Her chest was tight with anxiety and she felt as if she would burst into tears at any second. The knot in her stomach was larger than any she had felt before and her hands were nearly shaking as she sat on the couch. They day had finally come, and she was going home. For the first time since moving here, she didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay in this place, safely surrounded by buildings and people where she could get lost and become anonymous. She wasn't anything to anyone, she didn't have to do anything, no one relied on her. But to go home… she was going to be a spectacle again. She was going to be the one whom whispers trailed behind, again. She was going to be the one that owed everyone her strength, again. And no matter how many times Adam said she was strong enough and he believed in her, she was scared to death that she was going to fail.

She wanted to hide here, wait until it was all over, until she could pretend it never happened. Wrap herself in her new life and be protected from the hurt of what had been. But she wasn't a little girl anymore and this was life and she had to go.

There was a soft knock on her door and she stood from the couch and opened it.

"Hey sweetie."

That was all it took for her to crash. She stepped into his arms and let the tears fall, holding on for dear life, as if he might evaporate before her very eyes.

"Hey, hey," he said, coming inside and closing the door behind them. "It's okay. It's all okay."

"I don't want to go."

"I know you don't."

"I don't want this to hurt so much."

"I know."

"I hate this. I want it to go away."

"I do too baby."

"I'm sorry Adam. I don't want to do this to you."

"Linds, don't apologize. Not for this."

She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away.

"I just… don't… you shouldn't have to deal with it."

"Honey, I'm not dealing with anything. I'm just here for you. And soon it's going to be over. Really, really over. But me? I'll still be right here."

She nodded for lack of anything to say, and he ran his fingers up and down her back.

"Ready to go?"

"Ready as I'm going to get."

"I'll buy you coffee on the way."

She gave him a half grin and he helped her slip into her coat, then picked up her suitcase.

"With lots of whipped cream and caramel and crap all over it?"

"If you really want to get a stomach ache at 30,000 feet."

"I'll risk it."

He took her hand and they walked out to the car, the late winter wind whipping at their faces.

"Everything will be the same when you get back," he said, watching her as she stood staring at her surroundings.

"I know," she said with a nod. "I just might see it differently."

He was quiet for a while as she steeled herself for what was coming.

"Okay. Let's go."

They were quiet all the way to the airport, holding hands on the center console and losing themselves in their own thoughts. It was something they seemed to do a lot, especially lately. It wasn't that they were distancing themselves from each other. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They were both more vulnerable in those moments than either one of them cared to admit, but at least they were vulnerable together, and that made it okay.

It wasn't until they got inside the airport and were standing just outside the security gate that she realized that he wasn't going with her. She had known it of course, but up until this moment she hadn't really thought about it. She was going to be gone for a while, at least two weeks. And she wouldn't see him at all.

Tears fell steadily from her eyes as she looked up at him wishing she could beg him to come with her, wishing there was some way. But there wasn't. He had to stay here and she had to go there and she felt herself crumbling just a little.

"It's going to be okay, Linds," he said, drawing her into his arms. "You just need to breathe."

"I wish you didn't have to stay here."

"I do to. But you've done this for years without me and you can do it again."

"But what if-"

"Lindsay," he said, pulling away and framing her face with his hands. "Look at my eyes. I know you can do this. If I thought even for a second that it might break you, I would be begging them to let you out of it. I want you to hear me right now. You can do this and you will do this because you need to do this. You are never going to be able to heal completely if you don't."

She nodded and took in a deep breath, stilling the tremors that were idling just below the surface.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, baby. But I will be right here when you get back. Maybe not this exact spot, but in the specific earthly confines of this airport."

She smirked and he tucked her hair behind her ear before he reached down and grabbed her wrist and extracted a Sharpie from his pocket.

"Adam, are you really giving me a Sharpie tattoo?"

"Yeah," he said, finishing up his artwork on the inside of her wrist. "So you don't forget."

She looked down and saw the words I Love You inked across her skin and she smiled.

"Thank you. I love you too."

"You'd better go get on that plane or you're gonna miss it and then we'll have to do this whole thing again, and I don't think either one of us are up for that."

"Okay."

He stroked her cheek gently before he kissed her.

"I want to see my happy girl again when you get back."

"You will. I promise."

"Call me when you get there."

"Okay."

He peppered her with kisses and spoke nothing of the word goodbye before he wrapped his arms around her one last time. They parted silently and he watched her until she disappeared from sight, holding her demons close until that moment that she could let them go.

The call came several hours later, when darkness had fallen upon the city and a small dusting of snow gently covered the ground. He was already in bed, but still awake waiting to hear from her. She'd sent him a text when she landed to tell him that she was safe and would call when she got to her parents house.

"Hey," he greeted, knowing his sleepy voice would help to soothe her slightly.

"Hi."

"How you doin'?"

She snickered at his Joey Tribbiani impression and stretched out on her childhood bed.

"Better than I thought I would be. I did a lot of thinking on the plane. Psyching myself up I suppose."

"And it worked?"

"I made dad drive me by the diner on the way home."

"Wow."

"I figured if I could do that, then I could do the rest. And I took a deep breath and I made it. I'm okay."

"Good."

"Not cured of course… but I'm going to be fine."

"I know."

"Yes you do Einstein."

"So other than all that, how's being home?"

She sighed and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders, then rolled over to look out the window.

"It's okay. Cold. Mom made roast for dinner. And apple pie. When it got dark I went for a walk. It's good to be home, even under these circumstances."

"You can always go back another time. Under better circumstances of course."

"You wanna come with me?"

"Definitely."

She yawned and even from most of the country away, he could tell she was rubbing at her eyes and twitching her thumb.

"Go to sleep honey. You're exhausted."

"Yeah."

She didn't mention that she had taken a sleeping pill, mostly because she was too tired to remember that she had, but partly because that might make him worry.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright."

"And any time you need me."

"Thanks Adam. I love you."

"I love you too. Sleep good."

The phone clicked off in his ear and he rolled over, missing her more than he thought he would.