CHAPTER 5

Excalibur - 1 Hour Later

The computer had advised Captain Andris that she could find Admiral Janeway in the mess hall, and that she was alone. The few crew members Andris has passed along the way expressed their relief that she had recovered and their gratitude for getting them out of what had apparently been nicknamed "the Death Roll." She in turn thanked them for keeping things in order while she was out of commission.

Andris found the Admiral sipping what she could only assume would be coffee, from a silver mug in the corner of the small hall.

"Captain, please. Have a seat." Janeway rose and motioned to the replicator. "Can I get you something?"

"I'll take a hot tea, no sugar. Thank you," she replied and sat across from Janeway's place at the table.

Janeway handed the steaming mug to Andris. "That was quite an inspired little maneuver you led us through the other day. If it weren't in flagrant violation of about twenty different safety protocols I might petition Starfleet to name it after you. As it is, the best I can do is request a commendation."

"I appreciate it ma'am, but I really don't think that's necessary," she breathed in her tea.

"All in a day's work, eh?"

Andris shrugged. "Thank you for helping me save Excalibur, Admiral."

"Glad to. But, let's dispense with formalities for now. Call me Kathryn."

Andris raised an eyebrow. Something within her finally started to crack. Maybe it was the pressure of the last few days, or the overwhelming guilt she felt in the Admiral's presence since their conversation a week ago. One thing was certain, there was air to be cleared and now was her chance.

"Ok, Kathryn. Since we're on a first-name basis, I'm going to speak freely."

"Of course."

"You've surprised me."

Kathryn set her mug down. "How so?"

"Well, to be frank, I don't think there are many people who could learn of an indiscretion such as mine and move on as completely as you seem to have done."

Kathryn considered her words. "If being dead….that's a funny phrase isn't it? If being dead has taught me anything, it's that living in the present is much more important than living in the past. I don't intend on losing more time if I can help it." For a fleeting moment Helen saw what she needed in Kathryn's eyes. She was a woman, softer somehow. More than the sum of her uniform and experiences alone. She understood compromise and she understood forgiveness of others. Despite this, Helen couldn't help but wonder if either of them would ever truly forgive themselves.

Kathryn stabbed lightly at the fruit on her plate. "Besides, I've never been much for jealousy," she mused. "Revenge, on the other hand…."

The tension broke like a delicate ornament and Helen chuckled. "So you have been sabotaging my ship."

Kathryn broke into a wide smile. "Clearly."

"Now let me ask you something Helen."

"Shoot."

"How did you and Sam manage to keep your relationship a secret for what…five years?"

"Six actually," Helen smiled. "It wasn't easy, I'll tell you that. We were almost discovered more than a few times. It became….kind of fun in a way. We had a risky little secret. And it helped bind us together in the tough times. We couldn't show we loved each other, and we also couldn't show when we were mad at each other. A delicate balance." She sipped her drink.

"But surely you spent a lot of time together, didn't people start to put two and two together?"

Helen's face betrayed a wry smile. "Oh, you want the big secret."

Janeway leaned in a little closer.

"Well, after about a year, when we knew we were serious..." Helen paused and closed her eyes. "I can't believe I'm telling this to an Admiral."

"Don't make me order you to finish," Kathryn admonished.

Helen smiled. "I had his quarters relocated next to mine. And let's just say, the wall in between them wasn't completely solid."

Janeway broke into a wide grin. "Ingenious!"

"My brother's idea, actually."

Janeway ate another piece of her fruit, shaking her head in mild disbelief over the woman's gall, and apparent success in the face of unique circumstances.

Helen looked out the window at the stars. "Doctor Chen told me that you remained in sickbay while I was….incapacitated."

"Not many other places to be. Your crew had things well in hand," Kathryn casually replied.

"You stayed with me for Chakotay, didn't you?"

"Among other reasons, yes. I just spoke with him. He's very relieved you're okay."

Helen took a sip of her tea. "He's a lucky man, Kathryn."

"Yes indeed. He has some great friends." Kathryn smiled at her and then reached for a PADD. "You should try to get some rest before we arrive. Here is my report and the reports of your senior staff in case you're like me and hate resting."

Helen took it and thanked her. "Any chance you have a layover at Utopia?" she asked, standing up to leave.

"Actually, my transport doesn't depart for Earth until tomorrow."

"Would you join me for dinner? There's someone I'd like you to meet."

"That would be nice, thank you," Kathryn accepted. "Is this person a friend of yours?"

"My brother, actually. Tom. He's an engineer and if you think that shuttle maneuver was fun, you should hear some of his stories. My holographic wall barely scratches the surface of his repertoire."

Kathryn nodded. "I'd like that very much."

Helen continued on her way out the door. A mischievous twinkle appeared in her eye as she looked back to address the Admiral again before leaving. "Actually, Tom served with Chakotay and me for a time. Be sure to ask him about our mission to Antares."

Part III of Helen's story is in the works.

Reviews inspire and are always appreciated.