Never Wake
by: Liv-x-Case-Benson
Ch. 11: Emily
Finn quickly dressed, following Sara out. "Shall I take the twins or Lindsay?"
"Hang on. First, I should see what's going on," Sara said, going to see what had happened.
Finn quickly followed her, piece in her hand.
Sara checked on the twins first, who were still fast asleep. "Good," she whispered. Hearing noise from Lindsay's door. "Linds, you ok?"
Lindsay gave a groan from the floor.
Sara walked in, turning on the light and sitting next to her. "Lindsay?"
Finn ran to place her piece back on the high shelf in the wardrobe, grabbing her phone.
"I thought it was just practice contractions..."
"You thought...? What makes you think it's not?" Sara asked, helping her sit on her bed.
"Stronger. Every ten minutes. I'm only thirty-five weeks."
Sara nodded, helping Lindsay to her feet and into the bed in the spare room, grabbing her phone to call the midwife and Lily to grab the twins. "It's going to be just fine, sweetie."
"Anything I can do?" Finn asked from the door way.
"We need towels and a bowl of water. Lily and the midwife should be here soon."
Finn nodded, disappearing again.
"Promise she'll be ok?" Lindsay asked, looking scared.
Sara smiled, kissing her head. "She'll be fine. Beautiful just like Mommy."
Lindsay smiled, taking Sara's hand.
Finn placed the towels and water by the bed. "I'll let everyone in."
"Thank you, baby."
Finn nodded, touching Lindsay's shoulder gently as she walked out, closing the door.
"You won't leave, will you?" the teenager asked Sara.
"Never. I'm staying right here," she said, kissing her cheek. "Just like your mom is."
Lindsay nodded, hugging Sara tightly.
Finn let the midwife in, who rushed up to Lindsay and gave Lily a soft smile when she arrived. "Hi. I'll wake the twins..." she said nervously.
Sara stood. "I'll be right back. Lily? Are you alright?"
"Fine. How's Lindsay doing?"
"She's doing ok. I should get back," the brunette said, going back to Lindsay's side. She wet a rag, wringing it out and wiping her face.
"It could be a while yet," the midwife supplied, checking her medical bag.
"I wouldn't be surprised," the brunette said as Finn joined them. "The kids leave ok?"
"Yes," she nodded. "Anything else you need?"
"I think we're good. Unless Lindsay needs something."
"No, I'm ok," Lindsay smiled, taking Sara's hand as another contraction came.
Sara held her hand. "It's going to be fine."
Six hours later, the contractions were much closer and Lindsay was nearly fully dilated. "Make it stop! I'm too tired!"
"I know you're tired and it hurts, but your little girl will be here soon. Just think of how it will feel to hold her and see her for the first time."
"What if she looks like him?" Lindsay asked, the first time she'd mentioned anything like that.
"She could look like you or your mom," Sara said.
Lindsay gave a slow nod. "Ok," she said, trying to concentrate.
The brunette leaned against Finn, hiding her nerves. Well, trying to.
Finn dropped a kiss to the brunette's head, unsure she was being much use to anyone just sat there.
Sara leaned into her, shaking a bit. Like Lindsay, she'd imagined something similar to this with Lindsay, but with Catherine beside her. She sucked every doubt, every bit of pain in. She had to be strong for her.
"I love you," Finn whispered by her ear, rubbing her back.
"I love you too."
"I think we're ready to push," the midwife smiled.
Sara nodded, sitting beside Lindsay. "Do you want me sitting behind you?"
"I-I don't know..."
She nodded again, wiping the sweat from the teen's brow. "Everything's going to be fine. We're all right here with you."
Lindsay nodded, squeezing Sara's hand as she began pushing with her next contraction.
Sara wrapped one arm around her shoulders, holding her hand with the other. "You're doing so amazing, honey. We love you so much!"
Lindsay gritted her teeth, pushing as hard as she could until the midwife told her to stop, the head delivered. The young teenager's body shook. "I can't... I want Mom," she sobbed.
