Fate's Games
(A/N: Second up today. This story was brought about by a conversation with Lucia. Before hearing her story I'd never thought much on the name, after it I searched high and low to figure out who this character was only to find it was an NPC I'd thought little of until then. After that I liked him far more. This is one of the longest ones I've done so far. The dialogue isn't exactly in line with the actual dialogue, but I didn't have the motivation to look the conversation up.)
Beggar
She'd never thought seriously about romance. It had never been on her agenda, on her list of things to do. She was the Dragonborn. She enjoyed freedom. She was independent and strong, too much so to bother with something as trivial as marriage. She needed no man in her life. She could take care of herself. However, there was one thing she couldn't escape, one thing that was so deeply rooted in the heart of a women that there was no denying it. That thing was maternal instinct, and she had felt it for the first time when she had stumbled upon the child in the streets of Whiterun, the little girl, begging for no more than one gold piece.
"Please, miss, can you spare a coin, just one?" the child hopefully asked, gazing up at her with big, wide, hopeful eyes. "I'm so hungry and so cold."
It had broken her heart to see the little one so alone and despondent. "Here you are, darling," she gently replied, handing the girl five gold pieces.
"Oh wow, thank you. Thank you so much! I-I can afford food now," the child eagerly exclaimed.
"Why are you begging?" the woman couldn't help but wonder, pity and worry in her eyes.
ES
In that moment the child's eyes became so filled with sadness and helplessness that it shattered her heart all the more. Looking miserably down at the ground, the girl answered, "It-it's what Brenuin said I should do. He's the only one who's been kind to me since mama… since she died, I was sent to live with my Aunt and Uncle on their farm, but they threw me out, they said I wasn't good for anything. I've been alone ever since. I… I don't know what to do."
Oh how the Dragonborn wished then and there to offer to adopt the little one, but as it was, she had no place for the girl to stay; at least not yet. This Brenuin the little one had mentioned… He must be a good man, perhaps even well off. Even if he were poor, he must be kind. Children were excellent judges of character for the most part. Maybe if she could find him and speak to him, she could convince him to take the little one under his wing. She didn't believe she'd met him, yet, but she would try to find him, if only for the child's sake. She watched the girl wander off to beg money from one of the citizens of Whiterun. Coldly she was brushed off. The woman's eyes narrowed icily. The sooner she found this Brenuin the better.
ES
She was appalled, to say the least, on finding out just who Brenuin was. She had approached the town beggar in her search for the man. After all, surely he'd begged from this Brenuin himself. Taking his arm, she asked, "Excuse me, but do you know who Brenuin is?"
"Leave me alone. I didn't do nothin'!" the beggar insisted, pulling roughly away from her. Immediately she'd caught on. The town beggar and drunk was the man the child had spoken of!
"You're Brenuin?" she asked in disbelief.
"What's it to ya?" he sneered in reply. She was too flustered to reply. He scoffed and began walking off. Wait, wait, this didn't make sense. What was this man, this useless drunk's, affiliation and purpose with the little girl she'd spoken to? Why would a man like this be so kind to an orphan like the child? She felt a chill go through her at the implications, then disgust. Quickly she pursued him. She would get to the bottom of this once and for all.
"Wait!" she ordered, eyes narrowed dangerously as she went after him. She seized his arm and turned him to face her.
"Get off me, wench!" he shot angrily, shoving her away and retreating quickly back a couple of steps, now guarded and suspicious of the stranger. "I tell you I didn't do it, whatever it was."
"Are you always drunk?" she angrily demanded, put off by his attitude.
"Only if I can help it," he replied, smirking and chuckling. "But damn if I ain't sober. Say, in the Bannered Mare there's this case of Argonian Ale; you know, the good stuff. How about grabbing it for me? Come on, no one will even notice."
She scoffed in disgust. "I won't help you feed your habit," she replied.
"Then we have nothing to say," he declared, starting off again.
"What is it you expect to gain from the little orphan girl?!" the Dragonborn sharply demanded.
