"DAD! FATHER!" Mikey screamed. "THEY'RE HERE!"
Upstairs, Connor shut his laptop. He went down into front entrance hall where JP and Chris had already kicked off their shoes and were racing into the basement. JP was yelling about something and Mikey was yelling, although Chris was quiet. It wasn't unusual. He was a quiet kid, and Connor often wondered how he managed to function around two forces as strong as JP and Mikey. Connor wasn't concerned about him though. He knew that he was tough too.
"We'll see you tomorrow morning," Jude was saying to Andrew.
The man, about seven years their senior, nodded. "Bye, boys!"
Andrew's shout echoed through the walls, but he got a lackluster 'bye, Dad' in return.
"Well, I feel loved," Andrew said sarcastically.
"Kids," Connor said with an eye roll.
"Kids," Andrew agreed. "I'll see you all tomorrow morning."
Jude and Connor said goodbye to him and Jude shut the front door.
"What do we do with three kids?" Connor asked.
"Cry," Jude replied flatly.
"Are you okay?" Connor asked. "I thought this week has been pretty good so far …"
"It has been. And I'm fine." Jude looked apprehensively toward the basement steps. "But this is new again. And I'm still a little stressed out by new things."
"You can handle this," Connor said. "I know you can."
"Well, that's why I've got you," Jude replied confidently. "Between the two of us, we can do it."
"Game plan, then. I'll go see if they want snacks."
"Try and herd them into the backyard. The more tired they make themselves the easier our lives will be, right?"
"Right!"
(-.-)
"Mr. Jude, can you pass me the garlic bread, please?"
Jude passed the bread basket over to Chris, who quietly thanked him. Connor focused on JP, who was arguing with Mikey.
"Goalie is boring."
"Goalie is fun."
"Running around is fun."
"Movies," Chris interrupted, "are fun."
"Movies are fun," Mikey agreed.
"Have you thought about you want to watch tonight?" Connor asked the trio.
Mikey and JP exchanged glances and they looked at Chris.
"Chris is best at picking movies," JP boasted.
"I like when Chris picks," Mikey said at nearly the same time.
Chris poked at his lasagna, though there was a smile on his face.
"Well, we have all kinds of movies," Connor said. "You've seen Mikey's big collection downstairs. What were you thinking of, Chris?"
"Something funny!" JP said.
"Action!" Mikey decided.
"Family stories," Chris added after thinking for a moment.
"We can find one with all of them. I know there is," Mikey said confidently.
Connor smiled at Jude over the dinner table.
"You know what I also know there is, Dad?"
"And what would that be?"
Mikey smiled in a devilish way. "I know there's chocolate pudding in the fridge!"
JP's brown eyes went wide. Connor swore he'd never met another kid as attached to food as JP was.
"Are you finished with your supper?"
Mikey nodded.
"Doesn't look like you're finished," Jude said.
Mikey looked down at his plate, stuck the rest of his lasagna on his fork, and shoved the entirety of the bite in his mouth.
"Don't choke!"
"I'm fine, Dad!" Mikey stuck out his tongue to show his empty mouth.
"Did you guys get enough?" Jude asked the twins.
"Yes," they answered in near unison.
"Would you like dessert?" Connor asked.
"Yes, please!" the three kids answered.
"Let's carry your plates into the kitchen and then we can get pudding out of the fridge, okay?" Jude suggested.
With lightning speed, the six-year-olds grabbed their dirty dishes and padded into the kitchen. JP and Chris copied Mikey and put their dishes up on the counter. As Connor placed his and Jude's plates on the counter, Jude opened the fridge door and to reveal the homemade chocolate pudding that he and Connor had prepared.
"Father, can we eat our pudding in the basement? We want to start the movie." Mikey bounced up onto the balls of his feet, grinning crookedly.
"Sure. But take napkins down with you."