Sara sat behind her, holding her close. "I know. I do too. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is without her. But I promised you everything would be okay and it will. I'm here and your mom will never leave your side. You can do this. I know neither of us are her, but we love you and we'll do whatever we have to to prove it."
Lindsay leant back against Sara taking in her words as the midwife whispered to Finn. The blonde gave a nod, moving up to Lindsay, taking her free hand. "Lindsay, I need you to listen to me... you need to push now, need to be strong for your baby like your mother would be for you," she said softly, moving their hands to Lindsay's chest. "Sara's right, your Mom is with you. She'll never leave your heart, and right now, I think she'd be making you focus. Your little girl has crimson locks, sweetheart. She's right here. Now, push."
Sara smiled. "Then guess who she'll probably look like with those crimson locks? Honey, she's so close. Let us be your support and help you. Crying isn't a weakness, It's ok."
Lindsay steadied her breathing, squeezing both their hands tightly as she managed a final, big push.
"There we go," the midwife smiled, checking the girl over, who gave a loud cry.
Sara smiled, kissing her cheek. "You did wonderful. And I'm sure she- Whoa! Ok, tell me I'm not the only one who sees...that!" she said, pointing to the corner of the room. In the moonlight, she could swear she saw Catherine. Her red hair, eyes, in the same clothes as that night. She was transparent, smiling at them. She looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn't speak.
Lindsay and Finn both looked in the same direction as Sara.
"I love you too," she smiled as the image slowly disappeared.
The midwife placed the girl on Lindsay's chest. "Hey. I'm your Mommy," she whispered.
Sara gently stroked the baby's cheek.
The baby calmed causing Lindsay to smile. "Think she likes Grandma already."
"Maybe. What's her name?"
"Emily Catherine Willows," she replied softly.
"It's perfect. Everything okay here?" Sara asked the midwife.
"Mom and baby are just fine."
"Good. Thank you for everything."
"My pleasure," she smiled. The midwife checked them over a final time an hour later before leaving them. Finn slipped from the room to see her out.
Sara smiled. "She's beautiful, Linds."
"Yes, she is," Lindsay smiled, "You want to hold her?"
"Sure. Come here, sweetheart."
Lindsay smiled, watching as Emily took Sara's finger in her hand.
Sara cuddled her close. "Hi baby girl."
"I'm really tired," Lindsay said, rolling onto her side.
Sara stood, pulling the cradle close and laying Emily in it. "You should be, sweetie. It's a huge ordeal," she said, stroking her cheek. "Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"
Lindsay shook her head. "I'll just watch Emily a while."
The brunette nodded, hugging her gently. "Get some rest. We love you and I'm sure your mom was so proud of you, just like we are."
"I know," Lindsay nodded, "I love you guys too."
"If you need us, just say. The twins are out until sometime tomorrow."
"I will," Lindsay smiled.
In their bedroom, Finn sat, thinking.
Finn kissed Sara gently. "Why don't you try and sleep a while?"
"What about you?"
"I'll stay with you."
Sara stripped quickly, pulling on a long nightshirt and laying in bed.
Finn changed, getting in a few minutes later, pulling the brunette close.
"Are you ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you were sitting in here alone."
"I've never seen a birth before. I was just having a few minutes."
"You don't feel sick do you?"
"Sick? No."
"Then what?"
"It was just a bit surreal. Come on, sleep."
Sara nodded, exhausted and fell asleep fast.
Finn gave a soft sigh. In truth, it had all been a bit much to take in. Not just the birth, but everything since Sara had asked her to move in. And now, the moonlight shone through the small gap in the curtains, sending a soft beam of light across the room, lighting up a picture of Catherine which Finn couldn't shift her eyes from.
Sara rolled over a little while later, seeing Finn was awake. "What's wrong?"
Finn looked at the brunette, giving a soft smile. "Nothing," she replied, kissing her forehead, "Go back to sleep."
Sara shook her head, sitting up and placing the picture of Catherine back on the dresser.
"You don't have to do that."
Sara sighed, not seeming to hear her as she stared at the photo in the moonlight. "It wasn't fair, was it?" she whispered. "It really should've been me."