ES
Immediately Brenuin froze in place. After a moment he turned, eyes suspiciously narrowed. "Lucia? What about her?" he asked.
"Answer the question," the Dragonborn commanded.
"What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously, turning and crossing his arms warningly.
"She is a child!" the Dragonborn snapped. "She has nothing but the clothes on her back and yet for some reason a man like you chooses to bother with her. Why? What do you think you're going to get?" she snarled.
"I don't think I like what you're implying," he defended immediately.
"You are a drunk and a beggar, you are rude, you are quick to anger, but for some reason she claims that you are the only person in this town who has shown her kindness since her mother's death," the Dragonborn stated. "Why? What do you want from her? I promise you, if you plan to do any harm to her innocent little body…"
He laughed, then; he actually laughed. "You think I'm desperate enough to go for some kid? I don't think so. I'm a lot of things, but a pervert ain't one of them. What, you think I'm out to rob the clothes from her back too? Maybe her innocence as a bonus, huh? Spare me your ludicrous ideas," he snarled. Turning his back on her he paused. After a moment he added, looking back, "My relationship with Lucia is none of your concern, kindly stay out of my affairs."
"If you ever hurt her…" the Dragonborn began.
"I'll tell you what, if I ever hurt her you have my express permission to cut off my parts and feed them to me. Heck, for good measure you can even carve me up when you're done and give my remains to the dogs. That way there'll be nothing left to find. Not like anyone would care anyway… I would have betrayed and broken too badly the only one who would have given a hoot, and that I promise you I would never be able to live with," he replied. Taken aback by his words, she could only watch blankly after him as he walked away. What had he meant by that, she wondered? She felt a pang of guilt pull at her heart. Had she been too cold, too judgemental? No… no… he was a drunk, and that was all he would ever be. She had dealt with drunks for a large portion of her life. His kindness to the girl had likely been only a one-time occurrence…
ES
Brenuin walked down the dark streets and pulled into a shadow. He looked back at the strange woman who had accosted him curiously. She was still standing there looking lost in thought. After a moment she walked away. He sighed in relief, feeling his body relax. Concernedly he looked towards the Gildergreen Tree where he knew Lucia so often went to beg. He hadn't checked on her for some time. It bothered him that a stranger had had to remind him of that fact before he'd pondered doing anything about it. Silently he walked through the streets heading towards the tree. It was getting late. She would be desperately begging for a bit more gold before everyone went to their homes.
As he walked up the steps he heard a soft crying and paused, concern springing to his eyes. He sped up, jogging up the stairs. He spotted her then, curled up at the foot of the tree, head buried in her knees and shoulders shaking with sobs. "Lucia," he said worriedly, swiftly crossing to her. She gasped in fear, looking quickly up. On seeing him, though, she relaxed and wiped her tears.
"I was too late to buy food. All the shops were closed," she miserably said. She whimpered and held her stomach as it grumbled. "I finally had enough money. The nice lady gave me five coins. I could afford food but-but it was too late…"
He would go out on a limb and say the nice lady had been the woman who had accosted him. He felt his stomach knotting on hearing Lucia's plight. He'd had his share of days like this; starving, cold, depressed. He looked down with a sigh as she began crying again. "Hey, kiddo, don't do that," he pled, reaching out and gently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," he cooed, pulling her close and hugging her gently. She sniffed, clinging to him desperately and bursting into fresh tears. She was shivering, he felt. He was reminded, then, of just how cold it was tonight. It would only get colder now, as winter neared. It would be her first winter without her mother. It would be a testament to her survival. If she could pull through the snows of this year, chances were she would be better equipped to deal with the snows in the years to come… But he didn't want her to have to test that… No child should ever have to test that.
"Hey, I have something for you," he said, smiling softly at her. She looked up at him curiously. He reached into a pouch and brought out the bread he hadn't gotten a chance to eat. Right after he'd bought it with what he'd begged, he'd been accosted by that woman. It would have been the only food he'd had for the last two days, but he was more able to handle hunger than the child was. "There you go. Save every gold piece you make, love. One day you'll make it off the streets."
