On Thursday, Mikey threw the front door open with his usual exuberance.

"DAD! FATHER! WE'RE FRIENDS!"

"Chris and JP?" Jude asked excitedly from the kitchen, while Connor started down the stairs.

"Yeah! Yeah! They talked to me at recess! And we played on the same volleyball team in gym! JP was the captain and he picked me! He picked me!"

"Oh, Mikey. I'm so glad."

Mikey beamed up at Connor.

"Yeah!"

After that, it was like nothing had happened between the three of them. Mikey came home with stories about them and went to sleepovers again. Chris and JP were a little more hesitant about coming back to Jude's and Connor's, which they couldn't be blamed for. In this fashion, November began to leak away. It was peaceful and quiet and exactly what Connor had hoped it would be. He and Jude only grew stronger, although the apartment stayed in Connor's name and Connor didn't bring up Jude's ring, although he sorely wanted to.

It was the first week of December and nearing midnight. Connor was curled up on his side of the bed while Jude was on his laptop on his side of the bed. A little frustrated, Connor turned over.

"You know, it's a little strange, you being on your computer in bed. Usually that's me."

"Whereas I was annoyed with you, though, you're about to thank me."

"I'm trying to go to sleep. So why would I thank you?"

"Come here." Jude held out his arm and Connor rolled into him. "What's that say?"

"Puppies for sale," Connor read from the ad. "Irish Setters. Ready to go … end of January. We won't have him for Christmas."

"They're red puppies from an all-male litter! We're not going to find something else!"

Connor squinted. "They're cute."

"And I Googled the breed. They're good dogs. They're good with kids and easy to train."

"E-mail her. E-mail her now."

"And say thank you to me for finding him."

"Thank you for finding the puppy. You're the greatest father our son has."

"Not including you, I'm assuming," Jude said, finishing up the short note he had been typing to the owner of the dogs. It sent, he closed his laptop and set it under the bed.

"No, you're a father and I'm a dad. Two entirely different species."

Jude laughed and settled himself down in Connor's arms.

"Do you think he'll be disappointed that he won't have the puppy for Christmas morning?"

Connor shrugged. "I mean, we looked. We tried. Hopefully we actually get this dog."

"The puppies were just born. The ad said they were all still available. I think we have a good chance of getting this one."

"What are we going to do with a dog?"

"I think it'll be fun," Jude said. "We never had a pet. Except for that stray cat that used to sit outside our window when we lived in our first apartment."

"It still bothers me that I never figured out how it got up there," Connor admitted. "There was no tree! We were on the fourth floor!"

Jude chuckled. "I guess some things will always be mysteries."

"I guess," Connor said, grumbling a little.

Jude kissed his forehead. "You should probably sleep. You have to go in for a meeting first thing tomorrow."

"But that was a really bad goodnight kiss," Connor complained. "Are you mad at me or something?"

Jude had been kissing him goodnight sweetly and fully every night. It was something that Connor had gotten used to and something that he counted on.

"No. Not at all."

Jude slipped down the bed and pressed his lips to Connor's. Connor would have been content with that; it was how their nights had gone. But then the kiss deepened and Connor reached for him. He tightened his hand against Jude's hip and then Jude was even closer, filling the space between Connor's arms and eliminating all that existed between them. Connor knew he shouldn't. Connor knew that they still hadn't been pushing at their physical boundaries as much as they had been pushing at their mental and emotional ones. And bed wasn't really the ideal place to it. It had too many connotations and too many memories.

All of this flitted through Connor's head in one instant and was gone in the next. Because then he had Jude pushed down into the softness of their mattress. Jude was holding on tightly to him; one of his legs lifted to press the inside of his thigh against Connor's hip. Connor slipped his hands under Jude's shirt, grasping at the warmth of his skin. Jude pulled in a gasping breath but Connor could only release him for a moment. Then his lips were back on Jude's, even as Jude was trying to pull his shirt over his head.

As Connor let him, he asked, "How far do you want this to go right now?"

"Not much further," Jude whispered. "I'm sorry."

"But I can keep kissing you?"

