Chapter 5

Shizuo was hiding something. Izaya stared at the water, playing absently with his ring.

They were on the beach, with Celty and Shinra after they finally found each other around noon. They had each wandered around on the sand all morning, looking for the other. After a quick trip to the hotel – they had actually passed it multiple times, that idiot – they had returned to the sand and sun and waves, Shinra and Izaya relaxing in the shade as Celty attempted to teach Shizuo how to surf.

Izaya laughed a little as Shizuo, after managing to make it onto his feet, slipped and fell backwards in the water. Even from far away, it looked ridiculous.

That aside, it was abnormal. Why had Shizuo taken the first opportunity, when they got here, to hang out with Celty? He never did that. In all of their double dates, not once had the brute willingly spent time apart from Izaya.

He'd been acting strange that morning too. As they checked out of the hotel and walked around the beach, Shizuo said nothing more than necessary to Izaya and avoided eye contact. When they finally ran into the idiot couple, the two went on about how they'd thought it was getting late and so decided to pack up and how they texted Shizuo and even looked for them at the beach later, but Shizuo didn't bat an eye. He didn't get angry or threaten to kill anyone, not even Izaya.

Something was going on. Izaya just didn't know what, and out of principle, this annoyed him. What the hell could an idiot like Shizu-chan hide from Izaya?

"So how was it?" Shinra said, suddenly.

Izaya glanced at him. "How was what?"

"Last night." Shinra sat up in his beach chair, his pale skin practically glowing in the dark. "I didn't see anything in the news, so you guys must have managed to stay civil for an entire night. Did anything happen?"

Yeah, Izaya answered, privately. That weird thing with the bathroom, but he didn't know how that connected to everything, yet.

"Trying to pick up tips?" he said out loud. "Although you'd probably want to talk to Shizu-chan instead of me..."

"Oh come on, give me a little credit, Izaya. I know you guys aren't actually dating. I mean, you guys hate each other."

Izaya grinned. "Is it that obvious?"

"Kind of," Shinra said, laughing. "Even Celty is starting to notice, but she thinks you guys are just going through a rough patch or something."

"And?" Izaya said, reaching for a waterbottle. "You and Celty seem awfully close lately. Have our efforts finally born any fruit?"

Shinra's face flushed, from excitement of course because the man wouldn't know embarrassment even if he was stripped naked and planted in the middle of Tokyo. "Well, I think we had a moment last night," he said. "We were talking about you guys, you know, if you guys were okay, what you were doing, stuff like that, and Celty said, 'It's probably better this way.' I said, 'Why?' Then she said, 'So that they have some alone time to talk through their problems, and for...you know.' And then we looked at each other, and she blushed, Izaya, she blushed!"

"Lovely," Izaya said, rolling his eyes. "I'd always wanted to know that you guys talk about my sex life behind my back."

"But I think she was thinking about us doing it – "

"Why don't you try mentioning that to her?" Izaya said. "I'm sure at least one of you would get a nice surprise."

"Izaya, I'm serious!" Shinra scooted closer, looking too happy for his own good. "What if this beach trip becomes the beach trip?"

"The one where you finally get a restraining order?"

"No!" Shinra said. "The one where we finally acknowledge our mutual feelings for each other!"

"Look," Izaya said. He leaned back in his chair. "Whatever you do, just don't get us kicked out of the hotel. I refuse to leave after everything I went through to find it."

Shinra smiled. "You just don't understand romance, Izaya," he said. "But you'll see. Anyway, what did you go through last night?"

Izaya scowled. "Eleven hours of Shizu-chan's idiocy. Did something happen in the past two days? I swear he's been even more moronic than usual."

"Well, he was definitely happier than I've ever seen him." Shinra looked over to where they were, flailing around in the waves. "But that's probably because you weren't around."

Izaya smirked. "Funny," he said. "Maybe he was simply overjoyed to finally spend so much time with Celty."

Shinra glanced at him. "Jealous?"

"Aren't you?"

"Celty thinks you guys are dating," Shinra said, coolly. "Anyway, if Shizuo-kun were to like anyone, it'd be you."

