After that, things became routine. Around two or three in the morning, Jude would find himself on the futon next to Connor where they would stay until seven, when the alarm would go off. Connor would get Mikey ready, while Jude made breakfast and Mikey's lunch. After they sent Mikey off to school, they would sit on the porch and finish their coffees. Sometimes they sat there after their coffee was gone, if they had found a good conversation topic. If they hadn't, they would head up the office. Connor would get some of his work done while Jude sat in the corner in Adam's old armchair. Usually he read. Sometimes he would watch TV on his laptop. He had gotten very attached to documentaries lately. No matter what it was, Connor would get a full synopsis of it over lunch, which Connor liked. It made Jude talk. Soon after lunch was finished, Mikey would come home. He would play until supper, and then afterward, they would do his homework. Usually they would watch TV together until Mikey's bedtime. After putting to Mikey to bed, Jude and Connor would go back to watch TV until their bedtime, and then everything would start all over again.

Slowly but surely, Connor saw light leak back into Jude's eyes. He became more animated in his movements and his voice. He seemed to care about his life again. At the very least, he wasn't listless. He put effort into cooking and reading and enjoying the little things. Connor knew that even Mikey had noticed. The little boy had commented on it once, when they had been sitting in the rec room together, waiting for Jude to bring down bowls of ice-cream.

Jude still saw his therapist regularly and he was still taking the antidepressants. Everything seemed to be helping. He was almost Jude again. Not entirely Jude again, but almost there. Connor wasn't worried about leaving Jude alone on the occasions that he had to go to the office or attend meetings. Things were going well. It was a few days before Halloween, that Connor decided that they needed to have a conversation.

They were in the basement, on the couch. Mikey had been put to bed an hour earlier and Jude had decided that he wanted to finish the documentary that he had started watching that afternoon. Connor was more than happy to learn about King Tut and had joined him. But now the documentary was over.

"Hey, Jude, I think there's something we need to talk about."

Jude sat up, drawing a blanket around his shoulders. "What?"

Connor also sat up off the arm of the couch. "I've been here a month –"

"Do you want to go?" Jude interrupted. "I mean … I don't want to hold you here. I know you have your own life."

He really didn't. Before this, Connor had spent his time working and waiting for the next time he would see Mikey. And he was in no way being held here. Connor dreaded the day that he would have to walk back out the front doors, knowing that he was forever giving up morning coffee with Jude and watching Jude and Mikey cook supper together and sitting on the end of Mikey's bed, listening to the two of them read dialogue from Mikey's book in the strangest voices they could. The last thing Connor wanted to do was leave.

"That's not it at all. If you still want me to stay, I would still like to."

"I still think I need you around," Jude admitted, curling up further under the blanket as if it were armour.

"Okay. That's not what I wanted to talk about, though."

"Oh." Jude looked concerned. "Then what is it?"

"Well, it was really just … the future in general," Connor admitted. "You told me you and your therapist talked about you going back to school."

"Just briefly."

"You always did want to go to law school."

Jude's eyes flickered around the room. "But there's a reason I didn't."

"Because you had a job that you didn't hate with co-workers that you liked," Connor reminded him. "You didn't go back to school because you liked where you were."

"Do you really think law school is something I should consider now?" Jude shook his head. "If I went back, wouldn't something else be easier?"

"When have you ever tried for the easier route?" Connor asked him. "If it's something you still care about, then I think you should go for law school."

Jude picked at the edge of the blanket. "Going back to school is a big decision and a lot of money, no matter what I go back for. That's something I want to think about a little bit more."

Connor nodded. "That makes sense."

"Was there something else?" Jude asked, his eyes on Connor's face.

"You know there is."

Jude nudged Connor's thigh with his foot. "Then out with it."

"I just wondered if you thought about telling your moms why I'm here. Dr. Nadine did say that it would be a good idea to expand your support system."

Jude sighed. "I … I don't know. They still ask why you're here though."

It had been hard to keep them from knowing that Connor was living with Jude and Mikey again, though neither Jude nor Connor had actively tried to hide that fact. While Connor didn't go to the Adams-Foster family dinners, despite being invited, he did drop Jude and Mikey off to all of them. And Mikey hadn't hidden Connor's presence from his grandmothers either. They had managed to keep the fact that Jude was 'sick' under wraps, however, impressing that importance on Mikey. The little boy had been upset by the need for secrecy, but he had understood. He wanted to protect his father.

"I don't want to push –"

"I know," Jude interrupted. "And you're very good at just being here. 'Thank you' doesn't cover how grateful I am that you're here."

"I'm happy to be."

Jude smiled, and then it faded. "I think you're right though. Maybe it is time that I talk to Moms."

"They're only going to want to love you."

"That's what hurts the most," Jude admitted. "I don't deserve it."

Connor frowned. "'It' what?"

