A/N: I know it has been WAY too long since I have updated any story of mine and I don't have a good excuse except that it's been exceptionally difficult for me to focus and actually have inspiration in a while. This story is the one for which I have the most motivation at the moment so I decided to do my best with the next chapter.
I'm so sorry – trust me when I say that I KNOW how it feels to be waiting months – or years – for a story that is NEVER (or rarely) updated. If you're still following this story I don't deserve such devoted fans, but I certainly hope it won't disappoint.
As always,
MofDA
…
Remus, Mary, James, and Lily were all jealous of the fact that Luna and Sirius had their own rooms. "I was really worried when I went into the dorm and all of your things were gone," Mary said as she helped herself to the box of cauldron cakes that Sirius had left sitting on the coffee table in his new common room.
"You just wish that you could live like this," Lily teased her friend.
"Oi! Remus!" Mary called as she tossed her boyfriend a cauldron cake. "What do you reckon? Think we should get married to have our own room?"
Mary had only meant it jokingly but Remus tensed noticeably and said with a very red face, "You know how I feel about that subject, we've talked about it before."
"I wasn't serious, love," she assured him.
"I know, but Mary, it's important that we're on the same page about this. I don't want to ever get married and I certainly can never have any children. Are you sure you're okay with that?"
The others in the room had the tact to break off into their own conversations in an attempt to give the couple some privacy. "Yes, I am. I knew that getting into this relationship."
"But what if that changes in a few years? What if after a while you realize that you can do so much better than me?"
"Oh, darling," Mary took a step toward him but he took a step back. "I am more than happy to be with you in any way I can be. To be honest I haven't given much thought to children and I don't think I really want to spend my life raising a couple of sticky smelly brats. I hope that one day you will change your mind about the marriage bonds, but even if you don't I can live with that. Remus, don't you understand? I love you. More than I love the idea of marriage and definitely more than I love the idea of kids."
"Sometimes I worry that I'm just letting myself live out a fanciful childhood dream. When I turned eleven I didn't even think I would be admitted to Hogwarts. Certainly any other Headmaster would have turned me away. The fact that we met at all is astounding. Now look at me. I have friends, a girlfriend, and I'm on my way to having several Outstanding NEWTs!"
Mary chuckled and pressed her face into his chest before inhaling deeply. "You are one of the most wonderful people I know, Remus John Lupin, and being a werewolf might actually be a good thing for you."
"How?" he inquired desperately.
"It's humbled you," she told him gently. "Merlin's pants! You could have turned out as arrogant as James or Sirius if you hadn't been bitten. But it's made you value your life more as well as the people in it."
"Oi!" James and Sirius chorused.
"She's right you know," Lily murmured. "You two can be right arses."
"'Arse' she calls me," grumbled James. "I think I preferred 'toe rag'."
Everyone gave an appreciative chuckle and the tension in the room lessened. "You two are going to be just fine," Sirius assured them as he clapped a hand on the shoulders of Remus and Mary.
Lily and Luna exchanged a quick dark look that went unnoticed by the others.
….
"He is going to try to recruit you," Luna and Sirius were cuddled up in bed together, dreading that the morning was only a few hours away and they'd barely slept.
"Let him try," Sirius growled as he hugged her tighter.
"You must be tactful, Sirius. If you are in a situation where you know you cannot win, be polite," she warned.
"Polite? To Lord-fucking-Voldemort?" his voice was dangerous but his caresses were gentle as he skimmed his lips up the column of her throat.
"Yes. Polite to Lord-fucking-Voldemort. But only if you must do it to save your life. That's one of the main differences between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor, you know. Slytherin's can lie and hide their emotions but Gryffindors are too proud and honest."
"You sound as if not all Slytherins are bad."
"In the future they're not. One of my best friends, my cousin, married a Slytherin. A Malfoy actually. And she's a half-blood."
Sirius's lips stopped their movements and his eyebrows rose in surprise. "Your cousin marries a descendent of Narcissa?"
"Her grandson," Luna clarified. "And he's very nice. Quiet, handsome, and my cousin Rose has been in love with him since their first year at Hogwarts when she was sorted into Gryffindor and he was sorted into Slytherin. His friends are nice, too, and most of them were Slytherins."
"Did you ever date any of them?" The question was soft and sounded casual but Luna knew that it was a very important question to her husband.
"No, I did not. My only real boyfriend was a Hufflepuff."
