I had a hard time choosing the lyrics to use once again, so, you know, you could listen to the whole song.
About Emily and the last part of the chapter, you could listen to Disease by Smile Empty Soul. Of course it's optional.

Part one

Walk away

Chapter VI

And I wish I could take back what was done
you can only change the person you become
(Crash and burn, Lifehouse)

"Emily, I was thinking..."

You hum as you continue writing your essay, or at least you try to. Between Hanna's continuous interruptions and your constantly thinking about something not related to it, you haven't got much work done. You still have a few weeks before having to submit it, but you thought it was a good time to write something down and be ahead of time. Obviously, she doesn't think the same.

"Caleb just texted me", you hum again, erasing the last sentence you wrote, "His best friend is in town again, so we thought we could all meet, now that we're all available. You know, so you could meet him. Caleb, I mean. Not his best friend."

"We are supposed to be studying."

"Yeah, well. I'm done with it for today. It's just too boring. And you could use a break, you haven't written more than five lines for the past hour. Pretty please."

"That's one more reason for me to continue, you know that, right? But you are right, I need a break. And I'm excited to meet him."

She throws her hands in the air and smiles victoriously and you just shake your head at her, chuckling. You would have agreed immediately, but it is always good to hear Hanna say 'please'.

"Paige could come along with us. If she wants to."

"Alas, tonight she's out. She...", you make a pause, clearing your throat, "is having dinner with her parents. They usually spend the whole evening together. I would ask her to joins us later, but I doubt she would say yes."

"Oh, some other time, then. Is she going to tell them?"

You bite your lip, "I don't know. She wants to, but... I don't know."

Hanna nods shortly and gives you a strange look, you only stare at her waiting for her to talk, but she stays silent. You accept her silence, you know that if she wants to say something, she will. You let her decide what you're going to wear – looking good is always a must, she says – and you don't mind, if it were for you sometimes you would go out wearing only your pajamas.

It's when you reach the make up phase that she finally says what's on her mind, "Are you sure about her?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there's something fishy about her. I like her, you know that, but there is something not quite right about her. I don't know, it's just a feeling."

"I don't know what you're talking about", you gulp in guilt, "I trust Paige with my own life."

"My bad, then. I guess I'm just feeling a little overprotective."

You give her a smile that's a mix between appreciation for her concern and guilt for having just lied to her. It has been a little over a month since she found out, but you still didn't find a way to tell her the truth. Everytime you try to, something happens. In the back of your mind, you know it's your fault, that's because you don't really want to tell her. It's like you choose the wrong times willingly.

Paige is not out with her parents, she's out with Robert, like she has been for the three past weekends . She wants to tell him first, stating she owes him at least that much, but until now she wasn't able to tell him the truth. She promised you she is going to do it soon when she came back after the second date she had with him this past month, but that she never finds the right moment to do that. You don't think a thing such as the right moment exists, but you held your tongue not wanting to let her know how this hiding thing is getting to you. You continue repeating yourself that she's really trying – and you constantly have proofs of that, you've been going to those meets with her and you see her continuously googling on her phone, trying to find some story similar to hers , in an attempt of searching for the right way to do it – but there's a voice in your head that keeps on telling you that there's no right way. So you hold your tongue. You always hold your tongue.

"Em, is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

"You didn't tell me it was a party."

"Of course I didn't. You wouldn't have gotten your boring ass out of that room, otherwise."

You sigh and roll your eyes as you follow her inside of the house. You make your way to the kitchen where Caleb is waiting for the two of you, trying not to lose yourselves in the crowd. You look around and scrunch your nose in disgust. You used to be like them, partying and drinking like there was no tomorrow, until the point you realized you had a tomorrow to look forward to. Be it a career in the swimming Olympic team – hopefully with Paige, if she ever changes her mind – or a career in teaching. You roll your eyes again, you're overanalyzing everything. Maybe Hanna is right, you've become boring.

"Hey, handsome."

"Hey, princess."

They kiss and you smile, looking around again, giving them the maximum amount of privacy you can. You look into the living room and you see a girl who looks like Paige sitting on one of the couches, talking with someone. You shake your head, it can't be her. No.

