the cotton over the needle, he smoothly pulled the needle from Killian's arm and dropped it and the tubing into a red plastic box on the tray. "Hold pressure here, if you please."

Killian shifted to try and free up his left arm, wondering briefly how effectively he could hold the cotton ball in place with his stump. But Emma quickly reached up and took over the task. He kissed the top of her head. "Thanks, love."

Percy cleaned up his equipment and stuck labels onto each of Killian's blood samples. Then he opened the invention known as a "Band-Aid" and secured the cotton ball with it. It was adorned with drawings of insects, and Killian rolled his eyes.

"Bloody ants again."

As Percy removed his gloves and washed his hands, another child began screaming down the hall. Killian winced as he murmured,

"I know how you feel, mate."

Percy collected all of his gear and made his dignified way to the door, pausing only to say,

"Good day."

They weren't alone for long. Milton came rushing back in and made straight for the sink. "Sorry, sorry; running a little behind here."

He slipped on gloves before whirling to check his tray. Slapping a hand to his forehead, he muttered,

"I can't believe it. Again with the Band-Aids."

He began frantically digging through the cabinets and drawers near the sink. As he did so, Emma spoke up.

"So… I was thinking… that seems like a lot for one day. Would it be better to spread them out a little bit?"

"Honestly, that's completely up to you. They'll be as effective either way. Option 1, you get them all today, have sore arms for a couple of days, and come back in a month for the boosters. Option 2, you get, say, three today, come back in two weeks for the other two, two weeks later for the first three boosters, and two weeks after that for the second two boosters. Seems like a lot of unnecessary visits and sore arms. But like I said, up to you. Ah ha!"

He triumphantly produced a box of Band-Aids from the very back of one of the drawers. Milton looked at the box, looked at Killian, back to the box, and grimaced.

"Swan, what the hell are 'boosters?'"

"You… have to come in for a second round of shots for some of them. To make them more effective. Sorry." She made a sympathetic face. "Maybe later you can read up on immunity and how vaccines work."

Milton held up a finger. "Actually… you're absolutely right yes, education is always a wise choice. It's just that… all five of these will need a booster in four weeks. Just saying."

Killian made a face; part exasperation, part weariness. "Let's just get this whole bloody business over and done with. Five now, five in four weeks, and never again. Aye?"

Meekly, Milton corrected him. "Well, technically… three of them need an additional booster six months after the first." He saw Killian's unamused expression and hastened to brush aside what he'd said. "But that's ages away, why worry about it? Am I right?" He gave a nervous giggle and then pulled a handful of Band-Aids from the box. He tossed the pile onto the tray, which he brought to set on the cart Percy had conveniently left in place.

"Just out of curiosity," Emma asked. "What are they all?"

Milton rattled off a bunch of letters and words, none of which were familiar to Killian, as he pointed to each vial. "MMR, TDap, Varicella, Polio, and HepA/B."

"Could they not be combined into one?" Killian asked. Milton tore open one of those wet cloths they liked so much and replied,

"A lot of these are already combinations of several. I don't honestly know why they don't make a combination of all of them; maybe they'd be less effective?" He reached up and began scrubbing at Killian's right upper arm. "No allergies, right? Latex, thimerosal, eggs…?"

"No." Eggs?

"Okey-dokey. So. Three in one arm, two in the other… you choose."

"Does it look like I've a bloody preference?"

Milton shrugged, picked up one of the vaccines, and removed the cap from the needle. Emma stroked her hand up and down Killian's back, and he began to regret the outburst. He hadn't meant to be harsh. Milton gripped Killian's upper arm with one hand, and Killian was about to apologize, but then Milton paused.

"You… won't come get me in my sleep for this, will you?"

Equal parts amused and irritated, Killian adopted his Hook persona. "Glad to hear my reputation is still intact."

Milton shifted anxiously, needle still hovering centimeters from Killian's skin. "So… that's a… yes?"

