Book I: The Birth of the Order

Chapter IV

Nessa's knees started to ache again while she stood. She frowned and found a bench to sit on, pulling down her high socks as she did. Her legs were covered in scars. They crossed back and forth over her skin, the result of extensive magical surgeries. In a way, she was lucky. Had she been born a muggle, she'd be paralyzed for life. As it was the pain and the cover-ups got old fast. She rubbed pain ointment she took from her bag on her legs. Keeping it secret wasn't easy, but who could she tell? Friends she hadn't seen in years? Her sister and father already gave her enough grief. She didn't need any more. Elise's voice came from around the corner. "Nessa?"

"Here!" She quickly put the ointment away and tried to pull her socks back up as Elise came into view. She tried to act as casual as possible, as though she had gone for a walk. "So... um... what did the boys want?"

Elise spotted Nessa fussing over her socks and gave her a strange look, choosing not to comment. "James is going to propose to Lily," Elise told her, first looking around to make sure Lily wasn't skulking about nearby. "It's pretty exciting, I think. I just caught them as they went to find a ring." She took a seat next to Nessa. "Everything alright?"

"Of course. I just needed air."

"Like I said, I'm sorry I didn't mention this to you. I assumed Dumbledore would want to involve you in his little group as well. How was I to know he hadn't mentioned it?"

"Maybe he only likes Gryffindors." She looked up with an arrogant grin. "Beats me why though. You lot are so clueless."

Elise's face brightened at the witty comment and nudged her ministry partner. "But what do you think of it? Do you think we can trust them? Do they know they can trust us?"

"I knew them for a while. Or at least most of them. I'm pretty sure we can trust them. As for what they think of us... good question." She sighed. "I don't pretend I was important to them. And they have every reason not to trust someone outside their circle. We are at war after all and things aren't the way they were in school. Lily though… if she says I can trust them then that is a start."

"Well, as you said, this is War. It may tear us apart, but it also has the potential to bring us all together. It's also about time we had a life outside of work," She nudged her friend playfully, "Lord knows we've been buried in that office for far too long."

"Now that I can agree with," Nessa chuckled. "I mean, for Merlin's sake, that paperwork is easier to get stuck in than the moors. And it is good seeing old friends again. Even if they've got other things on their minds."

Elise nodded in agreement. It was nice to see people from school even if she hadn't known them well. She had been the type of girl who got along with everyone at Hogwarts, but her twin brother was really the one she was closest to. "I don't think I'll ever get around to settling down like Potter and Lily. I like my freedom too much." Elise said aloud, surprising herself. That hadn't even been on her mind.

Nessa blinked. She hadn't been expecting that either. But since the topic was up, might as well discuss it. "To be honest... I wouldn't mind, but there just aren't any takers. I come with a lot of baggage. And my family would much rather me marry some Pureblood prick."

"Oh, believe me, I'm in the same boat. I couldn't imagine what my parents would say if I even looked at a muggle-born twice." Elise gave a mock-shudder and shook her head. "Arranged marriages are a thing of the past, thank gods for that."

"All they care about is being in their good graces," Nessa muttered, clearly referring to other Purebloods at large. "Doesn't matter though, we never will be. All they've ever done is mock us. And mock them for being related to me. If they could disown me, they would."

"My parents were the same way, in all honesty. I haven't spoken to them in years because I'm tired of hearing what a disgrace I am. I will say this though. The war is coming, and I have a feeling many people are going to be seeing what an actual disgrace to our kind is. That's why I'm glad we're going to take a stand." Elise said, her expression darkening.

"Anyway. Shall we help the men or keep Lily busy?"

"I think we're better off keeping Lily busy. I don't want to piss Tabitha off any more than I already have...though I can't for the life of me figure out what her issue is."

"I wouldn't take it personally. Back in school she had a tendency to internalize things."

"You two were close?"

"No. We just both new Lily. I never knew her well enough to have an opinion about her. I'm sure wherever she has wandered to she is working through her issues."

"You're a werewolf?" Tabitha said the words as if it was a spell. She leaned back onto the stone alley wall to support herself.

Remus looked down. "You're an amazing person Tabitha. If I weren't...well because I'm...you deserve the very best Tabs and nothing less." He shuffled his feet a bit in the dirt awkwardly waiting for her to yell at him or something.