"Please."

Jude reached up and grabbed Connor's hips, tugging him forward. Connor fell back into Jude. He wanted nothing more than the feel of Jude's lips and the warmth of his arms.

"I do love you," Jude whispered as Connor kissed his jaw.

"I know." Connor kissed his lips. "I love you too."

Jude smiled in the darkness. "I know."

And then he kissed Connor again.

(-.-)

"You know, we've missed seeing you around this place."

Connor leant against Amber's desk.

"Are you coming back?" She leant on her hand, staring up at him.

"I don't want to," Connor admitted. "I like working from home."

Amber rolled her eyes. "I like getting out of the house. I mean, I still live alone, so I'd get lonely. And, if I remember living at home correctly, family is too suffocating. I'd still want to, you know, not have to see them twenty-four seven."

"I mean, it's not like we don't see other people. It's not like Jude and Mikey are the only people I talk to ever. I'm still coming to the Christmas party next week."

"Are you bringing Jude?" Amber asked. "I think it's great that you and he got back together."

"We haven't," Connor said.

"You can't tell me you're not trying to. It's obvious."

"Sure, Amber. Whatever you say."

"So is he coming to the Christmas party or not?"

"Of course he is."

Amber grinned.

Connor knew he could trust her. So he winked and added, "You know I love seeing him in a suit."

She gasped and grinned, covering her face with her hands. "I knew it! Everyone else believed you but I knew there was no way you weren't trying!"

"Let them keep believing me, though," Connor told her seriously. "We're not ready for anyone else to know."

"My lips are sealed." Amber drew her pinched fingers across her mouth for emphasis. "I'm happy for you, Connor."

"Thanks, Amber. I'll see you next week, okay?"

"Bye!" She waved her fingers at him before turning back to her laptop.

Connor left the office building, anxiously thumbing the handle of his briefcase. He'd forgotten to mention the Christmas party to Jude.

(-.-)

Jude didn't say anything as he slid the shepherd's pie into the oven. He straightened up, closed the oven door, and started washing the dishes that he had dirtied to make dinner. Connor went to stand beside him, a drying rag in his hand. He dried the dishes and put them away, waiting. Jude would give him an answer; Jude was just thinking it over at the moment.

When the dishes were done, Jude sighed. "Is it really a good idea?"

"The Christmas parties are always good. They have good food, the music isn't terrible. We're always at a table with Amber and her date. You like Amber," Connor reminded him.

"I know," Jude said. He glanced at Connor's face. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing she didn't already guess."

Jude sighed again.

"You know that people are going to start assuming. Whatever we do or don't say."

"I know. Maybe we should just …" he trailed off,

"Should just?" Connor repeated.

Jude shook his head. "Nothing. If we … If we didn't have Mikey, then I wouldn't care. But the more people we tell the more likely it is he'll find out."

"I know. And we already said we wouldn't muck up Christmas. If we do anything, it'll be in January, at the earliest."

Jude nodded. "Right."

"But the Christmas party is next Friday."

"Right." Jude tapped his fingers on the counter. "You went to my birthday. And that was hard for you. Going to this is going to be hard for me."

"You don't owe me."

"I know. But I'm going to do it for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Let's go to your Christmas party."

Jude smiled at him and Connor felt reassured.

"If you want to back out though, at any time, then you can."

"We're going." Jude tapped his fingers on the counter again, and then he winked at Connor. "Besides, you know I like seeing you in a suit."

Connor laughed. "Really? Because you always seemed more interested in getting me home and getting me out of my suit."

Jude shrugged, unapologetic. "Your birthday suit is your best look."

Connor kissed the side of Jude's neck. "Well, we'll see how next week goes."

"How lucky do you think you're going to get?"

It was a playful question, but Connor knew Jude wanted a real answer. "I'm already lucky. And … well, maybe we can pull onto a back road and make out in the back of the car like teenagers on our way home."

"If you're a good date, I'd say that's entirely in the cards."

In Jude's pocket, his phone let out a squawking noise that Connor knew was for e-mails. Jude pulled out the smart phone.

