A/N: Well... this is the longest chapter I have posted so far and it covers quite a bit of ground. I sincerely hope you enjoy it. Please, take a moment to leave a comment if you are enjoying this story. It really does inspire me to go one when I know you are out there, reading and crying along with me. It's making you cry, isn't it?
Please see a note at the end of this chapter.
As always, thank you Jenn for reading these pages and talking to me about them. Your enthusiasm makes me want to write faster.
"Seriously. Why is everything in this shop like a 1980's throwback?" Emma whispered to Regina, hoping neither Snow nor the helpful shop attendant could hear her.
"Well dear, when we arrived in this world, it was the 80's so I suppose it is possible they haven't updated their inventory. No one was able to get married until you showed up, remember?" Regina whispered back, playfully squeezing Emma's side.
Apparently Regina's fingers hit a tender spot because Emma squealed and jumped away from the former queen. Snow turned to the pair with a curious look. Regina shrugged innocently and Emma tried to recover by pulling an electric blue dress out in front of her.
"So, I don't like anything about this dress but I do like the color." From behind the shield of the gown, Emma pinned Regina with an incredulous look. Regina merely looked back with disinterest and shrugged again.
"Wonderful!" Snow called, clasping both hands together in front of her chest. She looked for a moment as if she might say a prayer. "At least we have a color. That is a small miracle. Although I was really hoping you would go with the color I suggested."
"Mom, I told you, I'm not really into pink." Emma hung the much-too-poofy dress back on the rack.
"Bashful," Snow said softly.
"What?" Regina asked, feeling confused.
"The color was not pink, it was called bashful and it was lovely." Snow turned to another rack of dresses and ran her fingers over the material. Frowning at its stiffness she looked back to her daughter and her former nemesis. It was Snow's turn to ask what. "What? Did I say something funny?"
Regina had been trying to stifle her laugh but gave up any pretense since she was discovered. "What is funny is that you thought that Miss Lucas and I would be well suited to wear a color called bashful. Honestly Snow, surely you see the humor in that."
An embarrassed smile stretched across Snow's face. "Well, I wasn't choosing it for you, Regina. It was for Emma. And I thought she would like it. Very… feminine."
At this Emma laughed a bit too loudly and all eyes turned to her. "What? I can't think it's funny that Mom wanted my wedding to be feminine? I'm a sheriff. I was a bail bonds-person. I own two dresses but I have 17 leather jackets and 24 pairs of jeans. Ok, fine. Act like that wasn't funny." Emma huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.
Snow and Regina exchanged a look and laughed again. Soon Emma joined in and the three women laughed as if they had no shared history of trauma, murder, hate and confusion. Today they looked like three friends out shopping.
Regina was the first to recover. "Let's be serious now. Do you really like the blue, Emma?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Reminds me of a dress you used to have. I always loved that dress but you never wear it anymore. Do you know the one I mean?" Regina barely moved her head to nod that she did. Emma missed the pained look that moved across Regina's face at the mention of the dress. The appearance of an enjoyable day among friends was just an illusion. "So, I need two colors though, right? I was thinking yellow. Not like my bug yellow but still, yellow."
"Oh honey, I like that idea! In fact, I was on a wedding planning website yesterday and I saw some photos of bouquets with blue and yellow flowers. I think that sounds wonderful." Snow put her arm around her daughter's waist and turned her toward a rack of blue gowns, but her eyes connected with Regina's.
Regina looked back in confusion. Was that… understanding passing between them? No, Snow couldn't possibly know. Regina averted her gaze to dresses along the far wall and walked away. She needed some space.
You are doing this. This can work.
"How about this one?" The shop girl held up a plantation style dress, complete with wide brimmed hat in bright yellow.
Emma shook her heard. This was insane. "No. I don't think that will work. Um… could you give us just a second?" The girl nodded her head and slipped away, giving them some privacy.
"What is it, honey?" Snow cocked her head to the side and smiled at her daughter. Sometimes when she frowned, Snow saw nothing but David in her daughter's face.
Emma shoved her hands into her back pockets as she was wont to do when she was on a mission and not sure how to begin. "Mom, I know I need these dresses and all this is important. Regina really helped me see why. But I don't like any of these. I don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for here."
"Oh, Emma. I'm sorry. Am I pushing too hard?" Snow looked suitably repentant.
"No, not pushing. I know this is special to you. And I want it to be everything you dreamed your daughter's wedding would be. But…" Emma looked around in exasperation at the garments closing in around them.
"But these clothes aren't going to cut it, Snow." Regina finished for her. Focusing on Emma, she continued. "Perhaps I could just magic something up for us?"
"No, I want to like, be a part of the process. Magic is ok, but I want to touch them, you know?" Emma couldn't help feeling bad for refusing Regina's offer but the hand that reached out for hers, giving a short squeeze relieved her of that worry.