"No," Finn said, sitting up to wrap her arms around Sara, "don't you ever say that."
She sighed, leaning back against her. "I'm glad it wasn't, but... I guess it's hard to accept it still."
"I know," the blonde replied, kissing Sara's cheek, moving them to the middle of the bed, leaning back against the headboard. "Tell me about her."
Sara shook her head, cuddling into her lap.
"I don't mind."
"I know, but I want to try to get back to sleep."
Finn kissed her gently, pulling the blanket around them. "I'm here. I'm not letting you go."
Sara nodded, kissing her cheek.
Finn stroked her hair gently, tightening her hold.
She smiled, her head in Finn's neck. "This was my favorite spot with her too. Safe..." she yawned.
"You'll always be safe with me around."
Sara nodded, relaxing.
Finn relaxed enough to sleep lightly, making sure Sara was ok.
Sara smiled, falling asleep minutes later.
Finn opened her eyes several hours later when she felt Sara stir, kissing her gently. "Hi baby."
Sara smiled, turning in her arms. "Morning. How'd you sleep?"
"Fine. You?"
"I'm ok, I guess, after last night. It was kinda crazy."
"Yes, it was. How long have you got off work?"
"Off work?" Sara asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "I've got no idea. I didn't even call. Why?"
"I just assumed you'd be taking some leave to help Lindsay."
"I will," she said yawning as she stood. "I should check on them, or we should if you want."
"It's ok. You go."
"How about breakfast?" she asked as she walked into the guest bedroom.
Lindsay looked up from where she was nursing Emily. "Sounds good to me. We finally got this feeding thing figured out."
Sara smiled, walking closer. "The night go okay?"
Lindsay nodded. "She's a quiet one."
"That's good," she said, sitting beside them. "You're so amazing, little Emily," she whispered.
"I know I'm young, but I'm so glad I decided to keep her."
Sara smiled, hugging them. "Age doesn't matter. If you have the right support, anything is possible."
Lindsay smiled. "Thank you for always being here."
"That's my job. Do you want to burp her, lay her down and come downstairs?"
"Sure. Did you two sleep ok?"
Sara nodded. "Yeah we did."
"And Finn's ok? I feel kinda bad. I kept talking about Mom, and... I'd hate to have upset her."
"She's fine. She keeps encouraging me to talk about her, but it's just too painful..."
Lindsay squeezed Sara's hand. "I'll be down soon."
Sara smiled, going back to Finn. "Morning sexy."
Finn wrapped her arms around her lover. "Good morning."
The brunette leaned into her, kissing her softly. "Should we make a big breakfast for everyone? I'll have Lily bring the twins back so they can join us."
"Sounds great. How are they this morning?"
"Lindsay finally got the feeding down. They're ok."
Finn nodded, stepping back to pull on some clothes. "Call Lily then grab a quick shower. I'll make breakfast for everyone."
Sara smiled, hugging her tightly. "You sure you're ok helping Linds? You know you don't have to."
"What do you mean by I don't have to?"
"I mean...if you'd rather not help us, as much as it might hurt, y-you can l..." she looked away.
"I said I'd always be here, and I meant for all of you."
"Why though? I-I get upset over Catherine all the time. Lindsay's child isn't your grandkid. The twins love you... I love you, but... Even though I'm trying to move on, why does nothing seem right?!"
"Because I'll never be her, and I'll never live up to her."
"But I love you for you."
"I know. But I'm still not the one thing you'll always want more than anything."
Sara sighed. "But, in a way, that can never change. The only thing I do know is that I hadn't been happy in a long time before you. Look, I know you're not her, but, in a way, me being happy after all that, you're better than her and I don't ever want you to leave. Yes I miss my wife and I'm always going to miss her, but I'm always going to love you," she said, slipping a ring into her hand. "I promise to never make you feel like you don't belong here. It's not an engagement ring. Though maybe some day... It's a promise."
Finn kissed her gently. "Thank you. I'll be downstairs when you're ready," she said softly, going to prepare breakfast.
She smiled, calling Lily before stepping into the shower.
