Immer: Yay mental issues. Okay, no yay, but I just wanted to see a part of Levi we don't see a lot of.

Title from the lycris of Control by Halsey.

Chapter Six You Should Be Scared Of Me

WIRSINDDERJAGER

"Do you want me to beat his face in when he gets back?" Mikasa offered, and Eren glared.

"No, that won't help anything. If he was ready to fight a man over something stupid, he's going to snap. With you, I don't think he would hold back, Mika."

"But he used you!"

"I talked to him a while back, when I figured out you two were a thing." Jean spoke, earning everyone's attention.

"When did you figure that out?" Armin questioned, amazed.

"The night Eren smelled like flowers. The captain had the same scent. It was a long stretch, and I confronted him a week later. He didn't even deny it. Anyway, I might be breaking a promise, but you guys need to know something he told me."

"What did he tell you?" Eren stared, eager to hear.

"He told me that he broke a five year partnership with Erwin for Eren. Guess Erwin started getting possessive, and the captain cut him off. I asked him if he regrets it. Wanna know what he said?"

"Cut to the chase. Stop leaving us in the suspense." Historia was as impatient as Eren. She hated seeing couples having a fall out.

"He did admit that sometimes he did." At that Mikasa made a proud sound in her throat. "But, he said that whenever he was around Eren, then nothing else mattered to him. So, even though what he and Erwin did is fucked up and shit, but I can't be mad at him. Not when he looked like he would rather die than break it up with Eren before he left."

Jean recalled that moment. The captain had his head lowered, bangs overshadowed his face. When he straightened up again to leave through the door, the tormant in his heart was clear in his face. Jean had a good view from his seat, but as far as he knew no one else caught it.

"He had a pained look on his face?" Eren perked up with hope.

"From what I saw, he did. But I don't know if he would return the same." Jean shrugged. He wasn't sure if letting Eren get his hopes up would be a good idea.

"What do you mean? It means it can still be fixed!" Historia ignored Mikasa's snort.

"He sleeps around with other people willingly going from one person to another. The only person he remained loyal to was Erwin." Mikasa crossed her arms, eyes dark.

"But he cut things off with Erwin." Armin pointed out.

"How do you know he went from person to person? He told me he's picky when he chooses who he sleeps with. And it's not like I didn't know, Mika. He told me the truth about that part from day one." Eren sent his sister a look.

"He's probably slept with Mike."

"What makes you think that?" Sasha choked on her bread.

"That time Mike sniffed him in front of everyone at dinner. And then what he said to the captain after he told Erwin off, it was the only kind of talk if they had slept together." Mikasa named her reasons.

"Or he was looking after his close friend. The commander and him were pretty close." Eren waved her off.

"And we can't just name someone without solid proof. I get that you would suspect Mike, but we can't judge him. Plus, I doubt the captain will admit who he's slept with." Armin wasn't agreeing or disagreeing.

"Why do you think that?" Sasha tilted her head.

"Because I'm positive everyone else he's slept with, aside from Eren and Erwin, are all dead. He's not the type to tarnish the memories of our fallen." Armin's words hit them all hard.

They all sat in awkward silence. Sasha wasn't even chewing, her expression deep thought and sorrow.

"So can this relationship be fixed or not? I want to help Eren." Historia spoke up, ignoring Mikasa's dark glare.

"That all depends what happens between the captain and Erwin."

Just as Jean finished, the door opened. Hange entered, followed by Connie and Levi. He was the image of the usual stoic captain, but while he tried to stay guarded, the pain in his eyes when he saw Eren said it all. And something about Hange's walk spoke of authority, which was new for them.

"What's the news?"

"I have been named the new Commander In Chief, in replacement of Mike Zacharias. I am sorry to report that his squad has been missing, and with the amount of time passed since the titans showed up inside Wall Rose means he is most likely dead." Hange sighed, unsure if they could actually do this.

