Chapter V
There comes a time in a short life
Turn it around, get a rewrite
Call in a dark night of the soul
Ticking of clocks, gravity's pull.
First you get close, then you get worried.
Flying like a cannonball, falling to the earth
Heavy as a feather when you hit the dirt.
How am I the lucky one?
I do not deserve to wait around forever when you were there first.
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry.
~First by Cold War Kids
…
New Orleans
The microphone popped, startling Raven, who tripped and fell off-stage. A table shattered, spilling beer and busting bottles. But she sat atop it, unharmed, breathless with laughter.
Nil pulled her up. "Come on, let's get you home."
They stumbled into the frigid night and then a cab. She'd never been drunk before – didn't even know if it was possible. The world blurred and spun and everything felt warm and wonderful. She couldn't stop touching him, and she knew she looked foolish, but she didn't care.
"We just met," he reminded her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "You should be more cautious."
"I watched my world end. Everyone I love is dead. And the man I wanted to re-build my life with dumped me… Trust me. You can't hurt me."
"I don't wanna hurt you," he said earnestly.
She kissed him then. They kissed all the way to the hotel and when he followed her up, she didn't stop him. Suddenly, it all became real. She'd really done it: picked up a stranger for a one-night stand. This was wrong. But she was sick to death of empty hope and broken promises. Tonight, she'd have something she wanted.
"I need to shower," she said compulsively. Again, he followed her, and this time, their kisses were more urgent; their hands, more aggressive. He hooked her knee and lifted her leg, pressing in to meet her.
"Stop!" she pushed him away. "Sorry… I can't."
They didn't look at each other. He had every right to be angry – she was angry with herself, too. Would he try to force it?
"Can I have a minute?" he muttered.
She stepped out and considered bolting. They hadn't even exchanged phone numbers. She could grab her clothes and never see him again. But the alcohol and adrenalin drained away, leaving her empty, and she collapsed on the bed.
Vaughn turned her head and brushed her hair off her face. Then he crawled over her, his deft fingers working their magic. She basked shamelessly. Lifting, spreading, groaning: she gave him what he wanted. He gave, too, and so brilliantly that she couldn't tell his tongue from his fingers from anything else. She was cocooned in rapture. The dirty talk was new, but she didn't mind. And he'd acquired great patience in their time apart: ignoring her pleas while steadily pushing her towards the edge. When her body jerked away, he calmly re-positioned her and continued. It was incredible. Finally, she climaxed, and faded quickly into sleep.
Sunlight burned her eyes. She rolled over and realized she was alone. 'Of course he's gone,' she scolded herself. The empty pillow beside her held a note with his name and number, but she crumpled it without looking and threw it in the trash. The trash! She picked up the canister and searched for evidence of consummation.
Last night, it hadn't mattered, but now she wanted to know if they'd actually committed it. Had he used protection? If so, he must've flushed it because there wasn't anything in the bins. What if hadn't? What if she got pregnant? She wouldn't even know who the father was because she and Sam hadn't used protection in Cumberland. Overnight, she'd become the most despicable of women.
Remy. She had to get home and then she could fall apart… but not here.
Where was her jacket? Again, she searched the room. She panicked and searched the bedsheets, the dresser drawers, even the bath tub. Nothing.
The bastard had stolen her clothes.
…
Over Canadian Wilderness
"Hostels. Twelve o'clock," Psylocke warned.
Everyone leaned forward to see the enemy and Bobby asked: "Cyclops?"
"Negative. He's engaged in defense. Rough estimate, I'd say a hundred armed insurgents."
The thick forest below finally opened to Cyclops's 'Nation X'. The staff battled against five score or more soldiers in white armor and faceless white masks. It was chaos.
Rogue led the deployment, although Colossus – with his solid steel frame – landed first. He barreled through the line, bullets deflecting off him, until he reached his sister. Back to back, they battled.
"Piotr!" she smiled. "How'd you know we were being attacked?"
"We didn't. It was luck!"
Iceman threw up solid walls to entrap the enemies. When they blindly fired, Cyclops blasted back, and his shots were dead-on.
In hand-to-hand, Rogue broke a man's arm and, confident he'd been rendered useless, threw him aside. She turned to her next opponent only for the one-armed man to attack from behind. Someone shouted her name and the would-be assassin exploded. Magneto stood nearby, looking guilty.
"You rip the iron from his veins before the gun from his hand?!"