"Do you think?" she asked.
"I know," he replied. "Don't give up, Lucia."
"But you never got off the streets," she replied, looking sad again.
"I didn't have the luxury of a pretty face," he teased, tilting her chin and playfully flicking her nose… Teasing expression falling to a serious one as he thought over his words, he added, "But despite that, no matter how bad things get promise me one thing."
"What?" she asked curiously.
"That you will never sell yourself out to try and make ends meet, okay? Come to me and we'll work things out. Do not let anyone take advantage of you. You're so much better than that. It isn't a life you deserve, none of this is, but things will look up for you," he vowed.
"I promise," she replied, smiling bravely up at him.
"That's my girl," he praised. "Come on, let's see if we can't find you someplace warm to sleep tonight." She grinned and stood up, taking his hand trustingly and gazing up at him in adoration.
ES
The Dragonborn returned to the Gildergreen Tree early the next morning. She was worried about the little girl. It had been a frigid night, and an even colder one loomed for this evening, likely the first snows. She spotted the young girl sitting on the steps and watching despondently as the other children her age laughed and played on the streets. Lucia wished she could join them. The only ones who paid her any attention were Braith and Mina, and that was only in passing. They were the closest things to friends she had, and she didn't even particularly like Braith.
"Lucia," the Dragonborn said, approaching. "How were you last night? Where did you sleep?" she concernedly asked, taking the girl's shoulders gently.
Lucia immediately lit up on seeing the woman. She liked her, she was nice and kind. "Brenuin showed me a warm spot just outside the Bannered Mare. You can feel the fireplace burning from behind the stone," she answered.
The Dragonborn frowned concernedly. Brenuin again. She wasn't sure what to make of the man. "Did he sleep there too?" she asked, picking her words carefully.
Lucia looked sad and bowed her head, answering, "No, he stayed in the cold. He gave me his blanket too. Now he's too sick to beg, though. He gave me his money so I could buy food for myself. I wanted to buy him food, but he told me not to worry and that he didn't need to eat today… But he hasn't eaten for three days. He doesn't think I know, but I do. He gave me his food last night." The Dragonborn could only listen in awe and disbelief to the little girl's story. "I'm worried about him," Lucia said concernedly. "I couldn't wake him up when I went back to check on him."
Why those words sent a chill through the woman's body was beyond her. "Come on, let's go check on Brenuin. I'll even bring him food," she said, taking the little girl's hand and leading her off.
ES
"There he is!" Lucia exclaimed, pointing at the man's still form. She tried to go forward, but the Dragonborn held her shoulder tightly, pale. The girl looked uncertainly up at her.
"Let me check on him first," she said, because in all honesty she was afraid, very much so, that he would never wake up.
"O-kay?" Lucia uncertainly asked.
The Dragonborn quickly walked towards him and knelt beside the man's body. Gently she placed a hand on his head. It was cold, no signs of life. Fear came to her eyes. "Brenuin? Brenuin, don't do this, not now, not with little Lucia so close," she softly pled, searching for a sign of life. "Listen to me, listen to my voice, she trusts you, loves you. I don't know why, and whether I trust you with her even a fraction as much is a question I've asked over one-hundred times since seeing you. I will not trust you, not yet, but my thoughts aren't what matters. She's watching, Brenuin, wanting you to wake up. Don't let her down like so many others have. You are the only one she has been able to rely on since her mother's death."
She felt a slight stirring and let out a sigh of relief. He was still alive. Quickly she lifted his head and gently administered a Potion of Cure Disease and a Potion of Healing. He coughed, shaking his head with a disgusted expression. His eyes flickered open and he started on seeing the woman whose arms he was in. "Whoa, this is a dream come true," he muttered weakly. "I can't be dead, because Sovengarde's reserved for heroes."
"Heroes come in many forms," she replied softly, smiling. "Lucia, sweetheart, come here!" she called. Lucia quickly headed over.