"Erwin is going to look into the matter of the Reiss family. In the meantime, we get to continue on with what we've been doing. However, Hange will be leading a few squadron to investigate Connie's hometown."

"Are we going along, too?" Armin asked.

"I think it's too risky at this point. I won't be leading the entire Survey Corp, and should we come across Reiner, Bertolt, or Ymir we can't take risks with small numbers, even with Eren. But I will be taking Connie with me to identify a titan."

"Also, whether he likes to admit or not, Captain Levi is still healing. I wouldn't want to be responsible if it was made worse. At this point in time we can't lose him." Hange added, ignoring the glare at their back.

"But we'll be going out tomorrow. In the meantime, as much as I want to learn more about Eren's titan form, I'm too exhausted. Eren, if it's all right, can we schedule the experiments until the day after I see Connie's village?"

"Yeah, sure. That's fine with me. But, what does that leave us to do today and tomorrow?"

"Extensive training. You shits have been slacking off. It's time we make up for lost time."

They didn't like the glint in his eyes.

WIRSINDDERJAGER

The next day, much to everyone's relief (everyone but Levi), their training was interrupted with a letter. It was Erwin's orders, and Levi gathered their horses and made their way to Trost District. The trap had been set, and for a moment it seemed like it would go without a hitch.

And then a trap was sprung on the back end of theirs.

By the end of it, Levi is beyond livid. They lost both Eren and Historia, and no lead as to where they could have gone. Upon returning the next day, they were met with a confused Erwin and Hange. Armin busted through the door.

"Eren and Historia were kidnapped! But first, we need you to calm down the captain! He and Mikasa are fighting all out in the training area!" The blonde heaved, and in an instant both commander and commander in chief bolted.

Levi didn't know who started the fight. But the tension in him and Mikasa were at a boiling point. He didn't have a bone to pick with her, but she was the strongest around at the moment to keep up with his strength and speed. He didn't give a damned about her hate for what he had done to Eren. All he was doing was unleashing steam.

They fought in the air, using complicated maneuvers and tricks on each other in the hopes of gaining the upper hand. And yet for the moment they were equal, and neither showed any signs of slowing down. The rest of the squad paced around them, keeping a safe distance but not interfering as much as they wished to. They all knew that doing so would possibly get them killed.

"Guys, stop! You don't have to fight!" Sasha yelled, but they ignored her.

"There's no sense talking sense to them!" Jean grit his teeth.

Their blades clashed multiple times. They were unrelenting in their strength. As minutes passed, she was beginning to show signs of tire. He, on the otherhand, continued to push himself past his own limits. This was the first time in so long he had control of the deepest reservoirs of his strength. In the past he unleashed it and spent it all quickly when he got to this point.

This time he had control over it, enough to stretch it out and continue his powerful barrages. Soon he had her backing away as she began to tap into her own reserved inner strength. Unlike him, she didn't know how to fully control it, as she never had a reason to tap into this level since she was young. The only difference between them at this point was their experience.

At one point he made a swing at her shoulder. The blade was about to cut the red scarf. In an instant she rolled, landing on the ground. She took it off and tossed it to someone, and Jean caught it. Getting the hint she would go after his caravet, he backed away far enough to fiddle with it. Instead of tossing it, he placed it in his pants pocket before charging. Mikasa charged with a war cry.

Then someone intercepted. Erwin leaped out of nowhere, and with quick ease he tripped Mikasa. Then he turned and raised a blade to block the captain's attack. He stared into wild gray eyes, giving him a flashback to five years prior.

"Stand down, Levi!" Erwin ordered sternly.

"I am done being your puppet!" Levi pushed, and Erwin was forced back a few steps before he used his height to his advantage and had them at a standstill.

"Please, captain, stop! You're scaring us!" Armin pleaded.

"Damn right you should be scared of me." Levi snarled, pulling away long enough to swing again.