"Their weapons are not metallic. And… I did not intend for that to happen."
She wiped the crimson dripping from her face and rushed to help Betsy subdue others. Magik ripped open portals through which Colossus hurled opponents. Rogue acted as shield to Psylocke's sword; and on the peripheral, Namor and Emma had finally broken free. Iceman continued to erect sheets of ice which Magneto re-enforced. Once the lines had broken, they attempted to retreat, and landed in Bobby's prison. Cyclops, Magik, and Psylocke followed to finish them off, and although Rogue didn't follow, she didn't stop them, either.
Whoever had attacked Nation X had essentially declared war, and Rogue wasn't going to get any more involved. Her status as an Avenger could only complicate things.
Instead, she checked on Emma.
"I'll live," Emma said, irritably checking her bruises and cuts.
Scott didn't even glance her way when he emerged.
"Don't tell me I missed it," Storm descended.
"Hey 'Ro," said Bobby. "You know what they say about those who lead from behind?"
She frowned. "Someone had to park the jet."
Scott approached. "You could've set it to autopilot and let our systems guide it."
"I think not."
Rogue attempted to check Namor, who briskly waved her away. Next she went to Sam, who'd been uncommonly subdued. He was doubled-over and pale. If he'd taken a hit, she hadn't seen it.
"Cannonball, you alright?"
He heaved and vomited black blood at her feet.
…
Manhattan
When Remy saw Nil watching Raven, his heart dropped. If she couldn't resist good-guy Guthrie, she'd be helpless against Nil. And he wouldn't try to stop her. The shark had a reputation for bedding and forgetting women. Worse, he bore a grudge against Gambit for taking Guild leadership. If Nil discovered Raven's identity… or if he already knew…
"I gotta get home," said Gambit. "Left my teleporter."
Fence laughed. "Man, if I had one, I'd use it to go everywhere! Store, bowling alley, the can-"
"Thanks for stopping by," Darce walked him to the door.
Before he dashed away, he heard Fence softly curse. His head snapped back. "Raven?"
He typed, pressed, and then punched his tablet. "Fuck, man! It's evolving!"
"What is?"
"That software we sold the Cartel!"
"You said that wasn't possible," Remy said quietly.
"I can think of a certain technomancer who could make it happen! They're takin' over our system!"
"Nil?" Darce gasped. "It's a one-two punch! He's stolen the princess and now he's unleashed his army. Hurry! You've gotta get her!"
"No, I've gotta warn the Guild."
Her mouth dropped. "You're not serious!"
"Names!" barked Fence. "Social security numbers! Bank accounts! He doesn't just have Raven, he's got all of us. And he's sellin' us to the bloody Cartel!"
Gambit pulled out his phone.
"Give me your key," she said. "I'll get the teleporter."
The air crackled in her absence. While Fence continued to fight the advancing virus, Gambit arranged a conference call with the Cardinals. First, he had to admit to harboring Raven, which they accepted with more grace than he'd expected.
"But Guildmaster, you were the one who denounced her! Her destruction of Martin Manor was incalculable! We lost the Momentary Princess, possibly forever-"
"In case y' forgot, I was there. I almost went up in flames, too."
"Why did you waste further resources tracking her when you had her?"
"My Guild and Council demanded retribution. Y' might not've noticed, but she don't kill easy. I spoke for my people and acted as an individual in everyone's best interest. But that ain't the crisis."
"What's she done now?"
"Nil has her. She's safe, but he means to use her as a shield. He's taken Fence's software and manipulated it t' work against us. All our intel is spilling into the web."
"Can Fence stop it?"
Gambit looked at his bloated friend, shaking with rage. "Not for long. I recommend contacting Nil and offering him whatever payment he requires to undo it."
"What if he asks for the Kingship?"
"Give it to him."
They chuckled softly. Finally, someone replied: "We'll promise whatever he wants, but we have no intention of honoring it. We won't trade a good and dishonest king for an honest and greedy one."
He bowed his head. "I'm indebted to your wisdom."
After the call ended, he phoned Bella Donna – his New Orleans deputy. A sensible man always had more than one iron in the fire. Hopefully, she'd catch up with him before the Cardinals.
Darce returned with his teleporter and he stepped into his vacant family home just before dawn.
…
New Orleans
Raven huddled in the bell tower wearing only a towel. If anyone found her, she'd die of shame. The minutes dragged out slower and slower until time stood still.
'Okay, we're here,' Nate's telepathic voice resounded in her head. 'Where are you?'
