Ending Two, Part 3 (or Part 79)
For the second time that day Michael paced around his hotel room like a caged animal. He hadn't liked what the Granolith had to say the first time and he didn't like it any better now.
"It's the only defense you'll have against an invasion," Maria said quietly.
"So you're fine with that fuckin' machine tellin' us what we're gonna do? Fuck that!"
She leaned back against the arm of the couch and watched him. She couldn't stay in his universe and if he didn't do what the Granolith had explained then he would die when Khivar's invasion occurred. It would only be a matter of time before he was able to get a foothold in this world if there was no one prepared to stand against him.
"No," she said finally. "I'm not fine with it but whether we like it or not the defense of this planet rests on your shoulders. To make a stand against Khivar, to have a fighting chance you have to do what it said. You have an advantage, Michael. You're a soldier and you understand the rules of war. You know how to fight, you understand strategy – "
"And if I do this I won't be the same person!" he yelled. "That thing wants to saddle me with a bunch of kids."
"It wants you to go back and prevent their deaths so you can train them and give this planet a fighting chance."
He shook his head as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Based on the information you gave me before they're significantly younger than me. What, five or six years? If I was successful at preventing their deaths they would come into my life at one of its most crucial points. That could potentially alter the course of my life… it could make a difference in whether or not the Company is a part of my life. How effective would I be if that didn't factor in? That edge is what makes the difference."
Maria bit her lip as she considered what he was saying. He had raised a valid point. "The Granolith would know that your training and knowledge is necessary so it must have some way around that."
"You don't understand!" he argued as he slapped his palm against the dresser. "When I went into the Company at 17 I had no ties to anyone or anything! Going back, saving them, will create ties. Do you not understand how that changes things?!"
"I'd be alive in your universe," she offered, thinking it might help him calm down.
She'll be alive but she won't be you. That thought gave him pause and he suddenly saw things a lot clearer where her situation with his counterpart was concerned. Meeting her at such a young age… how would that change the course of his life? He didn't even want to think about that. "Yeah, alive and jailbait," he snapped angrily.
"Michael, maybe having those ties is necessary. Maybe it gives you something to fight for, something to come home to. I know you enjoy your life but maybe this would give you more."
"Like you give a shit," he muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, surprised by his remark.
"It means you're getting fucked raw and you're just layin' there takin' it." He ignored the disgusted grimace on her face at his choice of words. "You came here to save him and the Granolith basically told you nothing's changed. You'll go back, he'll still be dead, the invasion will still happen, and you'll have no defense against it now."
"Going home to him is everything I wanted. It's why I got myself into this situation in the first place. I believed what I needed to believe to keep me going and that was that when this was all over I would go home to him and this would fade until it was just a memory. If it was even that since technically preventing his death would mean going back before any of this happened. Maybe the Granolith in my universe will change its mind. Or maybe," she swallowed hard, "when the Granolith asked if I would do whatever was necessary to save Michael it meant you. I think that's what it meant when it said I had been given the chance to change the past, present and future."
He shrugged one shoulder as he stared outside. "And you're okay with that." He snorted derisively. "You're a fuckin' liar if you think I'm buyin' that."
"No," she admitted, her voice trembling slightly. "I'm not okay with that but I don't have much choice in the matter. The only thing that makes it any easier to deal with is knowing that me being here will make a difference in your universe. You can go back and save the people that will help you defeat Khivar. You'll live, Michael. At least I succeeded in that."
"How altruistic of you," he snapped.
"I don't wanna argue with you."
Her tone sounded defeated and he turned around to look at her, leaning against the windowsill.
"We're only putting off the inevitable. With my mission completed it's just a matter of time before I have to go back. I don't know what'll happen if I don't return to the Granolith and make that trip voluntarily. For all I know I'll just disappear when it decides it's time." She shook her head. "You don't want anything to draw attention to you."
"We should get this over with as soon as possible so you can begin your mission. You may not give a damn about this planet and most of its inhabitants but you understand duty and honor. In the morning we'll go back to the Granolith so it can send me home and you'll do whatever is necessary to save this planet. But for tonight…"
"What're you sayin'?" he asked, certain he already knew what was coming.
