For the next few days, I focused on work. Thankfully, me and Buffy had separate scenes mostly.

Once again, I tried to put distance between us and when I do have a scene together with her, when it was over, I avoided being in the same room with Buffy for too long. During lunch break, I locked myself in my trailer. Even when Buffy or any of my cast mates invited me to join them for lunch, I politely turned them down, claiming that I wanted to go over my lines.

When the fourth day came around, we had a kissing scene and it wasn't the simple peck or gentle kissing. It was going to be a full blown make-out session. I was nervous which is weird, because Buffy and I had done kissing scenes so many times before. We even had to do sex scenes. I've always enjoyed kissing scenes with Buffy and would love it when the director had us do it over and over again but I usually brushed it off as she was simply an attractive woman who is an amazing kisser.

In hindsight, when I thought about it, perhaps, I enjoyed kissing her because I liked her. Now with admission of my feelings for her and with me being aware on how I felt for her, how could I not be nervous for our kissing scene?

"Okay, this scene it's going to be intense make-out session. There won't be any directions coming from me. You guys just do it and we'll film it" Sam, one of the director from our show briefed me and Buffy.

There was no running away now. It's time. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. It's just a job. Just another scene. A part of me was thankful that this was the last scene for the day. It was just me, Buffy and the crew. Our cast mates had gone for the day after filming their scenes.

I got into position on the couch. Buffy was required to sit on my lap straddling me. Just a job; just another scene I told myself again. When Buffy straddled me, it took all of me to calm myself and my heart. I prayed that she wouldn't notice.

"Action!"

I immediately kissed her. I could feel Buffy was taken aback by my hasty kissing but she kissed back anyway.

"Cut!" and we broke away.

"The start was a bit too abrupt. You guys are now beginning to realise that you're in love. The kiss has to be passionate and full of love but it looked like you were attacking her lips. It needs to look that at this moment, there's only the two of you in the world", Sam said.

"Okay. Passionate. Got it." Buffy repeated. I simply nodded.

"Action!"

This time Buffy and I moved in unison and started the kiss lightly. Pecking, gently touching our lips with each other.

"Cut!" again we broke away.

"The start was good but remember, it has to be intense. It's not just pecking. You need to kiss each other as if your whole life depended on it. Just remember, you're in love. Let's do it again".

We did it four more times but it still wasn't what the director wanted.

"I think we should call it a day. There's just something missing. Maybe you guys are too tired. We'll try again tomorrow. Pack up everyone."

Buffy stood up and apologized, "Sorry. I think I just have too much on my mind."

"No, I'm not focused too", I said.

"I really want to nail this though and well", she said as we walked back to our trailers.

"We will."

"Perhaps we should practise".

My eyes widened at her suggestion. Although it's enticing, I really do not think it was a good idea on my part.

"Practise?"

"Yeah. We used to practise scenes together last time".

But never kissing scenes.

"It's just, I don't want to waste everyone's time tomorrow just because I have too much on my mind. If we practise, I'd be more conscious of my mistakes and catch myself before I do it again", she continued.

I tried to keep a straight face. I knew that this was strictly professional for her but as I said previously, I do not think it was a good idea.

"I'm not sure if…"

"Please Angel. I really want to nail this in one shot tomorrow. We've already wasted a lot of reel as it is today".

Looking at her pleading eyes, damn, I could not deny her. It's just a job. Just another scene we had to practise.

We ended up in her trailer and I sat on the one chair she had as she paced in front of me.

"Okay, so I'm in love with you and I want kiss you as though you're my life. I need to get into character".

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few moments. When she opened them, I could see that it wasn't Buffy staring at me.

She walked the few steps towards me and straddled my lap. I could not look away from her eyes. It held so much love and tenderness that made me all warm and fuzzy. She stared into my eyes as if looking into my soul and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

She rested her forehead against mine and leaned into my lips for a peck. She pecked my lips once, twice before kissing me. She drew her arms around my neck and pulled me closer to her and kissed my lips fully. I returned her kisses and wrapped my arms around her back. This kiss was her practicing but for me, I was pouring my feelings into this. She moaned and snaked her tongue into my mouth, seeking my own to tangle with.

I was taken aback but welcome the appendage and began sucking on it. I could feel my groin hardening as I hugged her tighter, willing her closer to me. God, she felt so perfect in my arms. I just wanted to keep kissing her.

When we broke away, I was gasping for air. I have never been kissed like this. This must be how 'taking your breath away' felt like. Buffy too was breathless and she panted; her lips were swollen with my kisses and all I wanted was to kiss her again. I never want to stop kissing her.

"Okay, that was…" her words died as I planted my lips on her again. I knew I would regret this but I could not resist. I have lost all self-control when it comes to her. This was not practise. This was me, kissing the woman I'm hopelessly falling for.

"Angel!" she pulled away and moved off me immediately.

I immediately stood up and apologised.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…it's just…"

"Just what?"

"It's nothing. I shouldn't have just kissed you like that."

"Just what Angel?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I kissed you like that. I gotta go."

I was prepared to sprint out of her trailer but she held onto my arm.

"Angel please…"

I turned around and stared into her hazel eyes and once again, I could never deny her.

"I'm falling for you, Buffy. I tried to push it away and make it disappear but it's just there. I think maybe I've always felt something for you since we first met but now, you're all I think about. I have this insane need to see you and I feel like I miss you all the time. Even now, when I'm standing in front of you, I miss you. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it and…"

This time my words got cut off by Buffy's lips. She was kissing me! A part of me rejoiced as she wrapped her arms around my neck and tiptoed to deepen the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her off the floor. This was surreal. I placed her on the dresser and she immediately wrapped her legs around my waist. She reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, breaking the kiss momentarily to pass the shirt off my head and we kissed again.

She tugged my belt buckle; her hands hastily undoing it, pulling the belt away and dropped it to the floor. I held her hands in an attempt to slow her down.

"Please Angel…I want you…make me feel again".

Her words suddenly brought me back to reality. If we were to do it now, it would definitely be heaven for me but is it the same for her? I want to do it because I'm head over heels for her but for Buffy, it isn't. She was vulnerable. Her soon-to-be ex-husband of over 10 years cheated on her with another woman. She questioned her self-worth and is seeking for someone to take this pain away. I want so much to be that someone, but not like this.

With all the willpower I had in me, I pulled away from her. She looked at me inquisitively.

"We shouldn't", I said.

"I want this, Angel please", she begged and pulled my arm.

"So do I. More than you know but not this way."

"What?"

"I'm crazy about you", a little stunned by my confession but it was true.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You don't feel the same way. You're hurt and vulnerable. I shouldn't be taking advantage of you this way."

"You're not. I want this. I want you."

"I want us to do it for the same reason. I want so much to comfort you but I'm not going to do it to make you feel better because it won't. If we do it now, you'll regret it and when you realise this is a mistake, it'll just…I care about our friendship too much for that."

It'll just kill me I want to say. Buffy seemed to understand what I was saying.

"I'm sorry".

"No, I should be the one who's sorry Buffy. I shouldn't have kissed you like that".

Buffy straightened up and I began to put my shirt on.

"I should go", I said and walked to the door.

"Okay".

As I reached for the door, she called out to me.

"Angel, thank you. For not…you know".

I smiled and simply said good night and went back to my trailer. I hung around and made sure she left the studio before I went home. That night, I had the coldest shower and dreamt of her.