"Connor!" he exclaimed. "We've got first choice of the dogs."

"What? Really?"

Jude nodded. "The owner's name is Melissa. She said that we were the first person to answer the ad and that we can have first choice, provided we make it by the end of the week! She said that we could drive out and see them any time between eight in the morning and noon."

"Absolutely! We can go tomorrow. We're not doing anything."

"If we go early we can stop and get some Christmas shopping done on our way back," Jude suggested.

"It's a plan."

"I'll e-mail her back!"

Jude had just started writing the e-mail when Mikey got home.

"Father!"

"Kitchen! Dad's home."

Mikey skidded in. "I thought you had a meeting!"

"It didn't take as long as I thought it would. How was school?"

"We wrote letters to Santa!" Mikey announced, unpacking his bag.

"What did you ask for?" Connor asked.

"Well, first I asked him for a puppy. That's what I want the most. And then I asked him for a blue collar for my puppy. And then I said I wanted a new soccer ball! And all of our letters got mailed to Santa!"

"I bet he'll answer quickly," Jude said.

"Me too!"

"Do you have homework?" Connor asked.

"Some. But Christmas break is coming up ..."

"So you still have to do your homework."

"Okay, Father."

"If you get it done now, you won't have to do it later," Connor reminded him.

"It's math," Mikey said.

"I'll come help you," Connor replied. "Let's go."

They headed off to the dining room. As Mikey tugged him from the kitchen, Connor glanced over at Jude, who was wiping down the kitchen counter. It was sweet and domestic. As Connor walked away completely, he heard Jude begin to hum.

Connor sat down at the dining room table.

"What are we doing today?" Connor asked.

"Subtraction. I hate subtraction."

"Why?"

"Because I'm bad at it," Mikey sulked.

"That's no reason to hate it. It's all the reason to try and get better though!"

Mikey sighed. "Whatever you say, Dad."

"Come on, try and tell me how to do it."

Mikey launched into his shaky explanation. As he talked, Jude popped in with a small plate of cheese and crackers.

"Brain food," he whispered on his way out.

Mikey interrupted himself. "I'm gonna need all of it, Dad."

"Don't underestimate yourself," Connor told him.

"What's that?"

"It means think too little of yourself or that you can't do something. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So put your mind to subtraction! Let's do this!"

"Let's do this," Mikey said, although he sighed the words.

(-.-)

"They're still quite small," Melissa said, leading Jude and Connor to the back room in her home. "They're not pure Irish Setter. Poppy, that's their mom, is but their dad, Luke, is half Irish Setter and half Golden Retriever. I think I mentioned that in the ad?"

"I think so," Jude confirmed. "Our son is mostly concerned with having a red dog."

"They're red!" Melissa confirmed. "I can't let you get too close. Poppy is still in the protective mother stage. Ordinarily, I wouldn't put up an ad until they were a lot older but it's so close to Christmas."

"And you're sure they're all boys?" Connor asked. "Our son wants a boy."

"We're ninety percent sure. My wife thinks that the one there, on the far left is a female, though, so you might not want to make that one your first choice."

"Good to know."

Jude peeked over at the little. Poppy bobbed her head up. Her ears weren't perked up or pushed flat back, so Jude felt that, as long as they stayed at their current distance, she'd be okay. There were about six puppies lying next to her belly, still too small to do much of anything.

"What do you think?" Connor asked.

"Well, that one there has the brightest coat," Jude said, pointing to the one directly in the middle.

"And it's squirming," Connor added. "An active red haired dog for an active red haired boy?"

Jude turned to Melissa. "We'd like the one in the centre."

"Then he's all yours. Would you pick a nail polish colour for me?"

"A nail polish colour?" Connor repeated. "What for?"

"We paint their claws so that we can tell who goes to who. I don't like putting collars on them when they're too young."

"Oh, I see," Connor said. "In that case, we'll be blue."

Melissa smiled at them and picked up a notebook on a nearby end table. "So, blue for … Jude and Connor, was it?"

"That's right."

