With power that was not her own throbbing through her bones, every step was agony; her eyes ached, her skin hurt. The sky was suddenly too bright, even coated as it was in scarlet clouds, the world entirely too small. No amount of squinting or steady breathing would ease the building migraine. Zeref was right: humans weren't built for this kind of power.
Are you sure this is what had to happen, she questioned herself. Yes. This is what mom had been trying to do before she died. This is why she was sick. She'd used the magic but hesitated and it ate her away before she could kill him. You have to be better than that. You have to do what she couldn't.
But what if you're wrong? What if this is only an imagined threat, mom's notes the deluded ramblings of a dying woman?
She knew they weren't. All the signs had been there, all the things her mother had described in her notebook, all coming to fruition—the blood red sky, the choking air, the dying ocean, the parched soil and sweltering heat. It was all there, plain as day for anyone with eyes to see. The world was changing. No. The world was dying, and Lucy had the power to stop it, to save everyone she had ever loved. The price was the poison magic beating like a heart in her skin. The price was Lucy Heartfilia.
The air shimmered and Loke appeared at her side.
"Lucy—"
"Go away, Loke," Lucy choked out.
"I can't, not until you stop this," he pleaded. "This magic killed your mother and it will kill you too." He kept trying to catch her eye. Lucy kept her gaze trained forward, walking with great purpose to the cart she left at the edge of the forest. Through the barren trees, she could see the chestnut coloured horse tethered to the axel. The closer she came, the more it dug at the ground with an impatient hoof, snorting and eyes rolling in its head. Even it knew to be frightened of her. Realizing this, tears pressed at the backs of her eyes. She choked them down, unwilling to cry; she hadn't given up anything worth crying over yet. That would come later.
"The magic killed her because she wouldn't use it to its full potential," Lucy said with a calm she didn't feel. "She hesitated. She said so herself."
"And so will you. You're not a killer," Loke reasoned, so sure that he knew what lay in his master's heart.
Lucy's fingernails dug into her palm. "Before this morning I would have agreed with you, but things have changed—I know this threat is real now."
"There's another way." She was scaring him; Loke was desperate to bring her back to herself. "Please, Lucy. Even if you can do it, you know what comes after. If you somehow kill him and survive, you won't be the same—Zeref's magic will alter you."
Yes. That was true. But… "He's devouring the world. There is no other way."
He tried another tactic. "Lucy, if you do this, your spirits may be lost to you." She had to see reason.
Lucy ground to a halt and wrapped her arms around her chest. Thinking he'd gotten through to her, Loke drew her close, enveloping her in a tight hug. "There is no shame. We can find another way to kill him. You won't suffer the same fate as your mother."
Lucy sniffled. Her eyes remained dry but her throat was tight and hot. She shook her head against his chest. "I'm sorry, Loke. You know Zeref's magic is the only one that will destroy him."
Loke's guts twisted. "Then let the demon king do it!"
"He won't." Whether because he was apathetic or incapable for some other reason, Lucy didn't know. "I love you all too much not to do this—if I don't, there will be nothing left." Skin bouncing with agitation, the magic in her body pressing at her hotly, she wriggled an arm free and smoothed her hair from her face. It didn't help calm her. She felt wild and treacherous. She felt like a stranger. Who was Lucy Heartfilia? Not the girl she played at today. This girl was braver and far more dangerous than the old Lucy had ever been before. She wrapped the knowledge around herself like a comforting blanket, needing the courage it wrought for what came next.
Leaning back, Loke searched her pinched honey coloured eyes. In his arms, her skin jumped, alive and crawling with black tendrils. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, the magic was searing through her body, trying to gnaw its way out. It was too much for her. Zeref had said if she didn't use it that it would fade, but was that true? He wasn't so certain, especially when she was doing everything in her power to hold on to it, to not let any of it go. Keeping it like that would bring about her end just as quick, he was sure of it.
Loke drew in a haggard breath. "I don't want to lose you."
Lucy bit her lip and steeled herself against the plea in his voice. "I promise that if it's possible, I'll take care of him and I'll find some way to come back."
He opened his mouth to protest; Lucy ploughed on ahead. "You know it's the right thing to do. My mother wanted this; she just wasn't brave enough to do it. I have to be, for her and for everyone at Fairy Tail, too. You know this." She grabbed his hands from around her waist and squeezed his fingers for emphasis.
He clutched her back like he could make her stay, make her see reason. Just because he knew something didn't mean he had to believe in it. "You can't expect me to let you go."
"I can and I do, Loke. If you care for me and believe in me, I can do it. Please." It was a cheap and dirty trick. But it worked.
Loke's expression pinched. "That's not fair."
She blinked at him dolefully. "Please, Loke."
When she looked at him like that and his guts twisted again, he knew she'd won. How can you even think about letting this happen? What was there to say, though? She'd already made the deal against his guidance and she had already accepted his power; something's couldn't be undone.
