A/N: Officially my longest story in both chapters and word count. Cowabunga, eat my shorts!
"I smell breakfast," Adam said, stretching and rubbing his eyes. "And you're still in bed, so how is that possible?"
Lindsay smirked and reached over to tame the cowlick he was sporting. It sprung back up and she wrinkled her nose at its stubbornness.
"I think you're forgetting about our female parental units."
"Such big words so early in the morning," he commented.
"I'm fascinating. What time do you have to leave for work?"
"I've got about an hour. You think they've got pancakes going on out there?" he asked, standing up from the bed and heading for the door.
"Maybe, but before you go and find out, don't you think you should throw on a t-shirt or something?"
"Well look who's suddenly so modest. And by the way, how come the kid is still in our bed?"
"I got too tired to move him," she said with a yawn. "I don't want to make it a habit, but it is kind of nice."
"Yeah, he looks pretty happy."
"He must have forgotten about the torturous bathing last night."
"He inherited my attention span apparently."
"Always a good mark of a guinea pig child."
"Is everything a science experiment to you?"
"Oh shut up, you love me anyway. Besides, who's the one with the periodic table of elements on his underwear?"
"I don't think there will ever be a day when I can keep up with you."
"Good, because both of us on the same wavelength could be very dangerous. We're talking Larry, Curly, and Moe."
"Keystone Cops."
"Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle."
"I love you so much it's ridiculous."
"Yeah, I know."
"You coming out there with me?"
"Yeah. Let me just move him real quick."
She stood up and moved Colton from the bed to his cradle and he sighed sleepily and stretched out, his arms over his head.
"Duder is down for the count. It'll probably last right until I start eating, but at least it's something."
"C'mon, I'm hungry."
He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where their mothers sat, drinking coffee and gabbing.
"So what happened to you two last night?" Sue asked, holding back a laugh. Adam and Lindsay looked at each other and snickered.
"You heard that?"
"You guys don't panic whisper as quietly as you think you do."
"Neither of you thought to get up and help us?"
"Nah, you seemed to have it under control. Besides, it's time you both learned that your kids are always out to get you."
"Oh whatever, mom," Lindsay said, rolling her eyes and pouring a glass of orange juice.
"Don't whatever me, young lady. You were the worst one."
"You don't even know that half of it."
"I'm sure I do."
"You don't know about the night I got my license."
"You went to Kelly's for a sleepover."
"No, I didn't. I mean, I went to Kelly's, but that was just to get the girls who all had their own alibis. We went to Missoula."
"You did what? It's three hours away! Why would you go to Missoula?"
"Because it's three hours away. We got to Butte when Amy started chickening out and we were in Deer Lodge when Steph told us it was a bad idea, but Karen and Kelly and I were all in it for the long haul."
"But what did you do there?"
"Filled up the gas tank, got coffee and turned around and came home. Oh, and stopped for a hitchhiker."
"Lindsay!"
"I'm just kidding! I turned on my blinker like I was going to stop and he picked up his stuff and we all gave him a thumbs up and drove off. We did play about twelve rounds of Chinese fire drill when we stopped to pee in Whitehall."
"I don't even know what to say."
"I swore I was driving all the way to Coeur d'Alene just to say I stole them over state lines, but I was honestly afraid you would find out and send me to that place in St. Iggy's."
"Obscure Montana cities for four hundred, Alex," Adam muttered.
"You are so lucky your father didn't find out about this."
"You think dad didn't know? He checked my mileage and made some joke about not being able to put 400 miles on the car in one night unless I was a drug courier. So I told him and he laughed and said not to tell you or you'd kill me where I stood."
"No wonder Karen wasn't allowed to hang out with you for a while."
"Yep."
"I always knew you girls were up to no good, I just didn't know how bad that was."
Lindsay chuckled and shook her head.
"I kept secrets from you for your own good. I swear though, that road trip was one of the worst."
"One of?"
"I'll tell you the rest on Mother's day."
"Hallelujah."
"Just um… I might have told Taylor some stuff, so keep an eye on her."
"You're killing me, kid."
"Okay," Sue started. "I have to just interject here. Lindsay may have done some stupid stuff, but at least her stuff didn't blow a hole through the roof of the garage."
"Ma!"
"Little science geek over here should be on Mythbusters or something with all the explosions he had going on."
"I only lost my eyebrows once. And I will have you know, mother, that properly labeling your cleaners can save lives."
"I never told you to try and make a foaming stink bomb. You went in there all by yourself and grabbed everything I had under the sink. I didn't baby proof the house when you were a toddler, but I needed to when you were fifteen."
"I still need to now," Lindsay retorted.
"Can it," Adam snapped, his eyes shining with amusement.
