Marston, the chimp, and Arny had made it to Black water, where the agents were waiting for them. Instead of thinking: how the hell did these guys get here so fast? They only asked "how do we find dutch?"
The agents handed Arny a file, it was about a man who was all scientific and stuff. "You'll need the help of the professor." The agents told him. "He can make some remedy or device that will aid you in the search for Dutch." And then they walked away.
The three went in the center of town, the saloon was right near, and so were the women. "Alright, Arny." John Marston said, forming a plan. "We'll split up. You talk to everyone in the saloon while I go and look at the shops. Your chimp will, I don't know, shit on the road." They split up, the chimp flipped Marston off and looked around the town.
Arny went inside the saloon, it was nice to be back in a saloon where there was plain English, and not "pendeho, gringo, I kill you Hombre!" And all that. It wasn't so bad down there, he thought. Though, he finally got an STD, but it was a Mexican STD. So... It was like a souvenir of his travel there.
He noticed the bartender had a big bottle of whiskey out already, and he grabbed the bottle up.
"Sir," the man said. "You have to pay for that." But Arny didn't listen. Because he saw there was a piano man... Playing some dumb ass song.
He walked over to the man playing the piano, who's fingers danced along the keys. "How about a drink?" Arny offered. "On you." He poured the bottle down on the man, who was shocked and appalled at the very action!
"How dare you sir!" He yelled. "I am a pianist! I am the best there is!"
"Yeah. You're on fire." Arny told him, lighting a match and burning the man and the piano. "Sweet Jesus!" The bartender screamed. "You killed the piano man! And set my bar on fire!" Then the bartender got some glass in his head as Army bashed the bottle of liquor on his head.
The people ram out as fast as they could, while Arny walked out of it. He was a calm man. And didn't screw around. That saloon burned up and crumbled. The piano man screaming incoherent gibberish. Don't know. His tongue must of burnt off. Arny got one hell of a kick from that as he began pointing and laughing at the man, who fell to the ground.
Stop drop and roll, kids. Or you'll stop and drop.
It was in that very moment that Marston came and found Arny rolling around laughing as he saw the burning saloon. "God damn it, Arny!" He yelled, waving his hands around. "I said search for the professor, not burn the saloon down!"
Arny got up and dusted himself. Shrugging as he looked into Johns angry eyes. "Oops! I guess I shouldn't of lit the piano man on fire!" He told Marston, who got even angrier.
Suddenly, the chimp came around. He was scratching his face and all derpy looking. There was even a hick up from his lips. "Chimp?"
The little animal just snickered and looked over the place. His eyes were... All goofy looking too. "Oh my god!" Arny yelled. "Where did you find weed?! I want some!"
The chimp lead them to a hotel, up the stairs, and knocked on the door. When the door widened slightly, there was a man looking at the three. "Eh..." He began. "Good day to you sirs! May I ask why... Your on my door step?"
"I heard you had weed. I want some weed." Arny told him. The British man opened the door and let them in. The place was filthy and had too many books and stuff. But there were also pipes and a bag that said flower. This man must be the professor!
"Sit right down, you two. I will have something for you in a minute." The professor told them, going to the other room.
Arny waited till he was gone, and went towards the flower, ripping it up and taking a huge snort of the white powder inside. "What the hell you doin'?" Marston asked him.
"I recognize the whiff of coke any where!" He told him, caking his face in that coke.
Once he had a good dose, Arny went crazy and started shooting the couch. Yelling stuff. The gun went click click, he pulled out a knife and began stabbing it. Marston had seen many things, but this was something else. He looked at the side of the couch where the chimp was. Stoned out of his gourd.
"I had enough of this shit." Marston walked to the other room to the other room, looking at the door to the professors room, and kicked it down. He caught the man masturbating on a deal of leafs!
"Ugh! God damn it all to hell!" He yelled, pulling out his pistol and shooting the professor.
He left that building and left Arny and the chimp.
Arny was clawing at the curtains with his knife, tearing them asunder as he heard them yelling at him. "You are not a man, Arnold B.D. you amount to nothing! The cob Webb's and the cum on the floor are more then you'll ever be!"
The curtain was torn down, the light piercing through the room. It was blinding, but Arny broke the glass with his bare hands, cutting his fist along the way. "I am more then cum, you curtainy mother Fukcker!" He yelled, running over the railing and falling to the ground outside.
It was some tough dirt. Especially after he began yelling again, his arms and legs flailing around, screaming "help me! I'm being consumed!" But all everyone else saw was a super drunk or high man flippin and floppin around on the ground.
The chimp, however, was having a blast. He felt so buzzed, he shat on the couch.
Fun times!
It had been hours after the two got really high, Arnynwas laying on the floor calmly while the chimp was finally awake and sober, climbing down the railing and getting to his dear friend.
It was late in the afternoon, around seven or something. At this time, everyone would go to the saloon but... Well. You know what happened. The hookers stand outside showing there stuff off while the booze and gambling is in some China mans house.
"Arny." The chimp said. Arny grumbled about some woman. Which wasn't abnormal. "Arny, wake up."
Shaken awake, the cowboy got up and looked at his chimp companion. "What the hell do you want, Chimp?"
In the chimps hairy hands were a deal of papers. Grasping the wrinkled pages with his hands, Arny found out it was a map! But to where? "Maybe we should ask the professor about this."
The got back up to the room and went inside that other room and found the professor dead. He probably died doing what he loved. Smoking and jerkin'. Oddly enough, there were many devices, especially a mechanical woman.
She wasn't the best looking woman, but she had all there was needed to be a woman. Some vagina and tits. Sure, it was a box head, but so were its breast. Hmm. Maybe just stick to what's down there.