Loke sighed and dropped her hands, though it made him feel sick to do so. "This is a bad idea." Saying it changed nothing. It didn't even make him feel better.
"All advances were born from bad ideas, right?" Lucy gave him a weak smile. It didn't reach her eyes.
"Wrong," he denied.
"Well... dangerous ones, at least. This will be good for the world."
"But not for you," Loke said immediately.
She laid her finger against his lips, thoroughly silencing him. "Don't argue, just believe in me."
Loke didn't need to think about his answer. Around her finger he said, "Of course I believe in you." There was a caveat coming, Lucy could feel it. "I just don't trust that black wizard or his magic."
"I suppose he's not a black wizard for nothing," she said, confirming Loke's fears.
"Lucy—"
She dropped her hand, the feel of his lips burning through her skin, and said, "There's enough good in my heart to keep me from being swallowed by the magic." She wished the words came out sounding more confident.
"But your mother—"
"My mother would have been fine if she was brave enough to end it, but she was afraid of the woman she would become if she wasn't totally pure of heart. She choked, Loke. It wasn't the magic that killed her, it was her fear. She didn't want to fall into darkness and hurt her family."
"Don't downplay it, it was a legitimate fear."
"Yes," Lucy confirmed. "That's why I'm perfect for the job. I don't have those kinds of ties. There's no daughter or husband waiting for me at home. If I do this and I can't pull myself back, there's no one depending on me."
"If you survive killing him and the magic doesn't tear you apart, you'll be a dark mage. You know that, right? You'll be just like him." Loke willed her to understand.
Lucy said hesitantly, "I won't be like him." A bland pretender, at best. "Someone will eventually save me from myself and the world will be fine. The demon is a much bigger threat then I could ever be if things don't go exactly as planned."
"Lucy, if people find out you're just like Zeref, they'll kill—"
Her fingers found his lips again. "Shh. It's okay." Her heart hammered in her chest. She needed to get out of there. Loke was whittling down her courage.
Eyes flashing behind his glasses, he grabbed her arm again. "You're not as sure as you think you are. You're scared. Please, Lucy—"
She brushed off his hand as coolly as possible, not wanting to hear the rest. "Goodbye Loke. Don't follow me. I don't need you for this." She turned on her heel.
Loke watched her retreat, her words like a knife cutting under his skin. Lucy had never before told him she didn't need him, but then again, she had never before been on the brink of something so altering. He couldn't let her leave, if he did, he knew he would lose her. "Lucy! Please!" He jogged to catch up.
Lucy twisted her arm behind her back and turned her palm towards her strongest spirit. With scarcely a thought, black tendrils leapt from her hand and dove for him. One pierced his shoulder, the other his leg. Loke bellowed in pain, the tendrils leaving behind the kind of coldness that chewed him up. The attack was so powerful that in seconds, the darkness ate away at his form and he was forced to dissipate back into the celestial world.
Silence ruled. Lucy sobbed and kept her eyes forward, trained on the horse and carriage. Just get to the carriage. Get to the carriage and start moving and everything that comes after will be that much easier. She hoped. Gods, she hoped so badly. Please forgive me, Loke. She hardened her resolve, remembering the way the ocean writhed with dying fish this morning, the way the sky burned with sickness. It had to be done.
The whole world was in danger. The seal her mother had placed on the demon all those years ago was breaking apart. Selfishly, meanly, she wished Layla had been strong enough back then to kill it. If she didn't love her family quite so much, Lucy wouldn't be shouldering this burden.
What a selfish thing to think, she scolded herself. Perhaps the blackness inside was taking a firmer root in her heart than she had thought possible. You have to work fast. There were hours, not days, to make things right—hours to do what her mother could not. Replacing the seal wasn't an option. He would just break free again. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not fifty years from now, but he would eventually emerge once more and eat the world; he couldn't help it, he couldn't control it. It was just what he was meant to do.
You could tell your friends about this and you could do it together. But no, she wasn't bluffing; Zeref's magic was the only way for certain.
Ahead, the horse tossed its head wildly, sensing the dark aura that seeped from Lucy's skin. She held onto the magic tightly, fearing it would bleed out and kill everything in the area. Then how would she get to Sorrow Canyon?
Hurrying, she climbed into the carriage. In her haste, her foot caught on the step and she nearly went tumbling over. She corrected herself. Pay attention.
Dropping into the bench seat, she snagged the reins in her hands. The leather was hot like it'd been sitting out in the blistering sun for hours. Was it so warm? It must have been, because the horse sweated, though all she felt was the cold in her heart.
You have to move.
"Let's hurry." She snapped the reins and clucked, determined not to be swallowed by this power before she even got a chance to use it.
The horse shot forward, desperate to be away from the dried and dead forest and the deadening power it felt. No matter how far it ran, it couldn't get away from the girl at its back. Fear drove it faster and faster over the uneven terrain. As it raced towards fate, the world held its breath.