Pacey tinkered quietly below deck of True Love. He hadn't seen much of Joey the rest of the week. He still picked her up for school in the morning, but she was scheduled to work evening shifts at the marina. While he genuinely enjoyed her company and typically yearned for proximity, he relished the alone time. Pacey always seemed to do his best introspection when his hands were busy, but his mouth was not. Plus he found Joey's presence caused him turmoil lately. When he was near her he felt simultaneously calm and agitated; satisfied, but wanting more; content, but weary. He had never been more convinced that true love did not exist, but for some unexplained reason Joey caused him to question that assumption. And that was dangerous right now.
Pacey set to work matching washers to their fitting bolt. It was a mundane task, but fit the bill for introspection. As he worked he tried to organize his thoughts and feelings – not about Joey, that was a task he was not prepared to tackle – but rather about his ex-girlfriend. Much to his dismay, Joey had been right ... again. Andie did want to get back together. She hadn't come right out and said it yet, but she had been dropping hints all week: she stopped at his locker between classes, asked if he needed her notes for US Government, and started joining him at lunch. She even tried to get him to talk about True Love. Thankfully, he had successfully evaded those conversations. Pacey wasn't ready to trust Andie with such valuable information. After every encounter with this girl whom he had once loved, Pacey found he felt spent. Sometimes doing the right thing was exhausting.
Having completed his task, Pacey looked around for something else to do. Finding nothing readily available, and knowing power tools were not recommended in his current state of introspection, he settled for cleaning. His thoughts went back to Andie. Pacey sensed that allowing himself to go back to her, back to what was comfortable, would be easier than continuing to be alone. After all, he was a teenage boy who was prone to making impulsive and short-sided decisions. If it would only affect him, then maybe he would have reconciled with Andie, but he knew that wasn't the case. Because this teenage boy considered the feelings and well being of others above his own. Andie didn't know it yet, but getting back together with him would hurt her in the long run.
As he wiped down his workspace, Pacey silently vowed to stay out of a relationship. He feared that no matter how over Andie he was, he might never get over being cheated on. To Pacey, that made him a poor candidate for a boyfriend – even more so than his academic failings, lack of future aspirations, dim-witted decisions, or any of the many critical remarks his father had used to describe him over the years that Pacey had since internalized. Pacey knew he wasn't good at much, but he had considered himself a good boyfriend. Now he was forced to question even that. He thought Andie had been fulfilled with their sex life; she seemed satisfied. If so, then why hadn't he been enough?
Pacey knew now, more than ever, that sex changes things. Everyone seemed to assume that because he was a horny teenage boy that sex was no big deal to him, but it wasn't true. When you're in love with the person, sex is a huge deal. He had willingly made himself vulnerable. He exposed his body and heart to Andie trusting that she would treat both with care. She hadn't. Now he pledged that no one would ever get access to both his body and heart again. I mean, sex was great and he wanted more of that, but the broken heart that accompanies it? Not so much. Sex without feelings seemed to be the most he could offer right now. Looking at his newly tidy workspace, Pacey made what seemed to be the only logical solution … he would need to get himself one of those friends-with-benefits situations. Ignoring the fleeting thought that this fell under the category of dim-witted decision, Pacey began considering possible candidates for the position.