Ending 1 – Part 13 (or Part 75)
Michael prowled around the quiet, dark house, unable to remain still for more than a few seconds at a time. It was well after midnight and the others were all asleep but there was something nagging at him, something that wouldn't let him rest. For the past couple of days they had stayed in the house, talked about their universes, discussed options, and debated what should happen next.
Staying in Clayton wasn't an option. Not only because they had stayed there too long already, but because of what had happened there. Maria had lived in this house with her Michael, shared a life and been happy with him there, and she had watched him die there. It was too much pressure for them to live under and he refused to have that particular dark cloud hanging over them. Having to live with his counterpart in his head was bad enough; he wasn't going to compete against the other man in space that had belonged to him.
After hours and hours of debate and arguing they had settled on an area up north, not far from Seattle. There were many small towns in the vicinity, which would allow them to spread out while keeping them close enough to meet for training or simply so they could get to know each other better. The area would be perfect for training, providing them with different terrain and weather that would be challenging.
He checked to make sure Maria was sleeping before grabbing the flashlight off of the counter in the kitchen and stepping outside and locking the door behind him. He drew in several deep lungfuls of air as he started to walk, leaving the house and its ghosts behind him. The house was full of memories, full of moments his counterpart and Maria had shared, and at times he felt like he was being suffocated by them.
Too many times over the past few days he had watched as Maria would walk around the house, moving from room to room, her fingertips ghosting over different things and her expression faraway as she would lose herself in memories. Being there was weighing heavily on her and he knew it was only adding to the guilt that always resided just below the surface. Neither of them needed to be subjected to that oppressive weight and next to the risk of remaining in one place for too long it was the main reason he was pushing for them to move and soon.
He let his feet guide him as he walked along a path he had yet to take since arriving at the little house in Clayton. He and Max had taken quite a few walks as the other man shared stories and information with him while trying subtly to gather information of his own. He had also taken quite a few walks on his own, but tonight his feet were taking him in a new and uncomfortably familiar direction.
His feet slowed and the beam of his flashlight swept over the ground several feet before him. He could see the exposed roots where the ground had fallen away and he crouched down to let his fingers brush against the hardened dirt. He looked down as the moon came out from behind the clouds to illuminate the dry riverbed below and before he knew it he was up and moving again. After several minutes of searching he found a place to climb down into the ravine and the beam from the flashlight bounced across the ground as he ran along the riverbed.
An icy shiver raced down his spine as he skidded to a halt next to the riverbed and he looked up to locate the edge of the overhang that had been disturbed. He dropped to one knee, unaware of the rocky ground leaving its impression in his flesh. He could hear the rush of water even though the riverbed was dry and he could feel the dampness in the air from the heavy rainfall that had caused the river to fill so quickly. He let his hand rest against the ground and he was hit with a terrible mix of feelings and emotions. It was as if everything that had been felt that day, the physical, mental, and emotional anguish, were suddenly combining and threatening to suffocate him.
It wasn't bad enough that he felt those things from his counterpart; he could feel them from Maria. As if those feelings had lingered in the area and his presence had awakened them and given them a place to find release. Something in him began to push back against the feelings, something that was beginning to feel familiar, and without his permission he stood and his feet began to take him back the way he had come.
His heart was pounding and sweat was dripping down his face when he reached the front porch of the house. He sat down on the top step, his right hand trembling as he reached up and felt the perspiration on his face. What had happened? He didn't even remember running back to the house, but he knew his own body well enough to know that he had been running.
He jerked his shirt off over his head and used it to dry the sweat from his face and chest. The night was warm and still as he sat there trying to make sense of the feelings that had assaulted him at the riverbed. He shook his head as he tried to shrug off the remnants of his visit to the riverbed. He was sure the walk that had taken him to the site of his counterpart's death had been instigated by the presence he now carried around inside of himself. He started when a hand settled on his back but he forced himself to calm down when he realized it was Maria.
"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.
"Fine," he grated out.
She stared at him in the moonlight, wondering if he had been driven from the confines of the house because she had shared it with her Michael. It wasn't the first time he had taken off after they had all settled down for the night and she had a feeling that as long as they stayed there it wouldn't be the last. She could feel just the slightest tremble in his tall frame and she knew the air wasn't cool enough to be responsible for it. Something had unsettled him and she could feel the edginess in him as she sat down beside him. What could've brought this on?
Her gaze fell on the flashlight sitting on the step between his booted feet and somehow, some way, she knew where he had been. "You went to the river."
His temper was just barely being held under his control and the accusation in her voice was like a spark in a field of dry kindling. He jerked to his feet and moved to stand facing her, the moonlight illuminating his angry features. "I've got all this shit goin' on in my head, Maria, and getting out and walkin' helps."
"I asked you not to go to the river!"
"Then maybe you should've asked the fuckin' ghost that's hijacked my body!" he snapped back. "I didn't ask for this, Maria!" He refused to try to explain something he didn't even fully understand himself.
"So, what, you expect me to believe that he made you go to the river?" she asked, her tone incredulous.
"I don't expect you to believe a damn thing. Why should you start now?"
"Michael," she sighed, "it's a lot to take in."
"Well, there's a fuckin' surprise. I've got the ghost of an alien-human hybrid stuck inside of me an' you think it's hard for you to take in?" He shook his head as he started to pace back and forth in front of the house. "Try this shit from my position, Maria! For the past few days I've watched you walk around here in a fog. You think I don't know where you are when you disappear? All of his shit's packed up in that back room… it doesn't take a fuckin' genius to know that's where you're goin'."
"Michael, you have to understand how difficult it is to be surrounded by his things. It's like having to let him go all over again. In a matter of days we'll be leaving, going to a new place, and leaving all this behind."
"It can't be soon enough," he muttered.
"Look, this isn't easy for either of us and I know you've been having a difficult time being in his space – "
"You know what I'm havin' a hard time with, Maria? Your guilt!"
"I can't just wave my hand and make that magically disappear, Michael! Don't you think I would if I could?" She stood and moved to stand in front of him, stopping his agitated pacing. "I can't control the guilt and I don't know if or even when that'll stop. I love you. I don't regret that but there's a part of me that's always gonna love him and that part of me may always feel a certain amount of guilt."
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
"I don't know. I don't have any easy answers. It's something only time is gonna work out," she said, wishing she could make him understand.
"We're not takin' all of his shit with us when we leave." His expression was set in stone, uncompromising.
"No, I know," she said softly. She wouldn't do that to him and she didn't need a bunch of old things to remember her Michael. She reached up to cup his cheek in her palm. "I'm just saying goodbye, Michael."
He nodded sharply. Jealousy was an emotion he was still acclimating to and he had to wonder if he would be forced to deal with it for the rest of his life. His counterpart had set up residence in his head and he didn't seem interested in vacating anytime soon. His presence was so much stronger here and he felt like he was fighting a constant battle with himself.
He would be glad when they left this place behind. He needed to be free of this constant reminder and so did Maria. Maybe time and distance would finally give her the freedom to let go of her Michael and the mountain of guilt that she was carrying on her shoulders.
"We'll be leavin' soon," he said matter-of-factly.
Maria nodded, understanding what he was saying. "I'm ready, Michael." It wasn't fair for him to stay here any longer than necessary. He was dealing with her memories of a man he felt was competition and she knew being in the house made him uncomfortable.
He sat down on the porch again, gaze silently assessing as he stared out into the distance. After a few minutes Maria joined him, sitting beside him and letting his presence comfort her. They remained there as the hours passed, not getting up and going back inside until the sun began to peek over the horizon.