"What is your crazy mama doing?" Adam asked, zipping up Colton's jacket and lifting him off of the couch. "Think it's going to get crazier when Auntie Austin gets involved with it?"

"Whah," Colton said, patting his stomach.

"I totally agree. Linds, are you ready to go?"

"Almost. Does that jacket still fit him?"

"Yes, with room to grow. Why?"

"Making a list of things I need to get today."

"Spendin' more money I see."

"Hey now, I thought you knew that kids grew out of clothes when we got into this."

"Naw, I just figured it'd be a year at least," he said, a twinkle in his eye. "How long is that list?"

"Not too long. I mostly need to get him some more pajamas. I can't get away with cramming him into the newborn stuff anymore."

"I see. You give yourself a limit?"

"A loose one. Why? You don't trust me?"

"You and Austin shopping together has never turned out cheap."

"We're going consignment. What are you so worried about?"

"Nothin'."

"Nothin'?" she mocked, raising an eyebrow.

"We're saving up for that trip, remember?"

"Yes, I do. Don't worry honey, I've got it figured out."

"Okay. Ready to go?"

"Yep."

They made their way down to the car, Colton babbling the whole way. By the time they buckled him into his seat he had slobbered all down his front.

"Hon, we need to start putting a bib on Sir Drools A Lot."

"They're on the list."

He chuckled and got into the driver's seat, heading for the lab. The weather was finally warming up, but it was still winter and it was still wet and dreary. The car splashed through the puddles as they drove, the radio playing softly.

"So why this car arrangement today?" Adam asked, waiting for a light to turn green.

"Because my car is in the shop and Austin never drives anyway, and she claims she can't get behind the wheel anymore."

"And how long did it take you two to plan this?"

"Three texts each."

"I'm astounded."

"We're some kind of special."

"Yes, you tell us all the time."

She shrugged and grinned as he reached over for her hand.

"So have you thought any more about it?"

"About what?"

"Working one more day a week."

"I've been trying not to think about it. I'm sorry honey, I just-"

"It's okay. If you're not ready then you're not ready."

"Do you need me to work more?"

"No babe. Mac just offered if you wanted another shift. I don't want to make you go if you don't want to."

"I'll want to later. I'm just not comfortable yet. I might not be for a while."

"That's okay. We've got a pretty good thing going for us right now, and it seems to work. I don't have any complaints, do you?"

"No, not really."

"So we're settled. You do diapers and dishes and I'll bring home the majority of the bacon."

"Sounds good."

"What do you think buddy? You wanna hang out with mama five days a week?"

"Wah!" he answered happily.

"I think we're all in agreement here."

"First family meeting is a success."

"I have high hopes for our future, Mr. Ross."

"Whuddup!"

She giggled as he turned the car into the parking garage.

"Are we all going in, or are you going to honk until she comes out?"

"We're all going in. I have to drop those papers off to Mac anyway."

"Colton, you ready for your first trip to the lab?"

"If he turns out to be anything other than a science geek, everyone is going to laugh at us."

"I'm not sure he's really got a choice."

"Maybe not."

They went inside, finding the lab to be relatively quiet. Mac spotted them in the hallway and waved them into his office as he hung up the phone.

"Hey guys."

"Morning Mac. I brought the file for you."

"Thanks. Just set it on the desk. How's the little dude this morning?" he asked, smiling at Colton who gave him a huge grin right back.

"He's decided to start screaming for an hour after we put him to bed every night, but he's usually fine the rest of the day."

"So he gets mad when he's not the center of attention? Sounds like someone I know."

"Mac, with all due respect, shut up."

"You just tell the boss to shut up?" Danny asked as he and Austin came into the office. "You're my new hero, Lindsay."

"Then where the heck is my cape?"

"You used it for a burp rag," Austin answered.

"Oh burp rags, thanks for reminding me," Lindsay said, taking the list out of her pocket and writing it down, amid strange looks from everyone else. "You guys wouldn't love me as much if I wasn't quirky."

