Five
Thursday...
Happiness surround Jack everywhere; it was almost as though it was taunting him. Jack left the park and found himself on a main road. He dodged past horse drawn carts, women and children making their way to the park with a picnic basket in tow, men heading to a business lunch and the occasional slow driving automobile.
He thrust his hands into his pockets as he walked, putting his head down. He thought of how he had ended up in this place. How was Santa Monica now this dark place? Now that she had gone. It felt as though he had fallen into deep mud and couldn't get out, no matter how hard he tried and fought with his teeth and nails to get out.
Wedding bells rang. He knew what day it was. He would marry Louise. He stood across from St. Agnes' church. It was beautiful with high ceilings and steeped in history. There would be no more than five attendees. Louise's father, his brother, Louise's uncle and any others he didn't know.
Sickness threatened in the bottom of his stomach, he finished the cigarette he was smoking. It was still something which calmed his nerves. He moved his hair from his eyes in order to catch a better glimpse. Louise would be here soon. His bride.
Fuck.
He rubbed his own face.
It wasn't the fact he didn't want to marry. It was the fact he knew that he shouldn't. But he knew he had to. He had promised her and her father that much.
Three months previous
''There isn't long left.'' Louise told Jack, her lip beginning to quiver. ''The cancer, its slowly taking over him.''
Jack touched her face, her chin and then her cheek. She was so young, too young to lose a parent. Just like he had.
''Oh, I'm sorry.''
Louise nodded, she needed to feel his touch, his comfort. ''It isn't your fault.''
Jack felt his heart sink into his chest. He had never seen her like this, not in the four months they had been dating. She was such a vibrant and beautiful girl. ''He thinks I won't be looked after. He fears leaving me when he goes.''
Jack moved in front of her, he took her hands in his and squeezed them ever so tightly. ''Louise, look at me.''
Her eyes met his.
''I promise, I will never allow you to be alone whilst he is here or when he can no longer be with us.'' He took a deep breathe. ''I cannot stop the cancer, I cannot stop his pain but I can love you.''
''Jack-''
''Louise, will you marry me?''
She had said 'yes.' He had told her that he loved her, he had done nothing but love her, just not the way he should have done. Her father was frail, he helped to look after him with Louise and that was why he just couldn't leave. Not right away.
He wanted another cigarette.
The burning in his chest grew more evident and tighter. He gripped his chest to stop himself from coughing or choking. He ignored the urge to smoke and he went inside the church from which he would emerge from a married man. Chained and married.
The steps felt large and long, the doors swamped him and suddenly the sun disappeared and it was dark and cool. His suit dug into his neck, the lump in his throat just wouldn't leave. He moved quickly to the front of the church, he didn't bother taking in the surrounding. The seats, the huge cross, the holy books and everything else just fizzled into the background. He stood facing the alter and he wouldn't turn until Louise was right there next to him. Perhaps, seeing her would put everything into perspective. He would take one look at her and Rose would be in the past, where she belonged. His love for her would start to feel less and less over time. It had to.
He shuffled his weight from foot to foot. His hands thrust behind his back, twitching. He stood alone. There was no person stood with him, a best man, a father or even a figure of some importance. For he had nobody. He closed his eyes for a moment.
''You promise that you'll love me for the rest of your life?'' Louise asked, ever so shyly. She lay in his arms on the beach.
''Of course, I will.'' He kissed her forehead as they both turned back to gazing at the sun.
Jack heard the pattering of feet, the clacking of shoes and as he opened his eyes he saw a vicar had appeared in front of him. A copy of the Holy Bible in his hands.
''Nervous, boy?'' He smiled. ''I see many a boy standing here, eyes closed, dithering with nerves but once they are married; they leave this church a man.''
Jack felt his stomach sink. ''I hope so.''
He wasn't nervous for the right reasons. He itched to turn but he knew he shouldn't.
''We should proceed in a few minutes.''
Jack nodded. He shifted his weight about again. Time seemed to be going so slowly. From the noise behind and small whispers, he knew the few guests had arrived and that they would witness this marriage. They would see the lies which he was about to tell a young girl. Was he doing the right thing? Rose had left him, making herself perfectly clear. She refused to stay here. Before Jack could explain himself to her she had ran from the pier and not looked back. He tried to stop her but she had fought him harder than before and that was when he knew just how serious she was. She didn't want him. They were toxic for each other, in so many ways and yet, so right in another way.
A tinkle of the piano brought Jack back to the present. A door closed. That was it. Louise was here. The wedding march started up and Louise begun her walk down the aisle to her Jack, on the arm of Alf, her frail father.
It was a slow walk but only because Alf struggled to take many steps without feeling weak and dizzy. After a minute or so, Louise was placed beside Jack. He turned and saw her before him. She was dressed in pure white. A stunning laced number which was fitted at the waist and flowed out to her feet. He had known she had made the short veil herself and had spent months perfecting it. Guilt bubbled in the pit of Jack's stomach.
''Louise-'' He struggled to breathe.
''Jack.'' She smiled shyly, he saw beneath the veil. She held out her hand to him and he shakily took it. Why was her hand so dainty? Like it wasn't meant to fit in his. He concentrated on his breathing and all of the love which he felt for her. He was sure he loved her.
''Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in Paradise, and into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined...'' The vicar began, with a clear confident voice.
Jack could see Alf, sat leaning on his brother Matthew. Alf was no older than fifty and yet was so riddled with such a disease he wouldn't see the next month, Jack feared. He felt his stomach knot. He watched Louise. Her face forward, her hand so sweaty in his own. He felt her shake and he knew that was from nerves, from love and from becoming the wife of someone she wanted to be with forever. Tonight, she would give herself to him, fully and he would love her, make her feel like she was the only woman he loved and yet...he couldn't face that.
''Therefore, if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.''
A sound echoed from the back of the church. It sent gasps through the guests. Someone had entered through the old rusty door.
Rose.
Jack's heart began to go into overdrive. She was here.
''I'm so sorry,'' she nodded to the vicar as she ushered inside and sat at the very back, ''I did say I would fetch a bouquet.''
Louise turned back to the front. With absolutely no idea just how Jack's nerves were shot into a million pieces. He lingered as he watched her. She had stayed. The stare between them was magnificent. Even at such a distance, he could feel the effects of her. He bit the inside of his lip. He needed some air. He needed to speak to her. He had so many questions.
He needed her...
''Please, proceed.'' Rose said, quietly. Already embarrassed from interrupting the ceremony.
The vicar was silent for a few seconds, before returning to read a passage from the bible.
As he read, Jack stole a few glances back at Rose. She had removed her pale hat and it revealed her curls, cascaded down her back, just the way they had been when he had fallen in love with her. He saw her wipe her face with a handkerchief. She was crying.
Turning to Jack, the vicar began ''Wilt the have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt the love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?''
He turned to Louise. Her face so pretty beneath the veil. Her slim body was one he knew he would have to claim this evening, to consummate their marriage and she had saved herself for that one person. She had saved that for him. Louise was stunning, her wide and open eyes urged him to speak, to love her and to be one. She wanted him to look after her once her father passed on, to create a life here, to give her children and for her to bear them beautifully...one, two or three. They would live in a house, right there on the beach, with their children and their laughter would wake them in a morning but at night, long after they went to sleep, Jack as a husband and Louise as his wife would roll around in each other's arms, still in love and happy.
He began to slowly shake his head. His eyes fell on Alf, he was frail and weak but he had lived his life, the one which he was meant to live on this earth. Had Jack?.
''Actually-I just need to say something...''