The next morning, their routine was broken. Because Mikey was getting on the bus with Marley, Jude and Connor slept in for an extra two hours. This turned out not to be the best idea, however, because Jude had an early appointment with Dr. Nadine and they had to skip their coffee in order to make it to her office on time. Jude could have driven himself and Connor could have stayed at home, but when it came to his therapy appointments, Jude liked having Connor there at the end of it to drive him home.

Connor went off to get their coffees near the end of Jude's appointment, so that when Jude walked out to the car, his was already sitting in his cup holder.

"Thanks," Jude murmured, lifting the cup to his lips.

"How did it go?"

"It was a hard session," Jude said, leaning his head against the window and watching the buildings whip by.

"What did you talk about?"

"Telling Moms and their reactions and how I feel about their reactions."

"And?" Connor prompted, because he sensed that there was more.

"We talked about the day I tried to kill myself. Dr. Nadine thinks that I'm intentionally trying to forget about it, rather than working to accept that I did it."

Connor found himself agreeing with Dr. Nadine. Jude had never really admitted responsibility when it came to killing himself, he often said that it hadn't really felt like him who had done it. Connor had never tried to commit suicide, but he certainly didn't think that Jude was lying when he said that it had felt like someone else who had done it. That being said, Connor knew that Jude, depressed and unthinking as he may have been at the time, was definitely the one who had tied a noose, put it around his neck, and then kicked a chair out from underneath of himself. No one else had done that for him.

"Do you think you have?"

"I don't want to," Jude protested, and then he grumbled, "I also don't want to feel like I'm still in a therapy session."

"Sorry," Connor apologized quickly. "Was that all you talked about?"

"Yeah. I talked a lot about what I remembered from that day. I remembered a lot of small things. More than I thought I did."

Connor pulled into their driveway. "Small things like what?"

"The colour of the paramedics eyes, for example."

Jude got out of the car and Connor followed him up to the porch. Jude made no move to go inside the house. Instead, he leant against one of the railings of the porch, so Connor stood in front of him, slightly leaning against the side of the house.

"Yeah?"

"Green and brown, respectively," Jude informed him.

"I didn't remember that."

"And my first thought, once I became conscious again."

Connor straightened up. "Which was?"

Jude reached for him and picked up Connor's left hand in his own. "I noticed you were still wearing your wedding ring."

Connor looked down at their joined hands. He was still wearing his wedding ring. Jude had taken his off even before Connor had moved out months before; Jude had been done with Connor long ago. But Connor had never been able to make himself remove his. He had always told himself that he would after the divorce was finalized, but until then, his wedding ring being on his finger was the closest thing that Connor had to hope, and he wasn't going to take it off. Not for anything.

"I never asked you why," Jude whispered. His fingers shifted, and then he and Connor were holding hands.

Connor stepped closer to Jude. There was less than an inch of space between them. "I think it's obvious why, Jude."

"After everything, why would you still love me? Why would you want to?"

"Because I love you, entire. Isn't that what we always said? I couldn't give up on you, not even if I wanted to. And I don't want to. I'd rather dream of you than have anyone else."

Jude looked down, staring at their shoes. "Dr. Nadine said that I should start telling people what's really on my mind, because letting things build up isn't healthy."

Connor inched closer to Jude, his heart beating wildly. He both could and couldn't believe that they were on this topic of conversation; that the words he had just uttered had come from his mouth. He realized Jude was waiting for a reply, and managed, "That sounds smart. What's on your mind?"

Jude looked up and the clarity in his eyes floored Connor. "You."

Connor's hand fumbled as he placed his coffee cup on the railing, and then reached with his right hand to cup Jude's jaw. "What about me?"

"Just you. The way you talk and the things you say and how you walk and think and smell and laugh and … You. Entire." He closed his eyes and let his head fall heavily against Connor's hand. "Please don't be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I destroy everything and I'm good for nothing and we're separated and I'm think I'm still in love with you."