At Jude's prompt, Connor grabbed some paper towel off the roll and handed it to Mikey. Mikey clenched his pudding in one hand and napkins in the other. He waited for his best friends to have their desserts and then the three of them thundered down the steps back into the basement to start their movie night.
"Let's put these away so we don't have to deal with them later," Jude said, reaching for the dirty dishes.
"Jude?"
"Yeah?"
"Talk to me for a minute?"
Jude turned around, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Always. We talk when we need to."
"I just wanted to check on you. Today has been busier than they usually are for you. I don't know why they think you're the fun one."
"Because I am the fun one. And you couldn't do a puzzle to save your life." Jude teased.
"They all look the same!"
"They're, like, twenty piece puzzles!" Jude let out a small laugh, but then he answered Connor's question seriously, "I'm good, though. But I think I'm going to have to go to bed when they do. I'm tired."
"We still have to make up the pullout bed downstairs for them to sleep on."
"We'll do that when they finish this movie," Jude decided. "I don't want to get in their way when they're having fun."
"So, what do we do after the dishes?" Connor asked, taking a small step toward him.
"Start our own movie?" Jude suggested. "Unless you have another idea."
Connor let himself walk up to Jude, pinning his husband against the countertop. Jude looked down at him.
"There's three kids –"
"Downstairs. One kiss, please."
"I can't say no to that."
Jude was smiling as he pressed his lips to Connor's. Connor leant into Jude and Jude put his hands on Connor's hips. His fingers wrapped around Connor's belt loops and pulled him closer. Connor was more than willing to kiss him senseless, but he knew that the kitchen wasn't the best place to be doing that. Still, he couldn't resist one more taste of Jude's lips.
"Dishes," Connor prompted.
"I won't drop any this time," Jude promised.
"It's been almost a week, Jude. You can stop saying that." Connor picked up one of Jude's hands and kissed his knuckles. "It's okay."
Jude nodded quickly. "It makes me feel a little better to say it, though. Like a reminder to keep focused."
"I understand. Anything else I can do to help you?"
"You do more than enough, Connor. I should pay more attention to you." Jude made a face, like he was thinking about it, and then turned to open the dishwasher.
Connor leant his weight on his hand, propping himself up against the counter. "Does that mean you'll plan date number three?"
Jude glanced at him over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows. "And when did I say I wanted date number three?"
Connor grabbed one of the dish towels from the counter and smacked it against Jude's butt. Jude straightened up, almost indignantly, but he and Connor just ended up grinning at one another. Connor snapped the towel in the air.
"Date number three?" he asked innocently.
Jude laughed. "You make a convincing argument."
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes. I will figure out a date number three for us. Something not food themed this time. Something more exciting."
"You're brilliant. You'll figure it out."
Jude made a noise in the back of his throat. "Now, will you stop being lazy and put the glasses in the dishwasher?"
"Bossy." Connor waited until Jude turned away from him and then used the towel again, aiming for his back right jeans pocket. "I like it."
Jude laughed. "Glasses, Casanova."
"Buzzkill," Connor muttered under his breath, although he started moving the dirty dishes from the counter to the dishwasher.
"Make up your mind," Jude said, "Do you like bossy or not?"
"I just like you."
Connor tilted his head as Jude kissed his cheek briefly. They completed their task with smiles on their faces and then they settled in the living room to watch TV there. They only had a small, old TV set in the living room – another leftover from Adam's passing – and it wasn't often used. Jude didn't want to go upstairs quite yet, though; he didn't want to until the boys were tucked in. If they needed something now, they'd run upstairs and find him and Connor in bed together. Connor understood his concern without much explaining and they sat on the living room couch. After just over an hour of flipping through channels, Mikey appeared.
"Dad, Father?"
"Yeah?" Connor asked.
"We want juice, please."
"I'll grab it," Connor said, but Jude also stood.
"Is your movie over?"
Mikey nodded. "But we want to watch another one!"
"I know. And you can. I was just thinking that I should make up the pullout bed downstairs. If you guys still want to sleep down there."
