I'm wrapped up in my pink hooded parka, thank God he got the right shade of pink, he nearly bought the shocking pink one, can you imagine! My name would have been mud in the dog park! Master only got the right one by chance as it came with a matching lead, and the lead was only in petal pink, I still thank my lucky stars for that!
We are striding together towards the petting zoo at the park, it's a bunch of farm folk stuck in runs with weird smelling little humans poking them all day. My friend Jose gets a rough ride of it, he's the goat attraction and his mistress Carmela, has noticed he has a thing for Devan, the other male goat... poor Jose, they put up signs and everything, I saw them! Master laughed and said "A gay goat? I've heard it all now!"
That was a couple of weeks ago now. I see Jose standing near his sign, I bark hello, he bleets hi back. Poor git, Devan won't even look at him.
Master tugs my lead away from the zoo and towards the doggie park and freedom, off this damn lead. I bound forward, uh oh there is a new guy in my park! I see all the other bitches checking him out, Gwen is practically drooling all over him, oh dear Lord, she is drooling on him. I'm embarrassed for my species!
Master stands to one side and picks up a stick for me. He's gonna throw it but not the first three swipes, I know this but I play my part well and run regardless. I swear humans think we are blind as well as stupid! On his third graceful swing the stick flies from his muscular arm, I pause to admire master in all his glory, then I run like the wind, the breeze blowing through my fir. I can't see where that stick landed, I take a long sniff for masters smell. Mmmm, it's close. I run over to it and grab it in my teeth, I pull but it won't move. I look up and there's that dog from earlier, and he's holding my stick! I let out a low growl, back off dog this stick is mine, he drops it quickly. I drag it back to master.
Bloody humans! He's moved! They are never where you leave them!
"Ana? Ana? Where are you?" I hear master calling
"Grey? Grey?" I hear a mistress calling.
Oh my God master is so funny sometimes, he's just walked into the mistress! They are both on their arses on the floor and for once it's not my fault! (I got put in a kennel by the washing machine for that, master was not happy.) I wonder how he'll punish her? Oh jings he's struggling to get up, grab the fence you stupid man! The mistress is trying not to laugh at him
"Woof woof woof!" Don't laugh at him! That's my master, he may look particularly stupid right now but he's not too bad, for a human I mean... The mistress stretches her arm out to him, oh no you don't, I bark louder at the mistress.
"It's okay Ana, I'm fine" hmm, I'm not too sure about that master, your still sprawled out on your arse in public, Gwen, Lynn and Susan are all staring at me and him. I wish the ground would open and swallow us both whole!
"How do you know my name?" Oh the mistress woman speaks, she sounds a lot more friendly than weird purple eyes this morning.
"Huh? I was talking to my dog." Yeah, lady, he was talking to me! Oh he's made her change colour! She's red! How does master do that? Every time we go out for a walk a lot of the mistresses, and a few of the masters turn red. I think it's some kind of human infection, master never turns red, master is never sick either.
"Your, uh, dogs called, uh, Ana?" Oh this one must be really ill, maybe maybe its rabies, I don't know what that is but masters mother seems to think I'll give it to her. Maybe I should see a vet? Nah, I hate that git! He is a pervert, he likes shoving stuff up my arse, he'll no to that! Now if I ever started foaming at the mouth then yeah I'd expect to see the vet, but until that day comes, or a leg falls off I think I'll pass!
"Yeah." Oh shit master is changing colour too!
"So am I" oh joy, I share a name with a bloody human! I let out a small whimper just to remind master I'm still here, and that his backside is still planted in the mud. "Hey Ana" oh she's talking to me, Jesus, what do I do with that, oh she's coming at me, oh God, I've died and gone to heaven, oh I can't help rolling onto my back, please scratch my tummy, oh yeah, like that, mmmmmm, oh please your hands, they are so soft. Nooooooo, no you can't stop! I shamelessly rub my body against her.
"Ana, leave her alone." Master sounds mad so I give him my sad eyes, works every time!
"It's okay, she's beautiful." See, like a charm!
Master stumbles to his feet. I know this drill too here comes the lead. Now here lies my dilemma, do I sit and be a good girl or do I make master chase me about for the next ten to fifteen minutes then let him think he's 'won'. Option b wins! Come and get me! I see the other Ana giggling as master plumbers after me caked in mud, and other foul smelling stuff, I mean he washes in some weird smelling shit everyday, he smells like flowers. Who in their right mind wants to smell like flowers? Give me a nice pile of steaming horse dung any day, master seemed to like my perfume that day, mistress Gail hid from me, wearing a strange mask over her face. I got a long shower that day, the bastard washed me with some of his weird flower shit, he also told me I'm not to roll in dung again (I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist) he also asked me a lot of questions, now this I don't understand. I'M A FRIGGIN DOG! I don't speak human, I don't understand a lot of it either! Mental note made to ask Rosie (the cat that knows everything, except where I've hidden her catnip) what a flogger is. Master talks about things like that with the one that I marked, I refuse to dirty my mouth with her name.
I hear him getting close to me so I bolt back over to the mistress with my name and sit at her feet. Master comes running towards me puffing and panting, and cursing under his breath at me. The mistress is crouched down petting me holding my collar gently so I can't escape. I hear the click of the lead.
"Sorry, she's not normally like this, she's a really good dog." He's glowering at me uh oh, busted! "Would you maybe like to go out for dinner sometime?" Excuse me? How am I gonna come?
"That'd be lovely." She's giving him the puppy dog eyes, oh shit, he's giving her them back! I tug master away, does he not understand how thirsty I am? I am not willing to slum it with a puddle when my mineral water is at home, so is my couch, I could use a... can't breathe, can't breathe! Why can't I breathe? I step back towards master, oh the air the precious air fills my lungs. I look at the ground in front of me, there's something about that rock, it must be an air stealer. I turn to face master, well blow me down! Hes attached to her, the other Ana! I have to save him!
I run over as fast as my four legs will carry me. I pull on his trouser leg as hard as I can, I hear them both groaning, it must be really bad! Their arms and hands are flailing about, shoving each other away. I bark to draw attention to them. Surely someone can help?! I pull on his legs again and suddenly he breaks free. I did it! I saved him, but master doesn't even look at me, he has his head stuck to other Ana's. I run round them a couple of times checking that they are okay.
"Oh no! I forgot Grey!" Mistress runs off back to the dog park. Master stares after her, I think he's drooling a bit! Ewww! Mistress comes back a couple of minutes later with the new guy from the park. "I'm dogsitting for my friend this week. This is Greyson, otherwise known as Grey." Oh great! I'm gonna be stuck with some territorial arse while master tries to mate with mistress. So long as he doesn't try to sniff my backside we will be fine. We stride into the entrance of our block, oh fuck Ord and Las the twin cats are sitting on the reception desk, I let out a low growl as does the Grey fellow. Master and mistress tug us into the lift, just as the doors begin to close I bound forward nipping at Ord's heels, that'll teach her for, aaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh! I'm flying, I can hear master shouting and Grey barking. Mistress at the reception comes bouncing, sorry bounding to my aid. She unclips my strangling lead and puts me down on the floor, where did those damn cats go...
A/N: Wow! You guys like a laugh eh? thanks for all the reviews! This chapter is dedicated to my FSOG FANFICTION girls! love you all, even if you do nag for updates (not thinking of anyone in particular...Rosie!)
love you all
Carrie J x