"You must be Emily, I'm Caleb. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

You look at Hanna and smile – it's time for revenge, "It's the same for me, it's been months Hanna is going on and on about you. I've been told you are, oh, so perfect that I began to think she made you up."

You continue embarrassing her, ignoring her indignant looks and chuckling with Caleb. You look over his shoulder and Paige – no, not Paige, the girl – is not there anymore, you discretely try to find her again, but to no avail. She's nowhere to be found.

"I'll go grab a few beers and find Rob. Go and have fun, I'll find you."

You and Hanna head to the living room, where all the dancing seems to take place and begin to dance. You've always enjoyed to dance with her, her energy and the fun she seems to have are contagious.

"So, what do you think of him?"

"He's nice."

"Nice? Are you for real?", she rolls her eyes.

"Oh, come on, you know what I mean. I'm no good at this."

She laughs and nods, smiling widely. Caleb rejoins the two of you pretty soon, handing you your beers and claiming he wasn't able to find his best friend. You take a sip of your beer and dance with them for a while, before slowly distancing yourself, not wanting to be the third wheel – they don't even notice you left, too absorbed in each other.

You don't like dancing alone that much so you leave the dance floor, you pass through the kitchen and grab two more beers and it is in this moment that you catch a glimpse of that girl and you stop dead in your tracks. Paige. No, not Paige. When you're able to move again, you make your way through the crowd, trying to reach her, but when you get to where she was , she's not there and you can't see her anymore, you can't understand the direction she took. You sigh in frustration and head to the back garden, wanting to be alone.

An unfulfilled wish, it seems. There is only one man, sitting at the edge of the empty pool, staring aimlessly at the bottom of it. He doesn't even notice you approaching, so when you touch his shoulder to ask if he is okay, he winces and looks at you startled.

"I'm sorry", you smile tentatively, "I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He smiles briefly and then he goes back to stare into the nothingness. You are about to turn and step away from him, when he speaks, asking if you wanted to sit with him. You agree before thinking and offer him a beer – it seems like he needs one, he just nods shortly and takes a big gulp of it, then he thanks you quietly.

"It's not your scene either, I assume."

You chuckle, "No, it isn't. It used to be, but not anymore."

"What happened?"

You don't answer and he seems to accept your silence. You just stay like that, sitting near a complete stranger, staring at the dark sky. You think about many things, but it's like you aren't actually thinking about anything. All and nothing. Less than emptiness, more than fullness.

"Have you already found that person you want to spend your life with?"

The question startles you – you didn't expect one like this, but you nod shortly and answer softly, "I have."

"That's good, isn't it? I have, too."

You wait for him to continue, as you stare at him, taking in his appearance. His eyes are tired and sad, they are defeated and exhausted. And you can't help but stare into his sadness.

"You seem... Troubled."

You just shake your head and he nods again, an impassible look on his face. He tells you something about his girlfriend, how they met and how he fell right in the moment they locked eyes, and you hear the pain in his voice when he tells you that they've managed to survive everything life threw against them, because at the time they were together . You lay your hand on his shoulder to make him stop and you look at him, he doesn't have to do this, but he just looks away.

You bite your lip and start speaking, you don't reveal much – but still much more than you would have expected. You find yourself admitting fears and doubts that you didn't even know you were feeling. You tell him your situation is complicated, you tell him you're afraid of how your relationship could go, that you're afraid of her getting more scared than she is. You tell him how terrified you are to lose that one person who makes you feel, that one person that you would do anything for, that one person who made you love again. You reveal, both to him and to yourself, your biggest doubt: you. You are scared you're not going to be able to handle the situation for much longer, that after all her efforts you are going to be the one to blow it. That is what terrifies you.

"I asked her to marry me tonight."

You nod solemnly, not saying anything. Neither of you is looking for sympathy, understanding or comfort – you're both looking for some kind of release. Like a implicit deal, you say what you feel and listen the other, knowing that at some level the other understands.

"She had this unbelieving look on her face, you know, like she couldn't believe I was actually proposing, I was so happy that I could be able to surprise her. What an idiot."

He extracts a little box from the pocket of his jeans and hands it to you. You stare at it and then look at him who just nods, prompting you to open it, you hesitate for a moment but then you do. It's very beautiful, it has an unique simplicity. He starts speaking before you get the chance to say something. Not that you were going to.