"Being loved," Jude replied, as if it should have been completely obvious to Connor from the start.

"Jude!" Connor gasped, and then he reached forward, pulling Jude into a hug. "You deserve love. Why would you ever think you didn't?"

Jude had curled into a ball, the bulk of his body in Connor's lap. Connor kept his arms around Jude, as Jude said, "How could I? I don't do anything for anybody. I don't do anything meaningful. I'm just here."

"And here is the greatest place for you to be. Because you make people laugh; you make people happy. You're smart and you're loving and you make the world's greatest Greek burgers and who wouldn't love you? You make a room better just by being in it. No one would know what to do without you." Connor certainly didn't. "You're the greatest person I know. You're strong, and you're sweet, and you're passionate, and I'm so glad you're here."

Jude twisted in Connor's lap so that he was staring up at him and Connor leant forward.

"What are you thinking?" Connor asked.

"Will you come with me to talk to Moms?"

"Sure. I'll go anywhere you want me to."

A strange expression crossed Jude's face. It was almost a smile, but not quite. "Okay. I think I should do that soon."

"Whenever you're ready," Connor said.

Jude settled back into Connor's lap, his head heavy. "Can we watch another one?" he asked, reaching for the remote.

"Whatever you want."

Jude picked out another documentary, this time about Nazi Germany, and instead of returning to his usual spot and position on the couch, he stayed cuddled up on Connor's lap. Connor less than minded and let his hand rest on Jude's arm as the narrator started speaking. They had sat like this on the couch a hundred times before but now, every time they did something like this, Connor thought about how it might be the last time.

Connor wanted Jude to be better. He couldn't wait for the day that Jude felt independent and capable and himself again, because it was what was best for Jude, and that was all Connor wanted. Connor, however, would admit that he was dreading the day that he would have to go. It would be so easy to stay, because, somehow, he and Jude and were doing better than they had in the last year of their marriage. They talked and spent time together. They put emphasis on each other's importance, rather than just viewing each other as the other parent to their son. If everything could stay like this, then Connor would never have another complaint about life. But Connor was realistic and he knew that the day would come where he would go back to his apartment. He'd be okay with that. He could make himself okay with it, if it was what was best for Jude.

(-.-)

The Thursday before Halloween, Jude and Connor sent Mikey to spend the night with Marley and Brandon. After supper, they went to talk to Stef and Lena. It was easy to tell, from Lena's expression, that she was hoping that they'd announce that there was no divorce; that they were getting back together. Stef was, as always, slightly harder to read than her wife, but Connor wouldn't hesitate to say that she was hoping for the same thing. Stef and Lena had always been firmly on his and Jude's side.

They sat in the living room; Stef and Lena next to each other, while Connor and Jude sat across from them. Jude kept looking at him, but Connor had sworn that he wasn't going to speak for Jude. He wanted Jude to explain his own feelings, because Connor still felt like he didn't understand Jude entirely.

"So?" Lena said, after a moment of silence. "What's going on?"

"I know you've been wondering why Connor moved back in and it's really not because we're trying to get back together."

Stef leant forward, resting her forearms against her knees. "Then what is it?"

"It's because … because …" Jude's breathing became erratic and he grabbed onto Connor's hand. "He f-found … I was … I t-t-tried … I can't."

He hid his face against Connor's side, and Connor wrapped his arm protectively around Jude's shoulders. He felt Stef's and Lena's eyes on him, and Connor found himself thinking that he could say this much at least. It was too clearly too much for Jude to.

"Near the end of September, I dropped Mikey off to you, remember?"

Stef and Lena nodded.

"Mikey had told me that Friday that he was worried about Jude; that he thought Jude was sad a lot. So, I decided to go and check on him. He didn't come to the door, so I let myself in." Connor took a steadying breath. This was harder to say than he thought it would be. Under his arm, Jude had become so tense that Connor thought that he would snap. He rubbed circles along Jude's back. "I found him in his bedroom, hanging from one of the rafters."

"Hanging?" Stef choked out, while Lena was already reaching for Jude.

Connor nudged Jude into his mother's arms, while she asked the all-important question: "Jude, why? Why would you do that?"

"I don't know!" Jude cried. "I was laid off and getting divorced and breathing was hard. I felt like I didn't have anything to hold onto."

Stef crouched on Jude's other side, wrapping her own arms around him. "You can always hold onto us. Always."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shh, don't be sorry." Lena rocked him back and forth. "It's okay, Jude. We've got you now. Okay? We've got you."

"How are you now?" Stef asked. "Are you seeing someone?"

Jude nodded.

"Her name is Dr. Nadine. Jude sees her twice a week now. He's been taking antidepressants and they really seem to be helping," Connor added.

"Good, good," Lena breathed. "Is there anything else we can do? Whatever you need."