"Ok, so no magic. Perhaps we could shop online or have my seamstress make something. Although, we would need to let her know as soon as possible to get things started." Regina squeezed her hand again before releasing it. Somehow Emma missed the contact. Our normal…
"Maybe." Emma looked all around the room, taking in all her off-the-rack options. "What do you think, Mom?"
Snow had a glittering light in her eyes as she tapped one finger on her chin for a moment, deep in thought. "I think… now hear me out before you say no. But, I think perhaps you and Regina should drive down to Boston and see what you can find there." Emma and Regina both made noises like they were about to protest but Snow lifted her hands and silenced them with the gesture. "I said hear me out. I can't go because of Neal and someone has to watch Henry, but the two of you should definitely go. I think I can sit this one out if you send me lots of pictures before you decide. Besides, we need a dress for you too Emma. And you aren't going to be happy with something you order on Amazon. So, I think you should just head down there and see if anything looks like what you truly want on your wedding day."
Emma and Regina stared at Snow and then at each other, then back to Snow. Emma was the first to speak.
"What do you say, Regina? Want to go to Boston?" Regina took in the look of hope and fear in Emma's eyes. She was waiting for Regina to reject her. Well, I'm not going to. No matter how uncomfortable this idea makes me.
"I say, let's do it. We can't next weekend. Henry has that history project due. But I'm free the next weekend." Regina tried to remain calm. The last road trip they had been on together had been about Lily and Robin but had ultimately brought them closer and solidified their friendship and bond to each other. What would this one do?
"Ok. Then, two weeks from today, we are Boston bound. Now… can we please get out of here and have some lunch? I'm starving." Emma rubbed her belly for emphasis.
"Oh, you are always starving. Such a child." Regina rolled her eyes and the pair headed toward the door, bickering and teasing.
No one noticed Snow tapping silently away on her phone to Henry.
~ (SQ) ~
Regina sat on the sophisticated cream colored love-seat, a glass of champagne in her hand. She was patiently waiting on Emma to come out in her next selection. Once they had arrived in Boston earlier that day, they had quickly found a dress for Ruby and for herself. The bright blue was decidedly more appealing than Regina had first thought it would be.
The gowns they had chosen were strapless and long, flowy and feminine. Regina knew she looked good the minute she slipped the dress on, but something in her had needed to hear Emma say so. And she hadn't been disappointed. Emma's smile had been blinding, though her words had been just slightly less enthusiastic than her body language.
"You look incredible. No one will even notice me."
"Of course they will notice you, dear. You'll be the one right behind me."
Regina smiled now, remembering their earlier banter. So far this trip was a success and things felt peaceful between them. In the two weeks since she had decided to "be normal" she had even impressed herself by her ability to remain calm, flirt without fear and smile while her heart was breaking. It was Oscar-worthy, but necessary. Emma's happiness was paramount… no matter the personal cost. Isn't that what love is? Sacrifice?
So today, they had two dresses down, one to go. But the finding of a wedding gown to please Emma was taking longer than expected. For someone who seemed wholly disinterested in having a big wedding just a few weeks ago, it seemed the blonde was invested in finding the perfect dress now. The balance of the day had been spent in one wedding dress shop after another.
It was getting late now and Regina was tired and hungry. The former queen had mixed feelings about the fact that Snow had booked them an overnight stay in a harbor front hotel, insisting they take their time in finding "the one" for Emma but now that she knew she didn't have a four hour drive ahead of her, she was glad Snow had meddled just a bit. If this last dress wasn't what Emma wanted, Regina was going to insist they call it a day and have dinner. She just wanted to check into her room, soak in the tub and get some sleep. The search could resume tomorrow before they headed home.
Regina glanced around the shop. It was a bit more over the top than Emma had wanted. Soft, white walls, crystal chandeliers, champagne flutes for each of them… it was a definite step up from the bridal shop on Main Street in Storybrooke. The blonde had insisted that spending a fortune on a dress was neither her desire nor in her budget. Regina had ignored her resistance. She might not be the one awaiting Emma at the altar, but she was damn sure going to help make the day perfect.
The brunette ran a tired hand through her hair. She could afford to buy everything in this store. Hell, she could buy the whole damn building if she wanted to. So Emma's budget meant nothing. She would be beautiful and dressed in the finest gown Regina's money could buy when she entered the hall to become Mrs. Killian Jones.
The thought was like a lead weight in her heart. Emma Jones. It didn't have the same ring to it as Emma Swan. Emma Mills-Swan. No, that wasn't it. Emma Swan-Mills. There it was. The name she should be taking. But, instead she was going to be Mrs. Jones.
A distant thought drifted in and Regina laughed before remembering her location. She sipped on the champagne and hummed the tune to a song she had heard not long after arriving in this world. She hadn't fully understood television or its appeal back then, but music from an enchanted box on the counter and so many choices? That had held her interest. She had spent many hours listening to jazz, blues, oldies, and rock. The sounds from the radio had been her companion many nights after arriving in Storybrooke when all she wanted was to hear someone's voice that wasn't going to say exactly what she wanted them to.