"I guess I should have seen it coming, she grew a little more distant each time we saw each other, she changed, she acted strange. Whatever we did seemed like she was not there with me. Or better, she was there and she wanted to, but no matter how much she tried, she just wasn't. I asked her if there's something wrong, if I did something wrong and she said no, I did all I could have done. The more she spoke, the less she said. The only times I got something out of her were when we had those moments of silence in which we just stared at each other. And all I saw, I realize this just now, was sadness."

There is no anger in his voice. No tears in his eyes. Just defeat. He looks so worn out and you just can't look at him anymore. You lay your hand on his, giving a little squeeze and then letting go, and he manages a little smile. Paige's eyes pop out in your mind and you exhale. There was time when that was all you could see in her eyes, too. Until the moment you saw that spark again, that fire that took you in immediately and that never disappeared from that moment on.

"She began to cry and I panicked, I couldn't understand what I did wrong. Then she said she was sorry and I understood."

His voice breaks and he bites his lip, then he nods to himself and turns to you, looking at you expectedly – it's your turn to share. You decide to talk about Hanna, expressing all your rage and guilt, but even relief. Like before, you don't reveal much, you don't tell him what you lie about, you just tell him the reasons you do it. And the more you listen to yourself speaking, the more angrier you get. At Hanna. At Paige. But mostly, at yourself. The more you speak, the more you feel like you're losing yourself. You close your eyes and try to calm yourself, you take deep breaths, but it is his touch that actually manages to relax you.

"There you are, we've been looking everywhere for you."

You both flinch at Caleb's voice and you put some distance between yourselves, both clearing your throat. Caleb looks at you confused, while Hanna just smiles at you and sits beside you, handing you another cold beer that you gladly accept, smiling tightly.

"I see that you've met each other."

"Actually, we didn't make any presentation", you chuckle and smile, "I'm Emily."

"Robert."

You smile at each other, but then, when realization hits you, you cringe. Robert. Rob.

"And she is Hanna."

"Oh, so she really exists! It's a pleasure to meet you."

High school sweethearts. Best friends falling in love. Going through bad times together.

"You and Emily have the same sense of humor, you know? She made a similar comment to Caleb before, right, Em?"

Separation. Distance. Change. Sadness in her eyes.

"Emily? Is everything okay?"

And here I thought I was going to get a proposal soon.

"I have to go."

The girl was Paige.

"Care to tell me what the hell happened back there?"

"It's complicated."

"Try me."

When you made a run to reach your car, Hanna followed you, worried that you were feeling sick. To a certain degree, you do. You feel sick. That's why you handed her your car keys and asked her to drive you back to college. You don't feel like driving, your entire body shakes and your vision is blurry.

"Could you go faster, please?"

"I'm already going at the speed limit, Emily."

You sigh and begin to tap your fingers on your knee. You stare at the road in front of you, like if you concentrate enough, the car will go faster. You check your phone and huff, Paige hasn't replied to any of your texts. Why hasn't she?

"Em... What is it?"

"I...", it's time for the truth, "lied to you. I made Paige lie to you, too."

"Okay... What about?"

"Everything. Everything about us", you make a pause, "It's almost a year that me and Paige are kinda seeing each other. It was the night we won the NCAA at Greensboro last year. That's when all started. At first, it was something we used to do to relieve stress, then it just became... more."

You turn to look at her, but she keeps looking at the road. You see her hardened profile and her tense arms, she's not going to say anything, you understand that, until you finish. You look out of the window before continuing. You tell her that not everything you've said was a lie – Paige's family is really conservative and she's been trying to find a way to make things right. You make clear that it was you that conceived the lie, that you love each other, that what's between you and Paige is real, before telling her the reason of your lie. You see her turning to look at you – as you knew she would – with an unbelieving expression in her face through the reflection on the window. You see her angry eyes and you look down.

"What the hell were you thinking about?"

"I wasn't."

"Oh great! Then it's all excused, really. She has, had, whatever, a fucking boyfriend, Emily!"

"I know that, okay? I know."

"Since when you've become that type of person?"

You glare sharply at her, gritting your teeth in anger. How dare she? She, who knows you better that anyone?

"Since when you're so judgmental?"

"I'm just trying to understand. I'm not judgin..."

