Fate's Games
(A/N: Fourth up today. Another long one. I can't say I'm overly happy with it either, but we'll see how it goes. The one after this, though, I am definitely happy with. Well, more happy with. Anyway, this is the product of listening to Scarborough Fair almost obsessively a while back.)
Impossibilities
It was late. The city was shutting down bit by bit, and all he had to do now was put out the candles. He would do so after making up his bed. It had been a long and drawn out day. It seemed that as this Civil War grew more and more fierce, faith in Mara was waning by the day. It was a hard thing to witness, but hardly unexpected. In times of war there were many reasons why one would begin to doubt their faith and beliefs. Briehl was a prime example of it. Of course Briehl's trust had been waning long before this war had begun.
Maramal came back out into the main part of the temple and froze. There, sitting in the seats, was a strange woman, a Dunmer. She was praying to the goddess, it would seem. She would have to hurry. He had to turn her out before he could finally lock up the Temple. He put out the candles one by one until the only one still lit was the one he held, and the room otherwise was dark. He approached her cautiously. Gently he placed a hand on her, snapping her out of her thoughts. She caught her breath, looking quickly up with eyes wide and uncertain.
"Milady, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid you must leave this place. I've got to lock up for the night," he gently coaxed, examining her features in the flickering candlelight. She had been weeping, he saw. What in the world would a woman like her be weeping for, he wondered? Surely she couldn't be wanting for anything. She was dressed well; if not upper class then at least Middle. She was most definitely beautiful, so that could hardly be the source of her lamenting.
"Give me a moment longer. Please?" she pled.
"What weighs so heavily on your mind, lady, that it cannot wait until tomorrow?" Maramal wondered.
"So many things," she quietly answered, and her voice was hardly a whisper. He recalled seeing her around the city before. She was familiar in that way, albeit a new addition.
"How can I help you, child?" he asked.
She was silent for a long time. Finally she answered, "I asked for love."
ES
"For love?" he dubiously questioned. What else should he have expected, though? It simply took him aback. A woman such as her and yet she hadn't been taken as a bride?
"For love," she simply confirmed, rising and preparing to leave. "I prayed she send me one who would prove himself worthy to be called a man."
"What is it that makes a man worthy of being called such?" he questioned.
"Loyalty, kindness, understanding, sincerity, gentleness… A man who is afraid to cry cannot be called a man. A man who must battle, fight, intimidate, threaten, or show off riches to prove his worth has only proven himself worthless. A man who must show his strength, who must be rough, who must be virile, is not worth the time. A man who loves war is no more than dust," she answered.
"You have ruled out every man in Tamriel. You wish for perfection, Lady. There is no man alive who is perfect," he said to her.
She paused a long moment. Finally she turned back and replied, "You're right… But then love imposes impossible tasks."
"How will you be won if he says he cannot do all you wish of him?" Maramal questioned, finding himself more and more intrigued with the stranger the more she spoke.
"Let him promise me that at least he will try. If he does so and follows through, I will have him," she answered.
She started off again. "Daughter, what is your name?" he inquired curiously.
She paused. After a moment she turned back and answered, "Dinya Balu." With that she left, and for a long time he stood watching after her, awed at her words. Finally he blew out the last candle and returned to his bed.
ES
She returned again the next day, around the same time as she had last night. "Have you found your lover?" he wondered, catching sight of her.
"No, preacher," she answered.
"Are you in want of anything, milady Dinya?" he questioned, well aware of Briehl's curious and incredulous gaze on him.
She paused a moment, looking up at him. Finally she answered, "Grant me the ability to conceive offspring. Take away my wretched barrenness, for of what use am I to a man if I cannot bring forth child?"
He started at this. After a moment he questioned, "Why should you be viewed as less important than a fertile woman?"
"Because in this land, in this time, there is no room for risk, no room for there not to be born to a couple an infant. War tears this world apart, and if it cannot be filled, it will pass on," she replied. "If you can, please, cure me of my infertility."
"I only wish I could," he replied pityingly, his eyes gentle and sympathetic. "But that is a request that is far beyond my ability to accomplish."