"Father." Mikey rolled his eyes. "We always sleep down there. We're not scaredy-cats."
"I know. I'm just reminding you that you have options. I'm going to go upstairs and get blankets and pillows for you. Don't start any movies until I'm done, okay?"
"Okay!"
When Connor carried the juice boxes downstairs, Jude had already pulled out the couch and was busy fitting a sheet over the wide mattress. He quickly distributed the juice boxes between the kids and helped Jude make the bed. Between the two of them, soon the bed was made and everyone was piling into it. JP threw himself in the middle of the bed before Chris and Mikey could so much as lift the covers. Mikey clambered under the covers on the side closest to the stairs while Chris hunkered down next to his brother. Connor had to laugh at the sight – Mikey and Chris were almost the exact same height, but JP was short compared to the two other kids and he looked incredibly small with the way that he was laying.
"Need anything?" Jude asked them.
Chris and JP shook their heads.
"Dad, will you pass the remote?"
"Sure." Connor handed it over and then kissed his son's head. "Father's feeling tired, so I think he's going to go to bed and I'm going to go up to the office."
Mikey looked at him, concerned, and then his gaze landed on Jude. Whispering, he asked, "Is Father feeling sick right now?"
"He's just tired. But I'm going to go upstairs in case he gets sick, okay? If you need us, either come up or yell extra loud."
"Okay!" Mikey said. "Goodnight, Dad. Goodnight, Father. I love you."
They each told Mikey that they loved him, and then they said goodnight to the twins. Together, Jude and Connor climbed up the stairs, leaving lights on as they went. There was a tiny bathroom in the basement, so they didn't really expect for anyone to be journeying upstairs before morning, but just in case someone needed them, Jude and Connor wanted to make sure that it wasn't dark. Even though Connor had told Mikey he was going to the office, he joined Jude in the bedroom.
Jude dramatically flopped onto the bed, taking up most of the space.
"Come on, make room for me," Connor said, prodding at his side.
"Nope. I'm comfy here."
"I'll lay on you," Connor threatened, but Jude didn't take him seriously. "You'll eventually have to make room for me."
Jude turned his head to the side. "Not tonight, Connor."
Connor straightened up, pulling his hand away from Jude. "Did I do something?"
"No, no, nothing like that." Jude sat up. "But if they need something, they'll probably send in Mikey. And I don't want to confuse him by having us sleep in the same bed. I know he explained it away that night he had a bad dream but he won't always do that for us."
"It makes sense." Connor looked down at their dark blue comforter, picking at one of the seams.
"What?" Jude asked.
"It's just easy to forget that we're not … real, yet."
"We're real," Jude said, reaching for him. "Connor, we're real."
"You won't let me come back," Connor whispered before he could stop himself.
"What does that mean? You're here. You never go anywhere else. I like you being here," Jude said, as if that would answer everything.
Connor shook his head. "I still have the apartment."
"Yeah –"
"And we've never said anything about getting rid of it."
"It's only November. That would feel like an absolute and, I'm sorry, Connor, but I just can't have that right now. I can't –"
"Commit?"
"Please stop interrupting me!"
"I'm sorry." Connor went back to staring at the comforter.
"Connor, I am committed to you. I am committed to making this work."
"We act like there's no holdback. We kiss and go out and flirt and go to sleep next to each other every night. We pay our bills and talk and make dinner together. The only things we're not doing is having sex and telling everyone that we're not getting a divorce. So, tell me, please, why do we have to keep pretending that we're moving through sludge?"
"I … If you were this unhappy, you should have told me."
"No!" Connor looked up. "I'm not unhappy, Jude. I promise."
"Then what is this?" Jude asked.
"Sometimes it's hard for me to understand your point of view. I'm just confused right now."
Jude's eyes never left Connor's face. "We talked about this on my birthday. I'm waiting. I need to see if we can really do this. This is the beginning all over again. The beginning always works. It's the middle that needs all the work."
