Fate's Games

(A/N: Third up today.)

Victim Of Fate

He hadn't known… He hadn't known what he'd done until he was washing the blood from his hands and arms. It had become so dark, so black, and then he was here and wondering why the water was red. Then the memory came back and he went white. His mouth opened but no scream came out, and soon it closed. Why should he scream for one who didn't deserve to live? Mommy, do you know what I did with her? Mommy, why won't you answer me? Fine, be that way! I'll find out myself.

ES

Damn it, mother! Why did it have to be this way? Maria was so beautiful. She was perfect in so many ways. Why couldn't she handle the truth? Why couldn't she realize her "family" didn't really love her? She was a murderer, like the rest of us. Paid to kill in the name of Sithis. I really thought we could be together. Make a real family, with real love. But she told me she could never accept your place in my life. So now she's gone. She didn't deserve to live after the horrible things she said about you. I never should have told her, I know. I'm so sorry. It will never happen again, and the others will never find her, don't worry. There's nothing left of her to find.

ES

He broke down sobbing, falling to his knees and holding his head in his hands. Oh the voices, the voices! They were screaming at him, telling him to erase any sign of her. They were screaming and he was looking down at her body, once so beautiful now stained with blood, her eyes wide open. Oh gods, what had he done? What was happening to him? Why the voices, why the death, why the longings? Why, why, why. Mommy, mommy, all for you, all for you! He wanted to wave away the flies converging, but he didn't. He didn't because only a mad man would do such a thing. He wasn't a mad man, he wasn't!

Oh immortals, yes he was. He was completely and utterly insane, and what frightened him more than anything was that he didn't know when he'd become that way. All he knew was that suddenly he was laughing like a maniac and weeping at the same time. She had loved him. She had trusted him. She had seen such pain in him and sympathized and understood… Oh why couldn't she have guessed his heart and mind before he'd told? If she had, it would be him dead here, not her, him. He suddenly stopped the hysterics and looked down at her.

The voices were coming back, screaming at him to ensure no trace of her was ever found. He wanted to fight it, he wanted so badly to fight it… But he couldn't… He couldn't because he wasn't strong enough to; and he was tired, so tired, and he just wanted to give up, to stop fighting so that this… this whatever he was in would end all the sooner. He wasn't Lucien Lachance. Lucien could have fought off the madness. Lucien would have had to with all the guilt upon his head. Not him, though, not him. He wanted to be released, he didn't want this torment, but he knew, even as he was about to topple into madness again, that he never would. Fate was sealed, destiny written, and he… he just couldn't fight it anymore.

ES

Maria, Maria, we could have had a life together once upon a time. This should never have happened and you would still be alive. You would still steal kisses and wrap your arms around me from behind just because you knew it would startle me from my books, from my dreams, from my madness; madness that ended you, madness that will end the Brotherhood, madness that will take all I have come to care for away, and then drag me down to Sithis with them.

And I want to stand up and walk away before I can do anything more to you, but I can't because already the darkness is coming and you're fading away and the only image I can see is my mother watching me and smiling, and I know I will lose. You have not been spared from your wanton lover's madness. Did Sithis and the Night Mother not care enough about you to spare you even that little decency? Of course not; and for that reason and so many more, the Night Mother will die, Sithis will die, everything and everyone will die! And when all is done, so will I. I will watch the world burn and then I will end my own life, as I've longed to do so often before.

I am a victim of fate, my love. I am destiny's plaything. I am nothing but a marionette controlled by some sick and twisted puppeteer. I am doomed, I am finished, and I am destined to be despised and hated for all eternity. I will not escape. I never will no matter how hard I try. Even though you tried so hard to save me, even though the very one I seek to annihilate gave his everything to spare me this fate, I will not escape; though I desperately want to, because Sithis and the Night Mother haven't had their fun yet. Fate's Games haven't played out for me yet.

ES

He entered the sanctuary looking distant, lost, distracted… empty. "Mathieu, where have you been?" Lucien asked.

Mathieu started out of his daze and looked blankly at the man. "Been? Oh, sorry Speaker, I'm… Distracted. I've been… out."

Lucien glared suspiciously at him. "Have you seen Maria?" Lachance asked.

Mathieu was silent a long moment. Finally he answered, "She isn't here?"

"She hasn't come back. She was supposed to return hours ago," Lucien replied.

Mathieu swallowed over a lump in his throat and looked miserably down. Half to himself he muttered, "I pray to Sithis she is all right." And partially it was true. He prayed to Sithis that she had found her comfort, found her relief, and forgotten all her pain. He prayed the deity forgave her for her stupidity and allowed her the respite the unholy vision had deserved. His unholy vision, so beautiful… "I-I need to lie down. I… I don't feel well." Quickly he took his leave, and all the while he felt Lucien's eyes burning into his back, so suspicious, so guarded. Oh draw your blade Lachance, strike me down, for if you don't you will lose everything…

(A/N: There are so many layers to this character that sadly go unheeded because of his crimes, but here I attempt to touch on one.