Author's Note: There are pieces of a larger quote by the Joker in this chapter; I just really love the quote and wanted to add a piece in. Another big thank you to the reviewers, feedback means everything to me. I went outside my usual pace for this chapter, so please tell me if it seems too much or too fast (or slow) because I'm really trying to pace this story to show how Harleen already had the makings of being like Joker deep down in a reasonable way.
Chapter Eleven.
Harleen could feel the carefully formed professional shell she had created over the year cracking slowly with every session with The Joker. She had just finished writing up her notes of yet another session with the man, and was reading over her notes carefully.
He had talked to Harleen about Batman in their last session, it was enlightening to hear him talk about his biggest nemesis. When Harleen had asked if Joker wanted Batman dead, he had said something that surprised Harleen "Oh no, he's just too much fun to play with. You see Bats and I will go around forever" He had said, leaning forward "He needs my chaos so that he can pretend he's morally superior. Insanity is like gravity, all it takes is a little… push" He had ended, laughing loudly.
Harleen had been thinking about Joker and Batman's relationship ever since, was it true? Without Joker where would Batman be? In a sense Batman did need Joker, perhaps the man underneath the suit didn't, but Batman did. Joker caused chaos regardless of Batman, he ran a crime empire whether Batman was around or not; though Harleen knew that the Joker was obsessed with the vigilante in many ways, she wasn't sure how his relationship with Batman had begun, but knew from how he spoke about Batman that it was vital in Jokers formation.
Harleen collected her notes and moved to file them neatly. She had mentioned removing Jokers restraints, on his arms at the least, to Doctor Arkham and Doctor Leland; but had been met by a resounding 'no'. They didn't understand, she thought, making her way to the staff break room for coffee before she made her way home. She knew that Joker wouldn't kill her, not yet, if ever.
She shouldn't disregard her superiors wishes on the matter, she chided herself. The Joker was a maniac, it was a reasonable fear to think he would kill her. The logic did not deter the strong desire to free Joker from his restraints, if not just to to test how he would react (and to recieve a grin with a 'good girl little Harlequin' that had her heart racing, a voice whispered in her mind). It wouldn't be too hard if she could convince the guards somehow, she thought.
Maybe she could convince the guards that she was given permission, she knew that they didn't usually check up on whether she had permission to do these things. Harleen frowned, she shouldn't be considering this, it was dangerous. Though that thought did not deter her, even the thought of how much trouble she could get into didn't deter her. She was a doctor, she knew her patient, she was an intelligent enough woman to understand what she was doing.
Thoughts of whether or not to unchain Joker continued to run through her mind through the night. Harleen didn't know what she would do and it didn't sit well with her, she was not used to being indecisive about anything; she normally had her life planned down to what colour socks she would wear for the week.
Without much thought on the matter, Harleen allowed herself to dress a little nicer than she usually did; slipping on a soft pink shirt, a sleek black skirt, nice boots with a small buckle, and finishing off her usual light make up with a lipstick matching her shirt. Harleen secretly adored dressing up, though she restricted her wardrobe and makeup harshly to portray a more professional image, so she revelled in the chance to add a little more fun into her fashion choices.
Harleen glanced at the phone and considered calling Barry, though quickly brushed the idea aside, she knew he would hang up on her. Sighing she made her way to work, stopping to get a good coffee, rather than suffering through the dish water available in the staff break room.
Finally in her office, Harleens thoughts drifted back to whether she would take the restraints off of Joker for their session. She was still lost in her thoughts about the matter when she made her way down to the therapy room. Harleen took her time greeting the guards; she noticed that Logan was on rotation today and in a split second decision turned to him "Logan, today I need Joker out of his restraints" She said, proud that her voice was confident.
He looked startled "Oh... I'm not sure that we can do that Harleen, taking him out of the straight jacket is enough of a risk" He said reluctantly. Harleen leant forward slightly, watching as Logan's eyes dropped briefly to her chest briefly.
"I can handle it Logan, I'll keep my panic button in my hand" She said, not liking what she was doing, it was unprofessional. "Please" She added, dropping her voice slightly.
Logan glanced around, and when he only received shrugs from the other guards present he sighed "Okay, but be careful with the monster" He said finally. Harleen frowned slightly at his use of the word monster, but forced a smile as he turned into the room, gun raised.
Harleens face felt hot, why on earth had she done this? She had always been adamant about not using her appearance to get what she wanted, and here she was doing just that to get a villain out of his restraints, something she was not supposed to be doing in the first place.
She thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest as she walked into the room; Joker was taller than she had realised, now that he was standing in the center of the room, twisting his body.
He looked at her with a grin, his tongue flicking over his teeth "What a good, good girl little Harlequin. Are you afraid to be alone with big bad ol' J? He asked, stepping towards Harleen slightly, his face holding a dark grin.
Harleen swallowed and sat down at her usual seat, keeping her eyes on Joker, who had splayed himself elegantly across his usual chair. "I'm not scared. I probably shouldn't have had the restraints taken off though Mister Joker, I could get into trouble for it" Harleen replied, glancing up into Jokers glinting eyes.
