A/N: Rewrite of Snow Day.
Lindsay's feet pounded on the tile floor as she rounded the corner, and in the back of her mind she was aware of the wet floor sign. The call had come in the middle of her day off and she wasn't ready to go out in public yet, despite it being almost five in the afternoon. Her hair was a mess and she didn't have her make-up on yet, but all that was so far from her realm of necessary thought that it didn't even matter. She wasn't sure where she was going. Emergency room, regular care, ICU… she had no idea and Austin wasn't answering her phone so she was at a loss as to where to go.
She finally found the admit desk and was just about to demand some information when Flack came around the corner.
"What happened?" she demanded, wanting to grab his shirt and shake the information right out of him.
"Linds calm down."
"I am calm, I am just lacking in the information department here. Now what happened?"
"Yeah, what happened?" Austin asked, joining them. Her face was flushed and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. "All I got was hospital, and get down here and that's not very encouraging."
"And I got that second hand, so excuse the freaking out here, but seriously Flack, what happened?"
"Ladies, settle down."
"You're not giving me a reason to Donald Flack, and I'm going have your face in a vise if you don't give me some answers fast."
"They're fine!" he said finally, getting fed up with the badgering. "They're both on pain killers and have stitches and bruises and Danny has a few broken fingers, but they're both fine. The worst part is that they have to share a hospital room for the night. But I promise you, they're okay."
Austin and Lindsay both breathed sighs of relief.
"They're fine, but what happened?"
"It was just a bad crime scene, there were drugs involved. I'll tell you about it later, but I am assuming that right now you would rather see them than hear my narrative. Let's go."
They followed him down the hallway and into a corner room, where Danny and Adam sat in their beds, both looking like they had met the business end of several large fists. Danny was worse looking, and Lindsay was pretty sure it was because he had fought back, but both guys seemed pretty happy with their lime Jell-o.
Lindsay crossed the room to Adam, perching on the side of the bed and taking his hand.
"Hey honey. You okay?"
"Yeah. Whatever in this IV is really nice."
She chuckled and brushed back the sneaky tear that was falling from her eye.
"Scared me," she admitted, brushing his hair away from his forehead.
"Aw, I'm not goin' anywhere."
His promise hung in the air, almost as a mockery to her knowledge that anything could happen at any time. He caught her discomfort and gave her hand a squeeze.
"I'm here hon and I'm okay."
She nodded and dropped her forehead to his, breathing deeply. From the second she'd gotten Austin's frantic phone call she'd had horrible images running through her head, and she just needed to sit here a minute more to make them go away. It was like she'd been underwater too long and was struggling to come up for air.
"Don't ever scare me like that again."
"You wanna stick me in a box with some packing peanuts and be done with the whole thing?"
She smirked.
"I'm not ready to joke about it yet. Give it a few weeks, okay?"
"Alright."
She leaned over and grabbed his chart from the end of the bed, scanning over it quickly.
"Hey, invasion of privacy!"
"Oh hush. I'm just checking to see if you're okay underneath all the painkillers."
"Linds," he said, squeezing her hand. "S'alright."
Her finger traced over the bruises on his face and she shuddered, shooing away the images that were trying to break through.
"Do you need anything?"
"No, I'm okay. You're the one that looks in need of a drink."
"Oh come on, I'm not that bad."
"Your hands are shaking."
"You gonna make fun of me for loving you?"
"Maybe a little," he said, reaching up to spin one of her loose curls around his finger.
"When are they going to let me take you home?"
"Not sure. The doctor said something about tomorrow afternoon."
"Okay."
They sat quietly for a long time, not saying a lot. She needed the connection more than he did at this point and she was just getting to the point of calm when the doctor came into the room and announced that visiting hours were over.
It took Lindsay and Austin both several minutes to extract themselves from the room and when they finally did, it was only to lean against the wall outside and sigh.
"You okay?" Lindsay asked, looking over at her friend.
"I'll survive."
"Not what I asked."
Austin sighed and pushed herself off the wall, walking slowly towards the waiting room.
"No, I'm not," she answered finally.
Lindsay joined her in the corner of the room, falling into one of the crudely upholstered chairs that served no real purpose but to collect dust. She pulled her legs up underneath her and looked over at Austin who was biting her lip and picking at her nails.
"Danny's not supposed to get hurt," she said finally. "He's always been there and he's always supposed to be there."
"I know."
"I don't want to leave him here alone."
"Adam will be with him."
"I know. And that's better, but I just…"
Her voice dropped off and she stared at the floor, her expression almost blank. No words passed between them for several minutes, and the silence was finally broken by Austin's gentle voice.
"I know what it's like to wake up alone and be scared and in pain and not have any idea what's coming next. You struggle to remember how you got to this point specifically, and then you wonder how your whole life got to this point. You need something real to hold onto but you only have yourself. And you're just totally alone."