She took a deep breath as she stood and crossed the room to stand before him. "What I'm saying is I don't want to be alone tonight."
He studied her as he debated the intelligence of sharing his bed with her again. The last time she had ended up regretting it and he didn't care to experience that again. "I'm not him, Maria." He shook his head as he stared at her. "I may have his face but – "
She reached up to place her fingers against his lips, silencing him. "I know who you are, Michael. The night we made love I wasn't using you as a substitute. It may have been the result of everything that had happened that day but I never forgot that I was with you."
"There won't be any regrets this time." He took her hand and pulled her to stand between his legs.
Maria's hands lifted to his shoulders as one of his arms slid around her waist. "No regrets," she whispered in agreement.
He slowly lowered his head, satisfied when she met him halfway. He took his time, alternating between long slow kisses and shorter, hungrier kisses. When they broke apart to take in some much needed air he met her gaze, taking in her blown pupils.
When she took a step back he frowned but the feel of one of her hands tugging on his shirt reassured him. When she motioned to the window behind him he turned and glanced outside. The hotel was on the outskirts of town and faced the desert. The parking lot was below them but they were several floors up so unless someone was using binoculars they wouldn't have a clear view of the room.
With any other woman he wouldn't give a fuck. Hell, he'd probably just turn any other chick around and bang her right up against the window, careless of what anyone else might see or think. But she wasn't just another piece of ass. She was Maria and he wouldn't disrespect her like that.
Maria wondered where his thoughts were as he stared outside and she took a couple of steps forward to press against his back. Even the smallest distance between them felt like too much right now and she sighed at the feel of him.
Michael shut the blinds, leaving the room in shadow since the only light came from the sunlight sneaking past the edges of the blinds where they didn't quite meet the window. He shoved away the thought that all they had was tonight. When morning came he would have to let her go because he had a mission to complete.
"You said no regrets," Maria murmured, worried that he had changed his mind.
"No," he said after a moment of silence. "No regrets." He turned in her arms and cradled her face in his hands as his eyes traced over her features.
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Maria stood in the shower the next morning, tears running down her face and mixing in with the hot water to be washed away. She wished it were so simple to be rid of the shattered pieces of her heart. She loved Michael, she loved both of them, and after everything that had happened and everything they had been through she was returning to her universe without either of them. She would be alone after losing him twice.
She had spent the night in his arms, soaking up every memory she could while she still had the chance. Every kiss, every touch, had been a combination of ecstasy and heartbreaking agony but she had been desperate to be with him one last time. He wasn't very verbal but she knew he was hurting over the separation that was being forced upon them. He would never admit it; that just wasn't who he was. He had revealed it in his lovemaking. He had been gentle and caring, fierce and demanding, and his silence had been punctuated by emotions revealed in every touch and every look from his dark eyes.
She knew she couldn't stay in his universe as much as she wished she could. Traveling back in time was his only option if he was going to do what was necessary to save his Earth. If she stayed he couldn't complete his mission and she couldn't be responsible for the demise of an entire planet. He would at least have her in some form by altering the past and ensuring her survival, but she knew it wouldn't be the same. He had been right the night before when he had said that by altering the past he would be altering who he was; to some degree he would be changed because he would have people in his life who knew the truth about him and who would be responsible for smoothing some of his rough edges.
Would her counterpart in this universe fall in love with him? Would he fall in love with her? He was also right about the age difference, but she knew herself, and she was certain that even with the age difference she would have fallen in love with her Michael in her universe. She had fallen in love with this Michael despite their difference in age. Of course, she would meet him when she was significantly younger in this universe. He would be learning to kill efficiently and fighting in wars while she was going to high school and thinking about absurd teenage things.
If she fell in love with him in this universe, and she had no doubt that she would, she wondered how long it would take for her to realize it. Would he remember anything from his previous life? Would he have any memories of her and the time they had spent together? Or would he be spared that burden? She hoped for his sake that once he went back and successfully altered the past that any memories of the life he had already lived would disappear and that he wouldn't have to deal with the memory of loving her and losing her.