"Is it? I suppose it was too much to hope for," she said, sadly bowing her head. With that she left.
ES
Maramal finished mixing the elixir. The doors opened and he glanced up, turning. She had entered. She sat in her usual spot, bending her head low. "Well met, Dinya," he greeted, blowing out the rest of the candles say for the one he held.
She didn't reply, probably in the midst of some prayer. Finally, though, she looked up at him and watched as he went about his business. "What is it you are mixing?" she wondered.
"It is something for you," he answered. He took it and went towards her. "You pled for me, last night, to take away your infertility."
"An impossible task, as you said it was," she quietly remarked.
"It is impossible, perhaps, but there are ways to encourage fertility," he cautiously said, choosing his words carefully. He didn't want to get her hopes too high. Quickly she looked at him, eyes wide. He handed her over an elixir.
"What is this?" she questioned.
"It is a mixture of natural remedies. It was said in old tales that this concoction had the ability to help a woman conceive offspring. It has never been proven, and the last thing I want is to get your hopes up only for them to be dashed again. It is no cure, but it's the best and the only thing I can do for you," he said. She examined the elixir, gently taking it into her hands. "I'm sorry. I did all I could," he added, unsure of what her reaction meant.
"You… you did this for me?" she asked, awe in her voice.
"Of course I did," he answered sincerely.
She looked up at him quickly, tears shining in her eyes. "Do you make it a habit to pry into the wishes of others?" she wondered, a smile gracing her lips for the first time he'd ever seen.
"No… just you," he said, not once having turned to face her. "Goodnight, Dinya." Quickly he rose, making his escape and cursing the fact he was flushing. He didn't know why he was flushing, but he was.
ES
"Do you ever leave the Temple?" she wondered one night as she watched him shutting everything down again.
"No," he answered.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because here I am safe… It sounds silly, I know, but… but my life has been here," he admitted. "I was born and raised in the confines of this Temple. My father, a wanted criminal destined for execution, fled here long ago and begged sanctuary from the Priestess inside. She took him in. As long as he remained here, he would be safe. They fell in love, married, and soon after I was conceived. Mother died when I was young and father took over as the Priest… Father was trapped in this place until his dying day, for to leave would have meant his death, and that was something that couldn't happen because he had me to look after. It's rare that I leave this place to venture into the streets. Perhaps it's better that way. With all the corruption in this city, perhaps it's better to lock yourself away from it all."
"You have made yourself as much of a prisoner as your father was, then," she said.
He turned quickly to her, eyes guarded. He wasn't sure what to think of her remark. He thought it over a moment then shifted uncomfortably. She was right, he realized. She was right… "Maybe I have," he admitted more to himself than to her. She nodded, rose, and then left.
ES
"Do you believe I will ever find love?" Dinya wondered one night as she watched Briehl go about his nightly duties. In all the weeks she had been coming to this place, Maramal and Briehl had become her closest friends in the Rift.
"Why so eager for love, lady?" Briehl questioned. By now, you see, she had determined that Briehl's faith in Mara had steadily been falling to the wayside. There was no reason for him to put on a front for Dinya.
She paused a moment, thinking this over. After a moment she replied, "I don't know. Comfort, companionship, desire… I long to feel the caress of a man, to feel his hands trailing across my skin, to feel his lips against mine, on my neck, decorating my body with his kisses; to feel him claiming every inch of me as his, to claim every inch of him in return. I want a family…"
"You say him as if you know who the man you wish to marry is," Briehl remarked.
She blushed deeply. After a long moment she replied, "I cannot be certain, not yet."
"Why not?" Briehl wondered. "Is it because you fear Maramal does not feel the same, because I tell you now that you have become all he thinks and speaks about. If it isn't a wedding ceremony, a funeral, or a speech, it's you."
"To speak and to prove are two different things entirely," she replied.
"Then what do you intend to do?" Briehl wondered.
"I will task him a second impossibility," she answered.
"What will that accomplish for either of you? If the task is impossible, Maramal will be unable to complete it," Briehl said. "He may not even try."