"I can't believe it. This is why you said you couldn't be with someone? I didn't tell you how I felt because I thought you weren't interested in relationships and was afraid of looking like an insecure eejit, but it's because you were afraid you weren't allowed to be with someone. Oh Remus." She covered her face. "Why didn't you tell me. Oh I wish you had told me."

"I'm not afraid to be with someone Tabitha. I just know what will happen if I do. I'm not a good man. Tabitha, I'm not even human. How was I supposed to tell you that I'm a monster?"

"Not a good man? Remus... When I was a kid I thought you hung the bloody moon!" Tabitha waved her hand toward the sky then her shoulders dropped in sympathy for the young man in front of her. "You're kind, and gentle and all the things a monster isn't! So don't think this condition of yours makes you one. And don't you try to tell me what I deserve Remus Lupin. I told you I've got my fair share of skeletons in my closet so you deciding who I do and don't deserve is just... Well it's just..." She shut her eyes and let out a deep breath to keep her temper from getting the best of her.

"Tabitha, you don't know me. The real me anyway. You haven't seen what I've become. The nearest you get is to see the after effect." He motioned to the scars on his face. "Your skeletons can't be anything compared to mine Tabs so please don't try to lecture me."

"The real you would never harm anyone."

"Yes, I can. I have no control over it. I could have seriously hurt any of the lads. Not to mention I almost attacked Sn-" He caught himself before revealing the name. "A Slytherin that followed me one night."

"Well... serves them right for being nosey." She smirked trying to lighten the mood but Remus wasn't amused.

"Don't defend it, Tabitha. I'm a monster. I've accepted that."

"You're not a monster." She said it calmly, making Remus shocked by her understanding. "I'm sure the boys tell you that too. Well if so, they are right. They're right, I'm right and you're wrong. So you can say what you want about yourself, but I will never stop believing you are anyone less than… than a wonderful person." They stood awkwardly and Tabitha shifted and forced a chuckle. "Maybe if I had known, I wouldn't have let it stop me from telling you the truth. I just thought I couldn't because you were a lone wolf like you said. So I kept it to myself for the last couple of years of school."

"And that's why you hardly spoke to me last term."

"Aye. It was too hard. Some days I thought I should just tell you, especially when I saw Mary McDonald following you about. But each time you avoided her, it confirmed my suspicions." He opens his mouth but she raises her hand. "Remus please. I've hurt myself enough. I can't hear the general 'I care about you as a friend but done care care' speech. I'll be fine. I've taken the year to travel and get over it and so far it's... somewhat helped. Sorry for this."

Remus just stood there as she spoke to him and didn't say anything. What could he say? Anything else would make it worse. Finally he said in a very small voice. "I never said I didn't care, Tabitha."

"I know," She smiled. "I know you care about all of your friends..." she looked up at him again but this time his face had changed. He looked her in the eye with the same expression she had seen during their most private conversations in school. The ones where they would be totally vulnerable with one another. Tabitha was so caught of guard. Her eyes widened. Was he saying he did care about her?

The two weren't able to say much more as they heard Sirius' booming voice from the street. "You have to ask if I'm the Best Man? I'm not the Best Man by default? I'm offended, Prongs."

James grinned, throwing his arm around his best friends shoulders. "Well, I had to notify you somehow to get your best robes ready" James grinned. "And practice your dancing. You have two left feet, mate" he said teasingly, patting his best friend on the shoulder sympathetically

"Maybe I have two left feet, but at least I don't look like a deer when I dance. You might want to work on that before the wedding, mate."

"You're barking mad, Padfoot."

A laugh from Nessa signaled to the others that she was close behind. "I think you both are daft. It will take an army to teach two clutts like you how to dance properly."

"Is that so, Red?" Sirius said with a smirk only for Nessa to interrupt.

"Go on, Black. Make jokes about my stiff strut in school or how a snail could outrun me. I'll be the last one laughing at the wedding when you fall on your face like an idiot."

He scowled and Tabitha spoke up as she and Remus joined them. "I also wouldn't be putting down someone who has a job if I were you, Black."

"Well, Delaney, you should consider yourself so lucky if you were me. Where did you two come from?"

"We were talking," Remus said flatly without a hint of a further explanation. "Where is Lily?"

"Elise has her hostage in the apothecary store," Nessa said while untangling a red curl from her hair pin.

Peter snorted, "She has her hostage? I wouldn't be caught dead near potions things with Evans. That's like taking a mouse to a cheese factory."