Lindsay didn't say a word, for she herself knew that feeling too. She was pretty sure there was more to what Austin was saying, evidenced by her second person story telling. But if Lindsay knew anything about her friend, it was that pushing was not going to get her anywhere. So she waited.
"By the time I met Danny, I was too young to have ever really felt alone. And then he came along and no matter what crap happened, he was always there. Right beside me, ready to hold my hand or smack my brother or whatever I needed. Even when I didn't tell him what happened, he was there. And there was a lot I kept from him, a lot he figured out because he was there. And then one day he wasn't. And I really needed him. Don't get me wrong, he didn't leave me, but his family went on vacation and he wasn't there to be with me when my father broke my wrist and sent me to the hospital. I was there alone all night. That was worse than the yelling and the hitting."
Lindsay was quiet for a long time, her mind forming half sentences, none of which would have helped or hurt or accomplished anything but placing a platitude band-aid over deep wound.
"That… explains a lot," she said finally.
Austin looked up at her, eyes wide and tired but nearly tearless.
"Thank you for not saying you're sorry."
"I know it's not the same thing, but I know from experience that I'm sorry doesn't make the pain go away."
"Yeah."
"And I could tell you a thousand times that he's okay, but you're still going to be thinking about that feeling and you're still going to be worried that he's feeling it too."
"Get outta my head."
Lindsay gave her a half smile.
"It's okay you know."
"What is?"
"Being scared. I saw the way you walked into that room. Or rather the way you stood in the doorway watching him to make sure he was actually there before you let yourself go to him."
"Linds…"
"I'm being serious here. Being scared is okay because at least you're feeling something."
"I suppose being numb isn't exactly a proactive solution to a problem, is it?"
"No. Austin, can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
"Surviving isn't enough."
The words came out a lot more bluntly than she had planned and she took a deep breath, hoping they hadn't carried a sting with them.
"I mean, there's a nobility in surviving, but if you're just surviving, then you're burying it all under the rug. You're letting it dictate how you feel about everything. You survive, but you don't beat it. And maybe I'm not the one to tell you this because I'm still just learning it myself, and I know you've been dealing with pain for a lot longer, but I don't want you to be content with mere survival. You deserve more than that."
Austin reached up and pushed away the tear that had fallen from her eye when she wasn't paying attention.
"I guess I'm still learning that too. That surviving doesn't mean holding on to that anger. I guess maybe seeing him in that bed… I guess it made me realize that I need to let go of it. That I need to grow up."
"Scary."
"Really scary," she said on a sigh. "So what do we do now?"
"All I know is I'm not going to sleep tonight."
"Ditto. Probably not tomorrow night either."
"How keen are you on staying in this waiting room all night?"
Austin sighed and looked down the hall towards the room the guys were in.
"Danny'd be ticked if he knew I stayed here all night."
"Wanna come over? I have popcorn."
"Sure."
Midnight found them in Lindsay's front room, sprawled on the hide-a-bed, watching old episodes of ER and gorging on popcorn. They'd traded the tears for giggles, the heavy conversation for silly girl talk. The backs of their minds were still in that hospital room, but for the most part, they were okay.
"Hey Aust?"
"Hmm?"
"Doug and Carol or Mark and Susan?"
"You can't ask me a question like that! That's like asking if you want to be smart or beautiful. Unless you pick both you're gonna be screwed."
"You can't pick both, Sophie," Lindsay sing-songed.
"What are you gonna do if I do?"
"Chuck popcorn at your face."
"Well, Mark and Susan had that whole unrequited, angst ridden best friend first kiss as a last kiss thing going for them. But then Doug and Carol had that long drawn out dramatic I hate you then I love you having babies and breaking up and finally being together. Of course Mark and Susan had that stupid look before he died. But then again, Doug broke Carol's heart. I can't choose. You?"
"I was planning on you being my tie-breaker. I have no one else to debate this with."
"Adam's not an ER fan?"
"He's too attention deficit to sit through an hour TV show."
"Poor guy."
"Yeah, I've learned not to force things on him. I tried to get him to watch Runaway Bride and we got through the first ten minutes before he started making Run Forrest Run jokes and I had to turn it off."
"Not a chick flick guy, is he?"
"He tries. He really does. I figure I can do without them."
"You know, I kinda feel bad for Adam."
"How come?"
Austin grinned.
"Cuz he has to share a hospital room with Danny. And Danny snores."
Lindsay giggled.
"Adam sucks his teeth in his sleep."
"I have never heard of such a thing before."
"He claims he only does it when he naps. The first time, it scared the crap out of me. It was one of those perfect Sunday afternoon couch naps, and I was in that half awake half dreaming state and totally relaxed and then I heard this disgusting sucking sound right by my ear."
"Ugh, I'm getting shivers just thinking about it."
"It's not pleasant. If we ever get married, I'm pretty sure a Lucy and Ricky Ricardo situation will suit us just fine."
"Yeah, I'm sure he'll be good with that."