"How long until we get to the middle?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry, I can't do any more than that. I'm sorry."
"I just need to make sure you're putting all that you can into this. Because if you're holding back then we're never going to make it that far."
"I'm not holding anything back, I promise. I just … I need to be sure. I can't go through that again and you can't go through that again and we can't put Mikey through that again."
Connor nodded. Jude's hands cupped his face and Jude held his head so that they were looking at one another. Connor let his jaw rest heavily against Jude's palm.
"I want you," Jude added. "I really want you."
"I really want you too," Connor replied.
"And I love you."
"I love you too."
Jude leant forward and kissed him. Connor let the kiss last only a moment before he gathered Jude up in his arms. He just wanted to be held right now. Jude rocked him back and forth for several long minutes, and then he tugged Connor toward the head of the bed. Jude propped himself up against the pillows and Connor sprawled himself across Jude. They didn't need to say anything. Connor was content to listen to Jude's heartbeat, even as Jude turned on the TV and flicked it over to one of their usual channels. It was more for background noise, as Connor could tell that Jude was paying more attention to him than to the TV.
"Connor?"
"Mhm?"
"Are you okay with still having the apartment, though? I mean, I know I've kind of been setting the pace and being a little dictator-like. I'm listening to you. I swear."
"I'm okay," Connor said. "I would prefer not to have it, since it's costing money. Which seems like a more practical thing to say than 'it feels like a jinx'."
"Are you superstitious now?" Jude joked.
"It's a good thing Mikey wants a red dog, not a black cat," Connor teased in return.
"If you really want to get rid of it, I won't say 'no'. I just feel better knowing that you have somewhere to go, like a safety net, if something happens where you don't want to be here anymore."
"The thing about being all in," Connor said, "is that I'm going to stick around here and work through things, no matter how bad things look."
"And I want you to stay. But things are unpredictable."
"I know." Connor squeezed his arms around Jude's middle. "I think that the holidays are pretty stressful. So, I'll keep it until after Christmas, at least. And New Year's. Maybe we can talk about subletting it around February."
"That sounds like a reasonable plan. Anything else on your mind?"
Connor went to shake his head then he paused. "Jude?"
"Yeah?"
"No matter what happens, we should give Mikey a good Christmas. We shouldn't make any big changes before or too close to the holidays."
"Why do we get complicated around Christmas?"
"I don't know," Connor answered. "Hold me a little tighter."
Jude clenched his arms tightly around Connor, even as Connor shifted to a more comfortable position. He rested his back against Jude's chest, his head near Jude's shoulder. One of Jude's arms wrapped low on his waist while one stretched under his arm, high on his chest and over his shoulder. He was anchored to Jude and he liked that. He liked being held to him. Jude kissed the side of his head and Connor snuggled closer to him. Connor let each of his arms rest along Jude's and he held each of his husband's hands. Jude rested his chin on the top of Connor's head.
"Worried about Mikey bursting in on us like this?" Connor asked.
"A little. But I figure he's loud enough on the stairs that we'll hear him coming and you can move over to your side before the door opens."
"My side," Connor murmured.
"Are you still thinking about your apartment?"
"No … kind of … I belong here, Jude."
"I know you do." Jude tightened his arms even further. "Give us some more time."
"Okay." Connor tuned his head, hiding his face against Jude's side.
"You're disappointed," Jude observed.
"No. I understand you now and that's what I wanted. I'm feeling a little impatient, I guess."
"Can I do anything else for you?" Jude asked.
"I just want to stay like this for a while."
"We can do that."
Jude kissed the top of his head again. Connor took a deep breath, smelling nothing but his husband. This was real. They were real. The world didn't need to know.
But it would be really nice if they did.
Don't forget to send me playlist ideas if you have them! This week's songs are: Up For Now by KING (reader recommended); Where We Came From by Phillip Phillips.
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Hand In My Pocket, to my tumblr URL add backslash tagged backslash hand dash in dash my dash pocket. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~