So now, she hummed and laughed quietly at the somehow completely relevant lyrics of a song she had taken a particular liking to before she discovered the Golden Girls or Dynasty or Cheers. She had spent less time considering this world's musical poetry and more time giggling at their entertainment then. Soon enough Henry had come into her life and changed everything for the better. Music meant silly kids songs or over produced pop after that. But now, her mind recalled only bits of that old song she had so enjoyed.
Me and Mrs. Jones—we've got a thing goin' on…
We meet every day at the same café… holding hands, making all kinds of plans…
It's much too strong to let it go now…
We've got to be extra careful… that we don't build our hopes too high…
Me and Mrs. Jones—we've got a thing goin' on…
Regina grimaced. She had stopped building her hopes up so long ago. A little bit the night Daniel died. A little bit more the morning of her own wedding. Almost completely on the wedding night. Why hadn't Cora prepared her a little better for what was going to happen? She wasn't so innocent that she didn't have any idea what to expect, but she hadn't expected it to hurt so much. She hadn't expected him to be so drunk. She hadn't expected to cry. But it had hurt. And her husband had been drunk and not very kind. And she had cried from the moment he entered her bedchamber, entered her bed, entered her…
Regina shook the thoughts from her mind. It wouldn't be like that for Emma. She was experienced. She had given birth to a son. She was already physically involved with the pirate. Her wedding night would be full of hope and dreams of the future. She would be happy. And I guess I'll be the one crying.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything?" Regina focused her gaze on the source of the voice that had cut through her memories. Before her stood Emma, her hair swept back from her face in a lose bun, wearing a gown that seemed created for her. The sight caused Regina to gasp. Emma was breathtaking.
"Oh, Emma…" Regina barely managed to whisper her words. Her brain had ceased to function and her eyes immediately filled with tears. Emma was a vision before her, ethereal and otherworldly. "You're beautiful."
Emma blushed and the action only increased her beauty and Regina's heartrate. I can do this. I have to do this. Emma turned away to look herself over in the bank of angled mirrors, giving her a view of nearly every part of her.
"You like it?" Emma's voice was as soft and quiet as Regina's had been. Emma's gaze latched onto Regina's tear-filled eyes and for a moment everything around them seemed to disappear. Regina felt her own hands trembling as she fell deeper and deeper into the sea of love that was Emma's green eyes. She was drowning in it and happily so.
"I love it. Emma, I—"
"So, what do you think? Doesn't she look ravishing?" Amanda, the sales clerk who had been assisting them stepped up beside Emma and smoothed out the dress, inspecting it with a trained eye. "It will need to be taken in a bit at the waist but that can be done closer to the date of the ceremony."
Emma looked down in surprise at the hands on her waist. The moment was gone, the magic lost. Regina cleared her throat and nodded her agreement.
"Yes, she looks wonderful. I think this is the one, Emma."
~ (SQ) ~
"I'm very sorry Ms. Mills, but this is how the room was booked." The man was short and balding but he was not backing down, no matter how hard Regina glared. She flexed her fingers, wishing for just a moment she had her magic. You are so lucky, little man.
"Regina," Emma placed a soothing hand on the brunette's arm. "It isn't his fault. It was a misunderstanding."
After the dress had been boxed and the women had enjoyed a dinner in what Emma called her favorite bistro in Boston, they had both agreed that retiring for the evening was best. At Regina's request, Emma would take Regina around to some of her old haunts and to see some of the sights before heading back to Storybrooke the next day.
The blonde confided to Regina over dinner that she had asked Hook to take a weekend trip to Boston with her. She wanted to share that part of her history with him. But, the pirate had had his fill of the modern world when he had gone to New York and been "force fed bologna" in the jail there. Regina's heart ached to think he would deny Emma something small like that but she secretly felt good at being able to share it with the blonde. Soon enough memories like this would be all she had left.
They had let the valet park the bug and Emma had taken Regina's bag from her as they walked toward the registration desk. They shared a shy smile, feeling closer for having taken this time away from home together. It had been a really great day.
Until this moment.
"A misunderstanding?" The long day caused Regina's voice to sound a little more dangerous than the situation actually warranted. Something in Emma's eyes pulled Regina back down from going full on Evil Queen in the hotel lobby. "Fine. Alright. It was a misunderstanding but—"
"We are truly sorry Ms. Mills for the mistake. It is noted here, when your assistant, uh… Mrs… yes. Here it is. Mrs. Nolan called to reserve the room and asked for a king mini suite and specifically requested one with a tub. But, since that is in error, we want to make it right." The little man, his name-tag identified him as Stan, barely made eye contact as he typed furiously away at his computer.