"I said stand down, captain." Erwin blocked, and once again they were pushing with all they had on the blades. "This is your last warning. After this, I will be forced to perceive you as a traitor and act accordingly."

"Does it look like I give a shit?" Levi hissed.

"Please don't make me brand you a traitor. And what's your plan, go on the run? You're not some nobody in the Underground City anymore. You can't hide, and I don't want to see the day you have to face Eren, branded as a traitor. Now I repeat, stand down."

Levi wasn't moved by his words. But his leg gave out from under him. He collapsed to the ground, favoring the injured limb so he wasn't applying weight on it. Still sensing the fighting spirit within him, Erwin held the blade to Levi's throat, forcing him to look up at him. It was then the commander noticed the dark hand print on his throat, but didn't voice his concern.

"I don't care which of you started this. But I'm finishing it. And both of you will be heavily punished for your actions. This is not the time to be fighting amongst each other, when we are needed to stand united for Eren's and Historia's sake."

This time his words had the effect he wanted. Levi's fury wavered, it was shown in the eyes. When he signed heavily, diverting his gaze but not move his head. Erwin slowly sheathed the blade. He then knelt down, and with a tentative hand he lifted Levi's chin for a better look at the nasty bruise.

"Who did this?" Erwin was shaking, difficulty restraining his wrath.

Levi refused to respond. In his mind Erwin was acting too much of a lover and less of a friend. Getting the hint from the glare, Erwin pulled away.

"The person you sent for us a few days back. He antagonized Captain Levi to the point they fought. And then he choked the captain, but he wasn't showing signs of stopping so I tackled him to the floor and held him there until the MP left." Hange summarized, and Erwin stood up, muscles tensed.

"You fought him?" Erwin stared down at the captain.

"He was worse off than me, in the end. I think I broke his nose and gave him a black eye. And maybe knocked out a tooth." Levi wasn't sure the extent of the injuries he gave the officer, but he was guessing.

Erwin breathed in deep, closing his eyes. He opened them as he exhaled. He was still fuming, but he wasn't going to pull something stupid over it. At least not right now, that might change once he meets his friend face to face. While Erwin was predominantly right handed, he could still swing a hard punch with his left.

"I'll deal with that at another time. For now, we need to focus on a strategy to locate Eren and Historia."

"And how are we supposed to go about that? Forgive me for saying this, but we don't even know who took them." Jean stepped forward, handing the scarf back to Mikasa.

Sasha helped Levi to his feet. He stood weakly, favoring his leg. It was then he realized just how much of his strength he had used, as he felt exhausted to the point of needing a nap. One glance at Mikasa, and he felt satisfied she was just as tired as he was.

"I have a theory. I believe the Reiss family have made a move. The problem is, they've been in hiding for a while, and I don't understand why they would want Eren."

"Why is the Reiss family so important? Aside from being the richest families around, I never found them special. They hardly show their faces to the damned gatherings in the inner city you like to drag me to." Levi inquired, baffled as to why the family acted now of all times to take back Historia.

"I believe they're the true royal family. The royal family we know is a fake. I've known that for a while, but I couldn't figure out which family was the true royalty. What's more, I believe they have the power of the titans."

"You glory hound. You want to stage a coup." Levi caught on, and Erwin smirked.

"If an opportunity presented itself, then why not?"

WIRSINDDERJAGER

"I won't stand for any fighting among my men. Care to explain, you two?" Erwin stared grimly.

They were in his office. Levi had claimed the couch, lazily stretching his legs out across it. Mikasa sat in a chair across from the commander's. When they didn't answer, he focused his attention on Levi first.

"Levi, why did you do it?"

"I had no bone to pick with her. She just happened to swing at me in the middle of an argument, and I snapped. Since she was the strongest out of the others, I went all out. Not like she wasn't holding back, anyway." Levi was being honest.

"What was the argument about?"