Connor stepped forward so that he could feel every line of Jude's body against his own. "Jude, it's okay. You don't destroy everything and you're amazing and I know we're separated, but I'm still in love with you too."

He leant upward. He was going to kiss Jude again and Jude was going to kiss him back. This was real life; he wasn't dreaming. But then Jude lifted his head away from Connor's.

"No, Connor, don't."

"Jude –"

"No, I can't. I can't have us fall apart again. I can't. You understand that, don't you?" He sounded desperate.

"I do understand," Connor assured him, "but what if we don't fall apart again? If we still feel this way, don't we owe it to ourselves to try?"

"We already tried and here's where we are!" Jude reminded him.

"We tried when we were hurt and angry! But look at how we've been the past month, Jude! We've learnt a lot, and I think we can do it this time. I want to do it, this time, in a way that I didn't last time."

"What's that mean?"

"I mean … last time, I didn't think that I would ever actually lose you, so I didn't think I had to act like I appreciated you, if that makes sense. I was angry, because things weren't good, but things never got better because we were both still angry. Because we never talked about anything."

"We still haven't talked about anything that happened in the last few months we were together," Jude pointed out.

"But now I feel like we can. Before, I felt like I couldn't say anything to you about how I was feeling because I knew you were too angry to listen or care. Look at us now. I feel like I could tell you anything and you'd sit there and listen because you fully and completely care. I feel like we can sit down and talk through the hard things because now we can both acknowledge we both made mistakes and that not everything rests on the other person." Connor searched Jude's face for a hint of what he was thinking. "Am I wrong?"

"No," Jude whispered. "But I'm scared. I don't want to try if I just end up losing you."

"But what if you don't?"

"But what if I do!?"

"Go on a date with me?"

"What?" Jude asked, surprised.

"A date," Connor replied, the scene already unfurling in his mind. "We don't have to jump right back into being a married couple. It would probably be a really bad idea to do it that way, anyway. Let's go on a date. Let's just see."

"A date," Jude repeated. "That could be good."

"Yeah!" Connor exclaimed. "It really could."

Jude was nodding and he looked more excited about the idea. "When?"

"Mikey's got a sleepover with Chris and JP next Friday, right? We could go then."

"Next Friday. Okay." There was a hint of smile on Jude's face, but it disappeared as he asked, "What about in the meantime?"

Connor frowned. "What about it?"

"Will the way we are right now change? I know this sounds selfish, but I count on the way we are right now."

"It's not going to change, Jude. Not unless it's for the better, okay?"

Jude smiled. "Okay."

Connor reached past him and picked his coffee cup up again. "Come on. I've got some work to do before lunch."

He and Jude held hands until Connor had to let go to unlock the front door. He gestured Jude through first, but Jude hesitated.

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

Jude leant down and kissed him gently on the cheek. Connor's breath hitched at the minor, significant gesture. Jude didn't say anything after that, he just led the way to the office. Connor gladly followed him, grinning like a fool the entire way there, and a long time after.

(-.-)

"Can I put my costume on now?"

"No."

"Father! Why not?"

"Because you need to eat supper first," Connor explained to Mikey. "I know you're excited, but it would suck to get something on it, wouldn't it?"

"I guess so," Mikey agreed reluctantly. "Is supper almost done?"

Jude laughed. "Just a little bit longer."

"Here." Connor grabbed Mikey and put him on the counter next to Jude's iPod and the speakers. "Why don't you play DJ?"

"Kay!" Mikey agreed and picked up the iPod, thumbing through the songs with ease.

Connor had just started mashing the potatoes while Jude poured peas into boiling water when the first notes of Mikey's chosen song started. Next to him, Jude went tense and Connor turned around to face his son.

"Mikey, I know what you're doing."

"No you don't!" Mikey replied, turning up the song a little louder.

It was hard not to know what Mikey was doing. He knew that this song had been Jude's and Connor's first dance song at their wedding. He also knew that, when things were good, this was the one song that Connor and Jude would drop what they were doing in order to dance around the kitchen to.