"A Hufflepuff?" Sirius scoffed and did his best not to laugh. "I'm sorry, love, but I just can't see it. You're so…feisty. How the hell could a Hufflepuff handle you?"
"Not funny," she grumbled. "He was sweet and gentle and loyal. You know, all of the traditional Hufflepuff traits. He had a passion for magical creatures."
"Did you love him?"
She was silent while thinking about her answer. "I thought I did. But when he asked me to travel around the world with him and I decided not to I realized I never really loved him. I wasn't willing to give up my dreams for him."
"Does that mean you're willing to give up your dreams for me?" Sirius sounded like the idea was distasteful to him.
"No. Meeting you and falling in love with you changed my dreams and goals. I don't want the same things anymore. You swept in and took first place on my priority list. Nobody else has ever done that."
"I feel the same," he assured her. "Should we sleep now?"
"Yes, I think that would be a good idea," she giggled and squirmed around to kiss him firmly on the lips. "Remember what I said, okay? When he tries to recruit you and turn you into a Death Eater, say whatever you have to say to stay alive. Swallow your pride. For me."
"For you? Anything."
…
As the months slipped by Lily Evans was relieved that she'd not received another letter from Petunia. To be honest she wasn't sure if she could handle it. James was still pressuring her to accept money from him but she refused. Thus far it hadn't exactly been difficult as all of her schools supplies had already been paid for before her parents' deaths.
On Hogsmeade weekends she usually allowed James to buy her a bottle of butterbeer but he had always done that. It was when he tried to purchase extra things for her that she would get upset. Every time they passed a shop window and she as much as glanced at the contents, James would exclaim, "Do you like that? Do you want it? I'll get it for you!"
She would have to drag him away by the cuff of his shirt to stop him from buying the entire store for her. Thankfully the pitying looks from classmates had stopped and things were back to normal in that regard. Professors on occasion still offered to give her extra time for her assignments but as usual her assignments were completed well before the due date and they were perfect.
"Are you worried about what you're going to do after graduation?" asked Luna as the four girls sat up in the seventh year girls dormitory. They were having a girls night while the boys were out running with a werewolf.
"Yes. I would just get a place of my own but I won't be able to afford it without a job first. I reckon I'll have to move in with Petunia and Vernon for a while," she said the names with disgust.
"James is going to kidnap you and force you to live in that giant manor of his," Alice argued.
"He can try, but he knows how strongly I feel about him not giving me any handouts."
"You're his girlfriend," said Luna, "they're not considered handouts."
"How would you feel if you were in my position?" Lily countered to her friends.
Luna's eyes flashed as she answered, "I am in the same position, Evans. I was dropped here out of the fucking sky without a single galleon to my name. Do you know who bought the clothes I am wearing, all of my school books, and everything else I own aside from my wand? Professor Dumbledore."
"I…I'm sorry, Luna, I forgot," Lily had the decency to blush as she recalled the circumstances her granddaughter was in.
"I can't forget. I will feel like I owe him forever and I will never be able to pay him back. Every time we go into Hogsmeade either Sirius has to pay for stuff or I have to use money given to me by Dumbledore," she flicked at a gobstone that skittered over to Mary's foot.
"What are your plans then? After graduation I mean," Alice inquired.
"Continue mooching," she groaned. "Sirius has a small fortune. He wants to buy us a house. As soon as I can get a job I will."
"What about Sirius? Does he have anything lined up?" Alice had received a letter the previous day that her application had been accepted into the Ministry trainee program as she wanted to have a profession in Magical Law Enforcement.
"Of course," Luna smiled softly. "Curse breaking for Gringotts. Just training for the first six to eight months. Which is good because I don't know how long I will be here after graduation. Definitely not six or eight months."
"Have you talked to Dumbledore about it lately?" asked Lily with trepidation. Despite their differences, the girls had grown very close.
"No, but McGonagall talked with me yesterday. She said that the device was nearly finished. However the Ministry is making the device so it only works to transport people in time a few hours. Once the device is complete then Professor Dumbledore is going to tinker with one himself and make it powerful enough for me to travel years."
Lily blanched. "That doesn't sound very safe."
"I trust Dumbledore," said Luna firmly, settling the matter.
"Lils," Mary's voice wavered a bit, which was odd for the bold girl, so she had the full attention of her friends now. "Er – you don't want to move in with your sister and you don't want to mooch off of James, so why don't you move in with me? I have a flat that I'll be renting after graduation. You can start helping with rent after you get a job."