Izaya scoffed. "Last time I checked, I haven't miraculously grown a vagina."

"Do you think Shizuo cares about stuff like that?"

"Every heterosexual male cares about that. You should know best."

"I love Celty for who she is, just so you know!" Shinra fired back. "She's so sweet and innocent, but she has an unexpectedly dangerous side. She gets angry at the drop of a hat sometimes too, but she's the kindest and most understanding person on the entire planet..."

"And you can say all you want about her personality," Izaya said. "But the fact is you'd like to fuck her someday. Am I wrong?"

"Well, not really, but that's because – !"

" – because you like her, is what you were going to say?"

Shinra scowled. Izaya laughed. "You know, people tend to marry others who are close to them in physical attractiveness," he said. "The pretty end up with the pretty and the ugly end up with the ugly, because no matter what people say, humans are ruled more by what exists on the surface than they would like to think."

Izaya looked back to where the two were starting to drag the board back to the surf, each of them laughing, talking, smiling.

"Attraction," he said, "is first and foremost physical. When you say you 'like someone,' that means you think he or she looks, at the very least, agreeable. Now, I'm not saying it's impossible for a straight man to think another man looks attractive. Every human is capable of appreciating pretty things. But to be attracted to the way another man moves, to his nipples, his dick, his ass, and his voice..."

Izaya laughed a little as Shizuo tripped on the string that connected the surfboard to his ankle.

"...to want to touch him in spite of the looks and whispers and the sheer difficulties that come with making love to another man..."

Celty helped Shizuo get up, laughing herself.

"...if you don't already swing that way, that's not something a good personality can overcome. Well," Izaya chuckled, "not that I have a good personality to start with."

Shizuo collapsed into the chair next to him. "Who said you had a good personality?" he said. He grabbed Izaya's waterbottle, chugging down whatever was left in it.

Izaya looked at Shizuo, carefully. "Shinra," Izaya answered. "He was saying that my personality couldn't be that bad, if you're willing to date me."

Shizuo wiped his mouth. "No," he said. He handed the bottle back, looking at Shinra. "He's the worst. I'm actually only after him for his body."

"Is that so?" Shinra said.

Celty took her phone from Shinra. [Shizuo!] she said. [Don't say that about your boyfriend!]

"Sorry," Shizuo said, chuckling.

So this was what the beast looked like happy. It didn't suit him. Taking Shizuo's hand, Izaya intertwined their fingers as he brought it up to his lips, kissing the beast's wet knuckles. "Well, you're not too bad either, Shizu-chan," he said.

Shizuo blushed, hard. His entire face, sunburned already, burned an even brighter red, even his fingers growing warm, and Izaya just stared, mind blank.

...what?

Shizuo ripped his hand out of Izaya's. "Yeah," he muttered. He jumped out of his chair. "I'm gonna get some shaved ice," he said to Celty and Shinra, who looked just as wide-eyed as Izaya felt. "You guys didn't get to try any last time, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Shinra said, recovering first. "Thanks!"

Izaya looked over at Shinra and then to Shizuo, as if they were speaking an alien language. Even though Izaya knew five languages. He took a small breath. Smiling up at Shizuo, he extended his hands towards him. "Help me up, Shizu-chan," he said.

"No," Shizuo said. "I'll, um, go by myself this time." He spoke to a space somewhere on the far right of Izaya. "You can stay here."

Izaya watched as the beast reached compulsively into his pocket for a nonexistent cigarette pack, a vein in his head throbbing.

"No, I want to go for a walk," he said. He got up from his chair and grabbed Shizuo's hand again before he could dodge it. "Lead the way, Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo glared at him like he wanted to boil him alive.

Well, Izaya thought, as they started off anyway, Shizuo's grip on his hand painful and possibly bruising. This was interesting.

"...called 'Blue Zones'*. And even though they range from all over the world, from Okinawa to California, they share some lifestyle choices that help their residents maintain long and healthy lives. These are pretty predictable, of course: physical exercise, a good diet, and social relationships. Reduced smoking is up there as well. Isn't that interesting, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo grunted. They were walking. They were still walking. Shizuo had been crushing the flea's hand for the past ten minutes now, but Izaya has just kept on walking and talking, not reacting one bit.

