Arny was walking the desert again, a chimp in his hands as the only one not showing his ass. Yes, Arny was naked. Walking into a simple little swampy town, called thieves din or some shit. There were hookers and gambling. Who cares.
He walked by the whorehouse, a woman noticed him. She ran to his naked body and tapped his shoulder. "Excuse me sir?" He turned to see her. A hot little thing in a busty red jacket and a long pink skirt. "I understand you have no clothes. Why don't we go to my place and play with that Python of yours."
He nodded, the chimp still in his arms as the three of them went to the hookers house. After an hour of doggy style, the chimp sat in the chair smoking the hookers cigarette. Arny, however, put the woman's clothes on and left the house.
The chimp following him out the door.
They went to the bar, where a nasty looking man said "excuse me sir, why are you wearing a dress?" He seemed to be drunk, with the slur from his voice. Still right, but drunk.
"I am in a dress because I had sex with your mother and fed her my clothes."
The man got wide eyed and said "you son of a bitch!"
Then Arny slapped the man down to the floor, making him cry. He cried so loud that everyone awkwardly looked away from him. "Yes, cry like a little bitch. Like your mother did."
He walked over to the black jack table, the chimp sitting on the table. There was a load of shit on every chip and the table after he got off.
The gamblers threw their cards up yelled "god damn it! Who let a chimp in here!"
The chimp laughed at them and pointed its furry little finger. The shouting gambler got out his gun, aiming his gun at the monkey. It stopped laughing, looking at him.
"Go ahead." It spoke. "Pull the trigger. But on yourself."
The gamblers were amazed that the chimp could talk, let alone its psychic powers. The man blew his own brains out.
"Not only is there shit on the table, but also brains." Arny remarked as he picked up the chimp. They walked out of thieves landing and went through the road, a man in a dress and a talking chimp.
There was an old man picking flowers, looking for nice ones. Then he saw the two and perked his old gums up. "Excuse me! I was wondering if you could help me pick flowers!"
"How about you pick the flowers before you and shove them up your ass." The chimp commanded.
The man undid his pants and began picking flowers to do... Well, what the chimp told him to do.
They were walking down the road, silent with the exception of breathing. Then the chimp asked "human, what do you do for fun?"
He asked the chimp the same question. "Well, I masturbate. But what of you?"
"I use to masturbate for fun, too. Then I found hookers."
"Hookers?" The chimp seemed very curious about what a hooker was. Was it a type of owl you rub against, each thrust another who?
"There women who provide sex. For some money or just sex. I get the stuff for free."
The chimp nodded like a student and looked forward, seeing some woman walking down the road as well. She was old, just wandering the place. "Is she a hooker?"
"Let us find out!" Arny said as he ran towards the old woman, trampling over her. "Miss!" He asked like a gentleman, standing on top of her back. "Are you a hooker?" She was silent. He asked again, only to have a blubber of bubbles and some flagulence.
"Revolting." Arny walked off of her an onto the road.
They looked at a set of mountains, cause they had made it far enough to see mountains. "They look like giant tits with coke on top." The monkey stated. He tried to grab them, but he failed because of the distance.
Arny nodded. "Yes... Yes they do."
They made there way to a different armadillo, the place looking a bit like thieves landing but not enough hookers. The saloon looked like a poorly built lemon shop. That sold hookers. And beer.
"I forgot to burn this place down..." Arny said.
Some newspaper flew on his face, he dropped the chimp who landed on his two feet, and began trying to grab the newspaper. With each failing pinch, he decided to use his two hands and grab the thing, crumbling the pages. He threw it down and began shooting it with his revolver.
"Damn newspapers." The chimp said.
Arny felt a tugging at his dress. looking down, he saw a two little kids. "Sir, will you please teach us how to be cowboys?"
He nodded, handing the kid a rifle. "That's all you need, noe go shoot some people."
He walked away to some barn, where there were two men drowning another. "Irish! You drank all our booze!" One of them shouted in a French accent.
Arny stepped in, the two looking at a man holding some rifle while in a dress. A chimp draped around him too. "Look at this!" He said, elbowing his friend. The two began to stare at the man, shocked.
The French mans face was blown in, his whole face nothing more then a big hole. The scattered pieces fell every where, even on some horses ass.
The other tried to run away, and he did. Arny thought he'd let the guy go have some family, hot daughter and wife. Then swoop in and take the two. Yes...
"Oi, thank you laddy! I thought I'd be drowning in something awful there!" He said in a thick Irish accent. Then he puked all over Arny's long skirt.
Arny looked at the man, who only smiled like a bearded dog who drank a lot of whiskey and scotch. His tongue even wagged. "I'm suddenly regretting my choice to save you." The chimp jumped on Irishes face and began humping all of it off.
Arny gave him a thumbs up and walked out of the barn to check on that necrophiliac. He had dug a tunnel so far that made its way to Mexico and back. "There ya go, partner!" His panting voice said.
But Arny jumped on his back like he was a horse. "I need a ride there as well. Get on!" He commanded. He rode Seth all the way through the tunnel, kneeing him if necessary.
When they made it atop the tunnel and through to mexico, the two stopped. Arny got off of a slowly dying Seth and looked out to the Mexican ocean. A shining thing.
"Well, I guess I should reward you with a carrot." Arny said. Seth looked up at the carrot with longing eyes. Waiting to be fed. The carrot went through his eyes, jabbing each of them out.
Seth ran like a horse, blindly running away on all fours.
Walking into the desert, he wandered about tacos and burritos, nuns and Mexican hookers. And then the mission suddenly popped up in his mind: Bill Williamson. He was in a dress, being punched by Arny's hookers and bitches.
It was a glorious thought.