Alice and Luna swiveled their heads around to look at Lily who was processing this offer. Lily looked stunned as she blinked several times before launching herself at Mary and chanting, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
….
"I have never had such a strange group of Gryffindors before," commented Professor McGonagall as she strode up and down the front of her classroom. The only other occupants were the seventh year Gryffindors – James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Lily, Luna, Mary, and Alice.
"Is it because of the werewolf?" James asked warily as he jerked a thumb in the direction or Remus. "Or perhaps the mysterious orphan girl?" he made a face as he nodded his head in Luna's direction.
"Nah, mate, it's obviously because of the married couple," Mary pretended to gag as Sirius and Luna exchanged a loving glance.
Professor McGonagall's lips thinned as she pressed on, "As I was saying. I have never had such a strange group of Gryffindors before. And I've never been so proud of the graduating students from my house. It is very rare for all students in the same year in the same house to get along so well and work together so seamlessly. After today all of your lives are going to change. Don't give me that look, Mr. Pettigrew, you are all adults now and it's time to acknowledge that the real world is not like Hogwarts. There are dangers out there and our world gets darker every day. Lord Voldemort will either try to recruit you…or kill you. Stick together and be strong. I'm not telling you this to frighten you or to pressure you into choosing a side; I am saying this because you need to know. I can't let you graduate this afternoon and walk out those doors completely oblivious and naïve."
She paused here to study each of their faces in turn. "Without the castle walls and enchantments to protect you. Without professors lurking in every corridor. Without all of the comforts and security Hogwarts gives you, you are on your own. You must take care of each other."
All eight students turned their heads to see the faces of their friends. When Luna's eyes met Peter's, they narrowed and he frowned; still unsure of what he'd done to immediately offend her.
"Well said, Professor," Remus offered quietly.
"Thank you, Mr. Lupin. Now prove to me that my pride in you is well founded and take your places in the Great Hall. The ceremony will be starting shortly. Oh – and Ms. Evans, Professor Dumbledore will tell you where to sit."
"I can't sit with my friends?" Lily frowned.
"I'm sorry, Evans, but it's customary for you to sit beside Professor Dumbledore before you give your speech. You may join your friends for celebrations after the ceremony has commenced." This was a clear dismissal and slowly eight chairs slid across the floor as they got to their feet.
"I've been dreaming about this day for years but I never expected it to be like this," Luna said with a laugh.
"I know. I can't believe we didn't plan a single thing for today. Not even a dung bomb," Sirius sighed.
"What if I trip walking up to the podium?" Peter mused worriedly.
"Stand back up and take a bow," Sirius suggested as he clapped Peter on the shoulder. It hadn't gone unnoticed by any of the group that Luna had an issue with Peter but it never occurred to any of them that it was something they should be concerned about. Whenever Sirius had given it any thought he'd just assumed that Luna just didn't have the patience and tolerance for someone like Peter. Someone who could barely manage tying his shoelaces by himself. Honestly he couldn't really blame her.
"So. Graduation. Big day, huh?" Lily whispered to Luna. "How much longer…?"
"A few months I reckon. Dumbledore says that the Ministry has completed the device and all of the tests have been successful. He just needs to study and tweak one himself so that I'm capable of returning home. There's – er – also the issue that Time Turners are meant to only go back in time so the spells on it will need to be reversed."
"Blimey. It's a good thing Dumbledore is a genius."
…..
Dear Mum,
I always thought that when I graduated from Hogwarts you'd be here with me. I thought that you would arrive at Hogwarts well before the ceremony and you'd fuss over my hair because I never do anything with it. Then you would smooth my robes and tell me that I looked beautiful and grown up and that you were so proud of me.
I didn't expect to be married before leaving Hogwarts. Hell – I didn't expect to be married before you were even born. I didn't expect to be here and for this to happen. Not in my wildest dreams. Yet I still look forward to having this day again the proper way. With you and Dad and James and Albus and Rose and Hugo and…my family. If the choice was left up to me – stay here or return home – I believe that in the end I'd still choose to come home. But it's not my choice anyway. It's too dangerous for me to stay here.
Professor Dumbledore has made it clear that I must return to the exact time when I left otherwise there will be no future for anyone. The whole world would be stuck in an infinite time loop. At least – that's one theory. And the least scary of the theories we've discussed. There's also the theory of reality unfolding. Of events rewinding. Time happening backwards. It's not natural for someone to live outside of their own time and I accept that. It's an unavoidable part of my future.