"You just wait until he takes your microwave apart to see how it works, and then we'll talk," Sue said with a nod.
"I am hiding the screwdriver."
"Okay, I may have had a few incidents," Adam conceded. "But I am not the one who was doing a demonstration that caught the boss's tie on fire on the same day that the mayor dropped by with the safety inspector."
"Hey, I replaced Mac's tie."
"You can't put a price on pride."
"Don't you have to go to work?" she said with a glare. He smiled and nodded, putting his plate in the sink.
"Pretty sure those weren't mom's pancakes because they weren't burned on the outside and runny in the middle, so thanks for breakfast, Anne."
"Not a problem."
His mother scowled at him from across the table, and he just laughed and went to get ready for work.
"You know," Lindsay started, sighing as she looked through the clothes in the closet one more time. "I thought that once you got married you didn't have to dress up anymore."
"You may have landed a man, but you still gotta keep him."
"And how fair is it that I birthed a child, have working breasts that don't look good anymore, get less than four hours of sleep at a time, change at least ten diapers a day and when I just want to go out to dinner with my husband, nothing fits?"
"It's not fair. That's motherhood."
"Are you the Welcome Wagon, mom?"
"That's me."
"Then tell me how to get these pants to fit."
"I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but you might have to wear maternity for a while still."
"Gross."
"If you weren't so stick thin to begin with, it wouldn't be as much of a problem."
"Mom."
"I'm just saying."
"Yeah, I know. Eat a burger and loosen your belt. You're hilarious."
"You're cranky."
"No I'm not, I'm just tired or something."
"What something?"
"Am I doing everything right?" she asked with a sigh, her hands falling down to her sides.
"Of course not."
"What?"
"No one does everything right all the time."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I'm not saying you did anything wrong sweetie. And I think you're doing great. I'm just saying that no one is going to do a perfect job all the time."
"Encouraging."
"Would you rather me lie and tell you that you'll always know the answers, you will always be happy, everything will be easy and you'll be able to have white carpet?"
"No."
"Then love me more for telling you the truth."
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
She hesitated for a long time, keeping her back to her mother, not sure if she could handle the reaction.
"I'm seeing a counselor."
Silence rested over the room, but she still didn't have the courage to turn around.
"Why?"
"Because I need to. Because I needed to a long time ago and I never did. Because I want to be a better mother and a better wife and I can't do that with all this baggage. Because as much as I love you, you never listened when I really needed it and I really need it now. Because I feel like I'm always in over my head and Adam's holding onto me, but I'm afraid he's going to get tired and give up or I'm going to pull him in. Because in two sessions I feel better than I have in years. Because I don't care if people think its weak or a waste of time, because it's really helping me."
The quiet stretched even further between them and neither moved in the slightest, not even to look at each other. The farce of being the perfect mother and daughter had worn off ages ago. They had their fights, they had their moments, and as much as they loved each other and lived in peace, there was a bone of contention between them that wouldn't go away.
"Love me more for telling you the truth," Lindsay said finally, lifting her eyes from the carpet and turning around.
"You think I didn't listen to you?"
"I think you tried for a while. But then it got to be too much and you either didn't understand it, or you knew it so well that you felt it too."
"Lindsay."
"Mom, I know. I know that you had the same struggles that I did. I know that you were depressed. And I know that's where I got it. It's not all situational and I'm not afraid to say that, but I think you are. You had the perfect childhood of sunny days and lemonade and there was no concrete reason for the way you felt. But you felt it. And no one understood it. And when you said something everyone reacted like there was something wrong with you. Maybe you denied it or thought you were crazy, so when the same thing happened with me, you buried it, just like you buried it for yourself. And I don't fault you for that because how were you supposed to know? If it really scared you that much, it could have just been between you and me. But you wouldn't talk and you wouldn't listen and when I asked for help outside of you, you refused. And I'm not just talking about that night. You saw it long before I could even comprehend it. I wish so much that you would have done something then. I wish you would have been my voice when I didn't even know the words. You might call me naïve and you might tell me that I'm thinking too much and feeling too much, but that's how I am."
"Lindsay, there were reasons why I did what I did."
"Like what?"
"Because you needed to get through it on your own."
"But I couldn't mom! I was just a little girl. I was seven years old, crying when I woke up because I hadn't really died like in my dream. I knew it was wrong to think that way. And when I told you, you just brushed it off like it was no big deal. I was terrified! I thought I was possessed or living in some alternate universe. And maybe I was able to put it behind me for a while, but it was still there. It never went away. I got used to it always being there, living beside me. But that's not fair. Not to me, not to Adam, not to Colton. Because there it sits, taking up space that could just be ours."
Anne was quiet, her eyes full of anger and hurt and regret while her lips stayed drawn in a tight line.
