Arny was running out of the church, chasing some nuns who seemed to of given him graceful looks but weren't interested in some graceful plowing. "Damn nuns." Arny said. "The cover everything... They leave it all to the imagination."
Suddenly, a man rode up to him from his steed, Arny noticed this man had been following him some time as well. "Are you Arny B.D Somethin'?" The man with a scar acrossed his face asked.
"Who wants to know?" Arny asked, pulling his gun from under his long dress.
"I do, I'm John Marston. I hear you've been hunting down my gang and killing them. I'd like to help."
Before they could continue this convo, there was a chimp riding on the back of some Mexican hooker. She seemed to be sweating from quite a trip. But instead of those bouncing breast of hers, Arny noticed who this chimp was! "I thought I left you with Irish." He told the chimp.
But the chimp shrugged. Arny gestured him over, the two reunited at long last. John Marston nodded at the two, and said "I've been hunting Bill Williamson and this Mexican guy we used to run with. I figured you knew where he is?"
But before Arny could answer, the chimp did. "If I remembered correctly, Bill Williamson was with the general of the Mexican army."
John nodded. "What a smart chimp."
"I believe I was masturbating while looking at naked pics of your wife." The chimp said, jerking the air.
Marston only sneered "Let's just... Let's just go and kill bill."
Without even noticing they just mentioned the name of a movie, the three rode to the town of Escalara. Or whatever that big town is, I don't know.
There was a donkey and some Mexican man who was eating a taco. It must of been a good taco. Arny shot him in the face, chunks of taco flying from his lips. And Arny grabbed the taco from his dead hands. "This will be the first time I have had an actual taco." Arny commented, taking a bite out of the wrapped up meat.
"What do you mean, partner?" Marston asked curiously.
"The only tacos I had ever had were the tacos from women. As great and ungreat as that was, I never had myself a real taco. Women were always nice enough, but..."
"Why didn't you just tell these women to make you a taco?" Marston asked inquisitively.
"Because all they knew were how to give hand jobs. Well, except this one. Who thought I meant putting her hand up my-"
"She fisted you." The chimp said. "That is the word for it."
The two men sat in silence on their horses. Except for Arny's chewing of the taco, and the Donkey having sex with its dead master, it was relatively awkward and silent. "I think we need to go inside and see Bill." Marston told them, riding his horse into the town.
Arny looked back at the chimp and flipped him off. But the chimp crossed his arms and let Arny have what little dignity he had left after that reveal.
They rode into the town, looking at the people who stared back at them. They were very testing, testing on Arny's nerves. Why, if Arny hadn't gotten that all out earlier, he'd shoot all these people staring at him. But he just followed Marston, and the two made it to the generals house.
Inside, they were having quite the party. There was a guy checking out Arny, he was a thin Hispanic man in a uniform.
"Sir, I am a man in a dress." Arny told him. "I know..." The man replied.
Arny blushed and giggled, and said "oh I love a man in uniform!" And ran in the other room with him.
The chimp was surprised as well as Marston. Till the heard a gunshot and saw him come back in that same uniform, some buttons not being able to button.
"Arny... Did you kill that man?" Marston asked him. But Arny shrugged. "I needed a change. So I stole his clothes and shot him in the ass." Marston nodded and grasped his chin in understanding.
The Hispanic general came down the stairs, sword in hand, he yelled "what was that noise I heard!"
"I think it was a ghost." Arny told him. The general looked at him oddly, but also worriedly. "A ghost?" He asked. "That isn't good!"
"I don't know..." Army replied. "Ectoplasm might be great lube."
Marston and the chimp looked at him, surprised yet unsurprised by the statement.
"Really?" The fact he asked that astonished even Arny. "You know, I heard of hot ghost before. I bet lube and ghost bitches combined make a great combo."
With that, the Hispanic general ran to the shop to buy one of those ghost boards. Meanwhile, the three searched for bill. And that Mexican bro of Marston's.
The chimp went into the generals room, seeing two women in their underwear and having a pillow fight. They were very nice to look at. When they noticed him, they gazed at him as well. "Look at him!" One of the girls said. "Isn't he cute!" That's when he closed the door behind him.