"If he does not try, then I will know that this is not to be," she answered.
Briehl caught on, eyes lighting up in realization. He smirked in amusement. "You, Dinya, are a peculiar one, I'll give you that, but this notion of romance and love is nothing but illusion, a game you are playing right into," he said.
"Perhaps you, Briehl, must open your heart and your eyes and your mind once again," Dinya answered, proudly rising and walking out of the Temple, head held high.
ES
"You want me to what?!" Maramal exclaimed, eyes wide in horror.
She was unfazed by his reaction. "You asked if I was in want of anything. I answered you," Dinya calmly said.
"Dinya, this thing you have asked is impossible!" he protested.
"Then I have wasted my time here. I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you," she replied, turning and walking out. He had a week to prove otherwise, she determined.
"So, how did it go?" Briehl questioned Maramal, coming up behind him.
"She-she asked me to-to weave for her a gown made of ash," Maramal said, confused. "Why would she ask that? What is her purpose behind it?
"A wedding gown," Briehl replied.
"Wedding gown? What wedding gown?" Maramal immediately questioned, eyes darkening with suspicion and, much to Briehl's amusement, perhaps even jealousy. Briehl smirked as his friend, eyes hinting that he knew the secret but wasn't about to tell.
"Good luck, my friend," Briehl said, walking away from the confused priest.
ES
Dinya returned the next night only to see Maramal restlessly pacing. "Maramal?" she questioned confusedly.
He turned quickly to her. "Why did you ask me to make a wedding gown for you?" he demanded. She blinked blankly then caught on to what Briehl must have hinted at. She smirked in vague amusement.
"Why do you believe I asked it of you?" she questioned.
"I don't know. Are you… are you engaged?" he asked, a flash of vulnerability and uncertainty coming to his eyes.
"Have you woven it?" she questioned.
He was silent. After a moment he replied, "No. It's impossible to do."
"More's the pity for it," she said, going to her regular spot and starting to pray. He watched her blankly.
ES
The next night she entered only to find Maramal waiting and looking utterly defeated and helpless. "What's happened?" she wondered.
"Nothing to concern yourself with, Dinya. Come with me," he replied. She, confused, obeyed his command, trailing behind him.
He led her down to a beach. She was all the more puzzled for it. He stopped, suddenly. She almost bumped into him before stopping. She confusedly looked at him, awaiting an explanation. He gestured ahead and she followed his hand. Her eyes widened and she caught her breath. On the shores of the beach there lay an ash sculpture of the most beautiful looking wedding gown she had ever seen. "What-what is this?" she questioned, hardly daring to breathe.
"You asked of me an impossible task, milady. I did all I could. I tried to make it reality, but I knew it was doomed to fail… But this is the gown I would see you wear as you walked down the aisle. If only I was able to create, from ash, something of substance…" he ruefully answered.
ES
She looked up at him in awe then back at the dress. There was silence between them a long time. "I'm tired of being alone…" she suddenly remarked.
Maramal sighed deeply, closing his eyes. "You are not alone," he said softly to her.
"Aren't I?" she challenged sadly. "Because I feel alone… I feel empty…" She looked up at him once more. "Help me to feel loved. Help me to feel whole again."
He looked over to her without words and again there was silence. "I cannot," he finally answered quietly. "You ask the impossible…"
"I have asked of you the impossible twice before," she softly said. Nonetheless she turned her back on him and began walking away. He bowed his head low then looked after her. All at once he swiftly found himself chasing after the woman.
She was halfway to the gates of the city when she felt him there, turning her swiftly around and drawing her close to his body in a longing embrace. He pulled back and softly began to stroke her hair. His free hand was on her hip, and gently he caressed her, swaying her lightly from side to side. Her heart pounded at the warmth of his body and she let out a shaky breath as he kissed the side of her mouth. Obligingly she tilted her head up, giving him access to her neck. He readily took up the opportunity, his lips finding their way onto her throat and down to her shoulders. He stopped, gently nuzzling his cheek against hers, holding her close to him and continuing to rock her.