"Come on, let's pick a different song," Connor proposed.

Mikey hid the iPod behind his back. "Dad, I like this song. You like this song. Father likes this song. What's wrong with it?"

"It's just not a good idea right now. Let's find something else. Something more upbeat, okay?"

Mikey reached out and tapped him on the nose. "What's wrong with it? There was nothing wrong with it before!"

Connor crouched down in front of Mikey. "This is the song Father and I danced to when we got married. But we're not going to be married anymore. Can you see why this song might hurt?"

"Are you sure you're not going to be married anymore?"

"Yes." Connor answered, because one future date did not make a marriage make. It was less confusing for Mikey this way, too. "Why?"

"You're still here," Mikey said. "But Father doesn't look sick. Father looks better, not sicker. And you were going to go when Father got better."

"Sickness can go up and down," Connor said, clinging to the lie.

"The flu doesn't. A cold doesn't."

Connor didn't know what to say, but, luckily, he didn't have to think of anything. Jude placed a hand on his shoulder and then nudged Connor over to the side so that he could talk to Mikey directly.

"My sickness is different than the cold or the flu."

Mikey blinked, not understanding at all. "How?"

"My sickness is in my brain, so you can't see it. When you have a cold, you can hear someone coughing and see their runny noses –"

"And when they have the flu, they barf everywhere!"

Jude let out a small chuckle. "Right."

Mikey settled down to ask, "But you can't see brain sickness?"

Jude shook his head. "So, sometimes, it can look like I'm okay, but I can be very sick that day."

"Does brain sickness hurt?"

Jude hesitated. "It can. Mostly, it makes me feel very tired."

Mikey nodded, and Connor was sure he was recalling the days that Jude liked to stay in bed; the days Mikey had told Connor about so long ago now.

"Does it go away?"

"It gets better. I just have to be careful about certain things." Jude kissed Mikey's forehead. "Can we pick a new song, please?"

"Okay," Mikey agreed and picked the iPod up, changing the song immediately.

Jude and Connor returned to the vegetables they had abandoned, working in silence. Connor was still thinking of their wedding song; in his head, the chords played louder than Mikey's song choices. He was thinking, not of their first dance or the many subsequent times they had danced to this song, but of a future where they could dance to this song again; a future where they could dance around their kitchen again and kiss in front of their son, like they had for the first several years of Mikey's life.

Dinner was quick. Mikey was too excited about it being Halloween to actually eat anything. Once he had taken about two bites of everything on his plate, he excitedly asked if it was okay to go and put his costume on now and Jude and Connor agreed. Mikey took the steps two at a time. He had decided to be a knight for Halloween and Jude had managed to gather the best costume pieces for him. Mikey's favourite was the helmet, which had a bright blue feather blooming from the top of it.

"Do you need any help?" Connor yelled up the stairs.

"I want to do it by myself! I'm a big boy!" Mikey shouted back.

"As if we needed reminding," Jude said, laughing.

"We're here if you need us!" Connor called.

"I'm a big boy!" Mikey shouted again.

"Just eat dinner," Jude advised Connor. "We'll fix him when he falls down the stairs."

"You're optimistic."

"You've met our son, right? He throws himself around like he's a bouncy ball. And he refuses to open the visor on that helmet. I'm being realistic."

"Should we put a leash on him for Halloween this year, then? To keep him from running out into traffic?"

"If you want to walk him, you can walk him. I'm staying out of that one." Jude stabbed a piece of his roast pointedly. "Have fun getting the leash on him."

"Leash!?" Mikey shrieked from upstairs. "Are we getting a puppy?!"

They heard his feet on the stairs. Mikey was moving quickly, although he didn't stumble, until near the end. Then, his feet stuttered and they heard him hit the floor. They heard him slide across the floor on his knees, but he only sounded like he had fallen down the last stair. In a few moments, he was in the dining room, dressed in his knight's costume, right down to the closed visor.

"Are we getting a puppy!? Is there a puppy!?"