Even if it wasn't – even if we knew beyond any shadow of doubt that life would go on and I would just end up being nothing more than one of many missing women who never come home – how could I do that to you? I couldn't. I would never.
I love you and I will come home,
Luna
P.S. Don't tell the boys but I miss you the most!
…
"What the fuck are they doing here?" James's voice was loud enough that Luna heard his angry growl even from several seats down. The students graduating from Hogwarts were seated in the front of the Great Hall by house and then alphabetically by surnames. That put Luna Black in the very first seat, beside the aisle, and just before Sirius Black. Then there was Alice, Remus, Mary, Peter, and James on the far end.
Luna's eyes swiveled until they found the object of James's anger. Vernon and Petunia Dursley were in the audience. Mostly they were families and friends of those who were graduating. A few younger students had stuck around instead of boarding the Hogwarts Express at the end of the term to watch their friends and siblings graduate.
Now that she'd seen her great-aunt and great-uncle, Luna skimmed the crowd for other people she might possibly recognize. Frank Longbottom was there with his smiling mother seated beside him. Both held bouquets of flowers that Luna knew were for Alice. Mr. and Mrs. Potter waved cheerily from the second row when Luna's eyes fell on them. She waved back.
Disappointment spread through her when had scanned the heads of the people three times and determined that Severus Snape was not there. Surprise had caused her to gasp audibly when she noticed that Regulus had stayed to watch his brother graduate. "He's probably here to cast a Jelly Legs Jinx at me when I approach the Headmaster. Keep an eye on him, love," Sirius directed.
"Are your parents…"
"No. They're not here. Just Regulus."
She took his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze just as Lily rose her from place beside Professor Dumbledore and stepped up to the podium to make her speech.
Luna found that she couldn't listen. She honestly didn't care about whatever Lily Evans had to say as a graduation speech. Because she knew that Lily couldn't possibly be allowed to talk about anything real and important. Like how the row of Slytherins directly behind her were all salivating for the chance to murder most of their classmates. Or the fact that within the next few years they'd be facing life and death battles and choices far harder than any Transfiguration multiple-choice exam concocted by McGonagall.
Therefore it was all fluff. This was all for show. Every word that fell from Lily's lips was meaningless – they didn't all have bright futures free of Dark Magic and pain and loss. They didn't all feel sadness at the thought of leaving Hogwarts behind them. Nor did they all feel grateful for their time at school and appreciate of their teacher's guidance. Whatever Lily had to say were things Luna didn't want to hear.
When witches and wizards graduated from Hogwarts they did not receive a diploma or certificate or any type of written acknowledgement for completion of their studies. Instead they received the results from their NEWTs. Because no matter how well or how poorly they performed on those final tests, they were just that – final. It didn't make any difference to Luna as she was the first of her friends to have her name called. She danced up the aisle to Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. Instead of a simple handshake she hugged each of them in turn, kissed Minerva on both cheeks, took the sealed parchment containing her NEWT results and whisked back to her place beside Sirius.
She would be retaking those exams in her own time and any grade she received here would be null and void anyway. Without even noticing what she was doing the papers crumpled in her left hand and applauded the loudest as Sirius shook hands with Professor Dumbledore.
…..
After spending the last two weeks of June living with Charlus and Dorea Sirius moved Luna and himself into a house of their own. Sirius had purchased it without consulting her and Luna had no idea where the house was even located. He Apparated them directly into the sitting room.
"Well at least you didn't decorate the place without me, you git!" she swatted him lightly on the back of his head as she inspected the room. It was completely empty.
"I thought you might like to have a say in what sort of furniture we get, what colour we paint the walls, you know, things that I really don't give a fuck about," he shrugged one shoulder before smirking at her. "Take a tour. I think you'll like it," he opened his arms and gestured at the rest of the house.
That was all the prompting she needed. Her first thought was that it wasn't as large as she'd been imagining – Sirius tended to go over the top with everything and she didn't think that house buying would have been an exception. Yet she loved it. The cozy small spaces already felt comfortable and familiar to her. Her imagination already had ideas of colours she wanted in the kitchen and the shape of the dining table they would have and….her thoughts turned bitter as she remembered this would be the first and last home she would decorate with Sirius.
"Why this house?" she asked in a quiet voice as he joined her in the bedroom that currently had nothing inside except a mattress on the floor and a few candles around it for light.
"Haven't you looked outside?" he quirked a curious eyebrow at her as he reached a hand out behind himself to pull back the curtains.
