CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
NAGATO'S LIST (PART ONE)
"Since you guys took the bell test instead of completing your 'mission' like planned, you're going to be completing it today," Kakashi droned. He picked Pakkun up off of the ground and held him around the stomach under his front legs. "You will have four hours to catch him. Use any means necessary. Be creative. Begin!" With that he set the pug down. Pakkun shot a smirk at the 'Genin team' and raced off into the woods.
Two hours later, they had regrouped back in the clearing. Half of their allotted time had passed, and they had only caught glimpses of the little brown dog. They tried going at it separately and as a whole, but the little dog outsmarted them each time. Jade had chased the little dog and fell into the lake, and was soaked to the bone. Ren was led through a maze of trees and had come across an enraged bee colony. Pakkun had tripped Kim twice, the first time into more cacti and the second into a mud pit.
They needed a new plan and fast. The only visible part of Kim through the mud was her eyes and her hair was caked onto her head. Jade was dripping wet and shivering. Ren had bee stings covering most of his body, and was grateful to the fact that he was not allergic.
It was like a light bulb went off inside of Ren's and Jade's heads. The two gave each other wicked smiles, and looked down at Kim, who was trying to take out the little spikes from her arms. Ren grabbed her by the waist and threw her over his shoulder, then he, with Jade trailing behind, ran inside the loft. The others could only watch in confusion.
Thirty minutes later they returned outside. Kim was clean and her hair was dripping wet. Ren was holding a container in his hands. As soon as they reached the clearing Jade forced Kim to lie down on the ground, and spread her hair out behind her. Jade then took the container, opened it, and then placed it on the ground next to Kim's hair. Kim had her arms crossed and was frowning. Once it was opened the scent of bacon reached the others' noses. Ren then took off his shirt and used it to fan out the scents.
Deep in the woods, a delicious mouthwatering scent had reached the super sensitive nose of certain Nin-dog. Pakkun sniffed the air. It smelt of his two favorite scents, Kim's cherry scented shampoo and crispy bacon. He followed his nose and was led back to the clearing. There he saw Kim lying on the ground with her hair spread out and a bowl full of bacon next to her. He was a weak dog, and ran full speed to his prize. He snuggled in her hair and started to munch on the crispy pieces of bacon.
Kakashi face palmed, expecting much more from his ninken. Kim's face contorted in slight pain as the pug pulled her hair. The others broke out into laughter at it all. The Hatake walked over to where his summon was and pick him up, the he offered a hand to Kim and pulled her up to her feet.
"What happened to 'I'm not going to let them get me,' ne Pakkun," Kakashi asked rhetorically.
After all the craziness of the early morning, everyone had gathered in the living room. Naruto flipped through the tv channels and somehow ended up stopping on one of the many Christmas movies that they were giving, which happened to be Four Christmases.
"We really should put up decorations," Jade muttered, remembering the bare state of the shop and loft, not once taking her eyes away from the movie. Hazel eyes glittered, taking in the fully decorated houses and Christmas trees.
"Yeah Dad, when are we going Christmas shopping," Kim asked, putting her hair up into a messy bun, in hopes of getting Pakkun to stay away. It took three washes to get rid of all the excess beacon grease the pug had dripped into her hair.
"I don't know, whenever," the questioned man replied, not once looking up from his tablet's screen. "You're gonna need to get new lights, most of them blew during the power outage last year. The rest of the stuff should be in the front closet."
"Can we go right now," Naruto shouted with excitement gleaming in his eyes as he bounced up and down in his seat. Sasuke was frowning as he was being squished into Sakura's side by the hyperactive blond.
"I guess," Ren said, finally looking up as the ending credits played on the TV screen accompanied by some pop song.
"Wait," Nagato shouted. He stood up with Jade's laptop. "Let me print something out first." He ran to where the printer was kept, and connected the computer via wifi. When whatever he was printing was finished, he ran back to where the others were wearing a grin they were used to seeing on the blond Uzumaki's face. Kakashi let out an involuntary shiver as he recalled another redhead. "Now we can go."
Twenty minutes later, they all arrived at the local Walmart. Everyone had gone and when someone said they wanted to stay back at the loft, they were dragged to one of the two vehicles. It was a tight fit in Ren's truck and Jade's car and some of them weren't in the best of moods. Pakkun was stuffed inside of one of Jade's large tote bags, which was usually reserved for sneaking food into the movie theaters. They got out of the vehicles and made their way to the entrance. Ren grabbed a shopping cart on their way in and led them all to where the decorations were.
