Chapter 7

Shizu-chan in love. It was an odd concept.

Izaya stepped out of the way of a rowdy family in front of them, sneaking a glance at Shizuo as he went the other way.

He looked pretty neutral. Cheap sunglasses hid his eyes, but his large hands were resting at his sides, nicotine-stained but not itching for the relief. He wasn't even gnashing his teeth or glaring. As far as Izaya could tell, the beast wasn't bothered by the crowd or Izaya or anything at all, as of yet. Izaya looked over at Shinra and Celty, who were ahead of them in the throng of tourists, holding hands.

Izaya wanted to think about what that meant. He wanted to needle Shinra about the whats, the wheres, the whys, and the hows. He wanted to rejoice over the fact that he could stop dating Shizuo now. All Izaya could think about, though, as they popped into shops without buying souvenirs and walked around without purpose, was had Shizuo ever done that?

Had he blushed like Celty was doing now, as he walked through empty places – school corridors maybe – holding hands with his not-so-passionate first love? What kinds of things did they talk about, before all the fighting started? What had been the guy's name? How many times did they sleep together? When did Shizuo fall in love?

Izaya fingered the knife in his shorts, as if messing with the smooth, wooden handle would bring him closer to all the answers he wanted. At the very least, it made him feel better.

Because these questions gnawed at him. Why should Izaya care? It was always fun to learn things about Shizu-chan, of course, because information was his greatest weapon. He loved knowing that everything he gleaned about the brute could one day be used against him.

But spending precious minutes, sometimes hours, wondering if Shizuo used to hold hands with the idiot he went out with however many years ago? That was something else. That was useless information, and Orihara Izaya did not deal in useless information.

So why did this keep happening?

Shizuo suddenly grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going?" he said.

Izaya nearly flinched. The idiot needed to stop grabbing him out of the fucking blue like that. "What?" he said sharply.

Shizuo let go. "Come on, we're supposed to be leaving them alone, right? The shop looks boring anyway. Let's just leave them there."

"And get lost like last time?" Izaya said, backing a little anyway from the shop he was about to enter. "I don't think so."

"Don't be stupid." Shizu-chan sounded like he was rolling his eyes underneath those stupid sunglasses of his.

"Says the one who got us lost in the first place."

Shizuo frowned. "It wasn't my fault that those two just up and left us!"

"True," Izaya said. "I guess it isn't your fault either that you were born with a brain the size of a peanut."

"Izaya!"

He didn't need to see through those glasses to know the beast was glaring now. Izaya backed away a little, laughing with his hands held up.

"Okay, okay, I'll go with you. Happy?"

Shizuo sighed. He took Izaya's hand, dragging him away from the entrance to the shop, where they were receiving a few mutters and several glares. "Only if you go drown yourself in the ocean while you're at it."

"I'm willing if you are," Izaya said, smiling. He intertwined their fingers. "Double suicide! It doesn't get any more romantic than that, don't you think, Shizu-chan?"

"I'm down for murder-suicide," Shizuo said, smiling a little too. "Except for I wouldn't kill myself."

"So you want me to kill you?"

"No. I'll just kill you and not kill myself."

"Then that's just plain old murder, Shizu-chan. Not romantic at all."

"Who said it had to be romantic?"

"We have to give the audience what they want, don't we?"

"Well then, fuck the audience."

Izaya laughed. "Well," he said. "What about what I want?"

"What about it?"

"I don't want to die alone. In my last moments, I want someone to be there with me." Izaya smiled. "If that person happens to be joining me, then even better, right?"

He noticed a couple entering a shop just ahead of them. "Hey, remember them?" he said, pointing as he leaned a little into Shizuo. "We saw them the other – "

He looked over at Shizuo and his voice faltered. The idiot was looking at him. He was close enough now that Izaya could see his eyes behind those purple glasses, and for once, he wasn't glaring. He wasn't even laughing, or doing anything, really. He was just looking, as if there wasn't anything else to look at.

"What?" Izaya said, a little defensively.

Shizuo blinked. "What?"

"What are you staring at?" he said.