"Just relax, Gina. Stan here will take care of us." Emma said playfully but her eyes were pleading with Regina to play nice.
"Alright, alright. So… Stan," Regina said the name as sweetly as her best politician's voice could muster. "Will it be possible to book a second room? Anything will do."
Stan held up one finger to silence her as he worked, still not making eye contact. He was getting on Regina's last nerve. What I wouldn't give for a sleeping curse right now.
"Ah ha. There we are. I think I have a solution." Stan finally looked up with a smile.
"Great! See Regina, everything is gonna be ok." Emma smiled widely, happy that soon they'd be able to get some sleep.
"I am authorized to offer you a king suite at any time, including peak season, free of charge to make up for our mistake—" Stan began but Regina interrupted.
"Very well. We'd like it right now—"
"However, we are booked solid this weekend. In fact, the room you are checking into is the last opening we have until…. March." Stan smiled at the two women who stared back at him with varying degrees of surprise and irritation.
"So, your solution is for us to visit Boston again sometime a few months from now?!" Regina was seething suddenly and wasn't really sure why.
"Regina." Emma placed her hand on the small of Regina's back.
"How, exactly, do you think that will help us in our current situation?!" Regina leaned across the counter.
"Regina." This time Emma slid her arm around the brunette's waist and pulled her back from the desk. "Calm down. We can just stay someplace else. Or I'll sleep in the tub. But let's just calm down, ok."
The soothing tone Emma took cut through Regina's aggravation and she calmed instantly. "I'm sorry, Emma. I'm… I'm just tired."
"I know. It has been a long day. So, do you want me to try to find a room somewhere else?" Emma hadn't removed her arm from Regina's waist and was in fact drawing the woman closer to her as she spoke.
"No. I mean… unless you do. I guess we can make it work for one night." Regina was trying to imagine a more awkward or clichéd thing to happen to her than to be forced into the same room overnight with Emma. It was almost like Snow had done it on purpose. Surely not.
"Ok, then. That is settled." Emma turned to the desk again, still holding Regina to her. "Listen Stan, we will take the room but I want a full breakfast served in the morning, free of charge, for our trouble."
"Of course Miss…" Stan gave Emma a look both questioning and knowing.
"Miss Swan. Thanks." Emma took the offered key card and pulled Regina toward the elevator. A bellman scurried along with their bags.
"Breakfast on the house? Very nice, Miss Swan." Regina found herself leaning into Emma more than she should.
"Yeah. I have my moments." Emma chuckled and pressed the button for their floor.
~ (SQ) ~
Emma Swan sat perched on the edge of the tub. It had been quite a day. She was now the proud owner of a wedding dress and was about to crawl into bed with her matron of honor. Life was strange, even for the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.
She stood and gave herself a quick once-over in the mirror. She would have packed pajamas if she had known she was sharing a bed with her best friend, but boxers and a tank would have to do. Emma pulled her hair up into a loose bun and, unhappy with the result, shook it loose again. Once more, she pulled it up. Nope. Back down, loose around her shoulders, she combed her fingers through the curls.
Emma leaned on the counter and examined her face in the mirror. She'd washed away her make-up and was as fresh as a daisy. But am I pretty? Holding her hand in front of her mouth, the blonde blew out a quick breath and sniffed. Wrinkling her nose, Emma brushed her teeth one more time. In the back of her mind a curious thought was fighting to make its presence known. Who are you getting pretty for? Emma chose to ignore it.
"If you keep scratching that bug bite it will get worse, Emma."
Wise words from Diane. Or had it been Carolyn? Either way, wise words from some foster mom or other. That curious thought might be itching for relief but Emma was going to ignore it. But… why am I so worried about how I look? It's just Regina.
Finally, Emma decided she looked as good as she could for someone about to go to sleep and slipped quietly out of the bathroom. Perhaps she should have made some noise to let Regina know she was coming out. Emma stood transfixed a moment before clearing her throat to alert the brunette to her presence.
Regina was wearing only the top of her pajama set, sitting primly in a chair with one long, golden leg propped on the bed, massaging in lotion. She switched legs and Emma glimpsed just a strip of her black lace panties. At the sound Emma made, Regina startled and looked up.
"Oh. Sorry. I thought you were going to take a bath." Regina stopped her moisturizing efforts and slipped on the pajama pants.
"Um, yeah. I, uh… I just grabbed a quick shower instead." Emma moved awkwardly toward one side of the bed. Motioning toward it she went on. "So, do you have a preference?"
"A preference in bed? Indeed I do." Regina couldn't resist sending Emma a sexy smirk. "Do you?"
Emma chuckled. This is our normal, right? "Ha ha, little miss Sexy Pants. I meant, which side of the bed would you like."
Regina pulled on her most innocent look. "I knew what you meant. What did you think I meant, Em-ma?" She purposely accentuated each syllable of Emma's name and her innocent mask faded. Harmless fun… just harmless fun with my gal pal.