"There; I have given you all I can," he whispered softly to her. "I have tried to make you feel comforted time and time again, but still you ask the impossible. I have done all I could to make you feel as if you are not alone, yet still you enter Mara's Temple forlorn and saddened. What else is there left for me to do say for try once again to make you see that you are not alone, that you are loved?"
"If after the way you've held me so tenderly, after the way you have spoken to me and have tried to do all I desired of you though each task given was impossible, you still cannot say those three simple words…" she began, pulling away from him. She gazed up into his eyes then leaned forward, suddenly taking his lips. She drew back once more. "I've waited for you as long as I could, but still you shunned me, shunned the love I so desperately yearned for you to give. Tell me you love me here and now, or you will lose me." He was silent. Piteously she shook her head and walked away from him. "Then you have failed me."
He started, eyes widening in alarm and fear on hearing this. "Dinya, wait!" he called. She paused at the door and turned back to him, but he couldn't find his voice to speak.
When she knew he could find no more to say, she said, "The day you first saw me praying, you came to me and asked me what it was I had asked for. I told you I'd asked for a lover… Do you know what I said to her? 'If there is hope for me, if you have love for me, then please… Send to me right this moment the man whom I will come to love…' And I opened my eyes, and you were there… You were there… But you deny me still…" With that she left, and he felt as if he had just been struck in the gut by a giant's club, shocked silent and eyes wide in uncertainty.
ES
Two months passed from that night. Not once did she return, and he sank deeper and deeper into a painful depression that ate away at his body and his soul. There was nothing anyone could do to help him, not even Briehl who watched painfully on as he let himself go sometimes days without eating, sometimes nights without sleep… and then his friend put his foot down. This ended now. It was time Maramal let Dinya go or wed her…
Maramal was awakened gently by a soft voice saying his name. He was aware that whoever was saying it was also lightly rocking him. He moaned softly, eyes flickering open. He rolled onto his back, eyes curious. He could have sworn his heart stopped. There, lingering above him, was her! "Dinya," he breathed, eyes slowly widening in longing and desperation and… and what was this other thing he was feeling inside of him? Love, he realized with a jolt.
"I'm getting married," she softly said to him, her eyes sad, and he sat bolt upright, feeling his heart plummeting into the pit of his stomach.
"Wh-what?" he breathed.
"Tomorrow morning," she confirmed, her head bowed low.
He was silent a long moment. To whom?" he finally questioned.
"Does it matter?" she asked. "Briehl has said love is an illusion, so of what importance is the answer?"
"Who is your groom to be?" Maramal demanded.
She was silent. After a moment she replied, "Briehl."
Maramal's eyes widened in horror and disbelief. He felt as if he'd just been stabbed in the back quite literally. She couldn't be serious. Surely this was some joke. To believe that his best friend could so coldly turn his back on him and take her away… "Do you love him?" Maramal asked, keeping cool.
Sadly she looked into his eyes. "You have forsaken me," she replied.
"Do you love him?" Maramal repeated, not about to be shaken by the statement, though Mara only knew how painful hearing those words were. My dear one, my love, I have not forsaken you, he wanted to scream out, but that would be to confess how badly he wanted her.
"Love is a matter of debate," she softly said.
"Dammit Dinya, do-you-love him?" he yelled angrily, seizing her arms powerfully.
She blinked at him, eyes wide. His heart pounded so loudly in his chest that he could have sworn it would burst. Forget denying it any longer. He couldn't, not now. Love exists, love exists! Oh divines, my darling, love exists. Why can't you see that? It's right in front of you! He almost wanted to burst into tears and scream all of it out to her, but he stayed silent, breathlessly awaiting her answer. "Yes…" she finally answered.
He wanted to sob and pull her close to him in that moment. He wanted to beg and plead through tears for her to forsake the man she had chosen to marry and to be with him. He wanted to deny the truth of her words, to tell her she didn't truly love her suitor… But who was he to tell her what she felt…? He had lost… He had lost… And the pain was almost unbearable… Suddenly he was aware of her pulling away from him. Numbly he sat and did nothing. Like a fool he did nothing… just watched her leave for the last time… But perhaps, if nothing else, it would restore Briehl's faith in Mara… What of his, though? What of his faith in his deity that was steadily waning with every second that would pass between now and her final 'I do'.