"What?" Shizuo said, looking away. "I wasn't staring."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"You were."

"I wasn't!"

"You were!"

"I fucking wasn't!" Shizuo said, crushing Izaya's hand now as he bared his teeth.

Izaya stopped smiling. "My hand's not a stress-ball," he said. "Stop trying to strangle my fingers or I'll cut off your circulation."

"Or you could stop being such a goddamn prick," Shizuo muttered, but he relieved the pressure on Izaya's hand all the same.

Izaya smiled, even as blood rushed uncomfortably back into his fingers. They tingled.

"Did you ever do this with him?" he said, swinging their hands a little.

"What?"

"Mr. First Love." Izaya glanced up at Shizuo, who was looking back. "Did you do this with him."

"Don't call him that," Shizuo growled. "And do what? Go to the beach?"

"No. This." Izaya pulled their hands up, grinning at their interlocked fingers like they were a secret, not out in the open where every passing person could see. "And what should I call him? Mr. Sexy Soccer Player?"

Shizuo pulled their hands back down. "You don't need to call him anything," he said. "Especially not that."

"How about Mr. Kissey Face? Or the Cutesy Kouhai? Or – "

"His name was Tomoki, okay?" he said, glaring.

"Tomo-kun," Izaya said, smiling. "Of course. I can just picture it now..."

"You don't need to picture it. Don't be creepy."

Izaya laughed. "I'm not creepy. I'm just curious."

"Well, it's creepy that you're so curious."

You're not wrong there, Izaya thought. He was even starting to creep himself out a little at this point.

"You're my enemy," Izaya said, out loud. "It's only natural to want to know everything about you. Celty and Shinra also think you're my boyfriend, so I probably should know everything."

"I doubt they're going to ask you if I ever held hands with my boyfriend."

"You don't know Shinra like I do, Shizu-chan. And Celty doesn't look it, but she likes to know these things too," Izaya lied smoothly.

Shizuo's fingers clenched, itching now for that cigarette.

"Well," he said, after a few moments. "There was this one time. After the first time that we – you know – "

"Fucked?"

Shizuo glared. "Slept together," he said. "I, uh, walked him home. It was cold. I couldn't just leave him out in the middle of the night like that, all alone. Not after...you know. There wasn't anyone around, so we just held hands. I didn't really mind. He seemed over the moon about it, though, and I liked seeing that. It was cute..." He scratched the back of his head. "Why am I telling you this again?"

"Because I asked," Izaya said, grinning. "And I know you'd do just about anything for me, right, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo scoffed. "I'd do just about anything to you, Izaya."

Izaya looked up. "Oh really?"

Shizuo blushed, his hand burning hot before he ripped it out of Izaya's. "I didn't mean – I meant killing you, I'd do anything to – !"

"Did you have anything specific in mind?" Izaya said, linking his arm through Shizuo's. He smiled, trying to hold back his laughter. "I'm not sure I'd be willing to let you do anything, but I have been around. There's nothing you can come up with that I haven't tried, probably."

"'Probably'?"

Izaya laughed a little. "Curious?"

"Fuck you!"

"If only you would."

They stopped walking. By this point, they had wandered far enough away from the beach that there were no crowds, no eyes. The street was pretty deserted, which Izaya hadn't really noticed until now. That was rare of him. And dangerous.

"Are you being serious right now?" Shizuo said, close enough again that Izaya could see the frown in his eyes. "I can never tell with you."

"It's easy," Izaya said, grinning. He took Shizuo's hand, tracing a thumb over his pulse. It was easy to find. The beat was so fast. "I'm never serious."

Izaya trailed his fingers up Shizuo's arm, as if he were following the veins. He heard Shizuo's breath hitch. It was that quiet.

"You have a lot of scars," Izaya murmured. His fingers ghosted over every ridge and bump that marred Shizuo's right arm. "And yet here you are, the most irritating man alive."

He stepped closer. "How do you do it?" he said. "What are you, really?"

Shizuo grabbed Izaya's wrist.

"You're one to talk."

Izaya froze. Shizuo twisted Izaya's arm a little, so that his forearm was facing up, and Shizuo ran his fingers over the scar there.