Emma shook her head and flopped down on the left side of the bed. "I hope you like the right side because I'm not moving." As if to stake her claim, the blonde wiggled and wallowed until she was comfortably encased in the sheets and blankets.
"It is of little consequence which side. I usually take my half out of the middle. But, I will try to remain on the right for tonight, dear." Regina sat on the edge of the bed and checked her phone alarm before slipping carefully under the covers. "Would you like to watch television or straight to sleep?"
"Um… TV?" Emma inched up and propped herself on several pillows.
"Very well." Regina picked up the remote control and switched on the television before flipping off the bedside lamp. The glow of the TV screen cast an alien and flickering light over them.
Both women lay there in silence, staring straight ahead at the screen as Regina went from one station to the next.
"News?"
"No way. Stop! It's a home improvement show!"
"No thank you. How about a cooking show?"
"Nah. Sci-fi marathon? C'mon. It's SG1!"
"Not a chance, Emma. I love Sam and Jack as much as anybody but I'm not in the mood tonight. How about this? Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. It just started. And I love Tennessee Williams."
Emma perked up. So you like sci-fi. I never knew that. "Not tonight. I love this movie too but it's too long. I'll be asleep before Big Daddy gets to the cellar."
Regina grinned. She and Emma had watched movies many times, but they were usually Henry's picks and involved more explosions than dialogue. Learning the blonde enjoyed a classic movie warmed her heart.
"Well, I guess we are at an impasse, dear. Unless… no. Never mind." Regina shook her head and smiled a small and embarrassed smile.
"What? You can't start and then just stop. What is it?" Emma propped up on one elbow facing her bedmate.
"Sometimes, when you have Henry, I…indulge myself in my guilty pleasure." Regina looked up at Emma from under soot black lashes. In the blinking light of the TV, without a stitch of make-up, she was still incredibly beautiful.
Emma felt a warming sensation in her chest at Regina's choice of words. She tried to push the image from her mind that indulge myself and pleasure had conjured up. Smooth Swan. This is your best friend. Geez.
"Well, what is it?" Emma managed to stutter out.
Regina sighed and looked toward the TV again. She flipped through several channels and stopped on one as a song started playing to open a new episode.
"The Golden Girls?! This is your guilty pleasure?" Emma began to laugh uncontrollably, holding her stomach.
Regina frowned. "Do not mock me, Swan. I happen to find them very funny. And when I first discovered television, I fell in love with them. So sue me." Regina huffed and folded her arms across her chest in a pout.
"No, I'm not mocking you. Although, I understand your snarky side much better now. I'm laughing because… I swear I'm not making this up… I own this show. Every single episode." Emma smiled at Regina and it lit up the room.
"You do?" Regina sounded skeptical.
"Yes. I do." With that, Emma settled back on her pillow and giggled at something happening onscreen. "Oh god! This one is so funny. It's when Blanche's brother and his boyfriend are getting married. Please, let's watch it."
Regina leaned back into her pillows and dropped the remote between them. This was one of her favorite episodes too. Go figure.
~ (SQ) ~
Long after the television had been shut off and the women had burrowed down under the covers in the dark, they had laid facing each other, whispering and giggling and listening. Regina imagined this was what it felt like at one of those sleepovers that were so popular with teenage girls in this world. Just friends, sharing secrets in the dark.
"Regina?" Emma's voice floated softly across the narrow space between them.
"Yes, Emma?" Regina's voice was deep and rich in the darkness. She could barely make out Emma's face from the thin sliver of light shining through the curtained window looking out at the harbor.
"Did I ever tell you about when I first moved to Boston?"
"No, dear. You didn't."
Emma sighed quietly and spoke again. "I had lived a lot of places, as you know, before I ended up here. Funny thing, I almost moved to DC but on a whim I came here. Good thing I guess or Henry may never…" Her voice drifted off at the realization. Even small unimportant choices made an impact on her life.
"Good thing indeed. Go on, Emma." Regina whispered. She shifted slightly and her leg touched Emma's. Holding her breath for a moment, she waited for Emma to pull it away. She never did.
"So, I guess I had been here a couple weeks, and I had no place to live officially. I was staying in a hotel until I got an apartment. And I used to go down to this coffee shop—it's literally three blocks from here—and have coffee and a pastry in the mornings. Anyway, everyday I'd see this homeless lady sitting on this crate in the alley and I'd think, that could've been me, you know? I spent a lot of time on my own, on the streets, but I was lucky."
"Oh, Emma…" Regina breathed.
"Yeah. So, this one morning I just decided I was gonna do something. You know, befriend her or help her find a shelter or… something. So, I went into the café that morning and ordered two coffees and two pastries and went straight to the alley. I'd found information on a women's shelter nearby and I meant to take her there."