"I might, if you continue to delay!"

Milton gave a nervous titter and then stabbed the needle into Killian's arm. It was small and sharp enough that it barely stung, but the muscle underneath immediately began to ache where the liquid was collecting. Milton removed the needle and set the empty vial on the tray, opening a Band-Aid and applying it over the sore spot. He seemed to be trying to hide the design, and it was too high up on Killian's shoulder for him to see clearly without being obvious about it. As Milton uncapped the next needle, Killian began in an appeasing tone,

"You know, real life can be quite different to those bloody films."

Milton poked the needle several centimeters below the first Band-Aid, replying,

"It's funny you should say that."

"What do you mean?"

As Milton covered the second injection site, he noticed the insect-adorned Band-Aid at the crook of Killian's elbow. "That little thief!" he muttered. Meanwhile, Killian had rotated his arm enough to finally see the new drawings stuck to his skin, and he groaned.

"Bloody Tinkerbell, mate?!"

"That's all I could find!" Milton protested. "You saw me! Percy stole the good ones!" Killian could feel Emma trying desperately to control her giggles.

"But why is this establishment promoting such lies?!"

Wet cloth in hand, Milton moved to Killian's other side. Killian shifted around Emma to give him better access to his left arm.

"The kids like them?" was all Milton could say. He wiped Killian's shoulder liberally.

"That Disney fellow has a lot to answer for," Killian muttered.

Milton rolled the tray closer and selected another vial. "Are you feeling ok so far?"

"Aye. No thanks to these bloody ridiculous bandages."

Milton smiled weakly. Grasping Killian's shoulder, he said,

"Can you try and relax this muscle here?"

Killian loosened his grip on Emma, who was sitting quite still to avoid jostling his arm. He sat in stoic silence for the third injection. Then he sighed, his indignation fading.

"What about your own movie, then? Is it any closer to the truth?"

Milton flicked the cap off the fourth vial. He smiled. "Not bad, I have to say. My own characterization is a little over the top, though."

"I don't know, mate; seems pretty spot-on to me."

The other man jammed the needle in with maybe slightly more force than necessary.

"Wait," Emma broke in. You know who he is?"

"Aye, love," Killian said with a grimace. "Don't you?"

She carefully tilted her head to look up at him. He found he quite enjoyed being the one to understand a reference that she didn't.

"Last one!" Milton announced.

"About time, too."

Emma reached for his hand and squeezed it, and he found he barely felt the last needle stick. Milton quickly slapped a Tinkerbell Band-Aid over the spot and then gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"Ice and heat will work wonders, and I'd take an Advil when you get home. Oh, and I recommend using those muscles, even if they're sore. It helps the inflammation go down sooner." He stepped back and reached into his pocket. "Lollipop?"

Killian saw that the treat being offered was a locust encased in colored, crystallized sugar. On another day, he may have been adventurous enough to try it, but with his empty stomach, it did not appeal. "Think I'll pass."

"It's delicious!" Milton tempted.

"Tell that to Archie, mate."

Milton shrugged, put the candy back in his pocket, and began clearing away his equipment. "My buddy Wilbur will give you information sheets on each of the vaccines you got today. The main thing to watch out for his any swelling of your throat, high fever, changes in your level of consciousness, and/or seizures. Any questions?"

Killian shook his head.

"Well, then, I'll see you in a month."

"Aye. That you will," Killian agreed in resignation.

Milton headed for the door. "On to the next one. See you two lovebirds around. Buh-bye!"
After he'd gone, Emma gently extricated herself and looked into Killian's face. "Still can't place him."

"Give it time, love. You'll get it."

She slid to the floor. "You ready to get out of here?"

"More than." He hopped down next to her and pulled her into another embrace. "Thanks for the cuddles."

"Any time." She wandered over to the chairs and gathered his clothes for him. As she piled them on the exam table, she made a small noise of frustration. "Ugh, why can't I figure it out?"