"That's what she tells herself so she can sleep at night."

"Adam, you're an ugly little cuss."

"Don't flirt with me in front of people."

She chuckled and shook her head.

"I think it's time for us to leave," Austin remarked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I believe you are correct," Lindsay agreed, taking Colton from Adam.

"Now you drive careful, Montana. You've got my whole life in that car."

"Don't worry, I won't do any risky lane changes."

"Or?"

"Or last minute turns."

"Or?"

"Or taxi driver impressions. Geez Danny, you act like I drive blind and panicked."

"I'm errin' on the side of caution here. Wear your seatbelt, Aust."

"I'm not wearing my seatbelt AND I'm sitting backwards."

"What would you do that for?"

"Because I know she's not going to kill me."

"Get outta here," Danny replied with a shake of his head.

"Linds, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"That," Austin clarified, motioning to the handful of baby clothes Lindsay held in one hand, while managing to cradle a sleeping baby in the other.

"Mommy juggling? You'll figure it out."

"I hate when you say that. It's like a cheap way to give me advice and be a friend without really revealing any secrets."

"Ouch. You're cranky."

"Remember when we watched Juno and laughed when she said she had heartburn radiating her kneecaps? I am not laughing anymore because it is terribly true."

"I'm sorry. It does suck. Especially when you can feel the heartburn in your ears."

"Danny doesn't believe that happens."

"Sometimes men suck."

"Oh whatever. You landed the perfect man that never does a single thing wrong."

"Are you kidding? Just because I can laugh about it later does not mean I was any less ticked in the moment."

"Right."

"I'm serious! He does stupid stuff too. He recovers well, but he does make his mistakes."

"I mean big things, Linds."

"What are you getting at?"

"Do you guys fight?"

"Sometimes. A little. No, not really. We argue, but it's always half joking. Why? Are you guys fighting a lot?"

"No. I'm doing a lot of yelling he's doing a lot of standing there and nodding and… never mind, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Okay," Lindsay shrugged, turning back to the rack of clothes.

"Okay? You're not going to poke and prod until you get inside my head?"

"Nope."

"That's not like you."

"Maybe not. But you're a big girl and are capable of deciding what you want to talk about or not, and you said you shouldn't have brought it up, so I am going to take that at face value and assume you don't want to talk about it, and I will cease and desist talking about it."

"But… you always pick at me until I talk."

"I know. But someday I'm going to pick at you too much and you're going to get mad at me. I'm just avoiding that."

"You're very rigid today."

"Sorry."

They contemplated each other for a minute, standing there in the middle of second hand baby clothes, looking very much like a scene from an indie film.

"Aust, do you really want to know what I think?"

"I guess."

"I think you're scared out of your mind. You're scared of being a mother, you're scared that you and Danny aren't going to last, you're scared that you're going to lose this baby. All very good reasons to be scared, but I think that you're mad at yourself for being scared. Because that's not you. You don't get scared, not very often. Maybe I'm totally off base, but that's what I see."

"Okay."

"Okay. So are you done now or do you still have stuff to get?"

"I dunno."

"Guess I'm not the only one who's rigid today."

"What does that mean?"

"Whatever you want it to mean, Austin. What is your issue today?"

"Nothing! What's yours?"

"Nothing. Are we seriously having a fight in the middle of the store? I mean, you're standing there holding seventeen blankets and I am carrying around a child with a dirty diaper and… just… for real?"

They were quiet again, staring at each other until Austin erupted into giggles.

"It's like The Real Housewives of New Jersey except we have better hair."

"You watch that, Aust?"

"I've seen commercials."

Lindsay chuckled and shook her head.

"Okay, so now that that weirdness is over…"

"You know, I don't really feel like doing this today."

"I'm glad you said that because I don't either."

"Want to do something else instead?"

"Yes."

"Ideas?"

"Um… we could…hmm… what did we used to do?"

"A whole lot of nothing."