"It's finally healed," he said.

"Yeah. No thanks to you."

Shizuo stared at it for a few seconds, then glanced over at Izaya. "I'm still sorry, you know," he said. "For that time."

"You should be – "

Shizuo kissed his arm. Izaya pulled back a little, but Shizuo's grip stopped him.

"Don't move," he said.

He kissed the very tip of Izaya's scar until the very end, his lips soft against the rough, ugly skin. Izaya didn't move.

Shizuo licked Izaya's inner elbow, just briefly, enough for Izaya to feel the individual pads on the tip of his tongue, and then his mouth traveled even farther. Up Izaya's bicep, just underneath the sleeve of his T-shirt. He kissed over Izaya's clothes, the heat of his lips just whispers until they found skin again. Shizuo kissed Izaya's neck and grazed his teeth up the side. He nibbled on Izaya's ear. He slid his lips along Izaya's jaw.

Izaya let him.

In fact, he had curled his fingers into Shizuo's shirt by now, breathing heavier than he would have liked. His teeth were worrying his bottom lip, as if getting it ready for more.

More never came.

Abruptly, Shizuo let go of him.

"We should be getting back," he said, his face a little flushed, but his voice steady. "Celty and Shinra might ditch us again if we leave them alone too long."

Izaya took a step back, trying to find his balance. "What?" he said. He licked his lips. "What about – ?"

"What about what?" Shizuo said. He stared at him, eyebrow raised.

A slight breeze whispered over the few spots on his skin that were still wet with Shizuo's saliva, and with it went any lingering sense of arousal. Izaya's mind cleared, like a slap in the face.

He'd been played.

"Nothing," he said, smiling. He tried to will the heat out of his face. "I just wanted to check on something back at the hotel. You go ahead first."

"You know how to get there from here?"

Izaya smirked. "Who do you think I am?" he said.

"You're right," Shizuo said. He backed away, a smirk on his face too. "Why should I care if a flea like you gets lost?"

He turned around, walking away. Izaya whirled around and did the same, trying not to speed up, or walk too slow. He turned a corner onto another empty street, and there, he stopped.

Izaya scowled. Taking his knife out, he threw it into the wall of the building on the other side of the street, where it landed handle out, stuck in between two wooden planks.

He curled his hands into fists. He hissed at no one. He wished he could do more. He wished the building had been Shizu-chan's face.

So, that pea-brained son of a bitch mongrel wanted to play?

Izaya grabbed his phone, scrolling through the contacts. Fine, he thought.

Bring it on.

Finally, Shizuo thought. The last day. Tomorrow, all of them were returning to Tokyo, and Shizuo could finally, finally, get away from the flea. They had been sharing a room for four days now, and that was four days too fucking long.

Especially yesterday.

Shizuo had been a little anxious that day. After he did that to Izaya. It wasn't like the flea could blame him, though. It had been the perfect opportunity to get a little revenge; Shizuo just hadn't predicted that it would go so well. The cocky bastard melted under his fingers, and it took all that Shizuo had not to actually continue.

Now, Shizuo thought that he might as well have gone all the way. Because nothing he did then rose up to all the shit Izaya had been putting him through since.

For most of yesterday, Izaya had Shizuo on tenterhooks. He was perfectly polite, even nice. He didn't insult Shizuo in any way, or even try to annoy him. He poured him coffee. He talked with him about work, the weather, their stay. He even went so far as to give Shizuo a straight-out compliment. All day, Shizuo kept waiting and waiting. Thinking, maybe the flea would try to kill him. Maybe he would throw out his luggage. Maybe he would steal all his money and blow it all on sushi, Shizuo had no idea. He just wanted something.

Something instead of hanging Shizuo in the middle of that fucked-up situation, making him wait with increasing anxiety for the other foot to fall.

Then finally, it did.

Izaya had skipped out on a dinner and a movie, claiming that he wasn't feeling well. He encouraged everyone to go without him, which they did, and gladly. Everything Shizuo ate, though, seemed to taste like melted plastic. Everything, even his water. He couldn't even pay attention to the movie because he knew. He felt it in his gut. Something was waiting for him in their hotel room.