"I don't remember. All I remember is being so angry I had to let off some steam. Since she attacked, I figured why not? If I took it out on her before she swung, then I'll take responsibility for starting it."

"He didn't start the argument. I did." Mikasa admitted.

"Care to tell me why?" Erwin asked.

"I blamed him for Eren's kidnapping. After everything he had done, I blamed him for something that wasn't his fault. And I realize now he was just as infuriated as I was. And...I misjudged him." She turned to meet the captain's gaze.

"I thought you didn't care about Eren. I thought you were using him and I let that cloud my judgment against you. I realize now how much you do care, and I'm sorry. I'll do my best not to do it again in the future."

This is why I haven't named her second in command. At this point I might as well nominate Jean. But she's making progress, at least.

"Next time you want to let off some steam, don't come at me with blades. I can understand needing a good punching, but not weapons swinging. In an instance like that, there's a large percentage of me losing control. Whatever happens after I can't take responsible for, as much as I would like to." He advised. He couldn't be the only one to think of having someone in almost equal strength as a sparring partner.

"I'll keep that in mind." Mikasa was thinking along the same line as him.

"So can I expect the two of you working together from now on? Tomorrow your whole squad have to head to the inner city. You will be alone, without having any back up." Erwin wanted to be sure they would cooperate.

"I think we got a lot of the pent up anger out of our system." Levi shrugged with indifference.

"I understand I was in the wrong. I won't let my emotions get in the way of the mission." Mikasa assured.

"All right. I'll hold you both to that. Get some rest. It's an early start tomorrow." Erwin sighed, dismissing them.

Mikasa left without another word. Levi stayed where he was. Erwin stared, mixed emotions in his eyes.

"Why did you attack me? Was it the heat of the moment, or did you really mean what you said?"

"Both. In that mindstate, I feel like I'm bigger than my body. And I can't help but be meaner than my demons, fighting for control so I don't slip and do something I will regret later. I'm just so tired, Erwin. Tired of everything."

"You can't lose sight of your goals, Levi."

"I'm not you. What if I lose my chance to tell him how I feel? What if we don't get to him in time?"

I should have pulled him aside and told him when I had the chance.

"Why are you filled with such doubts?"

"Because every horrible things that can happen to people, happen to me, Erwin. Even at a young age, everyone I get close to dies. It's why I haven't told you everything that goes on in my head. I've let you pull my strings for so long, I don't know what to do should you die before me."

"You will have Eren. Don't hand him the responsibility of being your puppet master, but let him hold your heart. I know for certain he will protect it far better than I ever could. And he has the heart to put aside his goals and focus on you when you need it, something I am horrible at." Erwin recalled the day he saw Eren gently carrying a sleeping captain out of the private baths.

"For someone who is the closest at being a relationship with me, you're taking this better than most." Levi stood up, moving to stand in front of the desk.

"I don't want to see you in the same position I am. I lost my chance with you. While it hurts, I know we wouldn't have worked out for reasons I just told you. I want to see you happy, without a care of this cruel world just once. And I know Eren can bring you to that point."

"You sound so sure, and yet you can't even bother to shave." Levi snorted, noticing the beard that had started to grow.

"I'm not used to being left handed just yet." Erwin chuckled, but there was no mirth in his voice.

"Where are your razors? I'll do it for you. I'm only doing this because you look like an old man."

"I am old, Levi. You are, too."

"Shut up. You're not talking me out of this. Just as you won't let me let go of myself, I won't let you do the same. We still need you, and doubts of your leadership can't start because you can't shave yourself."

"All right, all right. They should be in my bag."

Levi went to work. He took his time, being careful not to cut skin. As he finished up, he couldn't help but inquire something that had been bothering him.

"How are you holding up about Mike?"

"...I try not to think about it."

"Want to talk about it? Share a toast in his name?" Levi was already reaching for the whiskey. Erwin would have laughed, as very few knew where he stored his alcohol.