"This is not as exciting as I thought it would be, 'ttebayo," Naruto stated, looking at a few strings of twinkle lights. He examined a little red-leafed plant in a silver ceramic pot. Holding the plant up, he waited until he got a nod of approval from Ren and put four in the cart; two for the loft and two for the reception area.
"I have a list," Nagato announced with a mischievous air surrounding him, brandishing the papers he had recently printed out. "Wanna try it?" Konan snatched the papers from his hands before he could finish speaking.
"Fifty Fun Things to Do at Walmart," she read out loud, giving the man a pointed stare.
"I heard some of the guys talking about that at school," Hinata mentioned. After spending so much time around everyone, she rarely stuttered, only doing it when she spoke directly to Naruto. "It's a list of pranks. People record what they do, up until they either complete the list or get kicked out, and upload it on the internet. So far, no one has managed to do it."
"We should do it," Kim shouted excitedly, clutching the large purse tightly. Everyone aside from the Uchiha Brothers agreed. She pouted and looked in their direction. "Come on guys don't be so lame." A smug smirk graced her lips. "Or are you too scared to take the challenge?" Just like she intended, they took the bait and agreed to do the list.
"I can record everything," Hinata asserted as she pulled out her video camera and turned it on.
"What's the first thing on the list," Jade asked, siding up to the redhead in an attempt to read the list.
"Number one, take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations," Nagato read, pursing is lips. "This one we can all do it together."
They left Ren to finish the Christmas shopping alone, and went to grab a few shopping carts. Reaching the front of the store they each got a cart of their own. Walking around the store they filled their baskets up with random things they pulled off the shelves as they walked by. They put some of the carts to block off the entrances of the bathrooms in the front and the back, then they blocked a few of the isles that held things that people needed to buy every day.
"What's next on the list," Hana demanded, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Number two, ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store," Nagato read. He looked up, seeing if there were any volunteers.
"I wanna do that one, dattebayo," Naruto shouted with an arm raised in the air.
"No," Sakura said and Naruto was about to protest when she cut him off, "Itachi should do it." Said man gave her a look of betrayal, he had been rooting for her.
"She's right," Hana said agreeing with the pinkette. "He has this serious look, that it would be hilarious to see him in one of those cars." Everyone agreed with their logic.
Kim and Hana both grabbed one of Itachi's arms and pulled him outside the store. They handed him a few quarters and, went to go stand a ways away from him with the others. On the inside Itachi was cursing up a storm. He walked over to where the rides were. Picking the red car, he put in two quarters and took at seat. People stopped to stare at him. Some girls stood there giggling as they watched him. He only stared straight ahead with his hands on the little wheel, and an impassive look on his face. When the car stopped he calmly got off and walked to where the others were laughing their asses off.
"What next," Itachi ground out through gritted teeth. When Nagato was calm enough to speak he read the next one off the list.
"Number three, set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day," he read. "We can all do this one." Everyone ran back into the store and went directly to the isle that had all the clocks. It took them about fifteen minutes to get all the alarm clocks set to go off. When they finished Nagato pulled out the papers with the list again. He read the next one. "Number four, Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. What's that?"
"I don't know," Jade responded. She looked to Kim, but the girl only held her hands up with a light shrug, silently saying she had no clue.
"We can substitute it with Tag," Sakura offered, looking to the others for confirmation.
"Naruto's it," Sasuke shouted, smacking the boy on the shoulder. Everyone ran away from the confused blond.
"Teme! I don't want to be it," Naruto yelled as he chased after the others. They played for about ten minutes before the manager threatened them to calm down. They had also gotten three people and a bunch of little kids to join in on the game.
"Number five, contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners," Nagato read out, causing Itachi to flinch at the unbidden memories of his first day at work. "I'm guessing we head to the auto department next."
In the auto department, they all started to spray each other with the air fresheners before they started to sneeze like crazy from all the different scents in the air. Kakashi, Hana, and Pakkun had to vacate the area because of their extra sensitive noses while Itachi flat out refused for the sake of his sanity.