"No, Mikey, there's no puppy," Connor said.

The little boy dropped in disappointment. "Then why were you talking about a leash?"

"Dad wants to put a leash on you," Jude explained.

"What!? No! I'm not a puppy! I'm a boy!"

"Doesn't mean I can't put a leash on you," Connor joked.

Mikey grabbed onto Jude, hiding behind him. "Would you let him put a leash on me, Father?"

"No, of course not," Jude assured him.

"Thank –"

"I might help him, though!"

Mikey squealed and dashed from the dining room into the living room. He was only gone for a few minutes, before he rushed back in to tell his parents the news.

"There's trick or treaters out there! Come on! Let's go! We're losing out on candy! Come on!"

"Let's not get so impatient," Connor said. "Father and I are still eating our supper."

"But –"

"No buts," Jude said. "Why don't you go and get your shoes on and get your candy bag, okay? Try and take your time?"

"Okay," Mikey said, although he did sound a little annoyed.

He stomped back up the stairs, and Jude and Connor glanced at each other.

"We have like twelve seconds until he's back, right?" Connor asked.

Jude nodded. "We can always heat up more dinner later when we get home."

"And steal some of his candy?"

"He still hates Reese's Pieces," Jude confirmed. "And he won't notice a bag or two of plain chips missing."

Connor shook his head. "So many plain chips. It's a plan."

He and Jude shook on it, as if it were a formal business deal, and then they laughed together. They took their plates to the kitchen, put the leftovers in the fridge, and went to fetch their own shoes and jackets. Mikey joined them halfway through putting things in the fridge. He bounced around between the two of them, rushing them.

"We're supposed to meet Chris and JP! We're going to be late!"

"We're not going to be late. Look, look, Father's putting his shoes on. And now we're out the door. No, wait, Mikey, come on, we have to lock the door. Yes, it's necessary. Okay, go!"

Mikey took off down the street in front of them, joining the mass of children and parents already going from house to house. Mikey was good about staying in sight, though, and they didn't worry about him as he knocked on doors. Life also got easier when they joined up with Chris and JP, and their stressed out father, Andrew. Their mother was a nurse, working the late shift that night and it had been up to him to prepare the two hyperactive six-year-olds for Halloween. Jude and Connor didn't envy him: there were two of them and one six-year-old and they were tired.

Jude, Connor, and Andrew didn't say much as they walked down sidewalk after sidewalk, weaving around parents and brightly decorated children. The night went off without much of a hitch. The only time Mikey had a problem was after one old woman had gifted him with a Reese's Pieces King Sized bar.

"I said thank you anyway," Mikey told Connor and Jude, after expressing his disappointment.

"That was very good of you," Jude said, while Connor mouthed, "Score!"

By nine-thirty, Chris had hit a wall and was being carried on Andrew's back.

"I don't want to go home!" JP whined. "It's not late!"

"It's past your ordinary bedtime," Andrew reminded him.

"Dad, it's Halloween!" JP exclaimed.

"So you've given up sleep?" Andrew snorted. "By the time you get home, you'll be as dead as Chris. I can't carry you both."

Chris, his vampire fangs threatening to fall out of his mouth, mumbled, "You can do anything, Dad."

"Thanks, buddy," Andrew said. "Let's go home, JP."

"You can't make Superman do anything!"

Andrew gave his son the look every parent had down: it was the you-want-to-bet look.

"Mikey gets to go to more houses," JP pointed out.

Andrew looked at Mikey, and saw the same thing that Jude and Connor did. Mikey was nearly as done as Chris. Mikey seemed to have an unnatural amount of energy, even for a six-year-old, but he had found his limit.

"I think Mikey's going to head home too," Jude told JP. "It's getting late."

"I'm not tired," Mikey attempted to protest, but he was weaving from side to side.

Connor caught him around the shoulders. "If we head home now, you can have some candy before bed."

Mikey looked up at him. "Is Father going to carry me home?"

"Sure, Father can carry you home."