"And if you'd just write down your phone number here," she said, passing the book over to Jude.

"I'll call with any updates or anything along those lines. Right now, we're looking to get them out of here around twenty-fourth or so of January."

"Okay, that sounds good."

"You said he was for your son?" Melissa asked.

"He's six. He's been asking for a puppy since … last Christmas, practically," Jude said.

"I can e-mail you some pictures of him, if you want. And maybe some time after Christmas you can drive him over to see the puppy."

"That would be so great, Melissa. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure. Last thing is that I do need half of the total payment for the puppy before I can officially promise him to you."

"Oh, of course." Connor reached for his wallet. "I have it in cash, is that all right?"

"One hundred percent." Melissa flipped to a new page in her notebook and began writing. "I always write out little receipts that say you paid or you didn't. The first time I sold a litter, I got into some issues with it, so now I like to be careful."

"Better for us that way too," Jude said.

Melissa signed it with a flourish and ripped the notebook page out. She handed it to Connor and flipped back to her original page. "And if you just want to sign next to where it says paid."

Jude and Connor both did.

"Congratulations on your puppy," Melissa said. "We'll be in touch!"

"Thank you, so much."

"Thank you," she said meaningfully.

Jude and Connor left her small, one story house and went back to Connor's car.

"Mikey's going to be so excited!"

"I'm excited," Jude said, laughing. "It's going to be a great Christmas."

Connor reached out his hand and Jude took it.

"And now, the rest of the Christmas shopping."

"Yes," Jude agreed. "Let's just get it all out of the way today. Except for your present. I already have your present."

"What's my present?"

Jude was only half paying attention. He had opened up his Christmas list on his phone and was going over it. Still, he answered, "Edible underwear."

Connor's eyebrows rose and he glanced away from the road and to Jude. "For you or for me?"

"Both. I figured it would be fun to see who could eat it off the other the quickest."

"I like the sound of that challenge! Although, they should be a Christmas Eve present and not an under-the-tree present."

Jude laughed. "And the next time I actually buy you edible underwear, I'll keep that in mind."

"Maybe I'll get lucky next Christmas."

Jude settled himself down in the passenger seat. "You know …"

"Uh oh. That's your serious voice."

"The sex thing."

The sex thing, Connor repeated in his head. "What about it? I keep telling you I'm not pushing –"

"I want to push." Jude interrupted.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the first time …" Jude took a breath. "The first time we were figuring the sex thing out, it's not like we went straight from kissing to sex."

"It took us years."

"Because we were thirteen! I'm not saying years. My point was is that it's not sex or nothing. I want to start trying the in between again."

"Are you ready for that?"

"If you let me stay in one place, I will. I need little pushes. And, I don't know if you know this, but you're kind of sexy, Connor."

"Kind of?" Connor repeated with an eyebrow cock.

"Don't push it!"

"You just said that was what you wanted!"

Jude laughed and Connor reached over to him. He took Jude's hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing at his knuckles.

"Are you ready for it?" Jude asked.

"Yeah," Connor said. "I'm ready."

"Then maybe tonight …"

"We don't need to jump back into anything right away."

"It's hardly right away. And I've been thinking about it for a while. I didn't wat to say anything until I was sure, because I didn't want to disappoint you."

"You're not disappointing, ever."

"You keep saying that."

"I mean it every time." Connor pulled into the crowded shopping mall parking lot. "Ready?"

"No. But this is what we get for waiting until December."

"At least it's not the week before."

Jude made a horrified noise, and then they got out of the car.

(-.-)

Connor carefully clipped all of their day's receipts together while Jude sorted their newly purchased Christmas gifts into one their suitcases. He checked the closet to make sure that he hadn't missed any bags. They had gotten home just before Mikey did, so Connor had needed to rush up the stairs with all of the bags on his arm and throw them in the first place that he thought was safe. But the closet was not spectacularly safe. Their bedroom wasn't a good hiding place at all; Mikey was in and out too much.

The suitcases were their usual Christmas hiding spot. They lived in the crowded, junky closet of Connor's office. Nothing in there had ever interested Mikey and, even if it had, things in the closet were too hard to get to. Mikey never spared it a second thought.