"I didn't mean for this conversation to turn out this way, mom. I just need to tell you and I really wanted your support. If that's too hard for you, that's okay, but I couldn't keep it from you any longer."
"There are so many things I could say to you right now," Anne whispered, staring at her shoes.
"Then say them."
"You're far braver than I ever was."
"What?"
"You're right. You are absolutely right. I buried it all because I was afraid. I still am. I didn't want to look at you and know what you were going through because it hurt. I am your mother and I'm supposed to protect you and I couldn't. I looked at you and I saw myself fail. So I stopped looking. And then I missed some really good stuff. And I'm so sorry."
"It's okay mom," Lindsay said, sitting down on the bed. "You had to survive just like I do. Maybe we were both wrong. Maybe I should have made you listen. Or maybe I should have gone to counseling on my own a long time ago. I just didn't want you to think that I wasn't strong."
"Sweetheart, I have always thought you were strong. Always. And I support you going and dealing with this and beating it. I am so proud of you Lindsay."
"Thank you mom."
They sat that way for a while, not talking, not touching, but both getting used to this new level of their relationship. The level that dug down to where it really mattered, to where everything was honest.
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you think about it?"
"I understand that you're scared. And I know you don't struggle with this nearly as much as you used to. But I can't really believe in it if I don't suggest it to you too. Just think about it."
"But… your dad…"
"I told dad that I was going to counseling the day after my first appointment. He said it didn't matter if I was going or not going, if I was depressed or not because he would love me. I am betting he'll say the same to you."
"I think about it."
"Okay. Now, will you help me pick out a dress?"
"I'm still voting for the purple one," she said with a grin, glad the heavy conversation was over. "It will look the best with your coat."
"Hmm."
"Are you sure you need to get this dressed up? I thought he said dinner and a movie."
"Yeah, but that's Adam. Dinner and a movie is never just dinner and a movie."
"A man of mystery."
"Predictable mystery but I'll take it."
"I'm glad you're happy Bug."
"Me too."
"Go change your clothes so you'll be ready when he gets home."
"Yes ma'am," Lindsay smirked, taking the dress and going into the bathroom, knowing her make-up needed a little extra care. She dressed quickly and was just putting the finishing touches on her lipstick when she heard Adam come home. She grinned and gave herself one last look in the mirror then headed out into the other room. Adam was holding Colton, swaying slightly and talking to him, just as he did every night when he came home. She smiled to herself and watched them for a moment before clearing her throat.
"Hey babe," Adam started, turning around to face her. "Holy… crap."
"What?"
"Did you guys see this?" he called into the other room. "My wife is hot!"
"Are you surprised?" she asked with a little chuckle as he moved across the kitchen and took her in his free arm.
"No, I just haven't seen you this kind of hot in a while. You could take a guys knees out."
"Thanks?"
He smiled and kissed her.
"I'm going to go and change, try to reach your level, and then we can go."
He left Colton with her and went into the other room to change. She smiled and walked over to the window, looking outside while Colton nestled himself into her arms.
"We won't be gone too long, buddy. And you'll definitely have more fun here with Grammy and Nana than you would with me and daddy. Of course we'll be thinking about you the whole time. And when we get home I'll cuddle you, I promise."
He gurgled and stared up at her, hanging on her every word because she was his entire universe.
"Now you'd better be a good boy," she continued. "Or else I might never want to go out ever again."
He sighed sleepily and she took him out to the other room where both of his grandmothers were knitting furiously.
"I think between the two of you, you could keep the entire planet warm until the apocalypse."
"Idle hands," they answered in unison.
"Right. There are bottles in the fridge but he probably won't need one while we're gone. I don't know where his pacifier went but there's some more in the basket on top of his dresser. If you change his clothes make sure you keep his socks on or his feet will get cold and he'll scream at you. There's powder by the diapers and I think that's everything. But call my cell if you have any problems."
"We'll be fine," Anne assured, setting her knitting off to the side. "Now relinquish my grandson and get out of here."
"Don't have to tell us twice," Adam said, holding out Lindsay's coat. He helped her into it and pulled her hair out of the collar before she stooped down to kiss Colton's cheek.
"He'll be fine."
"I know. Let's get out of here."
The carriage wheels bumped slowly along the pavement, the horses hooves clomping in a steady rhythm. Lindsay sighed and leaned against Adam, enjoying the fresh, albeit cold air, and the feeling of his arms around her. It seemed like ages since it had just been the two of them and she was thoroughly enjoying the Adam overload.
"Hey honey?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for tonight. I needed it more than I thought."
"You're welcome."
"And… thanks for holding my hand."
She didn't have to explain the double meaning in that because he knew it long before she had even formed the thought.
"Always."