She would never want to give up the memory of loving him. Would that be different if her Michael had been given back to her? If she had been allowed to go back and prevent his death? She ducked her face under the spray to wash away the fresh flood of tears. She didn't know how to answer that question, not even in the privacy of her own mind. It wasn't only a matter of making love with another version of him; it was a matter of falling in love with a different version of him. Could she have gone back to her universe and let the memories of him go? She didn't know because she did love him even though he was a difficult, moody, pain in the ass that could be incredibly hard to get along with.
She rubbed her hands over her face as she tried hard to control the pain trying to break free of the walls of her chest. Letting him go hurt more than she had imagined it would. It had nearly destroyed her to leave her Michael behind, buried in a cold, unmarked grave. Now she had to leave this Michael to face a past and future that was unwritten because his actions, and the actions of those he saved were going to determine how it played out.
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Michael stared at the unmade bed, his mind tracking over every minute of the night before. They hadn't slept much, waking and making love several times throughout the night. He had done his best to memorize every moment, knowing full well that as soon as he made that first change to his past and altered the future it would most likely mean that she would never set foot in his universe and he would lose those memories. His touches had been fueled by the need to imprint her on his memory, to hide her someplace so deep inside of him that the Granolith, fate, whatever it was that controlled their lives, couldn't take that away from him.
He hated that he had to let her go in order to save a planet of ingrates who didn't know who he was. The very same people who would strap him to a metal table and dissect him, study him if they ever discovered his existence or that of the others. He should just tell the Granolith to go fuck itself and refuse to allow her to leave. He could destroy the thing. He knew enough about explosives to blast that entire formation into a pile of rubble.
But she had made him promise that he would accept the mission and do whatever was necessary to save this planet. She hadn't wanted to do it; he had seen the truth in her eyes. But she had chosen to sacrifice whatever they might have together to save Earth in his universe. She would go back to her universe where she would be alone because the Granolith hadn't determined that bringing her Michael back was necessary.
He would go back in time… Fuck, this was surreal! He would probably lose his memories of their time together but she wouldn't have that luxury. She would go back to her universe carrying the weight of loving and losing both men. She would be alone, without her friends or her family to even help her through the loss. He didn't like the way that made him feel and his eyes moved to the closed bathroom door. He could hear the shower running and he knew without looking that she had been in the shower for a lot longer than necessary. He stood up and reached for the hem of his shirt as he crossed the room.
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Maria turned her head when the shower door opened and she met Michael's gaze for a brief moment before he stepped inside and pulled the door closed once more. She was trying as hard as she could to control her emotions but it hurt so bad that she couldn't just let it go. He had enough on his plate without having to deal with an emotional goodbye and she was doing her best to spare him that.
"I can't tell you it's gonna get better," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. "We both know the truth."
She squeezed her eyes shut but the hot tears pushed past her closed eyelids to spill over her cheeks. "I know," she whispered, her voice thick. "We're doing the right thing."
Michael didn't know if she was trying to convince him or her, and he didn't ask. He carefully turned her in his arms and he lifted her chin so he could look down into her shimmering green eyes. "You're sure about this?"
"I'm sure," she agreed.
He was silent as he studied her. He reached for the soap and began to lather it up between his hands. Like the night that now seemed so long ago he cared for her and let his gentle touches speak for him. When they were clean and the soap was rinsed from their bodies, taking with it all evidence of their night together they stepped out of the shower and he dried them off.
They dressed in silence and Maria gathered their things while he did one last sweep of the room, making sure nothing had been left behind. He relieved her of his bag when they reached the door and he leaned over to toss the key card on the dresser by the television. His gaze moved around the room once more before he stepped out into the hall, scanning it for anyone who shouldn't be there before he moved to the elevators.
Maria pulled the door shut behind them and stared at it as she swallowed with difficulty. The lock clicked into place and somehow the moment seemed symbolic. The door closing on their hotel room much like the door closing on this chapter of their lives; the metaphor was true for both of them, but at least he would have an opportunity for a life with this universe's version of her. Her eyes welled up with fresh tears at the thought that she wouldn't have that opportunity when she returned home; the chance to change the past in her universe had been denied her. She cleared her throat and forced the tears back when Michael called her name and she turned and walked down the hall to join him.