"Well, it's good to put back."

Connor groaned. The hiding spot almost wasn't worth the effort it took to use. Still, he tucked the receipts safely into his nightstand and went to grab the suitcase Jude had zipped up.

"I didn't mean you had to do it."

"You dug it out. It's only fair. It's not humane to ask people to deal with that closet more than once in a day."

Jude laughed. "All right. Don't get eaten."

"Did you stick an alligator or something in there?"

"Merry Christmas," Jude quipped.

Connor laughed, and then quieted as he opened their bedroom door. He had to move near silently as he snuck over to the office. Ordinarily, tiny noises wouldn't wake Mikey. On nights where Connor couldn't have him wake, though … Well, that was just Connor's luck. He maneuvered the suitcase back into nearly exactly the position it had been in before. He wouldn't put it past Mikey to notice if it had been moved. His task completed, and with no sign of an alligator, Connor shut the closet door and went back to their room.

He closed the door behind him and flicked out the main light, just as Jude switched on the lamp on his bedside table. Connor flopped onto the bed next to him.

"It makes me happy," Connor said.

"What does?"

"Spending Christmas here. I thought about it, sometimes. About how everything would go. How it would work. How happy Mikey would really be through all of it."

"But you're home."

"I'm home," Connor repeated, and it tasted sweet. "And, next weekend, after we get our tree, I'll make those cookies you like."

"I wait all year for those."

"They're Christmas cookies! I can't make them any other time of the year."

"You won't," Jude corrected.

"I'll make a big batch. I know how much you like them." Connor propped himself up, reaching one arm over him and tugging his t-shirt up to expose the bottom strip of his stomach. "And, if I remember correctly, you liked this too."

He pressed his lips to Jude's skin. As if cued, Jude gasped. Connor smiled, satisfied with himself. Jude had always been sensitive there. This time, Connor made sure Jude could feel a little of his teeth and Jude responded with a little 'oh' sound. The moment was bittersweet; it was familiar and new all over again. How many times had they started out like this? Connor knew it was a sure fire way to get Jude wound up and so he used the move more than any other. But he had stopped savouring the moments. It had been a means to an end, instead of intimate in and of itself.

Connor moved his head a little lower, his mouth on the waist of Jude's jeans. He exhaled heavily. Beneath him, Jude moved. He felt Jude's hand on the back of his head.

"Now who's the tease?" Jude asked.

"I like it," Connor replied, making sure his words skimmed across the denim. "But …"

"But …"

It pained Connor to do it, but he sat up. He propped himself up over Jude's face. He touched their foreheads together. "I need to know something."

Jude nodded. "Okay?"

"I know you said to push a little. And I know that sex is a big boundary right now."

"The point of this is to work up to it. It's been a long time since we did anything more than kiss. And because my attempt made it so that you had to know everything emotional and mental again right away, I feel like physical is the only thing that I have left to ease back into. Going zero to a hundred on my end but not on yours makes me feel a little disorientated. It wasn't … growing together so much as me being thrown at you."

"I caught you." Connor kissed him lightly. "And I understand, Jude. What I wanted to talk about is a little boundary. Anything that I should know is a little too far to push at. I don't want to end up pushing us backward."

"Well, are you uncomfortable with anything?"

Connor shook his head. "I get the easing back into thing. I do. But I'm ready for all of it, when you're ready for all of it … Hey, no, don't look like that."

"Look like what?"

"Guilty. I'm not upset. It's just like how in high school you were ready for this before I was. You let me set the pace then and I'm letting you set the pace now. Same thing."

Jude nodded. Connor was just relieved he no longer looked guilty.

"So," Connor prompted. "Are you going to answer now?"

Jude nodded. "Lay back."

Connor flipped onto his back, though he propped himself up onto his elbows, watching Jude. "You know, that's not really an answer, though, right?"

"I know." Jude straddled Connor's lower legs and reached for the button on Connor's jeans. "But this is what I want you to do to me."