He had sex to the machine woman, right in front of the chimp and the professors lifeless body. It was breath taking and disturbing. Yet the machine lit up and began making pleasure noises, screaming "yes! Yes!" Arny, too, was amazed. For it was like masturbating and your hand suddenly screaming with joy.
A disturbing notion, but go with it.
When Arny felt the satisfaction that was... Roughly made, he spoke to the machine, who was thankful for his kindness. "I am a sexbot." She confessed, though this much he knew. "I was created by the professor but never used. I felt ashamed, but then you came to me. And in me! You brought me to life, and I must thank you." She bowed to him, and looked into his handsome face.
"Its all good." He told her, caressing her cold metal skin. "It was fun." And just like that, she joined him and the chimp, rolling around in there travels.
Well, someone killed the professor and now the info was cold. But then an Indian man popped up infront of them!
"Wait, white man. I need your help."
Arny looked at him cautiously. He had no reason to, however. The last time he spoke to an Indian, the two went back to his tribe and smoked some hesh and danced around the fire.
"Speak, Mr..."
"Jerking squirrel." Okay. That may not be right. "Soaring wolf." That's it.
"How about I just call you Jerkin instead, okay?" Jerking Squirrel nodded, it was fair enough. White men would not comprehend such titles.
"Oh my love," the sexbot said. "I have not seen an Indian man before! How exciting!"
"I am having a dispute with my people. They do not like white men, they hate all that have come to our land. I wish for your assistance."
Arny scratched his chin inquisitively while thinking about this. It was a dire situation, if not at all odd. It sounded like a trap. That, or Jerking Squirrel was just desperate.
"Alright, Jerkin." He said. "I will help you."
The Indian man thanked him, and told him "once you have done this for me, I will give you information about the man you seek."
Oh... So this does lead to somewhere. Good.
The Sexbot, Chimp, And Arny followed the Indian to the forest, where there was an abandoned cabbon, left unfinished while this tribe of Indian men hovered around, staring at this rag tag group of chimp, man, and odd metal creature.
The native Americans were very angry looking, but had some nice long hair. Damn. They could be in an angry metal band. But they'd sing about shitting in the woods and praising the sun god or something. Relatable stuff.
Jerking squirrel was very nervous looking, gulping down his fears while he looked at his tribesman. Arny knew this was legit by the stutter Jerkin began with. "B-brothers... I have brought someone to settle our argument."
But these men got their guns out, and aimed them at their fellow tribesman and these three wierdos. "Go back, traitor!" They yelled. "White men deserve to die!"
"But what of white women?" They all looked st Arny, who seemed very calm. More so then usual. He had made lots of hand gestures for just that sentence. And more.
"What of them?" The Indians asked.
"Don't you like these women the white men have brought?"
There was a pause in this group of natives. "What about those tits and that shaven vagina? Isn't that better then wood lady vadge?"
The Indian men seemed to agree, nodding at one another as they heard such simple words.
"I slept with a red head." The angry native leader said. "She was crazy. But also very fun." The other Indian men nodded.
"They can stay, but the white men must leave."
But Arny shook his head, looking at these men. "But what about these new sex positions? The doggy style! The hand stand sex!"
"Hand stand sex is wonderful." Jerking squirrel said. And all the Indians agreed as well.
"But I don't like the way these women treat men once they are on top. They are dominant in their leather outfits."
Arny giggled and grined, remembering that one night he spent with a German girl. "That's with the German girls. All whip and gag."
"German girls are beautiful." One of the now calm Indians spoke. "Some caress my native sack." Suddenly, all t Indians were telling each other of how they agreed and such. Rather proudly, infact.
"I like being tied down!" The calm Indian leader yelled, crying tears while he let out his thoughts. "I like forceful women and leather. I enjoy getting punched in the face and stomach. I love bdsm!"
There was silence on the last bits, odd as they were. But later on, they all aplauded, and let out there deepest fantasies and crying together. Once they were done, the Indian leader wiped his tears away. "You have reminded us the joy of white women." He told Arny. "But we still hate white men. And we must kill you and Jerking squirrel."
"WHAT?!" Before Jerkin even had time to react to the leaders words, he had a bullet lodged in his skull and blood spitting on Sexbot, who's pink lovey eyes turned into red glowing beams.
"Kill the white man and his pet chimp and oven!" The Indian leader said. But his face met a hail of bullets, his head becoming nothing more then jello and brain goop. The others looked to see the Sexbot firing at them, yelling "no one will kill my hubby!"
Arny helped out as well, but it was mostly her, killing all these mean men who wanted to kill her first love. It was quite hot, frankly.
Her cold steel hands turned into barrels of mini guns, firing rounds of rounds as they heated up. These men didn't stand a chance against her.
The Indian men had never seen such a thing; she had boxey breast with pointy nipps, a mouth that wasn't were her voice came from, and a maid outfit. This was one odd fetish turned into a weapon and dealing some pretty harsh damage.
"Run!" Some of them said. "Screw the white man! I do not wish to die!" Arny had won the fight. Well, Sexbot did, anyway. When she noticed the enemies were gone, her original form came back and she rolled along to Arny.
"Oh, dearey! I was so afraid they'd take you away!" She told him, putting her arms around his torso. "But I stopped them! Let us embrace in these forest." She caressed his chest, and he did feel like banging the machine. He shrugged and the two went to pound town, the town Arny is most familiar with. And if cameras existed in this day and age, The chimp would film this and put it on the site called pornhub.
After that fiasco in the forest, the three returned to Blackwater and settled in the professors old room. They got the body out, of coarse. Threw him right out the broken window and let his rotting body out for everyone to see.
The three of them were cuddled in that bed together, because why not. But Arny realized something. "Damn it!" He hollered. "I still can't find where dutch is!"