Weeks after that incident, things between me and Buffy were tensed. I never allowed myself to be in a room with her longer than required and Buffy was doing her part by avoiding me, choosing to lock herself in her trailer whenever we had breaks.

I tried to treat her normally whenever we were together, whatever time we had together but she, on the other hand was a little standoffish. Curt in her replies and never really engaged in a conversation with me, as if she couldn't wait to get away from me fast enough.

God, I hated this. It was painful for me to try and treat her normally with me having all these warm and fuzzy feelings for her but seeing her hostile reciprocation, it just killed me.

A part of regretted telling her; acting on my feelings when I should have just kept quiet but I was in too deep. She fills my head whenever I'm awake and I dream of her when I'm asleep. Soon enough, it was apparent to the crew that something was up with us. We didn't have the spark anymore.

Our scenes seemed half-hearted and with the first episode of the second season airing soon, Alan, the producer asked for a meeting.

"Care to tell me what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"Look, I'm not one to care about your personal life but it's obvious to everyone here that something is up between you two."

Neither of us said anything.

"Did you two fight or something?"

Silence.

"Why would you say that?" Buffy asked.

"Come on, you guys barely speak to each other and it seems like you cannot stand to be in the same room. Your scenes together are…well, let's just say the magic that I've seen is gone. The reason I wanted the two of you on this show was because of the chemistry you two had. People believe that you two are genuinely in love. These roles called for the characters be deeply in love and I had no doubt you two are perfect for this but now…"

Again, silence.

"Look, you don't need to tell me what's going on but fix this. I'm going to call for a wrap today. Work this out".

The silent walk back to our trailers was awkward to say the least. I was honestly not surprised the crew noticed something was up with us. I mean we all work with such close quarters with each other that they are bound to notice something.

After changing into my own clothes, against my better judgement, I knocked on Buffy's trailer. Alan was right. We need to work this out.

"Angel", Buffy said.

"Can we talk?"

"I guess", she moved back and allowed me in.

For a few minutes, I just stared at her. She's so beautiful that I lost my train of thoughts. I forced myself to look away to gather myself.

'Get it together, Angel!'

I cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry. Whatever happened a few weeks back, I never meant to be so forward. I definitely do not want this tension happening between us and it's bad now that it's affecting our work", I said.

"So, what do you suggest we do?"

"I don't know but we need to figure something out. Perhaps we should start by not avoiding each other. We could start slow; maybe have our lunch break together?"

"I could do that", Buffy smiled and I ignored my heart melting at the sight of her smile.

This was going to be difficult for me but I will not let my personal feelings get in the way of my professional life. That's the worst thing you can do in show business.

Things between us improved a little. Over the next few weeks, we had to re-shoot most of the scenes and the director seems to be satisfied with our performance.

I'm not sure how Buffy handles it but for me, as lame as it sounds, when we had scenes together, be it kissing or just interaction scenes, I imagined that we were romantic, I poured my feelings for Buffy into it but after that, it was hell to behave normally around her but I somehow managed.

I consoled myself; telling myself that acting was the only time I am allowed to indulge in my feelings for her. How pathetic does that make me? But hey, whatever works, right?

Today's scene was going to be intense. There was going to be a fight between our characters and after which, an intense love scene. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

"Alright guys, this is going to be an emotional and intense. We'll really need you to give your all, no holding back", Sam said.

"Got it", Buffy said.

We got into position and Buffy softly asked, "You okay?".

'No, the thought of making love to you...acting as though I'm making love to you excites but is driving me up the wall!' I wanted to say.

"Yeah", I lied.

"Action!"

"Don't do this." I pleaded, my forehead against hers.

"No, get away from me!" she pushed me away and started to walk away.

"Baby, please".

"Please just leave me. Sign the papers and we'll be done. You'll meet someone else and.."

"I don't want someone else! I want you! I love you!"

"Don't you get tired? Convincing me almost every day that you're my husband? No one deserves this!"

"I'm not tired and I never will be. When I married you, I promised forever and you're getting better. With medication, it will get better".

"What if it doesn't? What if one day I don't regain my memory back? What if I forget you completely?"

