A/N: The first time I really listened to this song (this morning ahem) I immediately heard Lindsay sing it to Colton. And someday if I ever have kids (and a voice transplant of course) I am so singing it to my kids. I love it.

The slowly dripping rain matched the melancholy mood of the day and Lindsay sighed, resting her chin on her arms as she watched Colton play. He looked so happy, stacking blocks, driving plastic cars over the floor, totally unaware of the horrors of the world and all the bad things that could happen. His world consisted of mama and daddy and food and toys. That was all he needed and all he knew. To some degree it made her so happy to see him grow up that way, to know that right now he was totally protected and innocent, and if she gave him enough of this, he could get through whatever happened in the future. But at the same time, it hurt her heart to know that he would have those bad times to go through. She knew it was all part of living, that the rough patches and even tragedies made a stronger person, so in that instance she desired for him to have struggles. She didn't want to think though, that he might have something horrible happen to him, that he would be an adult with the pain of death or betrayal or fear in his past. As much as she could teach him how to cope, she couldn't completely prepare him for the future.

He tossed a small Nerf ball at her and it rolled across the floor. She didn't notice or pick it up like he wanted her to, so he crawled over and patted her hand.

"Mama?"

"I'm sorry buddy, I'm distracted today."

He cocked his head to the side in question, then reached over and grabbed his shape sorter bucket.

"Guh, mama."

She sat up and took the lid off the bucket and poured the plastic shapes out while he crawled into her lap. He picked up the blocks one at a time and spent several moments figuring out where to put them. Adam swore he was a genius because he could actually do it on his own at such a young age. Lindsay wasn't so sure genius was the right word, but she was pretty certain he had a great ability for problem solving.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he worked, chuckling at the few new curls she found. More like his father every day.

"Dada?"

"Daddy's at work sweetie."

He sighed and looked around the room as if expecting Adam to appear out of thin air.

"I miss him too," she said softly, leaning back against the couch. "He'll be home tonight though."

"Dada," he repeated, pointing to the picture on the side table. She smiled and grabbed the frame, bringing it down so he could see it better.

"Yeah, that's daddy and mama. We were younger back then. I think we actually got a full night's sleep on a regular basis. Of course we like you more than sleep, so it's okay."

Colton nodded as if he understood, then patted the picture gently.

"Must be about time for your nap. Wanna lay down with me? Yeah, I thought so."

She picked him up and made her way into the bedroom while he curled himself around her. She laid down and pulled the blankets up over them, rubbing his back while he settled down. He lifted his head a little and reached up to touch her mouth. She smiled and kissed his hand, then cleared her throat so she could sing to him like he was silently requesting.

"The flower said I wish I was a tree, the tree said I wish I could be a different kind of tree, the cat wished that it was a bee. The turtle wished that it could fly, really high into the sky, over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea. And in the sea there is a fish, a fish that has a secret wish, a wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it."

She looked down at him and found him sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his lips. One little hand rested on her collarbone while the other reached up and tangled in her hair. Sighing with a peaceful delight she dropped a kiss to his head and watched him as he slept. He was the greatest gift, the greatest blessing, the most perfect thing in her life, and he was all hers. It scared her to death, the thought of how much of his life she held in her hands, how much of his self-esteem came from her words, how each action she took could change him forever. She wanted to do everything right; his innocence demanded it. She hoped that one day when he was old and busy and had his own life, he would still call her mama, still look at her as if she was his world, even for just a second.

The phone rang and he stirred slightly against her making a grumpy noise.

"Shh, go back to sleep," she whispered, searching for her cell phone on the side table. She finally found it amidst the box of tissues, the empty glass, the remote, and two pacifiers.

"Hello?"

"Hey stranger."

"Hey Aust. What's up?"

"Isa misses her Aunt Lindsay something terrible."

"Oh she does?"

"And I miss you too so I thought maybe lunch if you're free."

"I just so happen to be. What time?"

"Maybe an hour or so? That café with the cucumber water?"

"That sounds really good. I need to go to that store down the street from there and return a pair of Adam's pants because they apparently make his butt look terrible."

"What butt?"

"That's what I said. I'll meet you in an hour."