She directed him to the church and finally he ascended the staircase with Hope.
He rushed to her. "Who did this? Did he hurt you? Tell me everything. I need to know how slowly he's going to die."
She burst into tears and Hope pushed him back. "Stop it, you're upsetting her. Here," she handed her a duffle bag. "I brought some clothes. Let's get you dressed."
They retreated to a corner and Hope held up the towel while Raven shimmied into a sundress. When she turned, she realized Nate had been watching. Not lustfully. But he suddenly looked ashamed at being caught and turned away.
"Do you need a doctor?" Hope asked quietly.
"Doctors heal the body and her body's indestructible," said Nate. "How'd he catch you? Telepathy? Magic? Drugs? Do you think you're invincible to everything?"
"I… I had some drinks…"
"I was once an omega-level mutant, too. You can be brought low. There are people out there who prey on people like us."
"Stop!" Hope warned.
"You can't just-"
She slapped him. "You aren't helping! I'll take her to the school. Storm will know what to do." She put an arm around Raven. "I'll teleport us."
"Wait," she turned to Nate. "He's got my jacket… It was my mother's and it's all I…" Overwhelmed, she couldn't finish. "Don't hurt him, okay? I'm not worth it. Promise me."
His eyes darkened with rage. "I would hurt a thousand men for you."
"Nothing comes from violence and nothing ever will. Please. Promise me."
"Very well."
Hope teleported her to Jean Grey School, but couldn't stay. She'd borrowed the ability from Pixie and couldn't be sure how long it'd last. Raven considered flying straight to Remy's apartment. What was the chance he hadn't figured out everything? He was probably in New Orleans at that moment… Rogue, she learned, had joined Storm's team that morning on a mission to Canada. She wasn't going to drop everything to find Raven. That's why Raven hadn't called her.
In Storm's absence, Rachel Grey had taken charge.
"Can you just put me in touch with Gambit?" Raven asked. "He isn't answering his phone and I'm sure he's worried."
"It's not gonna kill Gambit to be worried. You, however, need help. And helping people's what I do."
…
Canadian Wilderness
Betsy telepathically called the school and then carried Sam through Illyana's portal. He hadn't stopped vomiting blood and was probably dying, but there was no time for concern. The X-Men and Nation X had to make sure more attacks weren't coming. They needed to discover who'd launched the initial attack. And to make matters worse, every single person thought they should be in charge.
Rogue realized they'd freeze to death before anything was resolved. She moved to call SHIELD but Magneto destroyed the phone in her hand.
"Ah have other ways to call them," she said.
"Do we look like we need men in high towers to steal our freedom in the name of sanctuary?" He thundered. "Bring them here and count yourself among them! We expelled them before and will do so again!"
"How's this gonna look if you hide a massacre? This is why people fear us!"
"Should we crave the respect of cowards?"
"Enough!" Emma snapped. "Jesus, we've all heard this before! I'm going to search for survivors. There's a thought or memory somewhere. Rogue, darling, care to join?"
"Nothin' but chiefs around here!" she complained as they surveyed the bodies.
Slowly, the others left as well. Storm refused to leave until she spoke with Marie Bennett, and at length, Cyclops acquiesced. The Rasputin siblings followed the truck tracks; Magneto attempted to repair the communications damages; Iceman and Namor secured the premises from further attack.
Draining dead fanatics of their last thoughts was tedious and unproductive.
"Why're we doin' this?" Rogue finally said. "Can't you just scan them all?"
"My powers aren't what they were… since the Phoenix Five. Don't you have a double now? Where's she?"
"Raven? She's super strong, not a vampire like me. She's my daughter or – some version of me had-"
"X-Men stuff. Got it."
Rogue paused. "Her twin brother married your daughter. Had a child. Makes us family."
"Hells bells. Just when I thought I'd hit rock bottom, you tell me that some version of me is a grandmother!"
"Things are that bad?"
"Look at us, Rogue! Scott and I once led the entire mutant race. We were going to change the world. Now we can't even control our powers."
"Why don't you come back? Ah know teachin's where your heart is."
"Under Storm? I'm not that desperate." She sighed. "Remember when Mystique tried to seduce Gambit? Everyone was sure he'd been unfaithful. I was your only friend. I can't believe I'm saying this but... I need you to be my strength. Even if I'm making a mistake."
…
Salem Center
"No need to be bashful, my dear," said Dr. McCoy. "I assure you I will keep our conversation in strictest confidence."