When they got back, Shizuo said good night to Shinra and Celty. Then he stood in front of their room. He took a breath.

He opened the door.

" – coming – ngh – Kanra-chan, I'm – ah!"

The stranger with his back against the wall doubled up. His fingers gripped Izaya's hair, holding him there as his body shook into his mouth. Izaya was on the floor, just a few feet in front of the door. His face was obscured by the other man's body, but Shizuo could see that he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with long-sleeved pants. Not his rings, his jacket, or that stupid smirk.

Shizuo dropped the card key.

Izaya leaned back on his heels, wiping his mouth. The stranger straightened up. He glanced over at Shizuo as he hastily tried to zip up his pants. "Sorry – " he muttered.

Then the stranger froze too. His mouth dropped open, and so did his pants.

"Senpai?" he said.

Shizuo stared.

Izaya stood up. "'Senpai'?" he said. His voice was a little raspy. "Do you know Shizuo, Tomo-kun?"

"I – yeah," Tomoki said. "I used to be his junior in high school. We, er, dated for a little while."

"You did?" Izaya said, eyes glinting, even in the semi-darkness. "Well, isn't that fascinating. It really is a small world, isn't it, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo heard the sound of something snapping. His sanity, maybe.

Afterwards was a blur. Shizuo remembered pushing past Tomoki to attack Izaya. He remembered the sound of Izaya's laughter ringing in his ears. At some point, the police came to intervene. Of course, they believed poor, scrawny-ass Izaya over Shizuo, and they arrested him. "For disturbing the peace," they said.

Shinra bailed him out that morning.

Now, Shizuo was all packed, ready to leave as soon as humanly possible. He had seen Izaya just once since then. Shizuo had been kicked out of the hotel, so Shinra booked him a one night's stay at a place nearby. The flea had been there when Shizuo got back, lying in the bed.

"Good morning!" he chirped, when Shizuo walked in. He smiled. "Rough night?"

"Izaya!" Shizuo yelled, dropping his things to get his fingers around that skinny throat. Shinra yelled too, and he tackled Shizuo from behind, or tried to. Shizuo stumbled against the sudden weight.

"Shizuo, no!"

Izaya got up from the bed, smiling even wider.

"You really are a slow learner, aren't you, Shizu-chan?" he said.

Shizuo shook Shinra off. Stomping forward, Shizuo grabbed the flea by the collar, holding him within spitting distance.

"I'm going to kill you," he said.

"You know, after hearing you say that five billion times, I can't really bring myself to take your word on that."

"You fucking should – !"

"No," Izaya said. "You won't." He brought himself closer, sliding a dry hand on top of Shizuo's. "You're going to watch me walk out of this room," he said. "Unharmed. You're going to remember last night every time you think that you could ever be better than me. You're going to think about the face of your lover, reaching ecstasy because of me, every time you think that I'm just a man or a homo or a hole. You'll remember that you have no power over me. Because I am better than you. I'm a god amongst humans, and you? You're just a savage beast that can't think beyond your dick, your stomach, and your rage."

Shizuo tightened his grip. "Even gods can die," he said.

"Not by someone like you."

The next second brought sharp pain to Shizuo's hand, and his fingers loosened just slightly, but enough. Izaya slipped out of his grasp. In the blink of an eye, he was by the door, smiling again.

"See you later!" he said, waving. "Or not."

And he was gone.

It made Shizuo want to break something every time he thought of it.

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with him? A god? Yeah fucking right. Izaya was a flea. A pest that was just ridiculously good at his job. Shizuo wanted to crush him, like the flies that hung around in his new hotel room.

How the fuck had Izaya even found Tomoki? It bothered him. Shizuo had been wondering ever since last night, and he still couldn't come up with a good answer. He hadn't said his last name. Shizuo had barely said anything about him at all. Even so, somehow, Izaya had managed to procure the only person he had ever loved out of thin air and present him in front of Shizuo, present him cumming in front of Shizuo, all in less than 24 hours.