"Then I will woo you again. Make you love me again. I will not give up on you. I won't give up on us!"

"I have! I've given up. So you may as well give up!"

"I won't!"

"I'm not worth fighting for! Please, just go and find someone else. You're such a good man and I don't deserve you. Just go, please!"

I walked over to her and embraced her and she fights me, pushing me away but I only held her tighter. She begins punching my chest, crying and telling me to let her go. When it was evident I wasn't letting her go, she hit me everywhere; my chest, my shoulders, my arms, my abs, anything she could get her hands on and I let her.

After some time, realizing she was fighting a losing battle, she stopped and sobbed, her hands fall limply at her side. I hugged her against me and soothed her for a few moments before searching for her lips, gently kissing it. She didn't respond and I kissed her again.

I want to comfort her. I need her to know how much I love her; that I was not going to give up on her. When she slightly responded to my kiss, I devoured her lips, desperately wanting to show her how much I want her.

When she opened her lips slightly, I snaked my tongue in and sucked on her delicious tongue. I lifted her into my arms and her legs circled around me. I carried her into what was supposed to be our 'bedroom' and sat on the bed with her straddling me.

"No, we shouldn't", she suddenly break away, but I held my arms tightly around her, not letting her go.

"Yes, we should. Let me love you", I kissed her again.

Again, she broke the kiss.

"No! If we do this, I won't be able to leave you".

"Then don't leave me. Stay", I said against her lips.

"But…" and my lips silenced her again. This time I snaked my hand under her skirt and was encouraged that she doesn't stop me. I pretended to tug her panties away and lifted her and moved my hips.

This was the part where we pretend I'm inside her. Buffy broke the kiss and gasped.

For a few moments, we stayed still and stared into each other's eyes. She was supposed to move slightly as if we were copulating. Buffy was sitting on my groin and I was trying my best to ignore the ever growing anatomy. We were in this position before and sure, I get a hard-on but this was different. I want so much for this to be real; to feel her inside me. I mentally smacked myself and focused on the scene.

I pushed my hips up and said my lines, "Don't leave me. I want you. I need you". Buffy began to grind me, back and forth. I was a little shocked. This was not a part of the scene. She was merely supposed to move up and down but no, she was giving me a lap dance. I could feel my girth growing but I didn't want her to stop.

Her grinding grew more aggressive and I was trying hard not to get caught up in the moment. We were still doing a scene and there were like 30 people watching us but god, she's driving me crazy. She nuzzled her nose against mine and began to pant.

"Angel", she whispered so softly that only I could hear. Am I hearing things? Did she call my name? Could it be?

I gently held her face and she opened her eyes. In a flash, I saw the change in her eyes. I see Buffy staring at me. Not her character but Buffy's eyes was looking at me and I lost control.

I dug my fingers into her hips, pushed her further into my groin and kissed her. My kiss was different; it was me kissing Buffy Summers, a desperate kiss for her to know how crazy I am about her and surprisingly, I could feel this was Buffy kissing me back and I allowed her to feel my girth. This hardness, this want is all for her. My breath became rugged and Buffy moved even harder and faster with no inhibitions and moments later,

"Cut!"

Great! Now, he says cut. We stopped moving and held each other, both gasping for breath. Buffy stood up and turned to Sam. I casually leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, in an attempt to hide my very wet hard-on.

"Wow! That was perfect! You guys are amazing. I didn't even have to tell you anything. This is perfect! And it's a wrap! Good job everyone! We'll film the love scene tomorrow. Whatever it is you guys are thinking now, bring it back tomorrow. That was great!"

Buffy turned to me and asked.

"You okay?"

"I…um…I didn't mean to…"

"I know. Don't worry about it."

She walked away and all I could do was watch her beautiful back walking away from me.

As I walked to my trailer, my head couldn't wrap around what just happened. I know I wasn't imagining it; she said my name just now. It probably didn't mean anything to her but a part of me was hoping that there was something.

