Chapter 8
a/n: sorry for the prolonged wait for this. I get in moods where I can write and moods when I can't. I've been sick lately, and it just feels right now, I guess.
Fully dressed, in his sexily-disheveled swagger, Draco descended the grand staircase and walked into the Great hall. Immediately he scanned the room for Hermione, who he noticed wasn't there yet. He sat down at his customary spot between his friends.
The party had been over a week ago, and Draco had seen Hermione a few times since. He longed for her, he felt constantly pulled toward her as if bound by some unseen thread. Every time he was near her it was electric. They saw each other in the library – stolen kisses in the stacks, in the middle of the day surrounded by other students he would sneak his hands up her thigh and make her squirm.
She knew he liked to play dirty and was relentless. With her feet, with her hands, with her teeth and tongue. Hermione may not have had a significant amount of romantic or sexual experience, but she knew what she was doing. Probably had read about it somewhere. It amused him to know that she might have been looking up sex tips somewhere in a book to figure it out. Or maybe she just had a natural instinct.
He shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth and turned his head to Pansy, who was taking a sip of coffee. She looked tired as she pushed her bangs out of her eyes.
"So Pans, how're the classes going?"
She set down her mug, raising an eyebrow at him. "Could be worse. Too much homework, we should study sometime."
He nodded at the suggestion. "Sure, I've been falling a little behind in things."
She smiled at him. "Hey, can I ask your advice on something?" He said a little quieter.
"Trouble in paradise?" Her eyes glinted.
"No, no trouble, I just need some advice. Walk with me?"
They got up and left the hall together, choosing to walk outside in the cool fall air. The sky was blue, and it was one of those autumn days where everything seemed perfectly bright and clear and crisp. The leaves had gone from brilliant greens to scarlet and gold and rich, crunchy browns.
They walked along hands in their pockets, admiring how gorgeous it was. Pansy stopped next to the lake, plopping down on a large boulder under an Oak tree.
"Draco, you've been looking so ill lately. Are you sick? You've changed since last year."
Draco frowned. "Ill is.. kind of.. yes, I guess. I don't know how much I can share.. but I'm fine. Or I'll be fine, maybe."
She looked out over the glassy lake, true to its name, the murky depths betrayed no secrets.
"Well, Draco.. I'm here for you if there's anything you need. You know that."
He nodded, smiling at her. "I know, Pans. Thank you. And I did want to ask you something."
"Shoot."
"I've been seeing someone. Kind of, and if I tell you who you'll probably try to kill me-"
"Hermione Granger." She interjected.
He was taken aback. "You know?"
She pulled her sleeves over her hands. "Of course I know. Well, it was more by accident than me just being me. I saw you two together. Kissing actually – nearly made me vomit if we're going to be real. But then I just shrugged and got on with my life. Not that I want you to think that I like her. I don't like her." She looked at him then to reinforce that point. "Well, I don't really know her. But I know her type, and I don't like the self righteous-courage-hoorah-bravery shit that Gryffindors seem to bleed."
Draco chuckled. "Wait, so you two are best friends, right?"
She rolled her eyes. "Anyways, what did you want to talk about"
"Okay well that's the weird thing, right? I hated her. I mean, hated her. Or.. I thought I did. I thought that I did. I'm.. confused.. and conflicted.. because while I love being with her I can't be with her without… well, you know."
"Yeah, I know. And I also know that you don't hate her. You don't believe in the same blood purity bull that your father does, or even," she cast him a glance "the Dark Lord."
He hesitated. "But I did believe it. At one point I did. Or I thought I did. I don't even know. It's been pounded into my head since I was a child. Relentlessly. 'We are better. WE are superior. Look at them, barbaric, uneducated, disgusting. Filthy, unclean.' But I don't know if I really believe it. I don't know if I ever believed it. They don't look different. Their blood isn't any less red than my own. So why do we hate them? Why is there such a fear of the unknown that causes people to hate anything that is remotely different in any way? Granger, for instance. She may not have magical parents or magical blood but it is undeniable that she is one of the greatest witches of her time. Her power, her drive… she's a better witch than many purebloods."
She sighed, looking off across the lake. A few younger students were throwing rocks into the water across the way, and the brief outline of the giant squid made its way lazily toward the splashes.
"I agree." She said softly, after a moment. "I don't know if I believe it, either. I know I don't. I know I can't. It's not logical, it's just… bigotry. Senseless hate. I mean, certainly some people are better than other people, but I don't think that you can think that you're better than someone based on blood status."
"It goes against everything we've been told. And with the darkness rising, the darkness coming down on us and over us constantly. How are we supposed to believe these things when we aren't sure if we believe them and there's the threat of being killed for our uncertainty? I hated her a few weeks ago. The thought of touching her physically disgusted me and now…" He trailed off, despair evident in his stormy grey eyes.
"I feel like I need to be with her or around her. I need to see her I need to touch her. I feel like I need to love her. But why now? Why her? What's so special about this one girl who is so absolutely…" He clenched his fists, a momentary loss for words. "She could ruin everything. She could bring my life crashing down around me – well, worse than it already is. You know what's happening, Pansy. You know my family you know what He's doing. I.. I can't tell you what he's done to me.. and what I have to do.. but I have to do it. They're watching me.. and if I don't.. they'll kill me. And she- she jeopardizes the whole thing. She might be able to help me if there's any such a way for her to understand but.. I don't know. Her heart is so pure and kind, which I must admit I don't understand the appeal of it, but.. I don't know if she can see me for what I'm trying to be and not who I was. And I don't know if I want her to."
They walked back inside. It was near noon now, and both felt relatively satisfied but slightly unsettled by the conversation they had had. Before they got to the doors Pansy stopped and turned to him.
"Just so you know, Draco, whatever you do and whoever you chose to or not to love, I will stand beside you. As far as I'm concerned we are family."
"Well it's a good thing we've never had sex then." He said playfully as she whacked him on the arm.
Draco waded through the throngs of students alone and back to his dorm deep in thought. His task, his curse, his love. Sometimes he missed being the young, naïve boy who got into scuffles with the Golden Trio on the train or took joyrides around the country on a broomstick. But with the looming threats around him, Draco forced himself to keep a straight face as he debated how to get through the next few months with the least collateral damage possible.
a/n: Hello my fine friends. Gonna try and update this more frequently. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always you can leave a review and follow and favorite. Follow me on twitter ChloeRNG and on tumblr at slytherinsnitches. Let me know where you want this story to go! I would love to take your suggestions and incorporate some fan theories and headcannons into my own story. Love you all 3