Arny was walking into Armadillo, feeling a breeze through his underwear suit.
There great for when you have the diarea or want buttsex fast!
Well, he was walking on the street, his horse miles away. He went inside a store, where there was a good salesman.
"I'm Herbert Moon!" He shouted at Arny.
Arny nodded. "I'm Arny. I came to kill Bill Williamson and his friends."
"Are they Jews?" Herbert asked.
"I don't know..."
"Kill all the Jews!" Herbert Moon yelled. "Kill them all!"
Herbert Moon ran out of his shop, ripping his clothes off while yelling the same thing over and over. Arny shrugged it off and went to the sheriffs office.
"Damn it! I hate these phones!" The sheriff shouted as he pounded the contraption down. "Well. If its important they'll send someone down."
"They did." Arny stepped in, a rush of wind blowing open the door. He stood in the door way like a brave ranger!
"I need your help getting to Mexico."
The sheriff thought long and hard about those words. Scratching his chin and nodding. Then, he had a grin on his face.
"I might help you... If you can help me first."
Arny growled, but if he was as mighty as he appeared to be, then he could do this. "Fine. What is it?"
"Well, the bar lost its piano man. And there's a gang of thieves stealing from us."
"No problem." Arny walked off and went to solve these problems.
While he was gone, the sheriff got into a magazine and unzipped his pants and read the next issue of Cowgirl. Featuring Abigail Marston.
Arny walked to the bar, stepping inside to see the place filled with drinking people and hookers. Arny looked at the hookers with intent.
"Hi there, cowboy. Wanna go somewhere private?" Some blonde hooked said.
But Arny didn't want this girl to be ashamed of herself. So he threw her on a table in front of everyone, and undid her corset. Everyone watched as the two went to pound town and got all creamy.
When they were done, the hooker stood up and limped her way back to the couch.
Some of the other cowboys admired Arny's great love making skills. While other cowboys were outraged and jealous.
"We don't like your type makin' sex with our women!" Some chubby outlaw told him.
Arny stood up, and went chest to chest with this guy. He was a mean lookin man, with a slobbish tone to him. Arny head butted the man, grabbing his top hat and scrunching it up inside the slobs mouth.
Arny punched him repeatedly till he saw the top hat in his mouth had enough.
The outlaw coughed it all out, while his hat seemed to prop itself just fine.
Arny looked at the piano and saw it was still broke. The cracked piano pieces still had blood on them from the last guy.
"Ah, You must be the guy that'll get us a piano guy."
Arny sat the place on fire. Watching the wood burn as burning hookers and people came out. The hookers rubbed there chest and legs as they burned, while the others laid on the ground, burning alive.
The sheriff ran out of his office, his pants down and a creamy magazine in his hand. He looked at the burning saloon and ran like a peg legged crabs patient.
"What happened, Arny? Why is the saloon on fire!"
Arny shrugged. "I don't know. The bartender probably did it. He also set himself on fire, too. Look."
The bartender was rolling in the dirt, screaming as his body was consumed by the fire.
The sheriff sighed. That's the second saloon that was burned down by an idiot bartender. He shook his head and waddled back to his office.
Arny had another task at hand: the thief gang. He tracked the gang down in a hide out in the canyons. They were pondering there hands in gold while running in circles.
"Jews." Herbert moon whispered in his ear.
Arny grabbed Herbert Moon and lifted him up. He was above his head, and the naked old man was flailing his arms and legs.
"Don't whisper in my ear with your mustache touching me!" Arny hollered, throwing him down the canyon.
Herbert Moon fell on two thief's, killing the three of them.
The rest of the thieves looked up to see a man with his guns and in his one piece underwear.
They stood up and ran to their horses, jumping on the saddle and kicking them into speed.
Arny pulled out a sniper and aimed at them, a long distance seemed only to get longer. But the bullet got each and everyone of them, the money still in the canyon and not to be stolen ever again.
Arny rode into armadillo with the money, golden jewelry and paper money in giant sacks by his side arms. He returned a quarter of the money to the bank and kept the rest for himself.
"You did a good job, Arny." The sheriff remarked with a smile across his old bearded face.
Arny gave the sheriff a thumbs up. "That's what I do." And then shoved the thumb in the sheriffs mouth, piercing the top of his skull with his thumb.
The sheriff lied dead as his town went to chaos, the man Arny walking into the desert to find a way to Mexico.
.
He went to a grave yard, a place where there were dead people and churches.
Arny was giving his respects to one of the graves, the name on it read about some teacher.
Mrs. Firecrouch.
Taught a lot of things, and math isn't one of them.
Arny weaped one manly tear. He went around the place till hr saw some homeless man robbing a grave, getting all kinds of items from the pockets.
The muscular man studying this grave robbing hobo till the guy noticed that there was a shadow standing over him. He looked up at Arny, and saw the him staring.
"Can you dig me a way to mexico?" Arny asked him.
The hobo shook his head. "Nah, partner. I don't dig holes. I get in them." The dirty man began to snicker away, egnoring that Arny had a pistol in his hand.
"Okay, you necrophiliac. You help me to mexico or I'll bang your skull in."
The hobo gulped down his fear, and dragged himself up from the grave. He looked up at the pistol wielding cowboy. "I'm Seth." He then got pistol whipped.
"Bitch! Did I say you can talk?"
Seth groveled to Arny's leg, crawling to him like an animal. "Now, Seth. Your gonna dig me a way to Mexico and were gonna go our separate ways. You got me, slick?"
Seth nodded attentively.
He then commenced to dig through the grave he was robbing, mean while and old merchant came in. "I'm Nigel west Dickinson!" He introduced himself. "And I sell the best of medicine!"
"Do you sell weed?" Arny asked.
Nigel stuttered in his hesitation. "No."
"Crack?" Another no. "Cocaine?" A maybe... Nope. There's none of that either.
"Well, okay, Dick-in-son." Arny snarled.
Nigel gruffed and dusted himself up, only to get punched in the face and shoved in his caravan. Arny saw all the meth in the world stashed in the old pedo's caravan.
Well, don't knock it till you try it...
Arny did some meth, feeling the world around him melt. It was a beautiful and slow melting earth; the sand and dirt turned to a liquid as well as the dust. The grass became a shakes.
Bitches around him, everywhere. He flew up to a kingdom of hookers and bitches. There was a gold staircase with women getting it on. The place was awesome. And in this fortress of hookers and bitches, was a throne with golden boobs as the centerpiece of the top.
Arny sat on his rightful throne, and watched as the hookers all vanished. His palace gone. He was in a bed covered in blood, a chimp sitting on a chair, and some toy bear totally ripped up and used.
The stallion meth user looked at his one piece underwear on the ground, it was ripped open with blood smeared all over it.
"So... That's what happens when you do meth?"
He turned the light off and went to sleep.