They sat in relative silence, occasionally sipping their glasses. It was strong, but left a bittersweet aftertaste.

"He trained with me. At first he wanted to be part of the Garrison, but after befriending me he changed his mind. I figured I would end up in a grave before him, but reality is cruel, isn't it?"

"Mm. Life is cruel."

"Why are you taking his death hard?"

"He was one of my occasional partners. We had a mutual understanding. He was afraid to touch me too often, especially if I reeked of you. I guess he liked the idea of you and I together, for he was bitter towards me for choosing Eren over you." Levi leaned back in the chair.

"I didn't get the chance to patch things up with him."

"I can tell Sasha is remorseful. She's the last person to see him alive. When you can, assure her things happen."

"Why me? I'm not good with those kind of talks."

"It would mean more to her if it came from you. I think your squad knows something was between you and Mike. Not like us or Eren, but I assume they have guessed."

"...I suppose I'll have a talk with her, then."

"To Mike?" Erwin held out his glass.

"To Mike." Levi clinked their glasses together. They both downed the last bit of the whiskey in a few gulps.

The next morning, Levi was extra irritable. He had a nasty headache from the alcohol, and he was sore all over. He usually could hold his own with alcohol, but Erwin must have kept the bottle for over a few years, as it became stronger with age.

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, captain?" Connie joked, and Levi's brow twitched.

I woke up on Erwin's couch. Fuck how expensive that bottle is, I'll replace it later.

He had dumped the rest of the bottle's contents in a fit of rage. He left the empty bottle on the desk, and then hurriedly got his squad on the move before Erwin woke up. Levi didn't remember what happened after a point in the previous night, and he couldn't tell if he had sex in a drunken stupor. His muscles were sore from going all out against Mikasa.

"Sasha. Perk up. I need you at your best. All of us have to do what we can. We don't know what we're going to face in the inner city." He noticed she was slumped, and not her usual outgoing self.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed, and Levi pulled his horse to a stop next to hers.

"Jean, take lead. We'll catch up." He instructed, surprising everyone.

"You got it, captain." Jean pulled to the front, and the others followed.

When they were out of earshot, Levi turned to Sasha.

"What's wrong?" He saw her wipe away tears.

"When you came back from the inner city, Mikasa said that Mike was one of your partners. She didn't have any doubt about it. And it got me thinking about how I was the last one to see him. I know it's silly, but I wish I had told him to come with me. You and the commander were close to him." She started sobbing.

"You didn't know what would have happened. It's not your fault he died, Sasha."

"You're not mad that I was the last one to see him?" She looked at him with those damned puppy eyes.

"Sasha, I find comfort he died protecting someone, especially you. You're part of my squad, and even though he was angry with me he didn't allow it to come in the way of your safety as one of my squad members. I like to think it was his way of an apology to me. I don't know if it really is, but I want to believe it to be."

"He said I had to leave, I didn't have gear to fight titans." She sniffed, wiping away her tears. But they kept coming down.

"He stayed behind to ensure the titans wouldn't come after you. He died protecting you. Don't hold it against yourself, he would have done that with anyone in that situation. Just keep walking and remember his sacrifice. Make him proud by fighting on, show him that his sacrifice wasn't in vain."

This must have been what she wanted to hear. The tears had stopped, and her sadness was replaced with hope and determination. Levi felt relieved, he needed everyone at their best. Titans were a terrifying enemy, but humans were worse in his opinion.

"Let's go save Eren so you two can make up!" Sasha exclaimed, urging her horse to catch up with the others.

She supports me being with Eren...?

"C'mon, captain! We have your boyfriend to rescue!" Sasha called back, this time the others heard and cheered with her.

They all do?

Even Mikasa raised an arm. She didn't loudly exclaim like the others, but she was learning to put aside her differences for the better of the squad. And Levi felt warm and fuzzy inside at their support. And with a click of his tongue he urged his horse to catch up with them.