This chapter's a bit short, but ayy, at least I'm updating more often, right? Enjoy~

I quietly walked back into the dorm, keeping my eyes out for Yukio. The cuts had long since healed, but my clothes and skin were still stained with blood. I walked up the stairs and towards my room, going slowly to avoid making any kind of noise. I put my ear against the door to our room and listened for a few moments. Feeling confident that Yukio wasn't home, I pushed open the door and walked inside. I walked over to my closet and pulled out a change of clothes and grabbed a towel. I didn't even feel upset anymore, just empty. I was about to take a shower when my gaze moved to Yukio's side of the room and the locked box under his bed where he kept his extra exorcist supplies. Manly, his guns, ammo, and holy water. With a gun I definitely would succeed. One shot to the head and it would all be over. No more feeling pointless, no more hurting, no more wondering if people actually cared or they were just pulling your leg. Bon and Yukio didn't care...how could anyone care about me...I was an abomination, a burden to Assiah. Everyone would be better off if I just died. The only reason I was still alive was because the Vatican wanted to use me. That was it. They didn't see me as a person, all they say was a tool they could use until it broke, then they'd throw it out and find a new one. I wished they had just killed me when they found out I existed. Why did I have to defend myself? Why didn't the Paladin kill me when he had the chance?

I began to walk towards Yukio's bed and then kneeled down to pull out the black box. I put in the four digit code that Yukio didn't know I knew and slowly opened the box. I stared down at it's organized contents: two hand held guns, different types of ammo separated by type, and four holy water grenades in the left hand corner. My hand slowly moved towards the gun before pausing. Should I really do it? Or am I just overreacting? Was I right about Bon and Yukio or was I wrong? I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I stayed like that for a moment before opening my eyes and grabbing the gun. I grabbed a clip of holy water bullets and one grenade before setting them aside and closed the box. I slid the box back under the bed before putting the clip into the gun and picking up the grenade. I walked out of the room and up to the roof, looking around the area I had cut at so many times before. The same place I had contemplated suicide many times before. Now, the place I was actually going to carry it out. Alone. Where no one would know and no one would care. I set the grenade down and looked off at the scenery one last time. I turned off the safety and put the gun to my head, closing my eyes. I took in a deep breath and then let it out. I began to pull the trigger-

"RIN!" A sudden voice made me jump and a hand slapped the gun out of my hand. Suddenly I was on the ground and staring at my younger twin brother. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

I looked at the gun then at him, "I…." His eyes were filled with anger and worry, his lips pressed into a thin line. He looked like he wanted to strangle me. I looked down, feeling like it was pointless to answer. He knew exactly what I had been about to do. His eyes travelled to my blood stained clothes and skin, at the gun and then back at me. In a softer tone he asked, "Rin, what happened?"

I stayed silent for a moment before looking up at him, "do you care about me?"

"Of course I do!" He frowned.

"It's not...it's not to make sure I don't kill myself because of you, or to make dad happy, or-"

"Rin." Yukio put a hand on my shoulder. "I care because you're my brother. We already talked about this...what made you think differently? Was it Suguro? Did he say something?"

I shook my head as tears welled up in my eyes and poured over onto my cheeks. I looked down as Yukio wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I laid my head on his shoulder and let the tears flow. "I'm so sorry Rin...I'm sorry we ever made you feel this way."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him, just feeling grateful for the moment of comfort. He rubbed my back with a sigh. "Rin...remember when we were little kids and you used to hold me like this whenever I cried or needed someone?" I didn't look at him and gave a simple nod, wondering why he was mentioning it. "Well, maybe it's time for you to be able to rely on me like I always relied on you. We are brothers, after all." He repeated my saying with a small chuckle. I sniffed and gave a small smile.

I was sitting on my bed with a blanket around my shoulders and a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. I sipped the hot chocolate, watching as Yukio put his supplies back into the box and change the lock code. I felt a little bit of guilt that he couldn't trust me, but I've given him every reason not to. I had taken a shower after I calmed down from my previous break down. Yukio had stayed in the bathroom as well and graded homework while I was bathing, just to make sure nothing happened. Then he started putting his supplies away after I was done and putting his exorcising weapons in places I wouldn't be able to get ahold of them.