"Are you okay, Brenuin?" she asked worriedly.
"No, but I'll pull through," he replied.
"We brought you food. I didn't buy it, she did," the girl stated, quickly ensuring she let him know she was saving her coins.
"Good girl," he replied as he brushed her hair back, smiling softly. Lucia offered him the Rabbit Haunch. He was in awe of the meal. He'd never had something quite so fancy, well what he considered fancy, before. Rabbit Haunch was actually quite common, but still.
"Come on, let's get you somewhere warm," the Dragonborn said, helping him up and letting him lean on her.
ES
The little girl had fallen asleep, curled up in the woman's arms. The Dragonborn cradled the child, watching the beggar closely. "Are you going to get me that ale or what?" he suddenly asked, startling her. She'd thought he was asleep.
Finally she replied, "My father was a drunk, begged for every cent we had and spent it on wine and mead and ale. He was always drunk, and always dangerous. How many times he nearly beat my mother and me to death… Then one day he succeeded… Mother never recovered, succumbing to her injuries, and he was executed for her murder. I was sent to my uncle, but he was no better than my father, a drunken beggar as well. In fact he was worse. His abuse… His abuse wasn't physical…"
Brenuin listened quietly, gaze fixated on the ceiling as he tried hard not to care but found himself pitying her anyway. It explained very much, like why she didn't trust him, why she believed that he planned to hurt the little girl… "I would never hurt Lucia, not even in my most drunken state."
"Those were the words my father said exactly," she practically hissed, closing her eyes tightly. "I would never hurt my daughter, not even in my most drunken state." Opening them again, she asked, "How do you know you haven't hurt her already? It wouldn't even need to be physically. I had to take care of my father, when mother was being tended to and he was drunk. I became the parent when I was hardly older than Lucia. It was me cooking his meals, me telling him to go to bed, me getting him to bathe and to take care of himself… When you say that I know nothing about your relationship, I don't argue. All I know with conviction is that she loves you, she trusts you… but I loved and trusted my father as well, right up until his dying day. I hated them for taking him from me, but as I grew up I realized the full impact of what had happened in my life, not only at my Uncle's hands but at my father's. This is why I won't feed your habit. I will not let you ruin this little girl's life."
"I'm not looking to be her father," Brenuin argued.
"But you are! Don't you see that a father is exactly how she sees you?" the Dragonborn asked. "No… no, you wouldn't. You're too drunk all the time to notice. To you she's just some little girl who you drop a few crumbs here and there in an attempt to redeem yourself in your own eyes."
"Hey, I don't need you telling me how to live my life!" he shouted angrily, rising onto one arm and startling Lucia awake.
ES
"Mama, papa?" the little one quickly asked, still waking up. Brenuin savagely bit his tongue, as did the Dragonborn.
"It's all right, love, it's all right. Go to sleep," the woman cooed reassuringly.
"Wh-why were you yelling?" she asked, looking fearfully from one to the other.
"We weren't yelling. We were… creatively discussing matters," Brenuin defended, tone lowered significantly. The little girl blinked confusedly up then shrugged, settling back down. In a few minutes she was sleeping again.
"What life do you live?" the Dragonborn bit in a whisper.
Brenuin looked coldly back at the Dragonborn. After a long silence he answered, "The only life I ever knew…" The Dragonborn met his eyes curiously, listening. "Look, Lucia is not just some child I help out now and then, okay? She's what I was at her age. My parents died when I was younger than even her. I had no relatives, nothing. I have lived and begged on these godsforsaken streets my whole life, so don't tell me I'm only trying to 'redeem' myself in my 'own eyes'. What I am trying to do, all that I am trying to do, is give her a way out of the nightmare I have lived since I was younger than five! I made mistakes, ones that trapped me here, dooming me to the streets for life like some prison sentence. I saved nothing, spent everything. How was I supposed to know what to do with money other than buy food? The words 'save up' weren't even in my vocabulary. What could I do? I had to eat… And then I was introduced to the drink. Things seemed easier, pain seemed non-existent. For the first time in my life there was a sense of happiness and warmth, and I didn't know until far too late that it was all just an illusion. At that point I didn't care either. I took what I got. She, though, still has the possibility of a future. That opportunity slipped through my fingers the moment I hit age ten and gave my life up for lost basically saying damn it all."