"Okay, you have to tell me what you're feeding this kid," Austin said, kissing Colton's cheeks. "It's been less than two weeks since I saw him last and he's huge."

"Isa looks a ton bigger too," Lindsay noted, reaching down to run her fingers over the baby's plump cheek. "Fatter at least."

"She was so ridiculously skinny I was afraid she wanted to be one of the Olson twins."

"Even this young she has better aspirations than they do."

"I hope so."

"She looks just like you. It's kind of scary."

"Really? I think she looks like Danny."

"Nah, she looks like she's working on some sass even in her sleep."

Austin chuckled and shook her head, wondering how much of her youthful escapades were going to come back to haunt her.

"So how are you doing?" she asked, half pointedly. She knew it was the anniversary of what happened in the diner, and asking Lindsay to have lunch wasn't just about them not seeing each other for a while. It was her way of offering support when she wasn't really sure what she should do. It was enough though, and just what Lindsay needed to get through the day.

"I'm okay. Really tired lately, but I don't sleep much this time of year anyway."

Austin nodded, knowing that was the only talking they were going to do on the subject.

"Speaking of sleep, give me some hope and tell me that she's going to start sleeping for longer than two hours at a time."

"She will. It might be a while, but eventually she'll do it."

"How much is Colton sleeping at night?"

"I don't want to tell you lest you go insane worrying that she's going to be the same."

"Linds…"

"He sleeps from about ten until one, then he's asleep until sometime between three and four, and then he's up around six. His days are about the same right now, but he's trying to wean himself off the morning nap. I'm just glad he has a schedule."

"I am so glad you're doing all of this before me because I would be totally floundering if I was going it alone."

"No you wouldn't."

"You're biased."

"I'm smart. And I know you. You would be just fine."

"Okay, I believe you. You know what I was thinking about this morning?"

"Uh oh, what?"

"Just that it's kind of cool that our kids are going to grow up together. They'll always have each other, like me and Danny did, but hopefully without all the drama."

"Hopefully. Can you imagine what they're going to be like in a year? Or when they go to preschool? Or college?"

"Lindsay, do not talk to me about college. That's way far away."

"You say that now, but when she's packed her bags and kissed you goodbye you're going to look back at this day and wonder where the time went."

"Are you trying to make me cry?"

"Sorry."

"I might turn the tables on you and talk about Colton being a father."

"Okay, okay, I get your point. Geez," she said with a chuckle, handing Colton a small piece of the breadstick on her plate that he had been eying. He grinned and put it in his mouth then made a face and spit it out.

"Mama."

"Well you wanted to try it," she said, using the napkin to pick up the discarded bread. He wrinkled his nose and looked over at Austin hopefully.

"I don't have anything left on my plate dude."

He sighed and reached his hands out for Lindsay, jutting his lower lip out pathetically. She used a fresh napkin to wipe his hands off, then took him out of the highchair. He chuckled in delight and pounded on the table while Lindsay tried to still his hands.

"Dude, you're not your daddy. Have some manners."

"Dada!"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

He grinned and blew a raspberry at her and she sighed.

"And with that, I think it's time for us to head out."

"Yeah, I am thinking that a nap is in order and I'm not saying for Isa," Austin agreed, standing up from the table. They gathered their things and made their way outside where the rain had let up and the sun was out a little.

"Thanks for thinking of this today," Lindsay said, pulling her keys out of her pocket. "I really needed it."

"Thought you might. Let me know if you need it again."

"I will. See you later."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Hey Adam?" Lindsay asked softly, closing the bedroom door behind her. He looked up from the book he was reading, giving her a smile as she walked to his side of the bed.

"What's up?"

"I want to show you something," she said, holding an old Converse shoebox out to him.

"What is it?" he asked, setting the box on the bed and opening his arms to her. She sat down between his legs and leaned back against him, giving a soft sigh before she opened the box. It was stacked full of old pictures and papers and she ran her fingers over them before she took anything out.

"This is kindergarten," she said, showing him the first picture. "That's Kelly with the Lisa Frank everything. Amy and her huge glasses. Steph towering over all of us."

"And there's my little cutie in the overalls and pigtails."

"And the speech impediment, don't forget that."

"What's this picture?"