"Or a rat to candy store," Remus said smugly, but only the boys seemed to understand the joke. The grin he received from them appeared to instantly lift his spirits.

Lily and Elise emerged from the store at the mouth of the street and waved to the others. "James!" She walked up to him and glanced at Remus and Tabs. "Did something happen while I was gone?" She looked up at him "Why are you acting so strange? Why is everyone acting strange?"

James smiled back to her and put an arm around her before looking back at Remus and Tabitha. "Strange? Who's acting strange? I haven't noticed any strangeness."

Lily's face looked a bit cross. "Fine. Keep your secrets, Potter." He immediately looked as if he had just gone one step too far into a war zone.

Sirius looked around at everyone trying to find a way to change the subject. "So you all will be at the meeting tonight?"

"I will be," Peter said. "So will Remus and possibly James if Evans doesn't murder him first."

"No no," Lily said. "He will be there just as I will be. Tabitha?"

"Oh," Tabitha seemed a bit caught off guard. "Well, I don't want to just barge back in here."

"It's not barging," Lily said with a soft smile. Her expression revealed that she had missed her friend and although the absence still brought a shadow upon the thought, she was glad to have her back. "Ok," Tabitha said. "I'll stop by. I guess my group won't miss me until after then."

"You're group?" Remus looked down at her and she nodded, still unable to look him in the eye.

"I picked up some muggle companions during my travels. The four of us backpack together. I told them I was taking a day to myself, but didn't give them a set time I would be returning. Only one who would get worried is Glen."

"Who is Glen?" Remus insisted on knowing as his brow furrowed. He didn't get an answer as Sirius spoke up.

"What about you nine-to-fivers? Will the ministry miss you?"

"I will be there," Elise said with a firm nod. "Dumbledore specifically told me about this, so I would like to see my superiors at the ministry argue with an excuse better than a meeting with Dumbledore."

"Starke," James said, "Nobody can know."

"Don't get your glasses twisted, Potter. I'm not going to advertise it everywhere." She crossed her arms and gave him a look suggesting she knew what she was doing.

Remus fell into silence. His head was still spinning. Tabitha had just confessed that she had loved him and he may have revealed his feelings as well. Now they were forced to act as if she had never said a thing. He could still see the hurt in her face, but her tone seemed so rehearsed. It made him wonder all the times she had been hurting when they were students and never known because she had become such a professional at hiding it.

"Alright, gang." James started, "I suggest we apparate there in pairs. That way we don't look suspicious all walking alone but we also don't draw the attention from being a large group."

"Where has the Slytherin wandered off to?" Sirius asked.

"Crimson?" Lily asked with a shrug. "She said she would have to meet us there later.

Sirius nodded and patted Peter on the back. "Well I'll go with Peter. James, I assume you and Evans will go together."

"Ness and I can go together. We both match in our ministry uniforms so it makes sense." Elise said.

Tabitha looked up and down the street. "Was Marley coming back?"

Lily shook her head. "No, she was going to send word to the others who may be interested in helping and arrive at the meeting early. She may already be there. Just go with Remus."

"W-with Remus?"

Remus stepped next to Tabs trying to be as casual as possible. He wished she could have gone with Sirius to save the awkwardness but seeing that those two despised each other, there was a small chance of that. "It won't take long Tabitha. You don't even have to talk or look at me." He whisperd for her to hear. He felt guilty seeing her like this and questioned his choices. He knew what Tabitha needed even if she didn't realize it yet and the truth was... it wasn't him.

Tabitha forced a smile at the group, hiding the ache Remus' words caused her. How could he think so little of himself? "Remus and I will apparate from behind Gringots so we aren't seen. See you in a few." She walked away to lead Remus up the street and behind the bank. "Right," Elise said. "Where should we go to apparate?"

"We could go over to Flourish and Blott's," Sirius said. "Girls you can walk that way with us and go behind Olivanders." Nessa gave a nod of agreement and started walking that direction, Sirius, Peter and Elise following along with her.

James took Lily's hand and smiled to her. "Come on. We can apparate from the base of the street. It's too crowded for people to notice." Lily gave his hand a light squeeze and walked beside him.

Meanwhile, Nessa had become bored of the silence during the walk and spoken up. "So, you're the only one I have yet to catch up with, Sirius. Where have you been since school? Still not tying yourself down?"