They weaved in between the beachgoers, ignoring everyone's stares.

"Now, less smoking is the only inhibited action that made the list. Not less alcoholism or caffeine-intake or anything else, but smoking."

Why had Izaya wanted to come? Shizuo gripped the flea's hand harder, making Izaya glance up at him.

"This seems to suggest that smoking is as significant a human behavior as eating, moving, and speaking to people. Addiction, in other words, is a key aspect to what it means to live as a human being..."

Yeah, right, Shizuo thought. He knew why. Those sly eyes missed nothing, and Shizuo had messed up big-time earlier. He could still feel the lingering heat of that goddamn blush on his skin. But why the fuck did Izaya have to kiss him? Why?

"...point towards the meaning of life as a species..."

Well, he had only kissed his hand, and that's what frustrated Shizuo even more. So what if he'd jerked off to the flea one time?

"...good and evil, Heaven and Hell, the concept of religion as a whole..."

Oh god, did he really just think that? Izaya. He had come to the thought of Orihara Izaya. If there was any kind of sin in this world, that had to be the one that got Shizuo a first-class ticket to hell. Right alongside the flea himself.

"...looking at the body, the very flesh of the individual human..."

That flea had to stop putting his lips on Shizuo. He had to stop touching Shizuo, period.

"...and man himself is man's worst enemy."

"You're my worst enemy," Shizuo muttered absently.

Izaya caught this. He looked over at Shizuo, smiling. "How so?" he said.

"Because you are," he growled.

"If you don't tell me what you don't like about me, Shizu-chan, I can't improve."

Shizuo wanted a cigarette. So bad. "I don't like anything about you," he said.

"You'll have to be more specific than that."

"Why?" he said. "I just don't like you. That's it."

Izaya squeezed Shizuo's hand back, but it was so weak he could barely feel it. "Can't think of anything?" he said. "I can think of a lot of reason why I don't like Shizu-chan. Let's see, you're stupid, you're rude, you're ridiculously temperamental – "

"Shut up!" Shizuo finally ripped his hand out of Izaya's, only feeling a twinge of guilt at the flea's small grimace of pain. "This," he said. "This is why I don't fucking like you!"

"Again, be specific." Izaya put his hands in the pockets of his black trunks, the weight making them ride a little lower. "Use your words, Shizu-chan, I know you learned how to once upon a time."

Shizuo flicked his eyes up, his hands balled into fists at his sides. "You know why I don't like you?" he said. "Because you keep on calling me by that stupid nickname. You keep on acting like you know everything in the fucking universe and that you're better than everyone because of it."

"It's better than being a half-brained idiot who never pays attention."

"You're a liar," Shizuo pressed. "You lie to me, to Shinra, to Celty, and you probably even lie to whoever the hell you work for."

Izaya smirked. "You say I'm pretentious, but look at you. How naive can you get? You think you can pass judgment on me even though the four corners of your apartment is all you know of this world – "

"You are a stuck up brat!" Shizuo said. "You think you know everything, but you don't!"

"Then tell me." Izaya stepped close to Shizuo, his skin slightly tanner than usual, his eyes just as intense. "Tell me what I don't know."

Shizuo backed away. "What?"

Izaya followed him. "Tell me, Shizuo."

"Tell you what?!"

"Tell me why you're suddenly attracted to me."

Shizuo's mind blanked. He backed into the leg of a pier and after hitting it, just stood there. The ocean water was slightly cooler here, in the shade. He felt his face screw up. "Don't," he growled. "Don't ask me that."

"Why?"

"Because you're Izaya." He curled his hands into fists. "I hate you!"

Izaya burst out laughing, wiping his eyes even though Shizuo didn't see any tears. "God, you're so fucking innocent!" he said. He stepped close, straightening up and dropping the smile on his face. "That's why I hate you too."

Before Shizuo could move, before he could even think, Izaya reached up and kissed him.

Shizuo didn't move. He didn't think. Something like a vague, oh, seemed to cross his mind, but that was it.