"Camping in the backyard," she answered, smiling at the image of all four girls piled into the tent, dirty faced and giggling. "We were eight. We were pretty much big balls of mosquito bites and sunburns by the end of that weekend."

"And it looks like Steph had a bruise on her face."

"Fishing accident. She was fighting this big fish and her line snapped and the pole came back and hit her in the face."

"You're almost laughing now just remembering it."

"It was the first time I heard her swear. We all just looked at each other. And my dad started cracking up so hard he almost fell off the dock."

"You four must have driven your parents insane."

"Basically. My parents most of all though. Well, more mom than dad. Dad thought we were hilarious and he would egg us on just to drive mom crazy."

"I'm going to do that to you someday."

"Looking forward to it."

"Can you tell me about them?"

"What?"

"Tell me who they were."

She smiled and he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Kelly was my best friend in the world. She had this quiet spirit, sitting back and taking things in. She never made a fast decision and she was kind of the mother of the group. She was the one I went to when everything was going wrong. I told her things that I never told anyone else. She was quiet, but she was the girl that all the guys wanted and all the teachers loved. She was memorable and beautiful and I always wanted to be just like her. She had so much going for her and we used to call her O'Kelly because it was like she had the luck of the Irish. She never had to promise anything because I knew once she said something that was the truth."

"You are like her."

"Thank you."

He planted a kiss on her head, a small encouragement to keep talking.

"Amy was really creative, always painting or sculpting or writing or something. She was never far from a pen and paper and she had this knack for suddenly having these epiphanies at the weirdest times. She'd be really quiet and suddenly say something really obvious and then be like "Guys, think about it." And it was almost one of those mind blowing moments where you had never thought about anything in that deep detail. She saw connections in places that no one else did. She saw beauty in the texture of weeds of all things. She was this constant surprise.

"And then there was Steph. She was one of those people that can just stop a room, you know? She didn't even try, she just captured everyone. And once she had them, they would just eat out of her hand. She could have everyone in stitches with her jokes. And she was always so optimistic. Nothing could get her down, she was always looking forward at what everything was going to come to instead of what happened before. I drew a lot on that afterwards."

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"I guess they all saved me in their own way. Kelly's straightforward way of looking at life, Amy's ability to cherish everything, the way Steph could smile no matter what the world threw at her. If I hadn't had them, I wouldn't have survived losing them."

He brushed her hair back as she sighed, then cleared her throat and moved on.

"This was the eighth grade dance. Please don't mock the outfits."

"You would have been the beautiful girl I admired from afar in middle school."

"That is the best compliment I have ever gotten."

"You haven't seen my middle school pictures."

She chuckled and pulled a stack of papers out of the box, notes that had been passed in class and left in lockers. She read him a few, giggling over the naïve flights of fancy they had engaged in and how happy they had seemed. She explained their inside jokes and told him stories about their classmates, drawing him into this part of her life that she could finally remember with joy.

"Hey, I recognize that," he said as she pulled a drawing from the bottom of the box. She smiled and his thumb ran over her hip where the simple drawing had been permanently inked into her skin years before. He'd never asked about it and she'd never told, but as his hand traced warmly over the design, it started to fall into place.

There was a white bird perched on a fence, turned slightly and watching as three other birds flew away. The three flying birds were all different colors, and he had never thought about the deeper meaning behind it before.

"The green one is for Kelly. Because she was always natural and growing and strong. Red is Amy for her heart and her creativity and passion. Yellow is for Steph because she was always bright and hopeful."

"And you're the white bird sitting here alone. Why white?"

"Because I didn't know what I was."

"You know babe, all those things you just told me about the girls, you have a little bit of all of that in you. And, scientifically speaking, white encompasses all colors. So maybe you picked the right color without even knowing it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he assured, kissing her ear. She smiled and found his hand, squeezing it gently.

"Thank you for looking at this with me. I've never showed anyone else. I've never looked through it without crying."

"Thanks for showing me and telling me. Trusting me that much. I love you."

"I love you too."

He held her for a long time, keeping her safe and secure on the horrible anniversary of the night that she had felt the most vulnerable and terrified. She rested in him, letting a few tears go, but mostly smiling at the wonderful years she had had and the wonderful ones that were yet to come.