They fell into another silence and Austin swirled the unpopped popcorn kernels around in the bowl absentmindedly.
"Hey Linds?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks… for all that… before…"
Lindsay just nodded.
"Don't mention it. I needed it too."
"You do realize though that since I have told you stuff that I don't normally tell people, we have to be friends for good?"
"I think I'm okay with that."
"I'd act out some kind of secret handshake if I wasn't so tired."
"Yeah, I'll just catch you later."
"Honey, I'll make you some Jell-o when we get home."
"But it's really good."
"I know you think that now, but you're still on painkillers. I bet even liver and onions would be really good."
Adam sighed and looked across the room.
"Linds, Austin's smuggling Jell-o out for Danny! C'mon."
"That's because she's too lazy to make it in the first place."
"Can it, hillbilly," Austin said, chucking a small packet of tissues at her.
"I'm not a hillbilly. I still got all my teeth."
They looked at each other and chuckled, then continued to pack up all the things the guys had accumulated during one night in the hospital.
"Are they gonna make us wheelchair it out of here?" Danny asked, picking at the tape that held his broken fingers together.
"I doubt it. You two would probably race them down the hallway," Lindsay answered, watching Adam out of the corner of her eye as he stood up. He was a little wobbly, but regained his balance after a second, and looked no worse for the wear. Of course there were the bruises and cuts on his face, but she could overlook that. He looked strong and that's all that mattered.
It took a long time, but they finally left the hospital, Austin and Danny catching a cab while Lindsay loaded Adam up into her car. His last dose of painkillers was wearing off, but he didn't seem to be too uncomfortable. He dozed in the seat as she drove and she kept a one-eyed vigil for most of the trip. She felt completely overloaded with so many different things that she wasn't even sure where to begin sorting them out. Relief and happiness were the most accessible at the moment, so she went with those.
"Adam, we're here."
He opened his eyes and gave her a smile.
"You gonna carry me?"
"Not even."
He chuckled and they got out of the car, making their way slowly inside. She opened the door and they were greeted by the cats, who purred and rubbed up against Adam's legs. He crouched down to pet them and Lindsay closed the door.
"Think they're happy to see me because they love me or because I feed them?"
Lindsay didn't answer and Adam turned to look at her. She had her back to him, her head down and one hand on the doorknob. He stood up and walked towards her placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Linds?"
She turned around and walked into his arms, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. He ran his fingers through her hair, calming her until she could speak.
"I could have lost you," she whispered finally. There was no catch in her voice, no hesitation, just a laying out of facts as they were. "You never would have known."
"Known what?"
She pulled away from him slightly and locked her eyes with his, keeping him frozen where he stood.
"That I love you. That I'm always going to love you. And that I don't want anything for the rest of my life but you."
He was lost for words, his heart constricting with the plain and enrapturing love she had placed before him. He didn't ask for it or earn it. It was just there for the taking. It still startled him every time he saw it, and he still wondered how he could have gotten so lucky.
He covered her lips with his and felt something shift between them. It wasn't like they didn't know already, like neither one of them had entertained the idea of forever. It was just that suddenly it all became clear, it all became right, it all fell into intricate place, chiseled in stone and cemented in finality. This was it.
He wanted desperately to find words as beautiful and perfect as the ones she had used, but he felt as if he was a clunky talker, unable to put his heart into words. He hesitated a long time, using the kiss to gather his thoughts and string them together.
"I love you more than I even understand," he said finally, his forehead resting against hers. "You're a whole world that I didn't even know I needed. You make me stand on my own two feet and you're there when I fall. You're everything to me, and even when I think it's impossible, I love you more."
They stood that way for a long time, still and silent, breathing in tandem. It was a simple step in the direction of becoming one, a memory that would stand out to them until their last moments.
His hand ran up and down her back and he dipped his head down to kiss her again.
"Are you alright?" she asked once they had pulled apart. "Do you need to sit down?"
"I think I need another pill and a nap."
"Go lay down and I'll find your meds."
He went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, the mattress sagging slightly under his weight. He had a terrible headache and his muscles were sore, but he felt better than he had in a long time.
Lindsay came into the room and handed him a pill and a glass of water, then moved to the window to close the blinds.
"When do you have to work?"
"I don't know. The lab is a mess and no one is really sure when we're going to be up and running again. Stella's going to call later and let me know what's going on."
"Then that means you have time to take a nap with me?"
She smiled and nodded and they laid down together, adjusting their positions a few times until they were both comfortable. Her head rested on his chest, her ear over his heart. Her left hand snaked under his t-shirt and splayed over his stomach while his right thumb gently stroked over her hip.
"Is this okay? Am I hurting you?" she asked, lifting her head up to look at him.
"No, it's perfect. Go to sleep baby. You need it just as much as I do."
She stretched up and kissed him again, then settled back down with a long sigh. She'd feel the effects of the last day soon, she'd cry and be scared and have a delayed reaction. But for now he was here and he was whole. They both were.