Connor opened the oven and peeked at the calamari that was cooking inside.
"How's it looking?" Jude asked.
"It looks like it's almost done." Connor shut the door and straightened up. "He's only six and he has more of a social life than us! A New Year's Eve party?"
Jude laughed. "To be fair, I like being old and boring at home with you."
"You do?" Connor raised an eyebrow at him.
"I do."
Connor grinned. "I'll never get tired of hearing you say those words."
Jude reached out his hands and Connor took them. Jude drew him close and Jude wrapped Connor up in his arms and, as Connor rested his head against Jude's shoulder, Jude began so spin them around in circles. They waltzed awkwardly around the kitchen, laughing and stepping on each other's toes.
"We were better at this at the wedding, weren't we?" Connor asked. "I remember us being better at this."
Jude laughed. "We were definitely better. Although, we practiced leading up to it."
"True. Hey, spins go like this, right?" Connor spun him outward, although Jude had to move to the side to avoid running into the fridge.
"Spins go exactly like that," Jude said, returning to Connor.
It was Connor's turn to be spun outward, although Jude timed it a little better than Connor did, and Connor went to the doorway of the kitchen and then back to Jude. Connor swung quickly back into Jude and hung off of him. Jude bent his head down to kiss him. Connor kissed him back, reaching up and clinging to Jude. Jude trailed one hand from the top of Connor's spine to the bottom.
"We need to practice dancing," Connor said as he stepped on Jude's toes again.
"We don't usually," Jude mused. "I mean, we didn't like practicing for the wedding …"
"I don't know … I liked you, mostly naked, trying to waltz, and not get … distracted," Connor murmured the words into Jude's neck.
"You liked causing trouble," Jude replied.
"Oh, I still like causing trouble …"
Before Connor could prove it, the timer for the oven beeped.
"Time for calamari!" Jude said, releasing Connor.
"Okay, okay," Connor agreed, stepping away from him.
Connor pulled the tray out of the oven and Jude got out the seafood sauce. He poured it into a small bowl and set it on the edge of the plate.
"Why don't you go turn the TV on and I'll be right in with drinks?" Jude suggested.
Connor said sure and went to the living room. He turned the TV on to one of the news sites that was showing footage of various other countries celebrating New Year's in their time zones. For Jude and Connor, the New Year was still a half an hour away. Connor also plugged in the tree and their other Christmas lights. He settled onto the couch and Jude appeared, two glasses in his hands.
Connor frowned at the liquid. "Is that champagne?"
"I thought we should … celebrate tonight."
"Are you sure you want to drink?" Connor asked.
"It's just a little. And it's just you and me. I know you'll take care of me."
"Always," Connor promised.
As the TV sang in the background, Jude and Connor ate the calamari and sipped at their champagne. When the food was gone, Jude and Connor faced one another on the couch, their glasses in their hand.
"Do you remember that horrible move we made at the wedding?" Connor asked.
"Oh, where we linked arms and tried to drink like that?" Jude laughed. "I almost spilled your wine all over you."
Connor held his glass up. "Let's try it again."
"It's your funeral," Jude sighed.
They scooted closer to one another and then linked their arms together, so that their elbows were secured together but their own drinks were in their own faces.
"Happy New Year's!" Connor said.
Jude glanced at the timer going on the TV screen. "In … a minute and … thirteen seconds."
"Close enough!"
They lifted their glasses at the same time, tilting the bubbling liquid into their mouths. They were able to drain their glasses, although they knocked their glasses together as they went to put them down. Their glasses securely on the table, Jude draped his arms around Connor's neck. Connor met his eyes, and they didn't say anything for a few moments. In the background, the New Year's countdown began.
"Ten!"
"Nine!"
"Eight!"
"Seven!"
"Six!"
"Five!"
"Four!"
"Three!"
"Two!"
"One!"
"Happy New Year," Jude whispered to Connor.
Then, they were kissing. Connor felt Jude seal himself to him, and then Jude pulled him backward, so that Connor was on top of him. Connor couldn't help but lean on Jude, putting his weight on him. He pushed his hips down, even as Jude pushed his hips up.
"Connor," Jude breathed, one hand going under Connor's t-shirt.
"Jude?"
"I want …" Jude got lost in thought, tugging absently at the button on Connor's jeans. "I want you. I want to go upstairs …"
"Are you sure?" Connor asked.
"I'm sure … If you want to."
Connor kissed him again. "I want to."