"Wanna cruise the docks and see how many numbers we can get?"

"Yeah Linds, that's going to work with both of us looking so matronly."

"New category in the Guinness book," she shrugged. "Wanna go for a walk? It helps with the heartburn."

"It does? Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"You didn't ask."

"Not fair."

"I'm sorry. But I'm telling you now. That counts right?"

"For half at least."

"Well alright. Let's go."

Dirty slushy half melted snow squished beneath their feet as they made their way slowly down the sidewalk, the stroller forging their path. They'd forgone lunch in favor of caramel hot chocolates, which was kind of a kick you when you're down substitution for caffeine, but at least they were suffering through together.

"I didn't want to go today," Austin said finally, smoothing her hand over her stomach.

"How come?"

She sighed and looked up at the sky, not minding the mist that fell on her face.

"Because of what you said before. Being scared. Shopping for clothes and all that, it makes it real. And then I look at you. And you're this perfect mother and you have it all together and I know that there's no way I can ever be like that."

"Austin-"

"You just seem so comfortable, like this is what you were always meant to do, you were always supposed to be a mother. And I'm just not cut out for it. I never really thought about it, and when I did, I figured I'd be a failure. And now I have no choice. I have to raise this kid and if I mess up… it's not just a car engine that I can get new parts for. It's a kid. A person. A person who grows up and makes some kind of mark in the world and it's up to my parenting to determine what kind of mark that's going to be. So I look at you and I look at Colton and I know that he's going to be just fine. He's going to be perfect. He's going to be president or something, while my kid is probably going to cause more trouble than me and Danny put together."

"So basically I make you feel bad?"

"Yeah."

"Would it help if I told you that I totally suck?"

"If you suck then there's no hope for any of us."

"I fake it really well," she said on a long sigh. "Okay it sounds like you need to know something."

"What?"

"I don't have it all together. I'm getting there, but it was bad for a while."

"What do you mean?"

Lindsay hesitated, not wanting to spill her beans, not wanting to say how bad it could be, but not wanting to push her best friend away.

"There were bad days, Aust. A lot of them. And mostly they had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. But sometimes it was just too much. There were days when he would cry, just normal crying, not even resembling colic, but I couldn't handle it. I would go on autopilot and I would put him in his cradle and I would go in the bathroom and lock the door and turn on the water and the radio until I couldn't hear him anymore. And my mom said that was fairly normal, and my therapist said it was okay as long as he was safe, but to me it felt like failure. Not that I couldn't comfort him, but that I wouldn't. I had to comfort myself first. And I see now that it was right, that it gave me a little more stability to deal with the situation and that was better for him. But I didn't know that then. And I would sit there and cry because I didn't deserve him, because he needed a better mother."

"Really?"

"I never regretted having him, but I did regret the fact that he had to deal with me. It wasn't easy and it brought out a lot of things that I thought I was done with. And I go to therapy and I feel like a one hour drama sometimes, but the point is, that half of the things I know and all the confidence I have are completely owed to struggling in the beginning."

"So you're saying being scared and messing up a little is okay?"

"I'm demanding it. Dr. Spock may not agree, but Dr. Spock is a man and was never a mother, so neener neener."

"How come you never told me?"

"I don't know. It just felt like this really private thing. And it's not like I couldn't let you in. I really wanted to, and you have no idea how many times I wanted to pick up that phone and call you. But I couldn't throw that on your doorstep. I think that maybe I needed to just lean on Adam and no one else."

"How are you now?"

"Better. Heads and shoulders above where I was before. It takes time and it's not easy, and some days you feel like you're being slowly driven insane. But then you look down at that little face and it's all worth it, and you sound like a greeting card, but it's true."

Austin sighed.

"What if she turns out like me?"

"Well then you'll know exactly what to say to get her back in line and you can anticipate what she's going to do next."

"And what if she's like Danny?"

"Lock her in her room."

"Thanks for the support."

"Anytime."