Finn sighed as she prepared breakfast. In truth, she felt more than inadequate, and whichever context Sara had meant it in, Emily wasn't her grandchild. And somehow she couldn't shake the guilt that had been slowly eating away at her.
Sara walked down showered and dressed fifteen minutes later. "Hi."
"Hi. Breakfast is nearly done."
"Smells great."
Finn smiled, dropping a kiss to Sara's cheek. "How long will they be?"
"Fifteen minutes."
Finn nodded, busying herself setting the table, insisting Sara sat down to relax. As she placed the last item on the table, there was a knock at the door. "Great timing, it's just ready," Finn smiled, opening the door.
"Hi guys!" Sara said.
"Is she cute? Can we see her!?" Madison asked, running up to hug her mother.
"After breakfast ok? Eat first."
She nodded, running through to the kitchen as Lindsay joined them at the table. The kids kept asking their sister questions as Finn picked at her food.
Sara held her hand under the table.
Finn smiled softly at her and when everyone went upstairs after breakfast, she slipped outside, sitting on the porch.
The brunette followed. "I-I'm sorry if I said something wrong."
Finn shook her head. "You should be inside with them."
Sara shook her head. "I'd rather be here. What's the matter?"
"I'm just being stupid."
"Talk to me."
"You're right. Emily will never be my grandkid, and when you asked if I wanted kids and I said yes, you hesitated and ran away. You wouldn't have done that if I was Catherine. And everyday there's always something, some little thing that I wish I could help with, wish I could stop you or the kids from hurting, but I'm not her. And it makes me feel guilty."
"But it's going to hurt to some degree for a long time. I'm sorry I ran away. I just always thought that we might have another. You shouldn't feel guilty for making us happy, Finn. It's something we need. Something you need. You can help us just by being here. And...I am sorry for running away. If it's something that you really want, I'll support you. Because I love you. I can't say I wouldn't like another for certain. I just thought that dream was over, until you."
Tears flowed down the blonde's cheeks at rapid pace as she rested her head against Sara's shoulder.
Sara held her tightly. "I love you for you. I never thought I could be happy again."
"I'd swap if I could."
"No. I'm glad you're here."
"But if the cancer had killed me there would still be room for her."
Sara pulled her into her lap. "And I would never think I could love or deserve to be loved after. It wouldn't change how things were before. Please don't think like that, ok?" she asked, holding her. "I never want to go through that again! Please!"
Finn nodded slowly, kissing Sara. "Ok. I'm sorry."
Sara nodded. "I love you and that's what matters, right?"
"I love you too, Sara, so much."
"You are so amazing, kind, sweet, understanding, nice and, incredibly hot and sexy," she said in her ear.
A smile pulled to the blonde's lips. "We should go inside."
Sara stood, holding her hand.
Finn walked in slowly with her. Everyone had relocated with Emily to the living room. "She's so tiny," Finn whispered.
Sara smiled. "She really is. And beautiful."
"Very. The twins seem to like her too."
"Can we hold her, Linds?"
"Sure," Lindsay smiled, kissing Emily's forehead before handing her to Sara.
"Sit in the chair and I'll sit in your lap," Sara told the blonde. "Hi sweetheart. You're so sweet. Hey, it's ok. You're ok. Shhh. We know you can't understand this, but we know you're protected very well. You're grandma won't let anything hurt you," she said, cuddling her close.
Finn smiled at Sara, sitting in the armchair seconds later. "Ready when you are."
Sara backed up, sitting in her lap, kissing Emily's head.
Finn kissed Sara's cheek, watching Emily. She slowly reached out to stroke the baby's hand with her finger. "Hi Emily."
Emily opened her eyes wide, looking at her. "Do you like her, huh? She's nice, isn't she? Yes."
"You're very beautiful, just like your mother."
Sara smiled. "She's so amazing, isn't she? This could be us, you know?" she whispered. "If you really want."
Finn nodded. "When the time is right for all of us."
The brunette nodded.
A/N: I know, I KNOW! It's been FOREVER since I updated this story, but it's just one of those stories that I just kept writing on and not posting.
Anyway, hope you enjoy!