"What happened?" Regina could see clearly in her mind the image Emma's voice was painting.
"Nothing. She wasn't there. All those mornings I had seen her but on that day, she was gone."
"Did you look for her?"
"Yes. I mean, I waited there for a few hours that morning but she never showed. So I asked around but I didn't really have anything to go on. I mean, I didn't know her name or anything about her except she was a homeless lady. There are a lot of those in a city like this."
"So, you never saw her again?"
"No. But I always looked for her. Even after I moved into my apartment, I'd still trek down to that little shop once a week at least and have a pastry and look for her. I guess it's on my mind because I found myself looking for her while we were out today."
A long silence fell between them. Suddenly Regina sat up and flipped on the light. Emma threw her arm across her face, blocking out the bright light.
"Regina, what the hell?!"
Regina waved her off as she dialed zero on the in-room phone. "Hello, this is Ms. Mills in room 816. We had requested room service for breakfast in the morning, but I'd like to cancel that, please. Yes. I am aware it was complimentary. Yes. Cancel it. Thank you. Good night."
Regina hung up the phone and shut off the lamp, snuggling back under the covers and somehow closer to Emma than before. Their legs, both of them now, touched and their faces were impossibly close in the darkness.
"Why'd you do that? You were so irritated before, I figured free breakfast was the least they could do." Emma was confused by Regina's action and a little distracted by the feeling of silk against her bare legs.
"Because, we are going to your little café tomorrow morning. Maybe… maybe we will see her." Regina suddenly felt very stupid for her impulsive action. "I'm sorry. Is that… is that silly. I shouldn't have—"
"No, shhhh, stop." Emma stilled Regina's ramblings by taking her hand between them. Now it seemed every inch of them was touching, save only their faces. "I think that is a wonderful idea. Thank you."
Regina barely heard Emma's thank you she spoke it so softly. She was intoxicated by the feeling of Emma's breath on her face, their fingers intertwined. Regina was sure she could feel Emma's pulse against her hand where Emma had rested it against her chest.
She's marrying the pirate, Regina. She doesn't love you.
The silence stretched on as Regina kept her gaze anywhere but on Emma's eyes. She wasn't sure she would survive those probing green orbs, looking into her very soul. She couldn't risk Emma seeing the love she'd find there.
"Regina?" Emma's voice cut the silence once more.
"Y-yes, Emma?" Regina's hoarse whisper called in response.
"You're shaking. Are you cold?"
"I…" Am I shaking?
"Here, come here."
Before Regina could fully digest the words Emma whispered, she found herself completely wrapped in a blanket of Emma. The blonde had rolled slightly on her back and pulled Regina into her arms. Regina could hear Emma's heart racing beneath her ear, feel the soft rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed evenly. Inhaling deeply, Regina filled her lungs full of Emma's scent—her hair, her skin.
"There, that should warm you up." Emma's voice was as steady as her arms were strong around Regina's frame. "Is this ok?"
Regina tried to speak but couldn't find her words. Instead she nodded. There was a dull ache in her chest as a warmth spread out from her chest, traversing through her entire being. She felt as if she had eaten a tiny bite of the sun and its warming beams were rushing through every part of her, seeking a place to break free.
Finding her voice, she whispered "thank you, Emma."
Emma snuggled her nose into Regina's dark locks at the top of her head and breathed, "you're welcome, Gina."
For what seemed like an eternity they lay there in each other's embrace, unwilling and unable to move. Emma's even breathing turned to the sweetest little sound of snoring and Regina's heart clenched in her chest. Words lost their meaning for Regina as she listened to the rhythmic hammering of Emma's heart against her. This was what she had dreamed of. This was bliss.
This was home.
But it doesn't belong to you.
~ (SQ) ~
Regina had stayed there, in Emma's arms for at least an hour after the blonde had drifted to sleep. She had never been able to fall asleep herself though. Instead she memorized again and again the curve of Emma's jaw, the mumbling sounds she made in her sleep, the sweet scent of her hair. It was too hard. She couldn't endure it. So, she got up.
She had stood there by the bed a few moments, just watching Emma sleep. She wasn't sure if that was precious or pervy so she had turned away. You are a Queen, not an obsessed stalker.
Regina pulled back the curtain slightly and looked out on the harbor lights. What she had seen so far of Boston pleased her. She understood why Emma had chosen it. In Storybrooke everything was small and everyone knew everyone else. But here, you could disappear. You could be anyone you wanted.
And maybe that is what Regina wanted.
Regina had considered it was possible Emma would want to return to a place like Boston to live, perhaps with her. What a life they could have there. Emma wouldn't need to work, but she would insist. Maybe she could work in a shelter like she had talked about. And Regina would volunteer her time someplace too.