"You have to learn to, uh, let loose babydoll" Joker growled. Harleen tried to pull herself together slightly, just because Joker was out of restraints, did not mean he could run the session. "Since I did you a favour by getting the restraints off; you need to answer some questions" Harleen said "Please" She added hastily, and kicked herself for it afterwards; doctors shouldn't say please.
Joker hummed as he tilted his side to side with closed eyes, before snapping them open and baring his teeth at her. "You can ask me three questions once you tell me what, uh, what really happened with your family" He said finally, laughing loudly.
Harleen felt sick, she hadn't told anyone the full story of this before.
"If you tell me how you got to be who you are, I'll tell you about my family" Harleen bargained. Joker got a strange glint in his eyes, his smile grew slowly "Playing games with me is dangerous Harley, Harley, Harley. I always win" He responded. Harleen took this as an agreement, and her heart started racing "This... this session will be kept off the records, all of it" Harleen added. The last thing she wanted was for word to get around about her past, and she had no desire to sacrifice her progress with Joker by spreading the things he told her around.
Harleen took a deep breath, staring down at her hands she began to recount the sob story that was her childhood. "My father was a petty criminal when my big brother and I were young; so he spent a lot of time in prison. When he was in prison for his longest stint, my mother started bringing boyfriends home. One of my mothers boyfriends was a very bad man; he started doing drugs and partying with her. Then he started getting inappropriate with me" Harleen paused, her heart was in her stomach and it was getting hard to breathe.
Joker had not taken his eyes off her. "He touched me. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I knew I didn't like it. When my father got out of prison, my mother kept the affair going on in secret, eventually it got to be too much; so I told my father everything" Harleen said, recalling the indescribable look of anger on his face.
"My father lost it, he screamed at my mother, calling her a whore and asking her how she had not known what the man had done to me. He left that night and never contacted my brother or I again, we found out two months later that he'd been killed while robbing a liquor store. My mother lost it as well when he left, she got heavily into heroin, and died when I was fifteen of an overdose" Harleen finished in a monotone; her childhood had been awful; her mother and father had been neglectful and selfish, but they had loved Harleen in their own ways.
Joker hummed, leaning across the table "See? My Harlequin is just as screwed up as everyone else in here. Tell me, is that why big brother doesn't talk to you? He thinks it's all your fault?" Joker questioned mockingly. Harleen inhaled sharply, and nodded without speaking. Her brother had been old enough to move out on his own when their mother had died, Harleen had been stuck in a foster home until she had left for University, he blamed her entirely.
"I shouldn't have told you that, I'm your doctor, we're only supposed to talk about you" Harleen said eventually. Joker laughed loudly "You're not a good girl, Harley. You're just covering up your wild side" he leaned forward across the table, grasping Harleens jaw with his large hand "You want to be just like me deep down, that's why you're so persistent in seeing me" He rasped, flashing his silver teeth at her in a large grin.
Harleen turned her head slightly, causing Joker's hand to drop to the table as he once again arranged himself elegantly across his chair. He couldn't be right she thought, almost desperately, she was cool, calm, collected, professional, she couldn't let herself let go of that, no matter how much the idea appealed to some hidden part of her that she had buried under guilt, grades, and professionalism. "It's your turn to tell me how you came to be the Joker" Harleen said instead.
Joker growled, rolling his eyes "I find the past such a worrying, anxious place. 'The past tense', I suppose you'd call it" Joker said, stopping to chuckle darkly "Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children I suppose. I think I was in a chemical plant where I worked, breaking in with my, uh, little gang of Red Hoods, when none other than Batman appears" Joker bared his teeth and laughed again "And then he punches me right over the edge of a catwalk, into one of the vats of chemicals. He leaves, and I emerge" He finishes, yet another laugh echoing around the room as Joker twists his hands on either side of himself "So really it's all thanks to Batsy that I'm here" he adds.
Harleen didn't know what to say, she was beyond shocked that he had actually told her what seemed like a mostly true story. He had obviously left out huge parts of his story, whether it was because he didn't remember or he just didn't want to tell her, she didn't know. Had Batman really created The Joker? She wondered. It would explain the obsession Joker had with the man. Harleen puzzled over this new information in silence for a minute, this new information was everything she had wanted, and yet her desire to figure him out, to be around him, had not diminished.
"Thank you for telling me that" Harleen said eventually. Glancing at the time absentmindedly she was surprised to find they had run out of time, it had felt like they'd only begun talking minutes ago. "Our time is up for today Mister Joker" Harleen added. Unlike most other days, Harleen waited until the guards had come back in and had Joker back in his restraints before she left the room.
Following the guards escorting Joker out of the room, Harleen politely brushed off Logan's question on taking her out for a drink with a vague excuse of having a lot of paperwork. Joker had said nothing this time though he had cackled chillingly as he was led away from Harleen.
Harleens mind did not stop racing as she lay down in bed that night. She didn't know why she had shared so much with Joker, she didn't know why he had so uncharacteristically shared a small part of his history with her in return, but it made her equal parts thrilled and anxious. The voice that told her she was being ridiculous, that she was slipping slowly from the careful, restrictive person she had worked so hard to create, but that voice was getting easier and easier to ignore; as she lay in her bed, thinking of the Joker and his words today.