Killian only grinned secretively, pulling his underwear from the tangle of fabric.

"If I… when I do, want to watch the movie again? To see if we can recognize him in it?"

Gingerly, Killian pulled his underwear into place. Then he grimaced. "You could offer to pay me all the treasure in all the realms, and I still wouldn't willingly see those hands again, in any context."

"Whose hands, Milton's?"

"Bloody Taymor."

"He's in it too?"

"Aye. I'd wager the whole building is." Killian struggled to pull on his jeans with one stiff and sore arm. Emma looked lost in thought.

"Huh. Maybe I will come here for my physical."

Killian's eyebrows went up.

"To the other Taymor, I mean. Sierra, or whatever."

"Savannah," he corrected. Then he smirked. "For an examination of your lady parts?"

Emma swatted his arm. Gently, but it still hurt.

"Careful, Swan. I'm wounded."

She gave the most exaggerated eye roll he'd ever seen from her. "You can't guilt me. I've had my shots. I know what it's like."

Finally finished with fastening his jeans, Killian made a pitiful expression. "Will you help me with these ties? My one good arm is paining me."

She groaned as he turned to give her access. "This is going to be a long day, isn't it?"

She quickly untied him and the gown slipped to the floor. Emma couldn't help another giggle at the pink Tinkerbell Band-Aids littering his upper arms. He groaned.

"Bloody Disney," he muttered. Then the pitiful face was back. He stepped forward, rubbing gingerly at his left shoulder. "I've had a rough morning, love. Do you know what would make me feel better?"

"I can only imagine."

He smirked. "Promise me I can accompany you."

"Where?"

He lifted his eyebrow, and she knew.

"To my physical?"

"Aye, love."

She choked back a laugh at the look in his eyes. But she managed to coach herself into a stern expression. "I came with you for moral support, not to be a pervert."

"What's so perverse about enjoying the sight of my wife's beautiful body? Can you blame me if I 'd like to be there when she shows it off?"

"'Cuz that's exactly the vibe of the doctor's office."

"Are you telling me you didn't enjoy one moment of this morning's exhibition?"

She felt her face flush. This elicited a knowing grin. Rolling her eyes, Emma gave in. "Fine. I'll think about it."

"That's all a man can, in good conscience, ask."

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and then said,

"Finish getting dressed. I'll go make an appointment for your boosters. Meet you up front."

Killian resisted the urge to groan at the thought of coming back to this place. He'd done enough complaining that morning, playful or otherwise. So he simply said,

"Thank you, love."

It took him awhile to strap on his brace and button his shirt. All teasing aside, his arms did feel like he'd spent a night sailing the Jolly solo in a storm. By the time he'd made it to the waiting room, Swan was seated in a chair near the door, studying a stack of papers. She glanced up and grinned as he approached. He returned the smile and opened the door for her. He heard Wilbur call out after them,

"See you later, Captain!"

Killian waved politely. He tried not to notice the heads that turned to stare at him. It was definitely time to go.

Emma stepped into the sunny day with Killian close behind. He held the door until she'd cleared it, her eyes still skimming the vaccine info sheets Wilbur had given her. She didn't notice that Killian had fallen behind until he called,

"Swan! Get us home now, love."

She whirled, instantly concerned that he was having one of the severe side effects listed… only to see him pulling on a latex glove with his teeth. He met her gaze with his most wicked smile.

"I have an idea."

AN: The End! If anyone wants to write a sequel, feel free ;) Thanks to all the brilliant authors I've read in the past few months, and people who posted on tumblr, etc. I know I got a few ideas off of some of you (like the immunity stuff and what Hook was like right after he lost his hand.) I wouldn't know where to find the posts to give proper credit, though. Also thanks to killian-whump on tumblr and those who have posted encouraging things to fellow whumpers. I would have never had the courage to share this story without all of you!