Raven felt naked without her mother's jacket and rubbed her arms. "How're you gonna check me if you can't draw blood?"
"A urine sample will do."
She hesitated. "Can you run a pregnancy test, too?"
His eyes widened and he cleared his throat. "I certainly will, but I think the chances of that are extremely unlikely."
"No offense, Dr. McCoy, but you really don't know me."
"I know your biology. Given the requirements of pregnancy and the resilience of your body, I assume the two would be incompatible."
"I've been pregnant before," she snapped and he apologized. But she didn't tell him how quickly that pregnancy had failed. She knew he was right. A fertilized egg was only the first step in conception. If her body refused to yield to the embryo's needs, it couldn't survive.
"Might I take the liberty of further studying your unique set of mutations?" he asked.
"Not today, Hank," said Rachel. She leaned against the door frame. "If you've got your sample, I need to check her for telepathic influences."
"I'll leave you ladies to it, then."
Blue and green eyes locked in a silent challenge.
"Doesn't take a psychic to know you don't like me," Rachel said.
"You told Rogue I was crazy."
"No. I told her that I didn't detect anyone else within your mind. You're not hearing voices anymore, so let's call it a win-win."
"You're not like the rest of us. Most of us – we exist in multiple dimensions. But you're unique."
Rachel searched her memory. "Did we meet-?"
"Never in person, no. But when you were lost in space, my Nate came to your rescue. Nine months he was gone. Did he tell you he missed the birth of his first child for you?"
"No. I'm sorry, I never knew... But I couldn't help myself, let alone him. And anyways-"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You were going to say 'and anyways they're all dead now, so what does it matter?' Weren't you?"
"And anyways, his child was still there when he got home. My family wasn't."
They sat in silence for a long time. Finally, Raven said: "The worst part is when something great happens and I wanna tell my family about it… Then I remember I can't. I'll never tell them anything again."
"For me, the worst part is remembering all the things I've forgotten. Sometimes I can't remember my mom's perfume or my dad's favorite song. The more time goes by, the more I forget… What sort of daughter am I?"
"This is nice. Talking. Don't have many people I can talk to."
"You know I'm a telepath. Like Nate."
"But stronger."
"That's right," Rachel smiled. "That's why he sent you to me. He saw what I see but he can't help you."
"What-?"
"Nightmares, erratic behavior, paranoia. Even now, you think I'm gonna hurt you. Look at me. What you suffered – it was enough to break anyone. Your mind told you that your sister was with you, guiding and protecting you. She's gone now but her shadow remained. Left you just sane enough to blend in but too crazy to sleep. You don't need her shadow. And I can prove it. Will you trust me enough to try?"
Inside her mind, Raven felt it closing in. She usually combated the darkness with prayers, but this time, Rachel encouraged her to let it come.
"You've been hiding it," said the telepath. "Protecting it. Why? What're you afraid of? Haven't you already survived the worst thing that could ever happen to you?"
"Yes."
"Then it can't hurt you."
The shadow wrapped around her mind like an anaconda. When it squeezed, it was impaled on the spiked armor of her resolve. The beast bled and screamed and tried to squeeze her again, only to meet the same fate. Again and again it returned, weakened by every attack. Finally, her insanity tore itself to shreds.
…
To Be Continued…
…
Author's Notes: Wow, a lot of friendship dynamics going on in this chapter! For years, Gambit fans and Rogue fans have been complaining that ROMY has destroyed them as individuals. Co-dependency's no joke. This – along with their push-me/pull-me history – probably influenced this story a lot. I've also been struggling with ways to present him as 'King of Thieves' because Marvel still hasn't. Hopefully it looks effortless and natural!
Nil was introduced in the Gambit Vol. 5 and re-appeared in All-New X-Factor #3. Cyclops and crew established the New Charles Xavier School on the ruins of the Weapon X facility in Uncanny X-Men Vol. 2. Somehow, he convinced Emma to stay after their break-up and man, you wanna talk about a destructive, co-dependent relationship..? Nate Grey, Hope Summers and Hank McCoy shouldn't technically be in this social circle. It isn't strictly cannon, but I hope you can forgive for narrative's sake.
Finally, Raven carried her sister in my story 'Vicarious'. When her world ended, Nate (her universe's Phoenix) transferred Honor's mind into Raven's psyche. They were supposed to find a way to re-create their world, but when they failed, Honor "passed on".