Arny walked down the hallway, searching for a room or a sign that Bill was around here somewhere. Maybe it wasn't too far. But oh... that taco was making a spicy come back! It raddled his stomache, and seemed to be pushing down. Down where?
He ran to find the bathroom, but it was too late!
Meanwhile, John Marston was also searching for Bill and his Mexican bro. It was odd, knowing he'd have to kill the two. But it was for his family! No one comes in his house and bangs his wife, and then her tell him that they have a better thing then he does!
He would of slapped her, but he Doesn't do that kind of stuff. He slapped uncle, but the old man got turned on, showing a very viscous side while he melested Marston. It was messed up.
Never mind. He wanted to kill those two men, and then shoot uncle square in the face. And then? He was gonna tell Abigail that he was done!
Why wait? Why not just go find some hooker and have her for two nights.
Wait... Whats that smell? Oh dear god!
Without even noticing that his boot had been placed in some feces, John slipped down the hall way as if he had went down a slip and slide. He screamed "god damn it! I hate this day!"
When he slid into a room, he found himself knocking over a table full of chips and cards. "Damn it!" He heard a familiar voice cry. "I was about to win!"
But that's when he noticed the two. It was Bill! And that Mexican guy who was his bro. He pulled out his pistol, but they had theirs out first. "Well, well. Ain't it Mr. Marston." Bill said, laughing at the scarred face man.
"Well, well." Said yet another familiar voice. It was Arny! In a shit soaked pair of pants... Ugh. "Its down the crap covered road I find what I'm looking for." In his hands were two pistols. He came prepared. Well, sort of... He should of gotten another pair of pants...
"Now... Hold up!" Bill told him, but those guns weren't getting holstered for anyone. "We don't need to fight! We could... Give eachother money!"
But Arny shook his head cooly. "I only give money to hookers and milfs."
"John! You were like a brother to me!" Said the Mexican man who was like a bro to Marston. But more and more John thought about it... This Mexican prick was a deush bag! He was so slimy and vile...
John spat on himself. He was trying to spit on his Mexican bro, but he had forgot that he was on the floor. Syliva sat on his face, curing the scars of HIV viruses from Abigail's fun night.
Arny shot those two, and they finally lied dead on the ground. Whence that happened, the general came in with those agents that hired Arny. "You came late!" The general told him. "And you promised there'd be tits, but none of those things happened." When they saw the crap trail and the two bodies they froze.
"Èdios mios!" Or some Spanish crap like that. "What happened here!" He yelled, expecting an answer from one of them.
"There was a ghost." Arny told him. "The ghost was having butt sex and it killed these two out of lustful rage."
At this the general nodded. "What kinky ghost." He said, and then walked down the stairs.
The chimp came out of that one room he was in, wearing a bra over his head and his hand clenched in some panties. He walked down the hall and met the two agents. "Ah, the monkey with psychic powers..." With that remark, the chimp gave the agent a threatful stair. Yet, he continued down the path and climbed up on Arny's back.
"Good work, boys. You killed that Hispanic and that Bill. Your almost done."
Arny looked right into his eyes. Almost done? ALMOST DONE?! "Yeah, sure. Just make sure you pay me when I get... Whoever the last guy is."
"His name is Dutch. He's been hanging around Black Water. There's Indians there, too."
"Dutch?" Marston said, his lips quivering... With anger. "That's the guy I use to run with!"
"We know, Mr. Marston." The agent told him. "That's why you're here."
After that business, the three left mexico by train. Not before Arny got some new pants, stealing from the General, of coarse. That guy had some sexy pants...
During the ride back to Texas, they saw boring lands and stupid animals having sex. It would be soon that Arny would find Dutch and end his life. Or Marston will. Or the chimp will. Or maybe some random event will. Can't say that it be boring to see "super headline! Dutch drowns in animal crap! And was molested by bears! Also found alien life that probed him!"
That put a smile on Arny's face. Then again, he thought about that old nun at the church. Damn, did she have a nice praying ass!