"I choked."

The whisper cut through the night as indelibly as the searing scream of a tortured child, and it sent chills up his spine.

"What happened?"

"I just couldn't do it. I got halfway through and I looked up at him and I couldn't do it. I tried so hard Adam and I just failed. In front of everyone."

She was trying desperately to hold back her tears and keep her composure, and he was certain that she was kicking herself for shedding even one tear at all.

"Lindsay, you did not fail."

"Yes I did. Yes I did, because I couldn't do what I'm supposed to do. I couldn't just say the words. And the looks on their faces, Adam. It was like they were hearing it for the first time and I just can't… I don't… I failed and he's going to walk away."

"Lindsay, is the trial over?"

"What?"

"Is the trial over?"

"They called a recess."

"Then you didn't fail, Linds. You're just going to have to tell the story in two parts."

"I can't do it again."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't! You told me I could and you set me up for failure. You never should have made me believe that I could. Never!"

"Lindsay-"

"Why did you do this to me?"

"I didn't do anything to you, Lindsay! I didn't lie and I didn't set you up for anything. Why would I do that?"

"I don't know," she said, curling around a bed pillow. "I can't even think right now. I can't get my head out of there and I can't breathe and nothing makes sense."

"Linds, do you want me to come out there?"

"No!"

The volume and intensity of her voice scared him and immediately put him on red alert. She was retreating back into that shell of a 16 year old, that girl terrified out of her mind and he wasn't sure if she would be able to come back this time.

"Lindsay," he started softly, hoping his voice would soothe her just a little.

"I don't want you to see me," she said, her voice taking on a tone he had never heard before.

"It's-"

"No. I don't want you here and I don't need you here so don't try to rescue me."

"Lindsay."

"I can't talk to you anymore," she said, a sob falling from her lips. "I have to go."

She hung up despite his protestations, the phone dropping from her hand to the mattress, then bouncing off the bed. Cries tore from her faster than she could catch them and her chest heaved with exertion. She didn't want to fight with him, nor did she have any idea why she had. She knew she'd hurt him with what she said, and she wanted to make it right, but she was too afraid. Afraid of the emotions this trial was stirring up, afraid that if she let it consume her, it would be too much for him and he would leave. Everything was spinning out of control and she couldn't make it stop.

"Lindsay?"

She looked up and found her mother in the doorway, her face etched with a concern Lindsay hadn't seen in ten years.

"Mama."

Anne crossed the room and wrapped her daughter in a hug, rocking back and forth until the tears slowed.

"He's going to leave me," she said finally. "It's too much and he's going to leave."

"He's not going to leave. Honey, Adam loves you. He's not going to let you go just because this is hard."

"He should. Why would anyone want me like this?"

"There's nothing wrong with you. And even if there was, he loves you. He loves you and he's not going to leave."

"This is too much. I can't do it."

"I want you to stop telling yourself that. You and I both know you're perfectly capable. But you're going to have to let yourself do it. You're holding back because you're afraid of hurting, but holding it in is going to hurt worse."

"I want Adam," she hiccuped as a fresh batch of tears fell down her cheeks.

"I know you do. Get your breath back and call him. He needs to hear your voice just as much as you need to hear his. You have to let him inside your head honey, even when it scares you."

"It's hard."

"I know. But unless he's not worth it, I did not raise you to give up on people. And he's worth it, isn't he?"

"Of course he is."

"You need to let him know that too."

"I know."

"It's going to be okay, honey. This time tomorrow, it will all be better. Now, I want you to calm down, go wash your face and call that man back. And let him take care of you, just a little."

Lindsay nodded and Anne pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I'm downstairs if you want to talk later."

"Thank you."

Lindsay watched her mother walk out of the room, then stood up from the bed and wiped her eyes. She hated admitting that she needed someone. Not because she was wonder woman and not because she was stubborn, but because admitting she needed someone was to admit that these last ten years she had just been faking it. It would mean that she had never been fine. It would mean that the stretches of being okay were just lies.

She crossed the room and opened the bathroom door, splashing her face with cold water, then taking several minutes to look at herself in the mirror. It was the worst she had ever looked, including college finals week when she hadn't slept, the time she had had the flu for four days, and even worse than the time she'd fallen off her horse and gotten a concussion. Her eyes were bloodshot and watery, her lips were chapped from biting them, and her face was so puffy from crying it looked like someone had injected her with enormous amounts of botox.

The cold water helped though, and she took a deep breath, settling her emotions back to a place where she could handle them. She went back out to the bedroom and sat down on the bed, picking the phone up off the floor on the way. She pressed the OK button and the screen lit up and she smiled at the picture of her, Adam, and Hannah with popsicle mustaches. Her thumb danced over the keys for several minutes before she hit the 1 and send, and she closed her eyes, waiting for him to answer.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry," she spoke, even as her voice betrayed her. "I didn't mean that and I do need you and I'm just scared and-"

"Linds. I know that. It's okay."

"My head is such a mess," she said, wiping her new tears away. "I don't know what to do anymore. And I need you. I really need you."

"Say the word and I'm on the first plane."

"I appreciate that, but no. I testify in the morning and as soon as this is all over, which should be fairly soon, I'm coming home. I need you to be waiting for me when I get there. I need to have something good to come home to."

"I'll be here."

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she said, laying back against the bed to stare at the ceiling.

"You're not a mess, babe. And even if you were, it wouldn't matter to me."

"But it's just so much. And I don't want to burden you with that."

"If the roles were reversed, you'd be doing the same thing I am. You'd be right beside me. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Well there you go."

She smiled and climbed into bed, turning off the bedside lamp but leaving the curtains open for the moonlight.

"Adam, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Can we just stay on the phone tonight? I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be. I'm right here."