He slid the box back under the bed and turned to face me. "Rin...about all the blood on you when I found you..."

"Yeah….?" I asked hesitantly.

"Did you cut yourself earlier?" Came the unavoidable question. He stared at me with his piercing teacher gaze and I looked away, holding the mug tighter. I sighed and gave a small nod.

"I figured. I found this in your pants pocket while you were in the shower." His words made me freeze and I looked over to see him holding up my extra, no longer secret secret knife. "I thought you said you had given us all the things you would possibly use to harm yourself." He said sternly.

"...To be honest, the original thought was self defense...not cutting…"

"But it was used for cutting nonetheless." He crossed his arms with disapproval.

"I'm sorry, okay?! But it happened and lecturing me isn't gonna change that fact!" I snapped in frustration.

"I know that! I'm just worried about you." He put the knife on his desk.

I opened my mouth to reply when there was a knock on the door and it creaked open. Bon walked in with a worried expression on his face. I looked away from him, feeling hurt welling up in my chest again.

"Rin!" He walked over and sat down next to me. "Where were you? Why didn't you ever show up?"

I put the chocolate on my desk and kept my face turned away from him, "Do you even care?"

"What?! Why the hell wouldn't I care?!" Anger was obvious in his voice.

I finally turned my gaze back to him, trying to look angry but just ending up looking hurt. "I heard you and Shima talking. You didn't deny anything that he said."

Bon's eyes widened before his pressed his lips together into a thin line. Yukio looked over in interest, I hadn't yet told him why I did what I did. "Rin." Bon growled with anger in his voice, "you're a complete fucking idiot." I looked at him in offense and opened my mouth to speak, but didn't get the chance before the older boy went on. "Did you even bother to stick around to listen to my response?"

"I….no, I mean...you were just silent! I…"

"That's because I was trying to control my anger in order not to beat the shit out of Shima! If you had bothered to stick around to listen or actually confronted me afterwards, you would have found out that I told Shima off and then kicked him out! I don't actually think any of those things Shima said! Now just what did you do because you thought I didn't care about you?!" He grabbed my shirt collar and glared at me fiercely. I turned my gaze away, feeling embarrassed and guilty I thought what I did about him, and even more so at what I did in response. "What did you do?! What did he do?!" He looked at Yukio.

Yukio looked at me then at Bon. He gave a sigh, "he cut himself. That's it." I stared at Yukio, wondering why he didn't tell the whole truth. He didn't return the gaze however, continuing to look at Bon. Bon let go of my shirt and ran a hand through his hair.

"Goddammit Rin…."

"I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Sorry doesn't change anything!" He snapped. I looked away and pulled the blanket closer around myself, feeling like a child. No one said anything else, a thick silence filling the room.

"Does…" I finally spoke up, "Does Shima hate me? What about everyone else? I though Shima and I were cool, but…"

"I...I honestly don't know. I thought he didn't, but…" Bon shrugged. "Konekomaru doesn't hate you. I talked to him. I mean, he's still scared, because...uh…"

"Because I'm a monster." I finished his explanation.

"No! You're not a monster!" Bon crossed his arms. I just shrugged. Bon sighed, "and I don't know what anyone else thinks."

"Shiemi doesn't hate you either," Yukio spoke. "I don't think she has the capability to hate anyone, really. She just didn't know what to think. She still wants to be your friend though."

"Really?" I looked at him. He nodded and I smiled weakly, picking up my hot chocolate and taking another sip.

"And you'll find out everyone else's opinions as well tomorrow." Yukio added.

I looked up at him, "What?"

"You're going to school tomorrow, you've missed enough of it." Yukio sat down at his desk. "Suguro and I are both here, so we can use how much time necessary to get you caught up."

I groaned and rolled my eyes, just when Yukio had started getting better, he decides to torture me some more. Go figure.