She looked down, tears burning her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "But more than I am sorry for what happened to you, I'm sorry you won't fight it anymore… Not even for the only person I'm willing to bet you've ever cared about since your childhood. I've said it once, I'll say it again, if you ever hurt her, and I know you don't believe you will but if, you will regret it."
"I'm sorry for the mess your life became, but not all of us are like your uncle and your father," Brenuin growled.
"They certainly don't mean to be," she answered. She settled the child on the chair and covered her in a blanket. With that she left the room. She needed to go before she and the beggar actually really got into it when he tried to defend himself again, which he would. They always did. Brenuin blinked after her then looked hesitantly, protectively, towards the slumbering child. He felt his heart painfully twist and quickly forced the feeling away, laying back. Here was hoping he could actually sleep in peace without dreams interrupting it tonight.
ES
She watched from the shadows as he went up to the slumbering child, curled up beneath the Gildergreen tree. The snow was beginning to fall. Brenuin looked up then knelt at her side. He wrapped her tightly in a blanket and began stroking her hair gently. The woman approached, then, coming up behind him. "I'll pay for her to stay in the Bannered Mare… And for you," she softly said.
He turned, startled at her presence. After a moment he turned back to the child, answering, "Pay for her. I don't need your sympathy." He felt her forehead and said, "She might be getting sick… Damn…" She bent down and held out a small Potion of Cure Disease. He looked at it a long moment before taking it. "This can only do so much, depending on what she has," he told the Dragonborn.
"You've caught it early enough," she answered. He nodded then tilted the young girl's head up, pouring the liquid into her mouth and hoping she swallowed naturally without awakening. Luckily she did. Quietly he rose, examining her carefully.
"I let myself get in too deep," he murmured, shaking his head ruefully. She said nothing. Now wasn't the time. All at once, though, he asked in a slightly vulnerable voice, "Do you think I should leave her?"
The Dragonborn quickly looked over at him. After a long moment she replied, "I never asked you to leave her."
"I know… Would you have hated your father if he'd left?" he wondered.
She looked sadly down. After a long moment she answered, "Maybe… But when I found out that he had left for our own good… How could I have hated him? He would have fled to protect us."
"You mean if you found out," Brenuin corrected.
"When," she firmly stated.
He was silent a long moment. Finally he asked, "Will she be safe again if I leave?"
"Was she in danger?" the Dragonborn questioned.
He sighed deeply then answered, "I don't know anymore… But I am not the father she needs… I can't be… I can hardly take responsibility for myself."
"Yet you feed her and give her every cent you make, you clothe her if you can and you protect and take care of her," she remarked.
"I guess it's nice, finally taking some responsibility, but the novelty will wear off," he replied, shrugging. "Then what will happen?"
"I don't know, but then I don't know if the novelty will wear off for you," she answered. He looked curiously at her, raising an eyebrow. She simply smirked mysteriously and bent, picking the little girl up. She would bring her into the Bannered Mare again. "Brenuin…" she started. He cocked his head to the side inquisitively. She bit her lower lip then said, "Take care of yourself… I wish you would accept my offer to pay for a room for you."
"Hey, I've been on the streets a long time," he replied, smiling. "Staying a night in the cold isn't going to kill me." She smiled softly. "Hey… thanks," he added. Nodding his head at her, he quickly walked away. She watched after him worriedly. How she hoped he was right.
"Brenuin… don't leave?" she more pled than stated.
He paused, turning back curiously. A small smirk tugged at his lips and he replied, "I'm not going anywhere. Not yet." She grinned gratefully and turned back to the child in her arms. Perhaps romance wasn't so bad?