It was four a.m. when Adam finally dragged himself home. It had been a long shift to begin with, but the minutes had just passed and passed and the work just piled higher. Finally at the fourteen hour mark, Mac had told him to call it quits and head home.

The lights were off and he tip-toed into the bedroom, hoping he wouldn't wake Lindsay. She was curled up on the edge of the bed not facing the middle of the bed, which was her usual sleeping position.

Something had to be wrong.

His suspicions were confirmed when he touched her shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Babe, what's the matter?"

Her breathing was fast and he spooned up behind her, rubbing his hand up and down her shoulder until she calmed. It took a while and he really wanted to ask her again what was wrong, but he knew she needed time. Eventually she rolled over and looked at him, taking a deep breath.

"I got a letter today," she whispered. "I shouldn't have opened it. And when I opened it and saw who it was from, I shouldn't have read it."

"Who was it from honey?"

Her voice was almost non-existent when she answered.

"It was from him."

He didn't have to ask to know who him was. His stomach coiled at the thought and he held her tighter, once again wishing he could take this away. Just when life settled, just when she was peaceful and happy, it came back.

"What did he want?"

"He said since I witnessed him once, he wants me to do it again."

"What does that mean?"

"Lethal injection. He wants me there. He said he would tell me why."

Adam was completely lost for words, and that hardly ever happened. He didn't know what to think, and he could feel a rage boiling up in him, one that he had never felt before. It wasn't fair for her to hurt like this, again and again and again. He was supposed to protect her and make her feel safe. She was supposed to smile and laugh and never again think about the horrible things that had happened to her because of this psychopath. He wanted to go down to whichever state this guy was in now and beat them to the execution. Never once had he felt such a murderous surge before. It would have scared him if it wasn't so justified.

As he held her, he could feel her start to spiral downhill, her breathing becoming more erratic, her words jumbling together in strings of nonsense. She was trying so hard to tell him, so hard to get it out, but her inability was frustrating her even more. She couldn't breathe as she was so he sat them up, keeping her in his lap and pressed close to him.

"I can't. I don't know. Breathing. Her eyes. He was there. I didn't. Scared. Just remembered. No please."

He rocked her and shushed her and she trembled against him, unable to even cry.

"I'm right here, baby. Right here. I have you and you're safe."

He knew her mind was drifting back to that place, back to that time; he could tell by the pitch of her voice and the way she circled her arms around herself.

"Safe," she repeated, letting the word fall from her lips and break the treadmill of shards of memory. "I'm safe."

"You're safe," he agreed, pressing a kiss to her forehead and rubbing her back.

"I remembered something. I buried it so far down."

"What is it?"

It was several minutes before she answered, four quiet words that broke his heart for her once more.

"Kelly was still breathing."

As soon as she was rid of the confession the tears came. She buried herself in him, holding tighter than she ever had before. He didn't know what to say so he just held her, tears slipping down his own cheeks as he listened to her anguish.

"I couldn't help her. I wanted to but I couldn't touch her. And her eyes opened and then closed again and she stopped breathing."

She tried to tell him more, but she was stuttering now, hiccupping and gasping and incapable of even one word. He'd watched her struggle with this, had seen her nightmares and held her as she cried, but never had he seen her this bad. Maybe it was because she'd spent all these years without this memory that now that it was out, it was as fresh as if it was still happening.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpered. "It should have been me."

"No."

The word was so firm that she looked up at him in wonderment, having mostly forgotten he was there.

"It shouldn't have been you. It shouldn't have been anyone."

"I couldn't do anything. She just died. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save any of them."

"But you did. You gave them justice. You have done more than anyone should ever have to do. You spoke when they couldn't. You made them live again with every word you said."

"It's not enough."

"It is. It has to be."

She had nearly wilted against him and he brushed her hair back from her tear streaked face.

"You need to stop, Lindsay. Stop letting him hurt you. You put him away but you don't let him out of your mind. Don't let go of the girls, but let go of him."

"I'm trying. I really am."

"I know you are. I just want to make sure that you know that this is a struggle, but it doesn't define you. You are so much more than this. You are beautiful and funny and happy and you make my life so much better every moment that you're in it. I don't want you to forget who you are and become that scared and angry girl again."

"I won't," she promised, moving her hand up to place it over his heart. "I can't."

He pulled back just a little and framed her face with his hands.

"I am always going to be right here, no matter how you hurt or who you are. You don't ever, ever have to worry about going it alone."

"I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Please don't let go of me. Not tonight."

He could tell that she was spent, entirely unable to keep processing the memories. Sometimes pressing the pause button was okay, and this time he was glad she was able to.

"Let me just do a little rearranging here for a second, okay?"

She nodded and climbed out of his lap, her hair spilling back into her face and getting caught by the lights of the sunrise. She looked so young and innocent, yet so old and broken down that he wished he could switch with her, just for a moment. Take her horrors and aches and keep them away from her for a while.

He kicked his shoes off and shed most of his clothing, then laid back down. She was shivering with exhaustion and remnants of old shock and he pulled her up onto his chest before tucking the blankets around them.

"No one else has ever been able to make it go away that fast," she whispered as he rubbed small circles on her back. "I never… never felt this safe before."

He didn't know how to reply, so he just held her, concentrating on synchronizing their breathing.

"Go to sleep, honey. I'll be right here."

When morning broke in its fullness they both rose slowly, smiling and sharing kisses before getting out of bed. They were completely exhausted and had slept just over three hours, but she hadn't had any nightmares, so they were hedging their bets and getting up. She showered while he made breakfast and coffee, the perfect bit of normal to get them realigned. He wanted to give her brightness and simplicity this morning, something to hold onto for the rest of the day.

She joined him a while later, her eyes still tinged with pink from crying, but with just a little bit of light in them again.

"You made breakfast? You know, you're going to get me accustomed to this way of living and someday when we're old and in a retirement home, I'm going to be that cantankerous old lady who throws things at people when I don't get my way."

"And I will be the old guy sitting next to you, smirking and thinking about how cute you are when you do it."

"We're a good pair."

"Somebody's got to be the real life Cory and Topanga."

"I'm glad it's us."

He smiled and pulled her into his arms.

"You going to be okay going to work?"

"Yeah. I need to go. It makes everything make sense again."

"Alright. Pancakes for the lady?"

"Yes sir."

They sat down together and he reached over for her hand.

"What?" she asked at his expression.

"I love you in the morning and in the afternoon. I love you in the evening and underneath the moon."

She snorted out a laugh at his singing voice.

"You make me happy. And I love you too."

He met her eyes and found them filled with light again and he knew she was okay.