At night, they'd come home and have a big bowl of pasta or Emma would take her to a restaurant on the waterfront and introduce her to clam chowder and they'd go dancing. They'd snuggle on the couch and Emma would watch SG1 while Regina did a crossword puzzle or read a book. Soon enough they'd retire to their bed and make love. Emma would hold her just as she had been moments ago until she fell asleep. And everything would be perfect.
Boston wasn't far away from Storybrooke, just a few hours. They could still visit the Charming idiots. And Henry would love the city. Emma had told her about several museums that she was sure Henry would adore. Henry would be a man soon enough. He'd be going off to school and finding a life of his own.
The thought of Henry moving away, moving on made Regina's eyes fill with tears. She knew it was a possibility that whether or not she was in Boston, he may end up there. Would he want to go so far to college? Maybe even New York. She'd help him of course. He deserved an education and the opportunities of this world.
Regina reached up a hand and touched the glass. It was cold out and the glass felt like ice. Emma had been so warm beside her. Regina shook her head. Being so close to her was only bringing up feelings and thoughts Regina had been trying to ignore. She shouldn't let her mind conjure up pictures of them as the happy couple. They'd fight. They'd yell. They always did. It was just a part of them. Two strong willed women were bound to disagree. But imagine the making up. Maybe she would sleep in the chair tonight.
Brown eyes stared down at the boats and the lights in the water and she wondered if perhaps she should be the one to move. Alone. Boston was close enough for her daydream life to visit home, so maybe it was close enough for her too. She could have a fresh start here. No one would know her or her past. No one would judge her. And maybe she could meet someone.
Regina sniffed at the thought in disgust. Even if she did meet someone, that plan was flawed. Anyone she met would have questions about her life, about Henry. Could she say Emma was his mother too? Divorced lesbian mommies. Would Emma play that role so she could lie to her new girlfriend? Get it together, Regina. Here you are worrying about an imaginary girlfriend and already lying to her.
But these things could be worked out if she decided to move. All but one thing. Anyone new wouldn't be Emma. So anyone new wouldn't be who she wanted.
Regina laid her forehead against the glass. When had life gotten so complicated? She could handle a dragon. She knew how to strategize for war. She knew how to run a town. But her own heart? She was finding she didn't know it very well at all. Just that it belonged to Emma.
"Hey, what are you doing up?" Emma's sleep heavy voice was in her ear and a pair of strong arms closed around her waist. Regina found herself pulled into Emma, her back pressed into Emma's front.
"I couldn't sleep." Regina body betrayed her and melded into Emma's without her consent.
"Are you ok? Did you have a nightmare? The bed felt empty and it woke me up." Emma rested her chin on Regina's shoulder.
"No, no nightmare. I just… couldn't sleep." Regina laid her head back against the blonde, closing her eyes.
"It's beautiful isn't it?"
"What is?"
"The city. I really did enjoy living here." Emma's arms seemed to be burning into Regina's body. She couldn't bring herself to care.
"Yes, it is a beautiful city. Would you… would you ever want to live here again?" Regina hated herself for asking, hated her voice for sounding so small.
"Here? I don't know. I guess. But I wouldn't want to be away from my family." Emma shrugged.
"I see. I guess you would want to be close to your parents… and Henry."
"And you. You are my family too, Regina."
The two women stood a moment, quiet, thinking and staring into the night.
"Well, it's late and it's cold. Come back to bed." There it was again, Emma's hot breath on her skin.
Regina turned to go back to the bed, but Emma didn't move. The resultant posture made Regina's skin flush with heat and she felt a familiar tightening in her abdomen. She was still in Emma's arms, only now face to face.
Every breath Regina drew in pressed her breasts into Emma's. She looked up into stormy green irises and dared not speak. Emma seemed to be studying her, searching her face for something. Regina's mind screamed for her to step away, but her heart over ruled her mind and she remained still, slipping her arms around Emma. Do not cry Regina. Do. Not. Cry.
Regina's mouth suddenly felt like cotton. She was vaguely aware of trembling but was it her? Was it Emma? Her tongue darted out and moistened her suddenly parched lips. Emma's eyes broke from their intent gaze and seemed to trace the movement on Regina's mouth before coming up again to meet chocolate orbs with desire blown pupils.
The tightening in Regina's abdomen gave way now to a coiling heat. She was walking a very dangerous road now but she had no desire to stop. What was she seeing in Emma's eyes? Did she feel it too? This heat… this connection.
Before Regina really knew what was going on, Emma's lips pressed into her forehead. They stayed there long enough for Regina's eyes to flutter closed of their own volition. Her heart felt like a wild creature, raging against her ribcage, trying to get out. Emma pulled back slowly and pushed dark locks back from Regina's face with one hand. Again green eyes searched her, looking, asking. Regina tried to say yes with her eyes. Yes, Emma.
"Regina…" Emma's voice was deep and breathy. Regina waited for her to go on. "Regina, I—"
Suddenly the sound of Jimmy Buffet singing Cheeseburger in Paradise filled the room and Emma jumped away. Her phone was ringing on the nightstand.