"Of course not." His smirk faltered for a second, and he couldn't help think that in this day and time, it was advisable not to get tied down. "I haven't really had a need to work or anything, so there's nothing really worth mentioning." It wasn't exactly a lie, as he wasn't about to start talking about all the controversy that had happened with his family in the past year to a girl he hardly knew.

Elise trudged along next to Sirius, her mind elsewhere as the three made their way towards the bookstore. Therefore she barely made it out of the way in time as someone went barreling past her. She spun around to give the person a rather rude gesture, "Oi-" but she was stopped as Sirius grabbed her arm and yanked her back to hide in the doorway of Madam Malkins. He clapped a hand over a mouth just as she began to protest and he held a finger to his lips, instructing her to stay quiet. Elise squirmed a bit but the look on his face made her realize he must have good reason. After a moment he let her go and peeked around the corner, pointing out the man who had rudely almost run Elise down. "Fenrir Greyback," Elise said quietly when she saw the tall man. "I heard he was working for you-know-who now. What's he doing in Diagon Alley?"

"This is technically a public place, Elise," Nessa said in whisper. "Just the same though... let's keep moving."

Sirius nodded. "Pete, lead the way. I'll keep an eye out. I know he has every right to be here, but his intentions may be more than shopping. Did he see you Starke?" She shook her head, "I don't know."

"He did," Peter squeaked. "He looked like he bumped her on purpose."

"Then he was trying to pick a fight," Sirius said it sternly.

Nessa gave him a strict look. "Good thing he didn't get it then." They hurried to the safety of the darkness behind the building but Sirius stopped, scanning the streets.

"Right. This way." He walked behind Peter and Nessa but stopped and looked back at Elise who looked slightly shaken. "Starke?" She looked up to see him stretch out a hand.

"Sorry," she said with a smile and took his hand. He lead her to the back and all four of them vanished.

Remus and Tabitha had safely found a place out of sight to take their leave. Tabitha spun around and held out her hand. "Come on then."

Remus kept his hands in his pockets and looked at her. "Who is Glen?"

"What?"

"Glen. You said he will be worried about you." Tabitha sighed and let her hand drop. "He's my best friend."

"I thought Lily was your best friend."

"I met him on my first week of traveling in Germany. He heard my Irish accent while I was asking for directions. He's from Cork, Ireland. A muggle. A nice guy. We got along so we decided to backpack together."

"Just you two?"

"No, we picked up two more. An American girl we met a month later and we just had a bloke from Norway join a few weeks ago."

Remus nodded and looked around the alley as he thought to himself.

"Remus why do you care so much about this?"

"I don't."

She smirked and said, "You're not the only person who can see right through people, Lupin."

He looked at her and grinned. "Right, I forgot. I just want you to be happy."

"… Happiness isn't that easy to find, I'm afraid." She crossed her arms and they both stood awkwardly apart. "I shouldn't have told you, Remus."

"It's my fault. I dragged it out of you."

"Are we going to be alright?"

"Of course, Tabitha."

"Still friends?" She held out her hand and smiled. Still friends. Still nothing more than friends. That thought ran through her mind like a harsh whisper but she didn't let the smile on her face falter.

Remus took her hand and nodded. "Always." The two then apparated to Hogsmede.

Down the street, Lily and James were slowly walking hand-in-hand. "James, we are going to get there last at this pace."

"Spoken like a true headgirl. You always have to be on time."

"No, I just think you are lingering on purpose. What was it you and the boys were doing?"

"Are you always going to be this nosy?"

"Only if you decide to keep me around. Have I scared you into leaving yet?"

"Not yet, Evans."

"Hmm. Then I must not be trying hard enough." She smirked at him and he wrapped an arm around her. They made it to the base of the street and looked back.

"Galleon for your thoughts," James said as they looked at the busy shoppers.

"Everything is going to be different next time we are here," she responded solemnly.

"It is," James said as he looked at her. "But I'll still be here."

"You better be. I can't stand wearing black."

"I mean it, Lily. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be fighting right by your side." Lily looked back to James with a grin and her eyes met his as he continued. "Besides, who says everything is about to change for the worst?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see." With that, he took her hand and they apparated to Hogsmede where they would have the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix.

The Adventure Continues Next As James Pops the Question and Both Sides Meet for the First Time

OK, we are about to pick up the pace. First fight scene is coming up. Lily/Snape confrontation in the near future. There also may be a tipsy Remus involved.