As in oh, lips. His lips. Izaya's lips. Izaya.

Shizuo meant to push him back, he really did. But as soon as the thought occurred to him, Izaya scratched lightly at his bare back, trailing a path that burned more painfully, more intensely, than any knife could. Shizuo opened his mouth. Izaya invited himself in, running his tongue beside Shizuo's tongue, the roof of his mouth, his breaths. Shizuo tasted saltwater still, but the longer they kissed, the more Shizuo could taste cheap coffee and the edge of something sweet.

Izaya moaned softly, just barely, into his mouth and Shizuo kissed him faster, more desperately, squeezing him so close he could feel Izaya's nipples rubbing against his. Izaya clung to him too, his skin warm, getting louder or just close enough that Shizuo could feel each moan and whine vibrate through his entire body.

After a few minutes or a few hours, maybe one or two moonless nights, Izaya pulled away. He couldn't get far because at some point, Shizuo had entangled his fingers in that soft, brown hair, his other hand clinging to the small of his bare back.

Izaya's hands were in Shizuo's hair too, and Shizuo felt a dull throb on his scalp as he finally loosened his fingers.

"I think," Izaya said, licking his lips, panting, "we've got ourselves an audience."

Startled, Shizuo looked around. A little boy was nearby, staring as a rogue wave demolished his abandoned sand castle. A couple lounging on some chairs were also glancing their way, and a group of three girls were actually just standing close by, watching.

Shizuo blushed. He immediately let go of Izaya, and Izaya stepped back, laughing softly.

"Would you like to go somewhere a little more private?" he said, ignoring everyone as he looked at Shizuo.

"Wha – I – no!" Shizuo covered his face with his hand. "That was – that wasn't – " He glanced towards where everyone was hastily looking away, except for the little boy. "You just forced yourself on me!" he hissed.

Izaya scoffed. "I don't kiss anybody who doesn't want it," he said.

"What did you – ?!"

"I said you want me." Izaya got close again, so that even though he spoke under his breath and the waves crashed nearby and people were chattering on the beach, Shizuo could hear him. "I know that look, Shizuo," he said. "Shinra told you I was gay, right? And that made you curious. Aware. At first, you probably wondered if I liked you. If I wanted to kiss you like I did just now, if I said your name in the middle of the night. You grew conscious of me, just like that, and now you can't get naked without rubbing off to the thought of me. You want to know right? What it feels like to fuck a man. To fuck me."

Lightly, so lightly, Izaya trailed a finger just above the hem of Shizuo's bathing suit, his forefinger because he could feel the ring.

"Do you even know how two men do it?" he said, chuckling softly. "Even you can't be that naive, right? How many times have you thought about it? Riding my ass from behind, maybe imagining me with breasts, to soothe your conscience. Or maybe you haven't thought that far ahead. Maybe all you wanted was a kiss."

That light touch disappeared. Now Izaya's fingers were digging into Shizuo's hip, his nails sharp and unforgiving.

"If so, great for you. If not, then jerk off to me all you want, Shizu-chan. I give you permission. But guess what?"

Shizuo glared, affected, of course, but sooner willing to castrate himself than to ask.

Izaya smirked. "You're of no use to me," he said. "And I've hated you from the beginning. I was wondering what had gotten you so riled up recently, but now my curiosity is satisfied. If you want to fuck a man, then find someone else. I've lost interest."

Shizuo said nothing.

Izaya stared at him for a beat longer, and then he stepped backwards. Turning around, he started walking away.

"Don't worry, Shizu-chan!" he called over his shoulder. "With those looks, you'll find someone soon."

Picking a path between all the staring tourists, Izaya walked away. Shizuo closed his eyes. He took in a shaky breath, leaning so hard against the pier that those were probably splinters digging into his back. He breathed in, for the first time in what felt like much too long a time.

Tasting salt, he just breathed.

Author's Note:

I actually kind of surprised myself with this chapter. I didn't think that they would be kissing so soon, but I got swept away by the moment! It's all Izaya's fault, he's the one that made their first kiss so bittersweet XP Please let me know what you think!

*I got this from Wikipedia, if you were wondering