Connor pulled Jude upward and upstairs, unable to keep himself off him. Connor couldn't stop from reaching out to touch Jude, even as Jude reached back to touch him. Connor kicked the door shut behind him, and then Jude pushed him down on the bed. Connor pulled his shirt off as Jude climbed on top of him, running his fingers over Connor's abdomen. He let out a sigh and it made Connor confused, because it wasn't a noise of pleasure.
"I know I'm not twenty anymore, but I think I look all right," Connor teased.
"You're annoyingly perfect," Jude said, pressing his hands flat against Connor. "Look at you …"
"As long as you think I'm hot."
"Everyone thinks you're hot."
Connor pulled Jude's shirt off him and kissed his upper chest. "I think you're hot."
Jude made a soft noise of disagreement.
Connor sat up and held Jude's soft body to his chest. "You're perfect."
Jude was shaking his head. Connor gently guided him down to the bed, holding Jude underneath of him. Connor kissed across his chest and then his unscarred side. He kissed Jude's sensitive stomach, and then across his scars. He murmured compliments into Jude's skin, raising goosebumps with his teeth and nails. Jude's entire body was rising up to meet Connor as Connor undid the button and zipper on his jeans, sliding them off and leaving Jude naked. Connor took his time, making sure he ran his hands over Jude's legs and kissed the inside of his thighs.
Connor wanted to make sure that he got this better than right. No matter what, he felt that pressure, and he was sure that Jude did too. Their relationship didn't hinge on sex but they felt that this moment was oh-so important to the both of them. Connor wanted to make sure that Jude was as happy as now as he had seem to be for the past little while.
Connor's inner monologue broke as he felt Jude's hand skimming the back of his head. His internal fears weren't what he should be focusing on now. Now, was about his husband and the way that he felt and tasted and sounded and smelled. Jude's voice was maddeningly loud, because Mikey wasn't here. He had no reason to be quiet and they both revelled in it. No sooner had Jude melted into the mattress and his moan been uttered than he was reaching for Connor.
Connor kissed him fiercely, not releasing Jude's lips even as he kicked his jeans off. Jude kissed him, his hands on Connor's body. Connor pushed himself against Jude. He needed his husband. He needed to feel him and love him. Jude bit at his lips and neck and chest, becoming gentler as his lips wrapped around him, and Connor's breath hitched. He couldn't have uttered a sound if he wanted to. Jude's name slipped out between pants. Connor's eyes closed and his stomach tightened. He fell apart against Jude. They were twined together for a moment, and Connor realized that this was as far as they had gone before.
"We don't have –" he started to say, but Jude didn't let him finish.
Jude was kissing him again and pulling Connor on top of him.
"Where's the –"
"My nightstand drawer, where it's always been."
"I haven't gone digging around in your nightstand!" Connor said, leaning over to open the drawer.
"Surprisingly," Jude said, laughing.
"Surprisingly," Connor echoed.
Jude folded his legs around Connor's hips as Connor leant over him. Connor lost himself inside of Jude's warmth, time and time again. He had missed the way Jude's breathing changed and the feel of Jude's nails on his back. He had even missed the way they would get warm against one another as they carried on into the night; sweat on their backs and arms. Connor even liked the way the salty tang tasted when Connor kissed Jude's neck again.
Jude gripped Connor's hips, as if holding him. Connor pressed a fevered kiss to Jude's lips.
"Want … Want …" Jude panted. "You. On me."
Connor kissed him again and Jude's hold on his hips increased. Connor let Jude's hands slowly guide him up and he settled on top of him with a gasp. Jude leant up on his hands so that he could kiss at Connor's neck as they found a new rhythm together.
He had missed this; every bit of it.
(-.-)
Connor lay sleepily on his side; it was after three in the morning and he and Jude had just gotten done with one another. Jude was curled around him; their bare skin sticking together. Their skin plucked awkwardly as Connor turned onto his back. Jude rolled onto his stomach, on top of Connor's arm. Connor ran his fingers across the small of Jude's back, as Jude propped himself up on his elbow and then leant over and kissed him very softly.
"What are you thinking?" Connor asked.
"Um …" Jude closed his eyes.
"Um?" Connor repeated. "That doesn't sound very good."
Jude smiled, but it was small and half-hearted, and Connor began to worry. Was this the moment that Jude revealed that there was nothing emotional in his actions; that he had just missed Connor and the way things were a little too much and now he realized it and it was time for Connor to go back to his apartment so that they could both move on with their lives like they should have months ago?
"Connor …" Jude was playing with his hair. "Connor …"
"What?" he whispered.
Jude ducked his head down so that his forehead was against Connor's shoulder. He murmured something, but it was muffled and lost in Connor's skin. Connor used his free hand to reach over and guide Jude's chin upward so that they were looking at one another.