Connor lifted his hips so Jude could roll down his jeans just enough. Then, he had to clamp his back teeth together. It had been so long since anyone but himself had touched him. And Jude was good with his hands. A loud moan escaped him. Jude was better with his mouth.

"Quiet," Jude said, lifting off him. "Mikey will hear you."

"Sorry."

"And I'll have to stop."

"No, don't stop. Please."

Jude was too good at what he did. He was better than Connor was. He let out a more muted moan.

"Fuck. Jude, fuck."

Connor reached his hands down to Jude, gripping at the back of his head, even as his hips rose up.

"Jude … Jude … Oh … oh."

"Oh," Jude repeated, rising up off him. "Oh."

"Oh." Connor took a breath. "I think you're going to be a little disappointed if you want me to do exactly that for you."

"Well, I've hardly ever been disappointed by you."

"Hardly ever?" Connor sat up, indignant, even as Jude settled himself down next to him. "Hardly ever?"

Jude grinned and repeated it. "Hardly … ever."

"Why did I marry you?" Connor asked, shaking his head.

"I don't know," Jude answered. His voice was quiet and honest.

Connor readjusted his underwear and stripped off his jeans. "The correct answer, Jude, is because I love you and because you are, hands down the most extraordinary person I've ever met."

"You're sweet."

"You deserve sweet," Connor said, nuzzling the side of Jude's neck. "And maybe a little something … I can't think of a naughty opposite to sweet. Salty? Sour?"

Jude laughed. "I love you."

"I love you too," Connor said. "So?"

"So?" Jude looked up at him, expectantly. "Your turn."

"My turn."

Connor put his hands on Jude. He was wearing old jeans today and the denim was soft under his hands. He ran his hands up and down Jude's thighs. Jude closed his eyes, biting down on his lower lip. Connor was glad Jude couldn't see. That way, he wouldn't notice how Connor's hands were shaking. He wasn't scared; he wanted this. But it had been so long. Connor had dreamt of this moment. Connor loved him.

Connor just loved him.

He kissed at Jude's stomach, letting his mouth linger so that Connor could feel his breath rise and fall. Gently, he used his mouth to undo Jude's buttons and his zipper. It was something that Jude had never been able to master; he always fumbled on the button. Connor had spent too many hours laughing as Jude mouthed at Connor's fly, trying to get his teeth to figure out how to work buttons.

His breath catching at the thought, Connor slid Jude's jeans down. Connor had barely put his lips to Jude when Jude sighed his name.

"A bit quick for that, isn't it?" Connor teased.

"I just like your name," Jude replied.

"Sure," Connor mused. "It's got nothing to do with liking … this."

It only took a few moments for Jude to release another small sound.

"Okay," he half-panted, "I like that too."

Connor had a half-clever reply on his tongue, but he didn't bother with it. He was too caught up in Jude; Jude was too caught up in him. He couldn't have moved away or let go. There was so much that Connor had missed about Jude, and the way that he smelled and tasted and sounded in moments like this were all parts of it. Jude let out one last, long noise. Connor slowly moved away from him. He kissed Jude's stomach and then laid down next to him.

Jude turned to face him. Connor carefully studied his expression but Jude seemed happy and content. He seemed like he always did after this.

"You weren't that bad," Jude assured him. "But maybe you could use a little more practice."

"Are you trying to get me into bed again?"

"I have you in bed every night," Jude reminded him. "But this was good."

"Not too big of a push?"

"Nope, not even a little."

Connor curled his arm around Jude, rubbing his back. Jude moved so that he was half on top of Connor.

"Now, we sleep," Jude murmured.

"Now, we sleep."

Connor held him tightly and closed his eyes. This was how things were supposed to be. He and his husband, happy and in love, with their son safe a few doors away. Connor would never take it for granted again.

Don't forget to send me playlist ideas if you have them! This week's songs are: I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz; Your Side Of The Bed by Little Big Town; and Move Together by James Bay.

So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Hand In My Pocket, to my tumblr URL add backslash tagged backslash hand dash in dash my dash pocket. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.

~TLL~