"Da nest one, we neeb da nest one," Hana choked out from behind her hands as she handed the large tote bag back to Kim. The scent coming off the others making it hard to breathe and unlike Kakashi she didn't have a scarf to somewhat filter the air.
"Number six, challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. Who wants this one?"
"I do," Kim shouted jumping up and down. She handed the bag holding the little dog off to Kakashi, then dashed off to where the gift wrap was located. The others just followed after her at a much more sedate pace. When she made it to the cardboard bin. she pulled out two tubes of gift wrap out of the box, a blue one and a red one. When a group of collage guys walked passed her she started yelling, "I dare you to challenge me to a duel! I bet you guys can't even take me on! I am the best after all!"
One of the guys took up the challenge. Too bad for Kim, he also happened to be the biggest in the group, his six foot four stature towering over Kim's small frame of five foot, four inches; he was a full foot taller than her. He plucked the blue tube of gift wrap out of her tiny hand, although, compared to him everything about her was tiny. He held the tube out as if it was a sword. She narrowed her eyes and followed suit.
"Bring it on, Shit-for-Brains," Kim called out, and they began their duel. Her friends were cheering her on as his friends were doing the same for him. She blocked every one of his strikes, and got a few of her own in. The duel ended when Kim pushed he tube of gift wrap through the space between his side and his arm. He faked his death, and Kim danced around his 'dead' body. She helped him up and they both took a bow. He patted her on the head and shot a wink in her direction before he rejoined his group of friends. She turned to face her friends. "What's next?"
"Number seven; leave cryptic messages on the typewriters? I guess laptops would serve the same purpose. Let's go!"
'The body is under the house on 23rd street.'
'Meet me at the docks at 12 P.M. on December 17th.'
'If you don't finish the job, you will never see your daughter again.'
Those were some of the messages that they left on the test computers. They all walked calmly out of the electronics section as if they did not do anything out of the ordinary.
"Next," Naruto yelled, dancing around his cousin.
"Number eight, re-dress the mannequins as you see fit-"
"I wanna do this one," Jade shouted before running off to the clothing department. She walked around looking at what clothes the store had to offer, picking out a few things that she liked before going to redress the mannequin that was placed at the front of the department. She pulled the mannequin to the ground behind a clothing rack, and got to work redressing it. When she put it back the other were giggling at what it was wearing. It wore mismatched stripped tube socks, an orange skirt, and the most hideous blue blouse they had ever seen. She had also added a fishing hat and a pair of sunglasses.
"Number nine, when there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially in narrow aisles," Nagato read. "Who wants it?"
"I got it," Deidara said. He walked around the store until he found a mother, who was in a rush to get out, with her two screaming children. They were in the food isle, which was packed with a lot of other people. He walked right in front of her, and stopped blocking her way out.
"Excuse me," the tired mother called out.
"Oh, your excused," Deidara replied, examining a box of cereal. The mother was starting to get frustrated, but she didn't want to come off as rude. The blond started to walk away, and she sighed in relief. Her frustration grew again when he started walking at an extremely slow pace. When she was out of the isle she raced to the check-out lines. She even hit the back of his foot with her cart. He limped back to the others with a scowl on his face. "What's next, un?"
"Number ten, walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. I'm going to do this one," Nagato said as his eyes searched their immediate area. They walked around the store until they came across an employee. He walked up to him extruding an aura of importance. The man looked up at him. "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares."
"Damn it! Not again! This has got to be the eighth time today! I'll go get the mop," the employee complained with sagging shoulders, a pained expression on his young exhausted face. He walked away muttering curses under his breath.
"I think it means a spill," Nagato informed as he walked back to the group. "Number eleven, tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10." We can all do this one." With that they all made their way towards where all the radios were kept.
"What's the polka station," Hinata asked confused, slowly going through the stations one by one.
"27.8," Naruto answered, quickly finding the station. The boy received a handful of weird looks from the others before they turned back around to set the radios to the right stations. "Next!"
"Number twelve, play with the automatic doors."
"I wanna do that one," Deidara and Kim shouted at the same time. They both glared at each other. Kim moved her finger in a motion that meant she would slice his throat. Deidara backed away from her and hid behind his girlfriend. Kim blew him a kiss before running off to the front of the store.
'It's in the blood! It's in the blood,' was what Deidara chanted mentally as he watched her walk away.