It bothered him, nagged and needled at him, because that kind of was godlike. It was impossible, but Izaya had done it.

Also, it was crossing a line. Shizuo didn't know when and where this line had been made, but Izaya was a million fucking miles across it. He'd even taken the care to pour gasoline on it and set it on fire. Daring Shizuo to cross it with him.

Shizuo wanted to. He so wanted to. But what could he do? Forget about being a god, he didn't know anything about Izaya. What he cared about. What could hurt him just as bad.

He could throw his laptop out the window. Shizuo snorted at the idea. It wasn't half-bad. It didn't feel right, though. Shizuo wanted to cut deep, like Izaya had. He wanted to set Izaya's insides on fire and make him do something stupid enough to get him sent to the police. He wanted Izaya to know exactly what he had felt, when he walked through the door to see him sucking Tomoki's cock.

Shizuo stood up, pacing his room.

Okay, well, that wouldn't work. Shizuo didn't know if Izaya had ever loved someone – he probably hadn't – but either way, he wasn't going to just suck someone off.

He felt weird twitch of admiration for the flea, for being able to stick with a plan like that. Or maybe it was disgust. Maybe, it was something else.

Shizuo shook it off.

He had to think of something. He couldn't let Izaya win, especially not like this. As the complete victor.

There really wasn't anything he could do, though, short of killing him. That didn't feel right either. Shizuo wished, weirdly, that the flea was here right now. So that he could shake the information he wanted out of him. Like shaking apples from a tree.

How can I make you suffer, like I did? he wanted to ask. How can I make you see that I'm better than you too?

Suddenly, a knock came from the door. Or, well, more like someone was pounding their fist on it.

"Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo froze.

"Open the door, Shizu-chan!"

He stared at the door.

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya said, pounding on the door again. "I know you're in there!"

Shizuo started to move. He crossed the room. He opened the door.

"Shizu – ah!"

Izaya fell forward, stumbling into Shizuo's chest as his fist fell through air. The smell of something sickly sweet and chemical hit Shizuo at the same time.

"Oh shit," Izaya said, pushing himself off a little. "Give me some warning next time."

This brought Shizuo to life. "That's what I should be saying," he growled, peeling Izaya off of him.

Izaya just shuffled past Shizuo, taking off his jacket, which was half-hanging off of him already. He toed off his shoes and plopped down on the bed. Shizuo slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he said. "Get out!"

Izaya curled up, as if he was cold. "I'm sleepy."

"Go sleep in your own fucking bed!"

"I don't want to."

Shizuo stalked over and grabbed Izaya's wrist, jerking him up. "I don't care," he said. "Just go away!"

"No!" Izaya's hand wrapped around Shizuo's wrist, the fingers on his other hand curling into the bottom of Shizuo's shirt. "Just for tonight," he said. He looked up, and in the light, Shizuo could see his eyes were red around the edges, his skin pale. "Don't leave me alone."

Slowly, Shizuo sat down on the bed too. He took Izaya's other wrist, making him let go. "Why should I do that?" he said.

"Shizuo," Izaya said. "Please."

Shizuo frowned, taking one of Izaya's hands into his large ones. "You're drunk," he said. "Even though you almost never drink. And you've been crying, and you came to me, of all people. So, you're kind of freaking me out right now." He opened Izaya's hand, staring its emptiness. "Why should I let you stay?"

Izaya stared at Shizuo. His fingers twitched. "I'm not scared of you," he said, after several seconds. "And I don't want to be scared right now. You make me feel..." He closed his hand. "Safe."

Shizuo ran his thumb over the thin bones in Izaya's wrist. "Because I'm not a threat to you?" he said.

"Maybe. I don't know."

"I thought you knew everything."

"I do."

"Then why do you feel safe with me?" Shizuo said, looking up. Izaya's face was closer than he thought.

"Why does it matter?"

Shizuo skimmed his fingers over Izaya's forearm, the one with the scar. "Because," he said. "It just does."

"Shizuo." Izaya's fingers crept over Shizuo's knee. "Don't do that."

"Why?"