Connor collected Mikey's candy bag and Jude picked up Mikey. "Say goodnight."

"Night, Chris. Night, JP. See you at school."

"Night," Chris managed, nodding off. His fangs fell to the sidewalk.

"Goodnight," JP replied, sounding annoyed as he took Andrew's hand.

The two families headed off in opposite directions.

"Did you have a good Halloween?" Connor asked.

"Yeah," Mikey said, smiling. "My candy bag is heavy! Do you feel it, Dad?"

"I feel it. What are you most looking forward to eating?"

"The M&Ms. M&Ms are my favourite."

"M&Ms are good."

"Uh-huh," Mikey yawned.

By the time they got to their front door, Mikey had nodded off on Jude's shoulder. He didn't even remember Connor's promise that he could have a piece of candy before he went bed. He just trotted off, put his pyjamas on, brushed his teeth, and went to bed. He had barely kissed Jude and Connor goodnight before he fell into a deep sleep.

They left his bedroom, sneaking back to the front entrance where Connor had left Mikey's candy bag. Jude rooted through the bag to find the big Reese's Pieces while Connor grabbed two bags of plain chips.

"What is it about Halloween candy that makes it better than regular candy?" Connor asked, crinkling the bags.

"I don't know. Found it!"

"Basement?"

"Bed? It's been a long day."

"You're still very attached to your bed. You rest a lot," Connor observed.

"I know." Jude looked down at the candy in his hand. "But can we?"

"Yes, of course we can."

Connor followed Jude up the stairs, and hesitated in the doorway of the bedroom. He didn't know if Jude would want him to lay next to him in bed or if Connor was being relegated to the futon again. Connor didn't want to push. They had a date next Friday, because he had to take things slow with his husband. He couldn't rush this, because Connor felt real hope in a reconciliation between he and Jude – not just a glimmer of wishful thinking.

"Come on," Jude told him, dropping onto the bed. "Movies, Connor, movies."

Connor sat down on his side of the bed, still feeling a moment of wonder that he was allowed back in this spot. Jude was spread out along the comforter, and Connor reached out to run his hand through Jude's hair.

"You're in a good mood."

"Today has been good." Jude smiled at him. "I feel happy. I think I actually feel happy."

"You deserve it."

Jude lifted the Reese's Pieces bar up under his nose. "We deserve chocolate."

"Think he'll notice?"

Jude ripped the end of the wrapper off. "Nah. And if he does, he won't care at all."

"He definitely won't."

Connor flipped onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, his head just over Jude's. Jude held one of the Reese's Pieces up to Connor's lips and Connor took it from his hand. They finished their respective treats and Jude slid this last piece of chocolate from the package and into his palm. He held it up toward Connor.

"No, you have it."

Jude snapped it in half. "We'll share it."

"Thanks."

Connor took it and they finished off the chocolate. After they finished, Jude rearranged them so that they were lying properly, facing the TV.

"What do you want to watch?" Jude murmured, his head on Connor's chest.

"Whatever you –"

"No, what do you want to watch?" Jude nudged the remote into Connor's hands.

"Hmm." Connor navigated through the rows of TV shows and movies, trying to find something that caught his attention. "Well, it's Halloween. Are we in the mood for scary?"

"Classic Stephen King movies?"

"Not Carrie."

"No, not Carrie," Jude agreed.

"What about Pet Sematary?"

"Sure. But … speaking of pets, we're getting Mikey the puppy for Christmas, aren't we?"

"Oh, absolutely," Connor said. "Did he tell you he wanted a red boy puppy?"

"Yup," Jude said. "Glad we're on the same page."

"What kinds of dogs are red?" Connor asked.

Jude shrugged. "We have, like, two more months to figure it out."

Then he reached across Connor and pressed play on Pet Sematary.

Don't forget to send me playlist ideas if you have them! This week's song is: When We Were Young by Adele (reader recommended).

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Hand In My Pocket, to my tumblr URL add backslash tagged backslash hand dash in dash my dash pocket. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~