"It's Killian," she said and dashed across the room. "Hello? Hey babe. No, I'm still up."
Regina stood frozen. Of course. It was her fiancé. He was calling her to check in before he went to sleep. Regina felt her stomach roil over. The fire of desire was suddenly a bucket of cold water dumped over her head. Idiot! Stupid! What were you thinking?! She belongs to him!
Regina wanted to run, wanted to fly out the window and into the night. Her body ached, her skin felt raw and the contents of her stomach threatened to make an appearance. She sank down in the chair by the bed.
"Oh yeah? Well, I'm so glad you are enjoying your weekend without me. How drunk are you?" Emma laughed but Regina knew she wasn't happy to hear he was out drinking.
How do you think he'd feel about you being in bed with another woman… especially me?
"Regina? Yes, she's having fun. She's probably sound asleep in her room by now. No, we aren't sharing." Regina's ears perked up at that. "No, we haven't argued. It's just late, Kil. We watched Golden Girls and she went to her room. I promise."
Emma opened wide eyes at Regina and mouthed "I'm sorry" as she listened to the pirate. Regina had heard enough. Anger replaced the fire of want and longing. She was nobody's dirty little secret. The brunette stood and marched into the bathroom, purposely slamming the door. Let Emma explain that to the handless wonder.
Regina flopped down on the closed lid of the toilet and dropped her head in her hands. She needed space. She needed to think. How had things gone from Emma kissing her so gently on her forehead to her now wanting to vomit?
A tiny knock sounded on the door. "Gina? Are you mad? I'm sorry I lied to him but… will you please come out and let me explain?"
Regina huffed to herself. What was there to explain? She stood and flushed the toilet. She couldn't have Emma thinking she was hiding in there.
"What have you got to apologize for Emma? I don't understand lying to someone you plan to spend your life with, but really that is between the two of you. It's none of my business." Regina slipped past Emma and got back in bed, turning her back to the blonde.
Emma stood by the bed a beat before coming around to Regina's side and squatting in front of her. "I know you are mad. So, let's not lie to each other, ok?"
Regina nodded and sat up. "You're right. I am mad. Why did you lie about me? What's wrong with us sharing a room?"
"Nothing Regina. There is nothing wrong with it at all. It's just… Killian. Well, he was drunk. Very drunk. His crew took him out drinking while I was away. And… oh god, I don't want to tell you this." Emma sank down onto her knees, shaking her head.
"What? Tell me what?" Regina cocked her head in confusion.
"Well, he told me that he's jealous of our friendship. He doesn't understand how close we are. I mean, I get it. Our friendship isn't exactly… conventional. But he doesn't understand." Emma's eye finally looked into Regina's. She was embarrassed.
"Oh, Emma…"
"It's ok. I can handle him. But… I think. Well, I know he's… oh god. I hate this. The truth is, he is sorta into it." Emma looked away.
"Into it? Into what?" Regina was completely confused now.
"Into us. Like, the last time he got really wasted he… well, he may have suggested it would be… something he'd like to try. You know… the three of us…" Emma trailed off.
Realization dawned on Regina. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh. I mean, gross right? Us together… sexually. So I figured I could cut him off at the pass by not telling him we are currently in bed together. See? I'm sorry, Regina. He isn't a total cretin. Truly, he's not. He just has his moments." Emma looked up again, her face red with shame.
Gross?
Regina plastered on her best smile and placed a comforting hand on Emma. "It's ok. I get it. I'm not a virginal old maid, dear. I have been known to be… less than vanilla. You don't have to apologize for him. Now, let's just forget it and get some sleep. It's been a long day and we have a busy day tomorrow too."
Regina laid back down and closed her eyes. She could hear Emma still kneeled beside her, could feel the words waiting to be spoken. Finally Emma stood and rounded the bed, shutting off the light.
"Ok. If you say so. We will just forget it happened." Regina wondered if Emma meant their discussion about the pirate… or their embrace by the window.
Gross.
The word kept making circles in Regina's addled and exhausted mind. Did Emma think going to bed with her would be gross? Clearly she didn't feel that way about him. She already slept with him. So, the gross factor belonged exclusively to her.
Regina tried hard to hold back the tears begging for release. How had she been so stupid? Emma loved the pirate. The drunken, lecherous and deviant pirate. But she was gross. The tears came then no matter her attempt to stop them.
Two months and she will be married. What am I going to do?
In a hotel in Boston, inches from the lightly snoring love of her life, Regina Mills cried herself to sleep.
End Note: If you are at all interested, the song mentioned here is Me and Mrs. Jones by Billy Paul. Please look it up on youtube. It is a great old song and one of my favorites.
Also, the Golden Girls episode mentioned here is called "Sister of the Bride" and is one I personally enjoy.