I remembered how she begged me to comfort her but I also know she was vulnerable. She just wanted to feel. Was that what it was today? I pushed away my thoughts, stared at her trailer for long moments and got into my trailer. By the time I was ready to leave, she was gone; her Lexus no longer in its designated space. I was disappointed again.

As expected, the love scene was even more difficult than the scene yesterday. I tried so hard to control myself and think about other things when performing but it didn't help.

This is ridiculous! On the professional end, this was not my first love scene so I should view this as just a job and on the personal end, I have experienced sex before with more than one woman but why do I get excited like I'm some hormonally driven teenager with Buffy. I'm a grown man!

But god, her touch on me ignited things within me that I never felt before. I was on fire and her fingers roaming my back were driving me insane. I moved my hips as if thrusting into her and she panted. Must she make it seem that she was so realistically turned on by this?

When she moved up and kissed me, which again was not a part of the script, I gave in. Damn me! Why can't I resist her? This is just a job to her. She's going to just walk away back to her trailer and I will again have to..

"Ang.." she whispered softly when she broke away, before biting her lips.

Wait! There it is again. She was going to say my name again! Right?

I lifted myself off her and made her look into my eyes. Again, I see it. For a few seconds, Buffy was looking back at me and it was gone. She was back in character.

"I love you", she said. But I knew it wasn't Buffy saying it. She was just saying her line and I recalled my part.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck before whispering in her ear, "Don't ever leave me. You're my whole world".

"Cut!"

Again, Sam complimented us on the scene. I tuned out his words and my eyes focused on Buffy as she moved away from me. I could tell she avoided my eyes and immediately darted for her trailer to prepare for the next scene.

Throughout the day, I tried to be professional but being around Buffy was becoming unbearable. When Sam called for a wrap, I just had this insane feeling that I need to talk to her.

"I cannot do this anymore!" it came out harsher than I expected it to be.

"What are you talking about?"

"This! Us! I tried so hard to push my feelings away and I tried to avoid you. I tried to date but you're in my head every time! Every time I'm awake, when I try to sleep, god even when I don't want to think of you, you're in my head!"

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"And I would be fine to pine over you the rest of my miserable life but when we do our scenes, you call out my name and you do things to me as though you…like you're…"

"I'm what?"

"I just want it to stop! Don't torture me Buffy, please!"

"And you think it's not torture for me?"

"It doesn't seem like it is. You just walk away from our scenes like it's nothing!"

"You think it's easy for me to see you? When you first told me, I was shocked and I didn't know how to react. And stupidly, after that, I begged you to…I manipulated your feelings for me! I was vulnerable and needy and I just wanted something! God! I wish I could take that day away but after…when I went home, I remembered. I remembered what a good friend you are. How you're always there for me when I needed you. What a good man you are and since then, I can't stop thinking about you and this is wrong! My divorce was just finalized one week ago and here I am, falling for you."

"What?" I cannot believe my ears.

"Believe me, you're not the only one pushing these feelings away. Do you think it's only hard for you? I didn't mean to say your name in our scenes and I don't want to make things hard for you but it just came out".

I don't believe this! All this time we're avoiding each other, she actually felt something for me. She continued ranting, "I wish there was something we could do to just remove these feelings and make it go away and…"

I kissed her. This kiss was a myriad of emotions. It was a kiss of longing, of relief, of comfort, of need and of an emotion so strong that I felt like my heart was bursting! I relished the taste of her delicious lips on mine and when she reciprocated, I kissed her deeper. It was too bad that we needed to breathe because I didn't want to stop kissing her. We were both gasping for breath when we broke away.

"Angel…we shouldn't do this. My divorce was just finalized and there's still so much I need to figure out".

"We'll figure it out together."

"But, Angel...my divorce was just…"

"It doesn't matter."

"But…"

"We'll take it slow. One day at a time."

"Don't expect anything. I may not be able to give…"

"Whatever you give, I'll take it. Even if one day, you realise that all you want is for us to be friends, I'll take it but give us a chance".

I so desperately want to have this chance of being with her that I will painfully swallow my feelings if all she wanted was friendship eventually. But I'll be damned if I don't do everything in my power to try to make her feel the way I feel for her.