ES
He debated whether or not to give her wedding ceremony. Part of him said he wouldn't be able to bear it… Part of him knew he had no other choice. That was only fortified with Briehl's words to him now. "She wants you to be there," his friend—for even despite everything he couldn't bring himself to claim Briehl had betrayed him, he'd won fairly after all. He'd just waited too long—gently said to him.
"I know," Maramal softly admitted.
"Dress your best," Briehl said.
"To give her over to another? A man who was supposed to be my best friend?" Maramal bitterly demanded. "I'll dress as I please."
"It was for your own good," Briehl answered. "You weren't going to take her, so you needed to let her go."
"Who are you to tell me what I needed to do? You don't even believe in the notion of love. I'll dress as I please," Maramal repeated.
"Don't come naked," Briehl jokingly teased, ignoring the statement, but his eyes were filled with sympathy and understanding.
Maramal couldn't help but chuckle dryly at this despite his feelings on the matter. "Very well; for your sake and yours alone, dear friend, I will dress at my best. It's the least I owe you," he relented. Briehl cringed. Maramal owed him nothing. It was the other way around. They both knew as much.
ES
Maramal watched from his post expressionlessly, solemnly. Briehl and Dinya exchanged secretive glances, he saw, and he envied his friend's good fortune all the more. Dinya was beautiful… The gown she wore hardly did her justice… and it was identical to the one he'd moulded into the sand so long ago… Longingly he gazed at the couple and wished with all his heart that he were in Briehl's place. Mara, forgive me for what I've done, for rejecting the very thing you stood for. I will do anything you ask, swear my undying allegiance to you forever more, only give this woman to me. Just give Dinya to me.
"Do you agree to be bound together for eternity?" Maramal questioned her.
"I do," Dinya replied, but her eyes were upon him, not the man to whom she was supposed to be addressing her answer. Maramal closed his eyes tightly, swallowing over a lump in his throat. He wanted to object so, so badly, or to stop this at least, but it wasn't his place to do so. Even if he did, would she take him back?
"Do you agree to be bound to her for eternity?" Maramal questioned Briehl, his eyes still closed.
"Maramal, that is a question for you to answer," Briehl said. The young Priest's eyes flew open in shock as he paled, gazing at the couple that stood before the altar.
"Excuse me?" he finally questioned.
"My friend, it is your question to answer," Briehl replied, smirking cleverly.
Maramal was pale as his friend placed one of the two rings in his hand. Dinya was gazing at him. Was he missing something here? "Wh-what's going on? This ring belongs to you," Marmal said, pointing over at Briehl.
"Maramal, it was always yours," Briehl answered. "Will you have her?"
"Y-yes, I would have, but-but…" Maramal began, flustered.
"Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife," Briehl murmured in a highly amused tone. "I give you both these rings with Mara's blessing. May she be with you always in your new life together." Though he himself did not believe in the words he spoke, it wasn't him for whom he was speaking them. It was Maramal and Dinya, and for them he could make an exception.
ES
"I'm still unamused with you, I hope you realize that," he said fondly to her as she dropped a lingering kiss on the back of his neck that night.
"Do you regret it?" she questioned with a smile, nuzzling him as the last of the guests cleared out and he, still stunned, set to work cleaning up, well, his wedding.
"Not for a moment," he answered. "It was a cruel trick to play, make no mistake, but not for a moment do I regret yours and Briehl's conspiring against me. When was it you enlisted my friend's help?"
"Shortly after our final conversation that night on the beach; and I never enlisted his help. He, for his worry for you, enlisted mine," she replied.
"I will be eternally grateful that he did," Maramal murmured as he shivered at the second kiss she dropped on the nape of his neck.
"Leave the mess for another to tend to. This night belongs to us. Newlyweds don't pick up after themselves after their own weddings," she purred to him softly. He turned to her immediately, taking her gently into his arms and kissing her sweetly.