Her lips parted in a gasp as she leaned out the window to get a better view of a street she recognized. The street she'd grown up on. "We're in Godric's Hollow? WE'RE IN GODRIC'S HOLLOW! Oh, Sirius!"
They tumbled onto the mattress as a result of her careless tackle. "Surprise," his eyes sparked with a mixture of love and lust as he saw just how happy he had made her. Luna dipped her head down to take his lips with her own and was rewarded with a groan from her husband.
"Thank you. I love it. I love you." She kissed from his lips down his jaw and throat to the opening of the buttons on the collar of his cloak. "And I am about to show you exactly how much I love you." To put emphasis on her meaning she skimmed her hand down to rub his growing erection through his trousers.
Unable to form actual words Sirius groaned again and let himself fall back onto the pillows as his brilliant wife threw a leg over his hips and drove every other thought out of his mind.
…
"No," said Sirius sternly as he put his hand over hers.
"Yes," she argued, pulling her hand immediately out of his. "Who do you think I am? Some cowardly snake? I am doing this. If you don't want to, you don't have to, but this is my choice, Sirius."
He groaned, dropping his head into his hands, "It's different," he was pleading to Dumbledore now, who sat staring impassively at the arguing couple before him, "for James, Remus, and Peter. James has to fight, because of Lily. Remus has to fight because of what he has to offer as a werewolf. Peter doesn't have a significant other. For all of them, it's different."
"I understand," said Dumbledore politely, inclining his head, "there are thousands of others like you. Who believe they are safe from Voldemort's wrath. Who believe that if they close their eyes to this war it will simply go away. But you know better, Sirius. You know that this war will only get worse. We need every witch and wizard on our side that we can get. Luna and yourself are both prodigious with magic. I will not lie by saying that it wouldn't make a difference to count the two of you among our ranks."
"You can count me in," said Luna immediately.
Sirius looked like he might be sick, "I'm not a coward," he said firmly, "I have no problems fighting Death Eaters, Albus, you know that. What I have a problem with is Luna fighting them. Or the possibility that they might come after Luna because of me. Nothing has ever scared me more than that thought."
"Sirius," Dumbledore said in a deep commanding voice, "She will not be with us for very much longer anyway."
"What?" Luna's face had gone exceptionally pale. Dumbledore had not spoken to her of time travel in months. As a matter of fact, she very clearly remembered that their last conversation about it included Dumbledore agreeing that it was perhaps destined for her to remain there.
Now, the old man reached a hand up to massage his forehead as if he was beginning to get a migraine. "I didn't know when would be best to tell you, Mrs. Black, but I have completed the device that will succeed in sending you back home."
"But…I don't want to go back home," she said in a confused sort of way.
"You must," said Dumbledore, again using his commanding voice, "I have been unable to think of an acceptable alternative. From everything you have told me of the future, I can only deduce that that is where you belong."
"I belong with Sirius."
"I'm sorry, Lily, so sorry," it had been a long time since she had heard someone call her by her first name. It felt foreign to her now. She wasn't Lily Potter anymore, not to herself, anyway. She was Luna Black.
"When?" she breathed.
"I have a meeting with a few Unspeakables in one month," he turned to Sirius now, "in one month, Mr. Black, your wife will be leaving you behind for her own time. A time in which she will be safe and happy and well cared for. A time in which she has a family, in case she has forgotten," his eyes flashed to Luna who suddenly felt like weeping. As much as she had tried to keep herself from thinking of them, she had often cried because of how much she missed her family and friends.
"I'll go with her."
"You cannot," Dumbledore said at once, "Even by her own testimony, it is obvious that you need to remain here. You have duties and responsibilities in your future that happened in her past. My point was that the two of you would only be in the Order of the Phoenix together for one month. You wouldn't have to worry about your wife surviving years of hiding and battling. Just a month, Sirius. If all goes as planned."
"If," Sirius echoed, saying the word as if he had never heard it before, tasting it, rolling the word around in his mouth and then spitting it out like an expletive, "If! If she returns home in one month's time, Dumbledore, then please, let us have just that one last month of peace. After she is gone I will devote myself to you and the Order and the cause for the rest of my meager existence."
"But Sirius, I want to-" The crazed look he gave her made her cut her sentence short. He looked positively agonized and she faltered for just a moment before continuing. "I will do what I can while I can," she turned back to face Dumbledore, unable to meet Sirius's tortured eyes.
With a sigh of defeat Sirius hung his head, his hair falling over his face as he whispered a resigned, "As will I."