"Are you not? You should see the way you're looking at me right now, then", you cut her off, "I don't always agree with your decisions, but it never crossed my mind to judge you for them. Whether I agreed or not, I always understood your point of view, I always stood by your side."

"Em."

"No. Don't 'Em' me right now", you raise your voice, "You think I don't know how fucked up the situation is? You think I'm not fucking scared?", you sigh and calm yourself, then you continue, I'm terrified, Hanna. Absolutely terrified. I'm terrified and I feel like shit. You can't tell me anything I haven't told myself already."

You open the door and get out of the car, slamming it shut behind you and begin to make your way to Paige's door room as she follows you, calling out your name. You just continue walking, ignoring her and leaving her behind.

"Emily, wait."

She takes you by your wrist to stop you, but you quickly turn towards her, freeing yourself, "I know he broke your heart, I know that. As you know that I'm sorry for that", you dip your chin and say, "But I'm not him. We're not him."

"I..."

She stops and looks behind you, making you turn. Paige is standing a few feet behind you, leaning on her door and staring at you with a confused look. You stare at her, at her red swollen eyes and your heart aches.

"I'll go."

You don't pay attentions to Hanna leaving as you take a few steps towards Paige and you engulf her in a hug. You feel her freeze at your touch, but neither of you makes a move. Eventually, you feel her moving her hands to your back, hugging you back.

"I've heard your voices, it seemed like you were fighting. Have you told her?"

You nod in the crook of her neck and you hear her sighing, she takes you inside and you both lay in her bed, staring at each other without saying anything. You both wait for the other to talk. The only times I got something out of her were when we had those moments of silence in which we just stared at each other. And all I saw was sadness.

"I know it must be tough, but you made the right choice."

Is she talking about you or about her? You don't think it was, not when it happened, not how – not out of desperation and exhaustion. Has she told him the whole truth? I did all I could have done. You look down, staring at her chest, rising and falling.

"Got it. You don't want to talk about it."

You manage a little smile when she strokes your hair and softly kisses the top of your head. You take her hand, you intertwine your fingers and you bring them your lips, pressing one kiss to each of them as Paige simply stares at you. You smile at her, this time genuinely, and you lean in, lips meeting in a delicate kiss. You slowly pull away and smile at her, but she's the one to look away now.

"But there's something I need, that I want to tell you."

She tells you about her night with Robert, how she tried and failed again to tell him the truth, how he took you to the back garden of that house and kneeled in front of her, I asked her to marry me tonight. She tells you that she felt like she couldn't breathe – and actually thought she stopped for a moment, that she couldn't say anything, that all she could do was stare at him. Then she began to cry and I panicked. She tells you how she broke down in his arms, repeating continuously how much sorry she was. And I understood.

She goes further than that. She tells you she began to tell him everything, that's she gay and that she always knew, that she never meant to hurt him, but she just couldn't find a way to tell him. The more she spoke, the less she said. She tells you that she ran away after that, not being able to handle his stare anymore.

"I was there."

You say that as you hug her closer, she just looks at you surprised and you nod as you wipe out the tears that threaten to spill out from her eyes. She doesn't ask why or how, but you explain anyway. You tell her that you met him, that you spoke with him for a while – without knowing it was him – and you tell her the words he told you – those words that can't seem to leave your mind.

"How was he?", she asks, her voice just barely above a whisper.

"He wasn't angry, he was... He looked defeated."

And she looks so broken when she clings to you tightly, grabbing and squeezing hard the hem of your shirt, hiding her face in the crook of your neck and she just cries. You can only hold her and let her cry, wincing everytime she sobs, kissing the top of her head and hiding your own tears from her, trying to soothe her pain. She eventually falls asleep and you sigh, unable to do the same, and you listen to her steady breathing as you stare at the nothingness.

Have you already found that person you want to spend your life with?

You have.

I have, too.

Author's note: Well, hello? Not much shorter than the lastest chapters, so that's good, right?
I think we are getting to the end of this part, four/five chapters tops.

I made a tumblr account, so if somebody wants to, they know where to find me. The name is always meektester866 (very original, right? I know).

A little thank you to Herhers, that helped me with a part of the chapter. So thank you, H.

Let me know your thoughts, people. Have a nice day/night!

Meek.