"What?" Connor repeated.
"Come home."
"I … I am home …"
"No, I mean … Get rid of the apartment and come home and let's tell Mikey because hiding is stupid and come home, I just want to be with you the way we before but better, I miss you. Come home."
"Oh, Jude." Connor's heart lurched. He could see Jude's bare finger. "Jude …"
"That sounds like a but," Jude said fearfully.
"Only a little one," Connor said.
"What is it?"
Connor grabbed Jude's left hand. "Where's your ring, Jude? It's been bothering me since … our first date, practically."
Jude went to sit up.
"No, where is it?" Connor said, stopping him.
"In my sock drawer in a plastic bag."
Connor left Jude in bed and walked over the dresser. He opened it up, searching through the white socks and the underwear until he felt the plastic bag. Connor pulled it out, seeing the simple gold band that he and Jude had picked out together so long ago. He took it out of the clear bag; it was cold in his hand. He turned around; Jude was sitting up on the edge of the bed, looking vulnerable. Connor dropped to his knee on the hardwood floor in front of Jude.
"You are my son's father. You are my husband. You are the love of my life. And you are my greatest inspiration. If I became, before I die, half the man you are now, I'd die a great man." Connor kissed the knuckles of Jude's left hand. "I want to wake up every day to our smiles and our struggles. I want to experience the ups and downs of life with you. I have faith in us, because we've experienced our worst and come out stronger than we imagined. I want you and I want our life together, entire. Jude Adams-Foster-Stevens, will you be my husband again?"
Jude nodded, his smile lighting up his entire face.
Connor repositioned Jude's hand in his own and slid Jude's wedding ring back into place. It fit as perfectly as the day that Connor had first put it there; on a hot August day over eleven years ago. Jude wrapped his fingers around Connor's and their rings softly clinked together. Connor rose up off his knee to kiss Jude. Jude pulled Connor back into the warm blankets. Connor flipped onto his back, Jude on his stomach again. Connor couldn't keep from holding Jude's hand and turning the ring in circles.
"If it bothered you so much, why didn't you bring it up before now?" Jude asked.
"If I brought it up too soon, it would be a push and an argument. I didn't want to go too far too fast. I wasn't sure when it was right," Connor admitted. "But it's okay. Now, it's perfect. It's okay now."
"This means we'll need to tell Mikey tomorrow," Jude said. "Before anyone else can notice the ring."
"We can tell him," Connor said. "It won't go perfectly. But …"
"What do we say?" Jude demanded. "Just … Mikey, we know this is hard for you, but we need to tell you the truth. Dad and I aren't getting a divorce."
"To start," Connor said. "He'll have questions. He'll probably call us liars …"
"We need to be honest," Jude said. "He's six but that doesn't mean he's not a person or that he can't understand things."
"Exactly. We tell him the truth. We have to be sure to say that we told him as much as we could the whole way through and that we never wanted to hurt him."
"It's going to be better with us together," Jude murmured.
"So much better," Connor agreed.
Connor melded their hands together.
"Are … Are you feeling okay?" Jude asked.
"I'm almost perfect," Connor replied. "After Mikey knows, I will be perfect."
Jude kissed his bare shoulder.
"Are you feeling okay?'
"I'm worried about telling him. And about telling everyone else. And just … dealing," Jude confessed. "It's stressful. I don't deal well with stress."
"Well, I've got you and you've got me," Connor said. "We'll help each other with it."
Jude nodded.
"You should be a little more confident in yourself," Connor said. "You've been doing so great, Jude. I don't even think you'd know the man I moved in with in September."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"It's good for you. I like all sides of you, but it makes me happiest to see you happy."
"Can I kiss you again?"
"And again and again and again," Connor whispered before he felt Jude's lips on his.
"I'm not tired," Jude murmured. "Are you tired?"
Connor chuckled softly as Jude put a leg on either side of him. "You know I'm not tired."
"Well, yeah, but it'd be kind of rude not to ask."
Connor laughed and sat up, wrapping his arms around Jude's back to keep him steady on top of him.
"I'm really kind of in love with you," Connor confessed in a low voice.
"Good, because I'm definitely kind of in love with you."
Then, Jude tilted his head down and kissed him. Connor kissed him back thoroughly, losing himself completely in his husband.
Don't forget to send me playlist ideas if you have them! This week's songs are: How by Regina Spektor; and Shadow Of The Day by Linkin Park (reader recommended).
So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Hand In My Pocket, to my tumblr URL add backslash tagged backslash hand dash in dash my dash pocket. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.
~TLL~