Part one
Walk away
Chapter II
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real.
(Somewhere I belong, Linkin Park)
The next days she avoids you like plague. At first you didn't understand why, but now you do. It's all about that song. You thought that text meant things between the two of you were back to normal, but you soon understood that wasn't the case. You let her have her space, hoping she would come around, but that didn't happen. You can't stand this situation any longer, you have to do something to change it.
You reenter the locker room and sit on one of the benches as you wait for her to finish showering. You think about what you could say, regretting you didn't think about it before. Sometimes you find yourself at loss of words, speechless, in front of her. Sometimes all you can do is dip your head and look away. Sometimes her eyes burn too much, no matter how willing you are to melt into them.
You hear coughing near to you and you turn. It's her. You didn't hear her approach, so lost into your thoughts. You stand up and take a step towards her. She takes a step back. You stand still, a little hurt. You murmur her name softly and she glare at you so sharply that you have to take a step back. What the hell did you do?
"I'm sorry."
She seems genuinely surprised at this and she looks at you confused. You explain to her what, in your opinion, happened and she only shakes her head, telling you it's not something you did. It's her, not you.
"It's not about the song, you already know something about… About her. And that's way more than almost anybody knows."
You tilt your head. If it's not about that, what is it about then? You know how much she mean and still means to her, it couldn't be otherwise, you know how she still feel about it even after all these years. So if it's not about Valerie, you have no idea what this could be about.
"Lately I've been so confused. I still am. By you."
By you? What does she mean? Does she…? Do not go there, Emily, you tell yourself.
"And I can't be confused, Emily. I have to think clearly, I… My head gets dizzy when I'm around you or when I think about you. And I don't get why."
"Paige…"
"A few more days, okay? Until I sort this out. Then I'll text you. I need to do this, Em. Please, don't look at me like that."
"I'm sorry, it's just… I get it, though. I'm not sure I understand, but if this is what you need… It's okay."
There's nothing left to say, so you try to smile before leaving, but you realize by the grim expression on her face that it was a failed attempt.
She calls you back, "Em… Thank you."
You just shrug and wave one last time. What else were you supposed to do?
"Woah, go easy, Em."
She says but doesn't do anything to stop you. Actually, she orders more tequila for the two of you. You murmur a quick "Cheers" and, just as quickly, you drink your shots. You didn't plan on getting wasted, but with each drink you are ordering it seems to be the better plan.
"We should do this more often, you know?"
"What? Getting drunk or going out together?"
You grin, "Both."
Truth to be told, she always asks you to go out with her, but you always refuse. Sometimes it's really a paper that you have to write or an extra training that keeps you busy, but most of the times it's only an excuse to see Paige.
You don't like to lie to Hanna, but it is the only thing that makes you have Paige for a couple of hours almost every night. In those moments is only you and her loving each other without the fear of getting caught, or at least this is what you like to think. And right now, you don't like to think about anything Paige-related. Thinking of her just makes you want to drink more.
"Don't turn around, but there's a girl who is staring at you for quite sometimes now. She's cute", she winks at you, "I'm going to the toilet."
You roll your eyes, but then you only shrug. There's no use into protesting, one way or another Hanna always gets what she wants. You are about to order another shot when you hear someone approaching you.
She's indeed pretty. She has blond hair and the bluest eyes you've ever seen. You are immediately drawn to them. She smiles and you do the same. She orders for the both of you and then she extends her hand, you shake it and you present yourselves.
Her name is Samara, she's one year older than you and her smile is beautiful. You soon find out that her eye color changes to a really pretty shade of grey when your eye are only centimeters apart and your lips are grazing. They are soft and taste like peaches. This is one of the most gentle first kiss you've ever experienced in your entire life.
Your first kiss was so much more than what you were expecting. It wasn't perfect. It was more than that. It was gentle and sweet. Ali's lips tasted like cherry chapstick and until months ago you didn't think any kiss could ever top that.
Ben actually surprised you. Though his lips weren't Ali's, he had been more gentle than you thought. You didn't feel any spark and blamed Alison for it. You felt like nobody could make you feel like she did.
But it wasn't Ali's fault. Or nobody's fault, actually. You understood that when you and Maya kissed for the very first time. It was beyond perfect and absolutely right. It was like billions of fireworks exploded in the sky. The butterflies weren't on your stomach, they were all around, making you feel like you were flying with them.
Paige was different. She was rough, yet gentle. That kiss tasted like desperation and longing, yet hopeful and sudden. When your lips met for the first time, you knew you would never want to kiss someone else's. It wasn't perfect, quite the contrary, it was uncertain and sloppy, but it was real. And that is what draws you to her. She's not mysterious as Alison, she's not certain as Ben, she's not free as Maya and she's not gentle as Samara either, but she's real.
You hear whistles and you pull away. Samara's blush is the prettiest, you decide. You smile at her.
"Your friends?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry… They are idiots."
You shake your head to assure her it's fine and then you laugh. She smiles unsure, but then she joins you. You've never been one to feel so comfortable around someone in so little time and that surprises you.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go", she seems actually sad about it, "Here it is my number", she extracts a pen from her purse and writes her number on a napkin, "It has been a pleasure."
You smile, saying you felt the same. She matches your grin and seems unsure about what to do. You smile again and lean in to kiss her on the cheek. She blushes again, how pretty she is, and walks away, she stops at the door and waves at you. You do the same and, when she's out of sight, you turn to the bartender.
"Give me the strongest you've got."
He just nods and you take your mobile. Six texts and four missed calls. All from Hanna, but one. You decide to read hers first.
'Go, Emily!'
You smile at that, Hanna has always been your greatest supporter. You've grown up together and she always stood by your side, just as you stood by hers. You don't remember a time she wasn't there.
'This toilet doesn't smell too good, Em…'
You laugh. Only Hanna could lock herself up somewhere just to give the privacy you need. She always pushes you to do the things you wouldn't do on your own, but she always gives you space to do them.
'Are you banging already?'
'It would be okay if you did, but I really need to get out.'
'EMILY!'
You laugh hard at that and quickly answer her, then you read Paige's text. Your heart breaks.
'It ends here.'
Is this how she got out of her confusion? By ending what you two have? You had hoped, you hoped that she… Well, it seems she hadn't. She be damned, she can go to hell for all you care. Right now, the only thing that interests you is having another drink.
"That was all you could do? Hit me with another."
Author's note: I changed the title as I said I would. The story is divided in three parts (possibly, I mean, two for sure, I have to decide about the third) and will all be published together, in the same story. The whole story takes its name from "Of these chains" by RED, while this part from 'Walk Away' by The Script (expressing Paige's point of view). So if you want to get a general idea of the story and of this part, you can go listen to them. I also suggest to listen to the songs I put to the start of every chapter, to understand a bit Paige's point of view, since it won't be explored.
This is August update, the previous one was July one. I plan to update once a month, but if I finish the chapter before, I'll post earlier.
That said, let's talk about the chapter. Both girls are messed up in their own way. We know Emily's why, we'll discover Paige's. Who is Valerie?
Do not hate on Emily. She felt hurt and I think Emily would almost do anything to numb the pain, at least at this level of maturity. She's human, too. And oh, Samara. I always liked her. I think she was the better match for Emily (after Paige, of course). She will be a background character, but an important one.
I am waiting. Let me know what you think.
Meek.