Izaya ran his hand along Shizuo's thigh, his pale skin coloring a little. "Because," he said. "You just can't."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I know."

Shizuo's fingers trailed up Izaya's arm. "Give me a good reason then."

Izaya licked his lips, his fingers pressing into Shizuo's leg. "I can't think of one."

They were so close now. The world right then was nothing but this cheap hotel room, nothing but his bed. It was so fragile, this space between them. Shizuo felt like one breath could shatter everything. He leaned forward.

Izaya's lips were sweet this time. He tasted like a sticky blue drink that had way too much alcohol, but Shizuo liked it better than bitter coffee. And he could taste Izaya too. The salt of his body, the flowery soap he used. Izaya flicked his tongue out, tasting Shizuo too. He seemed to like it because he kept licking Shizuo's lips, kept accidentally running into Shizuo's tongue.

Then it wasn't an accident. Shizuo was pushing forward too, their lips slick with the taste of each other. Izaya leaned back and dragged Shizuo with him, his arms around Shizuo's shoulders now, his fingers threading through his hair.

Shizuo steadied himself on top of Izaya, trying to concentrate even as Izaya sucked on his tongue and slipped one of his hands underneath his shirt.

Shizuo copied him, pushing Izaya's shirt up as he let his fingers wander. Then Izaya broke their kiss, gasping.

"Don't!" he said. His nails clawed into Shizuo's skin.

Shizuo drew his hand back. "What?" he said. "What's wrong?"

Izaya closed his eyes, panting. "Nothing. Bad memories. Just don't – don't touch me. Not there."

"Okay," Shizuo said. He hesitated, then leaned down to kiss Izaya. Izaya responded, but only half-heartedly, and a few seconds later, he pushed a little against Shizuo's chest.

"Shizuo," he said. "Stop."

Shizuo pulled back. "What – ?" he started to say, but then he felt the slight tremble in Izaya's hands. Shizuo looked at Izaya. His eyes were closed. His breaths were sharp and shallow, and his face was turned a little away from Shizuo, as if searching for fresh air. Slowly, Shizuo reached up and ran light fingers across Izaya's face.

"Hey," he said. "You okay?"

Izaya touched Shizuo's hand. "I just need a second," he said.

"You sure?" Shizuo rubbed a thumb over Izaya's smooth, flushed face. "We can stop if you want."

Izaya laughed softly, opening his eyes. "I can't do that to two guys in one night," he said.

"What?" Shizuo said. He felt something flare up inside of him. "You kissed someone else?"

Izaya glanced at him. "No one important."

"But – !"

Izaya reached up and kissed him. "I'll tell you about it later," he said. He wrapped his arms around Shizuo again. "Come on, you're ruining the mood."

His hands were still shaking. Shizuo looked at him, feeling his shaky breaths.

"Actually," he said. "Maybe some other time. I'm pretty tired."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," Izaya said. He took his hands back, letting out a deep breath. "Okay."

Shizuo leaned back, shifting off of Izaya as he climbed off the bed. "I'll turn off the lights," he said.

Izaya sat up. "Okay, I'll – "

"Come on, get under the covers," Shizuo said, looking back. "You'll catch a cold sleeping like that."

Izaya blinked. Then he smiled a little.

"Yeah," he said, looking at the bed. "Okay."

Izaya crawled under the covers, snuggling himself in the blankets. Shizuo had to tear his eyes away. "I'll go get ready for bed," he said.

"Mm."

When Shizuo got back, Izaya was already fast asleep. Shizuo climbed in beside him, so that their backs were to each other. He closed his eyes, sighing.

After a few seconds, Izaya spoke up.

"Shizuo?" he said.

Shizuo opened his eyes. "Yeah?"

"You can put your arms around me, if you want."

"No, that's okay."

A few seconds' silence.

"Shizuo?"

"What?"

"Put your arms around me."

Shizuo hesitated. Izaya whined a little, softly. Smiling, Shizuo turned around and wrapped his arms around Izaya. He didn't question it when Izaya took his hand, only listening as Izaya sighed quietly. After a few seconds, Shizuo threaded their fingers together.