Jude shook his head, but Connor saw his arms tighten around his mothers'. Telling them was a good decision. Jude needed them.

Stef looked at Connor. "Thank you." She offered her arm to him, inviting him into the family hug.

Connor gratefully joined them. He hoped that Jude felt better now; that he felt safer. He certainly seemed okay, after. When Stef and Lena sat back up on the couch, Jude was nestled between them. They asked him all sorts of questions, which Connor already knew all of the answers to. How was he feeling? Did he like his therapist? Was Connor helpful? What could they do? Was he hopeful for the future? How much did Mikey know? How was Mikey?

Jude took the questions mostly in stride, answering them slowly and carefully. He let his mothers in completely. By the time the four of them were done talking, Jude seemed deflated, much like he did after his more emotional therapy sessions. Talking about this, especially in such detail, was hard for him. Connor knew that all Jude wanted now was to curl up in bed and put on a documentary to fall asleep to.

Stef and Lena walked them out to their car at nearly eleven.

"Call us if you need anything."

"I will," Jude promised Stef.

"We love you," Lena told him.

"I love you too."

Jude hugged them both goodbye and then he shut his door behind him. Connor was about to walk past Stef and Lena to get to the driver's side, but Stef caught his arm.

"Did Jude tell us the truth?" she asked anxiously. "Is he as fine as he made it seem?"

Connor nodded. "It's been hard for him, but he's a lot better. Every day is a little brighter."

"How are you?" Lena asked him.

"I'm fine," Connor assured them.

"You didn't have to take care of him all by yourself," Stef said. "We would have been there."

"I know. But that was what Jude wanted and I wanted what he wanted."

Lena was giving him that sympathetic look again; the one that made his heart hurt, because she saw him better than any Adams-Foster, perhaps even better than Jude, now.

"Well, call us if you need anything," Stef repeated.

"Thanks," Connor said, and then he got in the car. "How are you?"

Jude leant his head against the cool window. "Can we not talk until we get home?"

"Sure," Connor agreed. "Straight home, then?"

Jude nodded, and Connor drove out of the driveway. The night blurred around them as they drove. It wasn't a long trip, but it felt like it. By the time they were in their own driveway and Connor had parked behind Jude's car, Connor felt as if it had been hours since they had left Stef's and Lena's. They walked through the dark house as if Mikey were asleep in it and every footstep had to be quiet and deliberate. Jude made a beeline for his bed, barely kicking off his jeans before cocooning himself in his blankets.

"Comfy?" Connor asked, smiling at the sight. Jude's eyes were barely peeking out of the top of the blanket and he looked annoyed that he had to sneak an arm out of the side of his blanket to grab the TV remote.

"Almost," Jude said, his voice muffled.

"Almost? Oh, no. What's wrong?"

Jude's eyes dipped out of sight for a moment before he reappeared. "It'd be more comfortable if you'd come lay with me."

"Gladly."

Connor slowly sat on his side of the bed. It had been months since he had been on this bed. Jude always joined him on the futon, they had never shared this space. Not since Connor had moved out. The last night they had spent together on this bed, they had been back to back, a canyon of anger between them. Jude hadn't wanted Connor anywhere near him; he had wanted Connor to sleep on the futon in the office, something that had frequently happened. But Connor had been stubborn and hateful and had gone to bed on his side as some sort of act of defiance. He knew that as soon as he walked out the doors the next morning, Jude would wash the pillowcases and the sheets and anything else he needed to in order to get rid of Connor's scent, but Connor had hoped that some part of him would linger. He wanted something of himself to be left as a reminder to Jude.

He laid down on the cold mattress next to Jude, but Jude offered him some of the blanket, and soon they were cuddled up next to one another, as if they had never hated one another. Jude was slowly searching through the available documentaries, looking for one that they hadn't watched.

"Jude? How are you feeling? About your moms and everything?"

"You were right," Jude said, without feeling. "I should have told them before. But I don't think I could have before now."

"You did just fine tonight," Connor assured him.

"Thanks. I still think they're going to keep looking at me differently."

"They just found out. They're concerned. Your moms are the best kind of people."

"Like you," Jude murmured.

"No," Connor corrected, "Like you."

"Have we watched this one on the wonders of the ancient world?" Jude asked.

"No," Connor replied, letting the subject change go. "I don't think so."

"Does it sound good to you?"

"Extremely."

Jude selected the documentary and then slumped down against Connor's chest, getting comfortable for the movie. Connor's hand drifted to Jude's back and he started rubbing small circles. Jude still felt tense and stressed out. They didn't say anything else about it, but they didn't have to. They understood one another.

Don't forget to send me playlist ideas if you have them! This week's song is: Rootless Tree by Damien Rice.

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Hand In My Pocket, to my tumblr URL add backslash tagged backslash hand dash in dash my dash pocket. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~